feeding the right wolf

treetop

treetop

Active Member
thanks m8 !!

I really don't seem to be bothered about pmo at the moment, but when im driving around or I see a good looking girl I think I think wow !! shes hot or amazing or whatever,

its obvious my brain is still in very early stages of reboot and I hope that things will get easier as I push through this hard time in my life.

iv got my bodyblade today and I must say so far its great  :D (im really enjoying it)
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Still going .

It's not been easy but I'm gonna press on forward and keep myself pointing in the right direction.

Stay clean guys ..
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
still going.. and thanks for the encouragement wozzy  !!

I feel like crap to be honest, I think withdrawal has me on the ropes at the mo, im not sleeping, lack of motivation etc etc

im still clean tho, I hope things will get better for me soon
 
W

wozzy

Member
You are getting better and better. Nothing can stop you. Yes you man. You are awesome. You are totally in control. Keep up the awesome you.
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
iv had a bit of a relapse..

nothing major but its probably set me back a bit.

anyways Im gonna keep going as I felt really good and was in a good palce before I relapsed and I want to get back there again.
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
After what iv been through in the hospital I can only say that in a nutshell, after everything iv been through (and that's a lot)

IM SORRY GUYS....I WAS SICK AND LONELY........ HAD BEEN SUFFERING FROM INSOMNIA, DEPRESSION, AND ANXIETY, AND ADDICTIONS..
I TURNED TO NARCOTICS & PRESCRIPTION MEDS....I ENDED UP IN HOSPITAL........... AND IN A NUTSHELL.............. I NEARLY LOST MY LIFE.........  BUT IM OK... IV REGAINED MY FAITH....MY BELIEFS AND RELIGOUS BACKGROUND GOT ME THROUGH A HORRID TIME...... AND THANKS TO ALL THE DOCTORS AND NURSES AND EVERYONE WHO HELPED ( GOD  BLESS THERE SOULS )... AND I NOW HAVE A TESTIMONY... STRONGER THAN THE ONE I HAD BEFORE... I WAS LITTERALLY GOBSMACKED.

I TURNED TO DRUGS.. I bought l.s.d because I was just bored and wanted to expierence what it was like to trip again...but a couple of days later I got some amphetamine sulphate..
now bear in mind I was already on 100 mg sertraline prescribed from my doctor. id also been taking Xanax and alprazolam to try to combat my insomnia.

anyway after the first time back on amphetamine for nearly 8 years I was reminded why I swore never to take it again. (i used porn on my pc while under the influence of all said drugs)

basically i ended up in hospital after taking nearly a gram of amphetamine.

i had heightened anxiety as well as (svt) Superventricular tachycardia  ( heart rate was in excess of 180 bpm) i also had prolonged qt and i was hypokelimic.

it was terrifying literally terrifying...

anyway to cut a long story short im ok now...

I was discharged from hospital on the 10 of January and this is where I am in my recovery so far

no more narcotics, i only take a drug called propranolol its a beta blocker to help with my heart rate and anxiety (prescription medication)
no more sertraline now for nearly 3 weeks,iv come to the conclusion that ssri's can actually make insomnia worse. (so not for me)
i also quit caffine in November last year this has helped with reducing my anxiety and i don't feel it as much now :)

nearly 6 years since i quit smoking (i spose the bit of hash/spliff i had recently dosent count lol )

anyway im back on here because 1 Addiction remains........................................................ YEP THIS ONE !!!

iv not used porn since iv been out of hospital but i have acted out more than a few times and i spend no more than a few minutes doing so every time...

that's why im here. im gonna need all the help i can get as im getting nowhere trying to quit this sex addiction alone.

Its good to be back guys..... god bless you all and il keep you in my prayers, lets fight this togeather...;)

p.s im also going to some group meetings with a friend a couple of times a week and this is helping me also..



 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
well another day without fap or porn

im trying to stay as cleans as possible,

im keeping on keeping on.....
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Today I accept im powerless over this addiction.

I saw a video on youtube and I now realise im looking in the wrong place to get help.

iv confessed my addiction to most of my family and I now accept that im powerless to control it.

I know now im gonna need all the help I can get.

heres to a new day and a fresh start......

heres a link to the video I recommend to watch this......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_DtmXXpw6Q

God bless.
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Just remembered to post on here and im glad to report that its been over 5 days now.

I know in my mind that I can go a lot further.

today was a good day at Rushcliffe leisure center I took my niece and her partner and there 2 children tyler and layla and my 7 year old daughter and we had a good day in the pool.

im glad im getting out and about and having fun :)

on a personal note im pleased about myself and how I handled my sex addiction, I didn't stare or objectify any females it's a win for me today and I hope that I can continue to have the respect of a gentleman,
I feel a cleaner person inside and im smiling and am happier.
I know 5 days is not very long but I feel so much stronger mentally, my goal is to get to 90 days, im here to keep track of my progress and to share my expierence with fellow rebooters.
we know who we are and we know theres a better way so lets fight the good fight and keep on keeping on!!!

Have a good day guys and stay clean.
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Not had the best nights sleep but Iv dragged myself out of bed had a shower and shave, a decent exercise sesh, and now im starting an online psychotherapy module to help cope with anxiety and depression and I must say im learning things that can really help me with the symptoms im getting.

it not easy to completely quit masturbation in fact im finding it very difficult, but im gonna keep pressing on and staying clean.
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Was up early this morning as took Honda civic in for service before 8am, not sure if I had a good nights sleep but either way am pressing on with my daily routine as I feel ok.

have been tempted to stare at various women in their fine twined linen as such when im out and about but instead of staring, objectifying, or fantasising etc .etc  I just choose to ignore and to not indulge because of my reboot.

To be honest iv spent more tome today lusting over a nice black and red Honda civic type R that was in the showroom lol.      (I even took some photos :) Oh if I had the money !!!!

Anyway so far so good its round 9 and im ready for some ducking and diving





 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Slept well, feeling ok.

I just keep putting off any sexual thoughts and all I can say is I feel better then if id of acted out.

If I did I would not be feeling as normal as am feeling now, id be feeling guilty about myself and let-down

there's less turmoil inside of myself, im not beating myself up for having another silly relapse, also I could say I have a little more confidence than usual and to me that's a good sign..

I just hope I can stay on this path, this road to recovery.

heres to having a strong mind and to knowing where to turn and what to do when the harsh winds come to smash over my defences, im gonna stand my ground and fight back like I have been doing and hope I get through the storm...

 
H

HopeSprings

Active Member
Reading your post #29...

Thats mainly sertraline, it does have all those side effects, but the stilted libido isn't such a bad thing. I had huge problems with my sinuses on it, which is another side effect. Having come off porn and been on SSRI's I'd say the bulk of your symptoms, lack of sleep and lethargy is the SSRI. Many docs prescribe sleeping pills with them. I found the "can't be bothered world" they create, provided a new source of problems though. In the end I concluded my chemical brain inbalance of dopamine was down to years of porn use.


Hope this helps a little.
 
arahant

arahant

Active Member
Hello treetop,
I've just read your journal and I'm really sorry for what happened to you and your hospitalization.
I'm happy you're back here!
Let's kill this monster together!
 
treetop

treetop

Active Member
Thanks for your posts guys.    And Yes arahant thanks m8 im happy to be back & this monsters death is long overdue !!!  :D

its been over 4 weeks since I ditched the sertraline as I found it to be contributing to the insomnia, and yeah I totally agree about porn addiction and chemical imbalance's, insomnia is a definite side effect of pmo or mo, weather your just relapsing or your in the middle of your recovery I find it triggers anxiety and worry as you know you've let yourself down again and insomnia will strike you and your probably left wondering why you cant sleep.
I guess the only time to diagnose yourself is when your brain has rebalanced-rebooted itself, that's the baseline we should work from to solve any lingering problems in our lives.

quitting pmo or mo is and should be just as effective as an antidepressant...... your retraining your brain, just like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) its proven to be as effective as medication in beating depression and anxiety.

I know I am not out of the woods yet though but am far better equipped to achieve my goals now.

(it's not like we can just put some kind of brain scanner on our heads and see what our brain is doing on our computer screens )

some of us are just going to have to do it the old fashioned way and listen to themselves and what there body and brains are telling them, we all have the ability in our conscience to tell what is right and what is wrong, lets use that ability and make it right  ;)

we are all in this together, I send you all peace love and unity  :)







 
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