Successful reboot?

[TiramiSu]

I sometimes feel like I am thirteen again. Back to the time before all pmoing began. I still go through a lot of problems, but overall I find I deal with them better because I am not running around with a feeling of shame and guilt anymore. And I look people more into the eye. In the morning I wake up thinking about what nice breakfast I can have as opposed to before when my mind was revolving entirely around the topic of s.. I can only encourage everyone to do so.
But quitting such a thing is work every day. Every day I am making the conscious decision to get rid of that.
Also I do not want to turn into a chronic relapser .So I hope to stick with it and act humbly and cautiously, knowing it could happen again any time.

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 40

Before my longest streak was 78 days. After that I relapsed.  So my personal opinion is that 90 days of a number is somehow meaningful but the whole point why I am on this forum is to become pmo-free. It is a lifestyle choice. I have chosen to be porn free for the following reasons:
1. Most important is self-respect and the relationship with myself. I want to be happy with myself without always looking for dopamin hits.
2. For the happiness of my family.
3. Porn is like a rock that pulls you down. At the beginning I did not notice, but porn creates long-run problems, such as inability to deal with problems. The scary thing is that it is not conscious. The body is so used to getting dopamin shoot that whenever problems occur I wanted to automatically search for it.
4. I want to have a solid career in my life.
Last but not least, I want my children to respect me.


From day 30-40 I have had three urges/cravings. But the tendency is getting less.

My personal opinion that "hard mode" is not necessary if you have a partner. With a partner, you can always have sex. That is rewiring too. Not having sex is not an option in my life.

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 41:
Yesterday I did lots of running. so I was tired anyways.
my mental goal is one year of no artificial stimulation. Completely without it.
Anyways I am much calmer in my mind than before.

 

[TiramiSu]

There are often moments when I feel it would be very easy to give, but this time I am committed not to give in. I have been angry in the past forty plus days - in the past I would have jerked off after the slightest feeling of being angry. Now I have started to observe myself when I am angry.

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 42:

There were often moments of being angry last week. In the past, I would have  pmoed, now I am rationalizing the problems more and more. So it shows this journal works. Same for yesterday. There had been some personal issues but instead of jerking off, I just watched some TV and fell to bed.

 

[TiramiSu]

The post from William: http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
is totally enlightening.

He said: we are not really watching porn, we are just getting a shot of dopamine.

Also why give it up if it makes us feel so good? It is like any other drug, it only causes problems in life and turns us into big losers.

It is totally true. And scary. PMO people are really heavy addicts...

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 43:

I feel confident about the next days to stay strong, but I still believe that addicts will always be addicts. 90 days is good, but after 90 days it can just happen again. for me, entering this forum has been a step because
- I want to improve my sexuality. live sexuality with a partner
- live in self-respect.
- not going for dopamine rushes anymore.

10 years ago, my addiction was very strong, now it is only light anymore. But light is not nothing so I want to make sure I will never jerk off in front of computer screen.

 

[TiramiSu]

I often have these random sexual thoughts. My goal is to recognize them and let them pass.
Before sexuality and self love played the biggest role in my life. Now I want to focus on other things.

 

[TiramiSu]

Today I ran 21 K. So after that, I only had peace on my mind. Running is powerful tool. Makes you forget everything. No stress. Only tired running.

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 44:
I do want to confront reality. I do not want to run away from it. Before, I always run away.  Now I just want to face it. I want to be a role model to my son.
Before, I always wanted to fulfill expectations of everyone. I wanted to kiss everyone?s ass. Now I do not want to do it anymore. Now I do what I love. Yes there are lots of problems still around, but I am facing them.
For me, pmoing was always a means of running away.  So now I am happier.
The only thing that I do admit that there seems to be a tendency towards not having sex on this forum. I think the goal should be put on have as much as responsible sex as you want to. And in an ideal way, have it with a partner that you love.
Thanks to porn, sex and love never existed together in my world. I want to change it. I hope that in the future love and sex will be just one thing: a means of being closer to the partner that I love.
In the past, thanks to my porn education I never learned that, but now I want to change and just focus on that.  Bearing in mind that I have children, that is also the only way: I want my children to look up at me.
My advice for everyone suffering from PIED or similar things: When you have sex, just enjoy it. DO NOT THINK SO MUCH.  Thinking and talking with and about women is a waste of time. Actions counts.  Women like action. Women like to be conquered.  Too much talk can destroy any atmosphere.  Just have fun. Surprise women.

 

[TiramiSu]

for me, another motivation is also not to just fuck up again. In the past, I relapsed so many times. Relapsing is a waste of time. So I just do not want to relapse anymore. Just like this William guy said:
there are two type of guys here- those who want to keep their addiction under control, but will relapse for the next fifty years or those who know they must be very humble and be aware that they cannot control their addiction. So I rather be number two and be humble. I just do not want to fuck up again. I would lose all of my self-respect.

 

[TiramiSu]

Day 45:

I am reading lots of posts all the time. This helps a lot.  But the ultimate goal is to spend less time on this forum and find more ways to relax myself. Things that make me happy.

Yesterday there had been no urge whatsoever.

Days 40-50 seem easier than 30-40.

but I am realistic. One time relapse and the entire shit would start again.So I want to make sure for the next year, there will be no relapse.

 

[TiramiSu]

I can only emphasize - do not be too nice to women.....then they will leave you.....do not be everybody's darling. Say no to women.
for instance I said no to women when they wanted sex. Then they are surprised. They always think we are weaker than them. But we are not. Ignoring women from time to time is also good.  Just do NEVER EVER BE NICE GUY. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME. Women have no sexual interest in nice guys.

 

[TiramiSu]

I do not want to come across as a macho. But everything needs to be in balance. but why do watch so much porn? Because we do not dare to do whatever we imagine...but this is not good....everything should be reality.....Porn is an illusion...It is always awkward to think that a lot of porn stars have STDs.....

Anyways I think it has been at least more than half a year that I have watched porn. And actually I do not intend to watch it again.

If I get completely rid of also porn substitutes, I will be really happy.

Overall in the last couple of days, I have had so much more time available. I felt better. I had more confrontations. I rarely felt depressed.

LIFE WITHOUT DOPAMINE SHOOTS IS GREAT.

 

[TiramiSu]

With porn and substitutes, I always thought I need mental counselling.
Without porn and substitutes, I do not think at all I need this kind of stuff. I really feel free.

 

[Viffer]

Thanks for posting and keep it up. You're a hell of a guy.

I've nothing to offer in terms of advice, but I will offer my support. I'm weak right now after relapsing last night. I'm not giving up.

 

[TiramiSu]

Nope I am not one hell of a guy. I only realized my patterns. I jerked off at least 5000 times in life. After each single time I thought I would need mental counselling. I think the pain of thinking about counselling became stronger than any possible dopamine shot.

There is one joke about alcoholics: What is the best drink the alcoholic can have? It is the last drink that brings him to the anonymous alcoholics...

Same with me, I do not want to think about mental help anymore. I want to fulfill my business dreams.

I must have spent 5000 hours on porn. What good did it do? So amusing that each time I jerked off, I saw around 100 porn pussies, I must have seen 500.000 naked women on pictures. Isn't that sad? That number is gross.

Of course this must have a bad effect on the brain. Actually it is dangerous. Porn destroys will-power. Porn destroys logic. Porn destroys dreams. Porn destroys relationships. Porn destroys natural interest in the world. Porn leads to casual sex. Casual sex leads to sexual diseases, such as a lot of porn stars.  Porn destroys self-respects. Porn turns us into pussies.  So is porn any good? It is a drug. It is serious. So just please everybody who reads this please do not watch it anymore. Go out and kiss a woman. Go out and flirt with women. Go out and enjoy the sun. Enjoy the flowers. Build up a business. Do something useful with your your life. Just do not become addicted. You do not help anyone. You will only destroy yourself.

I want to be humble because I know myself I have been a strong addict who could not think 45 minutes straight.

JUST LIVE WITHOUT PORN.

 

[tejmerc]

This is encouraging.  Thanks for posting.  Had to reset my counter yesterday, but seeing guys get this far is encouraging.  Thanks for posting the struggles.

 

[Viffer]

I beg to differ, you are a hell of a guy, you've put the groundwork in and built a resolve to help weaken your addiction day by day and inspire others to do the same.

I remember a story from George Collins's book, he got one of his patients to walk into a sex shop and go over to the dirty mags and scream 'I F***IN HATE THIS SHIT!!' as loud as he can. He got chased out of the store by the owner but a couple other guys in there did the same thing and followed him out.

I feel horrible today, little sleep and mood swings. Relapses really do suck. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

 

[TiramiSu]

Thanks for the nice comments.

I was actually worse than what I had said. I used too many massage parlors as well. I was addicted to that too. I just could not stop it. I think I must have wasted money worth a Mercedes on it. It was my way of dealing with anger and secret fantasies. I just did not dare to speak up for myself. but it is so important to speak for yourself. I ran away from conflicts, that was my problem. Now I am not doing it anymore.  The women in the massage parlors were smoking hot, which is also the problem: it is also an illusion. You pay to make love. same with porn. It is not natural. Especially when I was drunk I dream about sex with the hottest massage parlor women....but this is also sad. When being drunk, you have to dream of your business aspirations or whatever aspirations you have in life. I cannot turn back the time. If I could, I would have gone into way more conflicts.  But I cannot turn back the time. But I want to be very humble because I know I cannot control these impulses. So I have to be aware. I have to watch out. And now it is my wish to be strong every day. And I notice differences. I really start to use more logic in real life and I start to make my business aspirations real.
What I learnt in meditation is that sometimes being quiet and observing can be very powerful.

So please stay strong everyone and do not live a lie, face reality, if you are horny, get laid, if you seek romance, get the lady you want. Just do not be Mr. NICE GUY.