Been reading for awhile, time to start posting. I'm 42 and been PMO for 24 yrs. it has ruined one marriage in hindsight. I am now with my dream woman and its threatening to ruin that too. When I don't see her for a few days, my PMO trigger kicks in and sets me back. She's been patient, allowing me time to regain my sexual energy. I've had the best sex of my life with her and she's said at times it's been the best she's ever had. Other times I can't get it up, I cum quick or go soft inside of her. Leaves her pissed and me depressed, ashamed, angry at myself. It also causes performance anxiety so the next time my troubles kinda snowball. Then one day I got the freaking magic stick and can last as long as a porn star, hard as rock til I bust. I'm now 12 days away from PMO. Kinda in a flatline honestly. Had troubles again the last few times and she's questioning the relationship I guess. I'll be crushed if she leaves me. But I can only blame myself. So I'm now putting forth a determined effort to rid my life of this plague. The best I e ever done was 44 days PMO free and it felt great. I probably won't journal here daily. Just once a week or so. But I will update my progress for myself and for the benefit of any others who may be reading. Since last week and my recent sexual failures I've been an emotional wreck. Suicidal, angry, depressed, loss of concentration...all the typical symptoms. If I think of losing her I get anxious and desperate so I try to calm myself and put it out of my mind. When I get my "mojo" back this time, I will not squander my energy. For her and I, it's now or never. I won't blow another opportunity.