sunborn
Active Member
Hey everyone, I am Sunborn.
I'm 25 years old and started watching porn when I was 9 years old. It started becoming a compulsive activity when I was around 11 years, and I have been addicted to internet porn and masturbation since then. My longest "clean" period has been 15 days, so I don't even know what it feels like to not be on it.
I realized I had a problem back in 2011 when my first relationship ended. It was an experience that left me completely broken, to the point where I didn't think I wanted to live anymore. At the same time I had a spiritual awakening that urged me to start a healing journey, and it gave me the strength to keep on going.
I learned that behind my addiction to internet-porn was the need to protect myself from a deep sense of shame, and the pain of abandonment traumas. Those are my core wounds.
I started working with those wounds, and life got better. I did some healing through therapy and 12-step groups such as SLAA and ACA. In 2013 I discovered YBOP and learned new things regarding how the addiction works. At this point my porn-habit was a lot weaker than before. I had gone from PMO'ing 1-3 times a day to PMO'ing every 3rd day on average. I started a journal back then on yourbrainrebalanced and kept it going for some time. But left it as I got other things to focus on in life.
That's been the trend since then. I fall back into the habit of PMO'ing every few days. I do not feel fulfilled nor do I feel I live the life I want to be living. And I feel that PMO'ing severely limits my progress into fulfillment. I am ready for this to change.
I intend to write about my reboot in this journal, and every now and then share discoveries I've made along my journey so far. My first goal is to go without PMO'ing for 16 days. I know it can be done!
good luck fellow travelers.
edit,
new record: 18 days
I'm 25 years old and started watching porn when I was 9 years old. It started becoming a compulsive activity when I was around 11 years, and I have been addicted to internet porn and masturbation since then. My longest "clean" period has been 15 days, so I don't even know what it feels like to not be on it.
I realized I had a problem back in 2011 when my first relationship ended. It was an experience that left me completely broken, to the point where I didn't think I wanted to live anymore. At the same time I had a spiritual awakening that urged me to start a healing journey, and it gave me the strength to keep on going.
I learned that behind my addiction to internet-porn was the need to protect myself from a deep sense of shame, and the pain of abandonment traumas. Those are my core wounds.
I started working with those wounds, and life got better. I did some healing through therapy and 12-step groups such as SLAA and ACA. In 2013 I discovered YBOP and learned new things regarding how the addiction works. At this point my porn-habit was a lot weaker than before. I had gone from PMO'ing 1-3 times a day to PMO'ing every 3rd day on average. I started a journal back then on yourbrainrebalanced and kept it going for some time. But left it as I got other things to focus on in life.
That's been the trend since then. I fall back into the habit of PMO'ing every few days. I do not feel fulfilled nor do I feel I live the life I want to be living. And I feel that PMO'ing severely limits my progress into fulfillment. I am ready for this to change.
I intend to write about my reboot in this journal, and every now and then share discoveries I've made along my journey so far. My first goal is to go without PMO'ing for 16 days. I know it can be done!
good luck fellow travelers.
edit,
new record: 18 days