Faptain America
Member
Hey Peace,
Not much to add. Just here letting you know I'm still following you
Cheers,
-The Faptain
Not much to add. Just here letting you know I'm still following you
Cheers,
-The Faptain
Finally moving towards recovery!
- Thread starter PeaceOfMind062012
- Start date
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Crow! Yep, that totally is it for me (what you said about having a more lasting openness and coolness). I find that the real one comes when I'm not smoking weed a lot and not PMO-ing. Basically being sober with maybe a bit of alcohol and some caffeine (those two chemicals are what work best for me to enhance me, and help me live the way I want to live. For someone else weed might not cause them to PMO, but for me it does).
It's funny; when I really specify what it is that I would want my weed high to be, it's something like "relaxed, confident, clear, a bit energized, more open, more social, more empathetic". But instead my actual weed high tends to be "sleepy, paranoid, leading me to PMO, anxious", haha! So if I'm actually going to be honest with myself I have to recognize that what I WANT my weed high to be just isn't that way - plain and simple. And that those qualities that I want it to be are actually already in my experience when I'm sober!! Haha!! Or they're also present when I have a bit of caffeine, or sometimes a bit of alcohol. I guess I just gotta be honest with myself, and cut out the stuff that isn't serving me
Thanks Faptain and Achilles! You guys are also my rock solid base I mean it. I'm actually going through a bit of a tough emotional time these days, and in the past I could totally see myself relapsing, but I'm staying the course hugely with the help of this site (as I've said before). This is almost like a new addiction for me, but totally in a positive way, and not at all negative. It's like every time I would have PMO-ed instead to deal with urges and it would have dug myself a little hole in the ground, now I post and comment on here and it builds my tower of self love and appreciation a little higher and stronger each time Instead if jumping up high and quickly with PMO, and then falling back into the pit of zombie-ness, now I'm taking the slow road up the mountain, but on this road I can hold onto the progress I make
I'm so thankful that you guys understand what I'm talking about. I remember how FOR YEARS I have suffered the effects of PMO-ing and then the low that would affect me for a full day, and then a little less so for the 2-4 days afterwards, but still, it was such a shitty way to live!! And I felt so ashamed and I felt so alone, and that I couldn't talk about it, and this site is such a blessing. Literarily!! An outlet for us to say what we've been going through! And it's been hell!! But we're slowly marching our way back to heaven
Yes Achilles, I think it's super important to feel ALL the emotions without running away from them, including the negative ones, without looking for a crutch to help us escape. Here's a thought I have on this issue (and I might have posted about it earlier on, but I forget. Anyway if not, here it is):
As boys, then young men, then adult men, we're told to be strong and not cry. To hold in our emotions and not be a "pussy" (At least that's a big message I took on). But we're HUMAN, and we have emotions, including the whole spectrum, just like all men, all women, all gay people, all straight people, all bisexual people, all races and ages. So we have these emotions, just like everyone else. But we're told that we can't show them - we have to be strong, we can't cry.........so we internalize them. But that feels horrible, so we try to escape them, so we turn to weed, drinking, gambling, and ..............Porn. But as we know, these crutches NEVER work. They never help us process these emotions, and they never help us heal. Instead they create new problems and the cycle continues and deepens. I think a crucial part to healing this wound inside of us is to realize that men have feelings, emotions, and desires, that we are at times strong and at times weak. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. That ideal of the buff man with big biceps, a six pack who is always strong for the woman, and who never cries is actually a fiction. It's total bullshit. And every time we tacitly agree with it, we do ourselves and everyone else a disservice and cause harm. What image can we turn to instead? This is a bit scarier, cuz the template isn't laid out for us like the old patriarchal one is. The new model is simple who we truly are inside. And sometimes that may seem masculine, and sometimes it may seem more feminine, etc. It will vary from person to person, but whoever you are is OK!!! If you want to be strong, that?s perfectly fine!!! (just don't hurt others with your strength). If you need to be weak and cry or be held by another that?s, perfectly fine too!! We are men, and we have a sacred male energy that has actually been disrespected by the patriarchal ideal, and by macho-ism, chauvinism, and porn. Having power over women in sex, objectifying them, all those things that are shown to be desirable in porn, do not actually make us stronger. They do not serve our deeper spiritual purpose. We need to reconnect with our scared selves.
As I've said before I am so so so so thankful that you guys comment on my page! I give deep thanks from the bottom of my heart! I apologize if I don't comment on your pages as often. I want to, but sometimes after writing a post on here, I find I'm out of my allotted 'internet time', and one of the things in this whole healing process is listening to me needs as much as possible, and often that means "oh, too much internet, need to go out and take a walk" or "oh, gotta go to work"
So much love to all of you Brothers and Sisters Keep up the good fight, and know I'm rooting for you!
-Peace
It's funny; when I really specify what it is that I would want my weed high to be, it's something like "relaxed, confident, clear, a bit energized, more open, more social, more empathetic". But instead my actual weed high tends to be "sleepy, paranoid, leading me to PMO, anxious", haha! So if I'm actually going to be honest with myself I have to recognize that what I WANT my weed high to be just isn't that way - plain and simple. And that those qualities that I want it to be are actually already in my experience when I'm sober!! Haha!! Or they're also present when I have a bit of caffeine, or sometimes a bit of alcohol. I guess I just gotta be honest with myself, and cut out the stuff that isn't serving me
Thanks Faptain and Achilles! You guys are also my rock solid base
I mean it. I'm actually going through a bit of a tough emotional time these days, and in the past I could totally see myself relapsing, but I'm staying the course hugely with the help of this site (as I've said before). This is almost like a new addiction for me, but totally in a positive way, and not at all negative. It's like every time I would have PMO-ed instead to deal with urges and it would have dug myself a little hole in the ground, now I post and comment on here and it builds my tower of self love and appreciation a little higher and stronger each time Instead if jumping up high and quickly with PMO, and then falling back into the pit of zombie-ness, now I'm taking the slow road up the mountain, but on this road I can hold onto the progress I make I'm so thankful that you guys understand what I'm talking about. I remember how FOR YEARS I have suffered the effects of PMO-ing and then the low that would affect me for a full day, and then a little less so for the 2-4 days afterwards, but still, it was such a shitty way to live!! And I felt so ashamed and I felt so alone, and that I couldn't talk about it, and this site is such a blessing. Literarily!! An outlet for us to say what we've been going through! And it's been hell!! But we're slowly marching our way back to heaven
Yes Achilles, I think it's super important to feel ALL the emotions without running away from them, including the negative ones, without looking for a crutch to help us escape. Here's a thought I have on this issue (and I might have posted about it earlier on, but I forget. Anyway if not, here it is):
As boys, then young men, then adult men, we're told to be strong and not cry. To hold in our emotions and not be a "pussy" (At least that's a big message I took on). But we're HUMAN, and we have emotions, including the whole spectrum, just like all men, all women, all gay people, all straight people, all bisexual people, all races and ages. So we have these emotions, just like everyone else. But we're told that we can't show them - we have to be strong, we can't cry.........so we internalize them. But that feels horrible, so we try to escape them, so we turn to weed, drinking, gambling, and ..............Porn. But as we know, these crutches NEVER work. They never help us process these emotions, and they never help us heal. Instead they create new problems and the cycle continues and deepens. I think a crucial part to healing this wound inside of us is to realize that men have feelings, emotions, and desires, that we are at times strong and at times weak. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. That ideal of the buff man with big biceps, a six pack who is always strong for the woman, and who never cries is actually a fiction. It's total bullshit. And every time we tacitly agree with it, we do ourselves and everyone else a disservice and cause harm. What image can we turn to instead? This is a bit scarier, cuz the template isn't laid out for us like the old patriarchal one is. The new model is simple who we truly are inside. And sometimes that may seem masculine, and sometimes it may seem more feminine, etc. It will vary from person to person, but whoever you are is OK!!! If you want to be strong, that?s perfectly fine!!! (just don't hurt others with your strength). If you need to be weak and cry or be held by another that?s, perfectly fine too!! We are men, and we have a sacred male energy that has actually been disrespected by the patriarchal ideal, and by macho-ism, chauvinism, and porn. Having power over women in sex, objectifying them, all those things that are shown to be desirable in porn, do not actually make us stronger. They do not serve our deeper spiritual purpose. We need to reconnect with our scared selves.
As I've said before I am so so so so thankful that you guys comment on my page! I give deep thanks from the bottom of my heart! I apologize if I don't comment on your pages as often. I want to, but sometimes after writing a post on here, I find I'm out of my allotted 'internet time', and one of the things in this whole healing process is listening to me needs as much as possible, and often that means "oh, too much internet, need to go out and take a walk" or "oh, gotta go to work"
So much love to all of you Brothers and Sisters
Keep up the good fight, and know I'm rooting for you!-Peace
muhammadtaha2016
Active Member
Peace man.
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
It's funny - I was just looking at my excel spreadsheet that marks my progress, and I'm actually still masturbating a fair bit and having a fair amount of orgasms, but at least I'm not PMO-ing, and each time I masturbate it's usually only for 15 mins at the most, and on;ly with my hand and my mind. I dunno, I know I should probably cut that down a bit too, but for me for now the main goal is no porn; no PMO I guess I view orgasm as healthy and good, and as long as I'm not doing it ALL THE TIME, then I'm pretty happy
Anyway, I just wanted to mention that part of my recovery as well - no PMO since April 28th, but still masturbating
-Peace
I guess I view orgasm as healthy and good, and as long as I'm not doing it ALL THE TIME, then I'm pretty happy Anyway, I just wanted to mention that part of my recovery as well - no PMO since April 28th, but still masturbating
-Peace
muhammadtaha2016
Active Member
I consider orgasm as drainage of my energy
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey muhammadtaha! Yeah, I guess everybody has to find they're own way on that one. Like I said, the main thing for me is no PMO. For you it may be something different (wanting to stay away from orgasm altogether).
I'm Peacin' out for now (hehehe). Much support to you Talk to you soon!
-Peace
I'm Peacin' out for now (hehehe). Much support to you
Talk to you soon!-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey y'all! Check out my longer post above ^^^^
I just wrote a couple of mini replies since and didn't want you regulars to miss it. I think it's a good one
-Peace
I just wrote a couple of mini replies since and didn't want you regulars to miss it. I think it's a good one
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
I'm hanging in there friends!!
Things are going alright; there have been some major events in my life lately that highlight how important it is not to watch porn, and get sucked down into the quicksand that is sexual objectification and manipulation. And how important it is to be fair and open with your sexuality. And with that as perspective, I'm more and more glad that I'm taking the path of rebooting!!!
All the best!!!
-Peace
Things are going alright; there have been some major events in my life lately that highlight how important it is not to watch porn, and get sucked down into the quicksand that is sexual objectification and manipulation. And how important it is to be fair and open with your sexuality. And with that as perspective, I'm more and more glad that I'm taking the path of rebooting!!!
All the best!!!
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
I love being off porn!! I was just thinking about the difference between PMO-ing all the time, and being off porn. For me, I've noticed that my dopamine spikes are much much smaller (say 10-30% of the potential that could be released at one time) but now they happen WAY more often, and in response to natural things- this helps me have a healthy base line for my everyday mental health. Whereas before, when I'd be PMO-ing my dopamine spikes would be like 100-110% . Crazy high!! And I must admit: I felt good (really really good) in the moment (hence why we get addicted). But that short lasting, really good feeling comes at a very high price: 1)feeling really low the next day, and most likely some form of low for the next 3-5 days as well 2) not being able to be excited or aroused by almost anything in the real world, 3) feeling shame about myself and feeling isolated because I felt embarrassed about telling anybody else about my problem, 4) having actual physical pain in my penis, and having a penis that couldn't really get hard during natural sexual experience with a real person
So here's to being off the damned stuff!!
A toast to all fapstronauts!!
-Peace
So here's to being off the damned stuff!!
A toast to all fapstronauts!!
-Peace
LeirTheFox
Active Member
Hey Peace,
Good to see you being so positive. A toast to your progress, man!
The prices of dopamine addiction definitely doesn't pay.
It saddens to see P-stuff everywhere in society: my last relapse happened because of a simple, silly YouTube video. Can you imagine that? And coming to think of it, that may trigger lots of other people who actually look forward to it! Shit!
Anyways, tell me: what's up? What you've been doing?
Your support means a lot to me. Thank you so much!
Wish you the best,
L.
Good to see you being so positive. A toast to your progress, man!
The prices of dopamine addiction definitely doesn't pay.
It saddens to see P-stuff everywhere in society: my last relapse happened because of a simple, silly YouTube video. Can you imagine that? And coming to think of it, that may trigger lots of other people who actually look forward to it! Shit!
Anyways, tell me: what's up? What you've been doing?
Your support means a lot to me. Thank you so much!
Wish you the best,
L.
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Leir!
Dude! It's good to hear back from the fapstro-sphere!! Haha. Yes, I'm making a point of being positive about it, because I want to acknowledge to myself that I've made, and continue to make progress. Else, it can easily slip by the wayside and I can forget my resolve and commitment to leaving this stuff forever behind me.
I'm impressed with myself for staying away from it for almost a solid two months now, but you know what? It means absolutely nothing if I don't remain vigilant and on top of it. Nothing!! Haha, cuz (and I've said this in my posts in the past) the instant I think I've got this addiction beat, that?s it; I'm toast! Kaput! Gonzo! Straight back into the porn trap!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that it could take the most seemingly insignificant thing (and I think you can relate, with what you mentioned about that YouTube video) to start a chain reaction in me that will lead me back to PMO.
So, it's like, I'm off the stuff, and I've made progress, and I'm super proud of myself, and happy!!! Yes, definitely. But I'm also very aware that if I begin to bargain with it in my head, something like "Oh, I could have a peak of some naked women still photos" or, "Oh I could look at this girls facebook profile and masturbate a little to that", then I'm toast. If I let that little slip happen, it's back into relapse.
I can see what is slowly slowly happening inside of me is that my hyper frontality is ever so slowly disappearing; aka, I'm slowly slowly re-gaining the ability to have more control over the limbic/dopamine system, and a little bit more able to say "ok, no. I know this is very tempting and will be very pleasurable, but there will be negative consequences to these actions. And remember how horrible and ashamed you felt for so many years? It's time to leave this stuff behind"
A hundred million thanks for commenting Leir
Don't sweat a relapse, because it's all progress. Perhaps this relapse will strengthen your resolve in your recovery?
I support you 110%
-Peace
Dude! It's good to hear back from the fapstro-sphere!! Haha. Yes, I'm making a point of being positive about it, because I want to acknowledge to myself that I've made, and continue to make progress. Else, it can easily slip by the wayside and I can forget my resolve and commitment to leaving this stuff forever behind me.
I'm impressed with myself for staying away from it for almost a solid two months now, but you know what? It means absolutely nothing if I don't remain vigilant and on top of it. Nothing!! Haha, cuz (and I've said this in my posts in the past) the instant I think I've got this addiction beat, that?s it; I'm toast! Kaput! Gonzo! Straight back into the porn trap!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that it could take the most seemingly insignificant thing (and I think you can relate, with what you mentioned about that YouTube video) to start a chain reaction in me that will lead me back to PMO.
So, it's like, I'm off the stuff, and I've made progress, and I'm super proud of myself, and happy!!! Yes, definitely. But I'm also very aware that if I begin to bargain with it in my head, something like "Oh, I could have a peak of some naked women still photos" or, "Oh I could look at this girls facebook profile and masturbate a little to that", then I'm toast. If I let that little slip happen, it's back into relapse.
I can see what is slowly slowly happening inside of me is that my hyper frontality is ever so slowly disappearing; aka, I'm slowly slowly re-gaining the ability to have more control over the limbic/dopamine system, and a little bit more able to say "ok, no. I know this is very tempting and will be very pleasurable, but there will be negative consequences to these actions. And remember how horrible and ashamed you felt for so many years? It's time to leave this stuff behind"
A hundred million thanks for commenting Leir
Don't sweat a relapse, because it's all progress. Perhaps this relapse will strengthen your resolve in your recovery?
I support you 110%
-Peace
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Thanks for your constant support, Peace, and congrats on your current streak!
We're at a similar state of reboot, where resisting urges is possible to a certain degree on the one hand, but we must pay attention to not get caught by surprise on the other. The key is allowing emotions and as you analyzed at your larger text above, as men we're more likely to hide or numb them. Now, while every day life is going as planned, we might be able to go 100, 200 or more days, but our biggest threat would be a sudden emotional impact to our life. The question we have to face is: How to prepare an emergency plan? Participate at this community certainly helps, but apart from that we have to keep developing a mindset that totally excludes porn as a problem solver. There is a long way ahead and it will be necessary to find the balance between establishing a normal life and reminding oneself of the destructive potential of this addiction we will always carry around to a certain degree.
PeaceOfMind062012 said:
We're at a similar state of reboot, where resisting urges is possible to a certain degree on the one hand, but we must pay attention to not get caught by surprise on the other. The key is allowing emotions and as you analyzed at your larger text above, as men we're more likely to hide or numb them. Now, while every day life is going as planned, we might be able to go 100, 200 or more days, but our biggest threat would be a sudden emotional impact to our life. The question we have to face is: How to prepare an emergency plan? Participate at this community certainly helps, but apart from that we have to keep developing a mindset that totally excludes porn as a problem solver. There is a long way ahead and it will be necessary to find the balance between establishing a normal life and reminding oneself of the destructive potential of this addiction we will always carry around to a certain degree.
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Achilles!
What you said is true- an emotional upset is what could trigger another relapse, and so we must be vigilant about those too.
It's funny; my triggers can either be from feeling really crappy (depression, angst, irritation, annoyance, and so on). But also, another trick my mind can use is to make me think of PMO in the 'good times'; when I've just accomplished something, or I'm feeling good for some other reason. This, I find to be the more subtle one, and possibly the trickier one to detect and avoid.
I'm holdin' in there fapstronauts! I had an urge last night, and I even had a dream about porn!! I dreampt that I was watching a film that had some porn scenes in it, and then I started to PMO to them! In the dream I thought it was real, and that I'd have to reset my day counter, but then this morning I woke up, and was much relieved!
See you all soon,
-Peace
What you said is true- an emotional upset is what could trigger another relapse, and so we must be vigilant about those too.
It's funny; my triggers can either be from feeling really crappy (depression, angst, irritation, annoyance, and so on). But also, another trick my mind can use is to make me think of PMO in the 'good times'; when I've just accomplished something, or I'm feeling good for some other reason. This, I find to be the more subtle one, and possibly the trickier one to detect and avoid.
I'm holdin' in there fapstronauts! I had an urge last night, and I even had a dream about porn!! I dreampt that I was watching a film that had some porn scenes in it, and then I started to PMO to them! In the dream I thought it was real, and that I'd have to reset my day counter, but then this morning I woke up, and was much relieved!
See you all soon,
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hello Brothers and Sisters!
I'm just writing an entry to check in with myself and all of you
I'm having a drink tonight (about two glasses of beer), and I'm feeling pretty good. And what I'm observing in myself is that when I have a bit of alcohol, my mind is more likely to be tempted into smoking pot, and once I've smoked pot, I'm much more likely to PMO..........so..............I chose NOT to smoke pot, even though I had a desire to. Basically in my mind it goes something like this "Oh, we're having such a good time already, let's make the good times last and smoke some grass, cuz then you'll feel even better". And even though it might momentarily be true, it can very easily lead me to PMO, and relapse, and feeling like absolute garbage the next day (as we all know So I'm choosing not to do it.
Like I said in a past post - I'm almost totally convinced that the best way for me to change the inevitability of weed smoking leading to PMO-ing, is to have a girlfriend who I can talk to and confide in about my issues with porn, and then we can smoke weed together and have sex together while high on weed. THAT WAY, I'd be able to be high and have sex in a natural way, and not feel the urge to PMO. Until that time, I'm being very very very cautious about smoking weed late at night when I'm alone cuz I know what it often leads to
Love you all fapstronauts!!!
-Peace
I'm just writing an entry to check in with myself and all of you
I'm having a drink tonight (about two glasses of beer), and I'm feeling pretty good. And what I'm observing in myself is that when I have a bit of alcohol, my mind is more likely to be tempted into smoking pot, and once I've smoked pot, I'm much more likely to PMO..........so..............I chose NOT to smoke pot, even though I had a desire to. Basically in my mind it goes something like this "Oh, we're having such a good time already, let's make the good times last and smoke some grass, cuz then you'll feel even better". And even though it might momentarily be true, it can very easily lead me to PMO, and relapse, and feeling like absolute garbage the next day (as we all know
So I'm choosing not to do it.Like I said in a past post - I'm almost totally convinced that the best way for me to change the inevitability of weed smoking leading to PMO-ing, is to have a girlfriend who I can talk to and confide in about my issues with porn, and then we can smoke weed together and have sex together while high on weed. THAT WAY, I'd be able to be high and have sex in a natural way, and not feel the urge to PMO. Until that time, I'm being very very very cautious about smoking weed late at night when I'm alone cuz I know what it often leads to
Love you all fapstronauts!!!
-Peace
Faptain America
Member
Hey Peace,
Just shooting a quick message. I'm still here
Long month. Lots of work stuff. I'm getting back on the wagon!
See you around.
-The Faptain
Just shooting a quick message. I'm still here
Long month. Lots of work stuff. I'm getting back on the wagon!
See you around.
-The Faptain
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hello fellow Fapstronauts!
-Faptain-! Good to see you!! Glad to hear you're getting back on the wagon I am too, in terms of posting. It's been awhile, but I get so much out of being part of this community that I'm gonna try and post more soon
It has been awhile since I?ve made an entry on my journal, simply because I've been pretty busy in my life, not because I haven?t wanted to post.
Things are still going pretty well with my reboot; I haven't PMO-ed since April 28, and I'm pretty happy about that!!
I've had a couple times that I've been tempted, but overall, it's been ok - not too many urges. And I must say that things have finally started to get a bit easier in terms of resisting P. I know that I cannot ever think I have this thing fully beaten, but in terms of the first few weeks, it feels like it is getting less and less of a thing in my mind that's there nagging me ALL THE TIME, you know? I know that I have to completely become convinced that P is no longer an option for me, and so far that has been relatively easy to accept in my mind, but it's funny though, because as soon as I start to even THINK about P, in any sense, like even writing a post in my journal about my recovery, it starts to re-activate old neural pathways connected to P, which (if I'm not careful) can lead my right back to PMO-ing. For the time being (and for two months and some since I've been on my recovery) it's just been much easier to really not think about it at all - to ignore it. Cuz I find that thinking about P is the very first step on the path towards PMO-ing.
It's interesting to watch too, cuz those old values are still there in a big way. For example, recently I was hanging out with a woman who was eleven years younger than me (she is 18, and I'm 29), and I have to admit, I was kind of attracted to her. I felt kinda creepy about it. But I was also kinda thinking "I wonder if this is ok?". So what do you guys think? Is my thinking just affected by P in wanting a young 18 year old girl, or is it just natural to be attracted to someone with a young body who is attractive? I'm curious to know what you all think! I'm trying my best to NOT beat myself up about being attracted to this person, cuz I feel it's a natural thing, and as I've said in my past posts; I feel that one of the big things that keeps perpetuating this addiction is shame! So, the less of that stuff I feel, then better!!
All the best to everyone!!
-Peace
-Faptain-! Good to see you!! Glad to hear you're getting back on the wagon
I am too, in terms of posting. It's been awhile, but I get so much out of being part of this community that I'm gonna try and post more soon It has been awhile since I?ve made an entry on my journal, simply because I've been pretty busy in my life, not because I haven?t wanted to post.
Things are still going pretty well with my reboot; I haven't PMO-ed since April 28, and I'm pretty happy about that!!
I've had a couple times that I've been tempted, but overall, it's been ok - not too many urges. And I must say that things have finally started to get a bit easier in terms of resisting P. I know that I cannot ever think I have this thing fully beaten, but in terms of the first few weeks, it feels like it is getting less and less of a thing in my mind that's there nagging me ALL THE TIME, you know? I know that I have to completely become convinced that P is no longer an option for me, and so far that has been relatively easy to accept in my mind, but it's funny though, because as soon as I start to even THINK about P, in any sense, like even writing a post in my journal about my recovery, it starts to re-activate old neural pathways connected to P, which (if I'm not careful) can lead my right back to PMO-ing. For the time being (and for two months and some since I've been on my recovery) it's just been much easier to really not think about it at all - to ignore it. Cuz I find that thinking about P is the very first step on the path towards PMO-ing.
It's interesting to watch too, cuz those old values are still there in a big way. For example, recently I was hanging out with a woman who was eleven years younger than me (she is 18, and I'm 29), and I have to admit, I was kind of attracted to her. I felt kinda creepy about it. But I was also kinda thinking "I wonder if this is ok?". So what do you guys think? Is my thinking just affected by P in wanting a young 18 year old girl, or is it just natural to be attracted to someone with a young body who is attractive? I'm curious to know what you all think! I'm trying my best to NOT beat myself up about being attracted to this person, cuz I feel it's a natural thing, and as I've said in my past posts; I feel that one of the big things that keeps perpetuating this addiction is shame! So, the less of that stuff I feel, then better!!
All the best to everyone!!
-Peace
G
gentleman86
Guest
Man, huge progress! Congratulations
Step by step, day by day.Anyway.... be even more aware of possible trigger etc. now.
A lot of people (including me) know the situation of feeling safe and then... out of nowhere and extremely sudden one is relapsing.
I think it's absolutely natural IF you not only enjoy her physical presence but enjoy the time with her as person aso.
Personally I still got the problem about the objectification of women.
In several situations I notice me thinking to much about the body only.
I feel very shameful then. At least I realize it. I realize that I have a very weird view on women. Thanks to porn... :
I wish you all the best!
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Thanks Gentleman86,
I much appreciate the feedback
Yes, I think the issue is that I didn't necessarily connect with her as a person, I WAS just mostly attracted to her sexually, and that's the reason I didn't feel super cool about it. I didn't act on it at all, and I think it's best that way. I guess we don't always have to act on sexual attractions we have towards other people. Sometimes we can just fantasize about them, and leave it at that.
Yes, I can relate to what you're saying about ESPECIALLY watching out for triggers as I go further along down the road of recovery. So far so good (fingers crossed). But I KNOW that at some point (who knows when that'll be), some set of circumstances will enter my life that will set me up for trigger territory....I know it. So, yes, I have to set up my life in such a way that I am ready for those triggers when they come.......Actually, so far I have had some triggers, or at least I have entered 'trigger territory' and realized "ok, I gotta get out of here quickly, or else I'm going to relapse". It's almost like there's a 'hair trigger' in our brains that gets tripped, and know one else knows what trips it or when, but WE do (if we're paying attention), and you basically only get one, two, or three chances to catch it before you're going back into a relapse.
All the best!!
-Peace
I much appreciate the feedback
Yes, I think the issue is that I didn't necessarily connect with her as a person, I WAS just mostly attracted to her sexually, and that's the reason I didn't feel super cool about it. I didn't act on it at all, and I think it's best that way. I guess we don't always have to act on sexual attractions we have towards other people. Sometimes we can just fantasize about them, and leave it at that.
Yes, I can relate to what you're saying about ESPECIALLY watching out for triggers as I go further along down the road of recovery. So far so good (fingers crossed). But I KNOW that at some point (who knows when that'll be), some set of circumstances will enter my life that will set me up for trigger territory....I know it. So, yes, I have to set up my life in such a way that I am ready for those triggers when they come.......Actually, so far I have had some triggers, or at least I have entered 'trigger territory' and realized "ok, I gotta get out of here quickly, or else I'm going to relapse". It's almost like there's a 'hair trigger' in our brains that gets tripped, and know one else knows what trips it or when, but WE do (if we're paying attention), and you basically only get one, two, or three chances to catch it before you're going back into a relapse.
All the best!!
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Fellow Fapstronauts!
I'm posting to update everyone on where I'm at (If you choose to read my journal )
Well, things are still overall going well. The big date in my life is April 28th (cuz that's the last time I PMO-ed, and I still haven't looked at P). (Just an observation, but just to give you an idea of how deep those pathways are in my brain, as soon as I typed "the last time I PMO-ed, and I still haven't looked at P", I felt my brain start to reactivate pathways, e.g. imagining what it is like to look at P). So yeah, basically I'm just focusing on other things in my life. I am lucky that I got a job to work over the summer, which helps keep me definitely focused on something else that I NEED to do, or else I'll get fired! Haha. Also, I'm trying to play as much guitar as possible in my free time, which is great to build new pathways in my brain! I've also been trying to do my morning stretches and exercises as much as possible (about 20 minutes of stretches, pushups and some other core exercises). I'm MO-ing about 3 times a week on average, which I'm ok to allow myself to do. It?s great! I'm often trying to make it into a positive ritual, like I'll be all alone and I'll light a candle and then MO. It usually takes about 15-20 minutes, and feels great during and great after O. I really enjoy that special time with myself. I don't have a girlfriend right now, but there's a couple women who have caught my eye that I'm interested in, and I'm looking forward to being with someone, although I'm also doing well just by myself. It's funny; I think in a big way P has affected the way I interact with women. Even though I'm not PMO-ing anymore (which I'm super happy about), I'm still sometimes objectifying women, and wanting sex with them first and foremost. I'm very much hoping though that the more time I spend away from P, and the more time I spend healing these pathways and developing new/healthier ways of interacting with women, the more I'll build a newer healthier way of being with them.
In other news; yesterday I hung out with a woman who I'm just getting to know. She's really intelligent, and super gorgeous. It was a really fun time. I was nervous before hanging out, but the whole day went well. I didn't try to kiss her or anything (which sometimes I do, but then it often messes things up, and plus, it often makes me even more nervous, cuz I'm looking for the 'perfect' time to lean in for a kiss.) Anyway, we just chilled and talked, and it was nice. Nice to just BE with a real woman, and get to know someone new. It might develop into something romantic, it might not, but that's cool. It's important for me not to have big expectations of having sex or whatever, cuz I find that that has often messed things up for me in the past, and I then tend not to focus on the other more subtle aspects of that person.
All part of the long march out of the black hole that is P
Good luck to everyone in their struggle
-Peace
I'm posting to update everyone on where I'm at (If you choose to read my journal
)Well, things are still overall going well. The big date in my life is April 28th (cuz that's the last time I PMO-ed, and I still haven't looked at P). (Just an observation, but just to give you an idea of how deep those pathways are in my brain, as soon as I typed "the last time I PMO-ed, and I still haven't looked at P", I felt my brain start to reactivate pathways, e.g. imagining what it is like to look at P). So yeah, basically I'm just focusing on other things in my life. I am lucky that I got a job to work over the summer, which helps keep me definitely focused on something else that I NEED to do, or else I'll get fired! Haha. Also, I'm trying to play as much guitar as possible in my free time, which is great to build new pathways in my brain! I've also been trying to do my morning stretches and exercises as much as possible (about 20 minutes of stretches, pushups and some other core exercises). I'm MO-ing about 3 times a week on average, which I'm ok to allow myself to do. It?s great! I'm often trying to make it into a positive ritual, like I'll be all alone and I'll light a candle and then MO. It usually takes about 15-20 minutes, and feels great during and great after O. I really enjoy that special time with myself. I don't have a girlfriend right now, but there's a couple women who have caught my eye that I'm interested in, and I'm looking forward to being with someone, although I'm also doing well just by myself. It's funny; I think in a big way P has affected the way I interact with women. Even though I'm not PMO-ing anymore (which I'm super happy about), I'm still sometimes objectifying women, and wanting sex with them first and foremost. I'm very much hoping though that the more time I spend away from P, and the more time I spend healing these pathways and developing new/healthier ways of interacting with women, the more I'll build a newer healthier way of being with them.
In other news; yesterday I hung out with a woman who I'm just getting to know. She's really intelligent, and super gorgeous. It was a really fun time. I was nervous before hanging out, but the whole day went well. I didn't try to kiss her or anything (which sometimes I do, but then it often messes things up, and plus, it often makes me even more nervous, cuz I'm looking for the 'perfect' time to lean in for a kiss.) Anyway, we just chilled and talked, and it was nice. Nice to just BE with a real woman, and get to know someone new. It might develop into something romantic, it might not, but that's cool. It's important for me not to have big expectations of having sex or whatever, cuz I find that that has often messed things up for me in the past, and I then tend not to focus on the other more subtle aspects of that person.
All part of the long march out of the black hole that is P
Good luck to everyone in their struggle
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey guys,
Does anybody have some kind, encouraging words to help bring me up? I just had a relapse last night after 3 months of not PMO-ing
I was/am doing really well, and I want to see this as a tiny little bump on the road to recovery, but right now (the morning after) I'm feeling a bit sad/depressed/confused/dissappointed in myself, all that stuff. I'm trying to be really big on forgiving myself cuz I know that's the best way to move through after having an accidental relapse.
Ok, I'm gonna move out into the day.
Hope to hear from you!
-Peace
Does anybody have some kind, encouraging words to help bring me up? I just had a relapse last night after 3 months of not PMO-ing
I was/am doing really well, and I want to see this as a tiny little bump on the road to recovery, but right now (the morning after) I'm feeling a bit sad/depressed/confused/dissappointed in myself, all that stuff. I'm trying to be really big on forgiving myself cuz I know that's the best way to move through after having an accidental relapse.
Ok, I'm gonna move out into the day.
Hope to hear from you!
-Peace