rebootrapp
Active Member
Your brain fog comes and goes?
Successful reboot?
- Thread starter TiramiSu
- Start date
offaxis
Active Member
I hope you can keep persisting and persevering.
The small changes everyday do not make a big difference in the short term but over the weeks and months they form powerful new positive habits. Just as our negative habits have built up over time, instead we can choose to build new positive habits using the same mechanisms in our minds.
The small changes everyday do not make a big difference in the short term but over the weeks and months they form powerful new positive habits. Just as our negative habits have built up over time, instead we can choose to build new positive habits using the same mechanisms in our minds.
rebootrapp
Active Member
Good point offaxis
I have had a moment of clarity today. This is really odd, but sometimes I get this weird moments of truth about my and my life. This did not happen in the porn wanking age.
During porn age, my normal day would be like: I would get angry over something. Sometimes I would even get irritated over small things. After being angry I would use this feeling of being angry to finally switch on the laptop and watch hard core porn for two hours to make me tired. Well it did work and I was tired after that of course and my aggression were gone - for a moment. Hahaha....so funny in retrospect...I should have watched myself in the mirror.
Today I feel more like a real man
- When I am angry, I do not keep it inside anymore.
An old friend pissed me off - so I just openly let it out and it felt so much better.
So my own experience is to speak up for yourself and never it let you be bullied. When I was young, people did that to me. Now I am not letting it happen anymore. There are certainly more fights now but life feels better.
For me, the most important reason wasnt so much because of me being shy because as a matter of fact I was always a risk taker when it came to women - which was lots of fun - my prime reason for wanking was for not being in tune with my aggressions. But it is important to fight back. People step over other people not because of disliking, it is rather because they are careless. So you have to give them reason to care. If people tell bs about you, just prove them wrong.
With a little bit of distance, this entire wanking and being pussy afterwards seems so silly. But reality is that this can come quickly again.
I still believe addict will be always addicts, so I will not try to be overconfident. I am just happy that I kept this beast in check now for 24 days. But what is 24 days compared to 20 years of wanking? Nothing....and also 90 days will do not it.....if I have maybe persisted for 5 years, we can say that I have changed. But for now, I want to remain modest and say this is only the smallest tip of the iceberg.....
During porn age, my normal day would be like: I would get angry over something. Sometimes I would even get irritated over small things. After being angry I would use this feeling of being angry to finally switch on the laptop and watch hard core porn for two hours to make me tired. Well it did work and I was tired after that of course and my aggression were gone - for a moment. Hahaha....so funny in retrospect...I should have watched myself in the mirror.
Today I feel more like a real man
- When I am angry, I do not keep it inside anymore. An old friend pissed me off - so I just openly let it out and it felt so much better.
So my own experience is to speak up for yourself and never it let you be bullied. When I was young, people did that to me. Now I am not letting it happen anymore. There are certainly more fights now but life feels better.
For me, the most important reason wasnt so much because of me being shy because as a matter of fact I was always a risk taker when it came to women - which was lots of fun - my prime reason for wanking was for not being in tune with my aggressions. But it is important to fight back. People step over other people not because of disliking, it is rather because they are careless. So you have to give them reason to care. If people tell bs about you, just prove them wrong.
With a little bit of distance, this entire wanking and being pussy afterwards seems so silly. But reality is that this can come quickly again.
I still believe addict will be always addicts, so I will not try to be overconfident. I am just happy that I kept this beast in check now for 24 days. But what is 24 days compared to 20 years of wanking? Nothing....and also 90 days will do not it.....if I have maybe persisted for 5 years, we can say that I have changed. But for now, I want to remain modest and say this is only the smallest tip of the iceberg.....
italianwanker
Member
If it is true that we have to wait a lot to get completely cured it it is also true that most of the people starts to feel better just after a few weeks.
so congrats and keep on going.
so congrats and keep on going.
Day 26:
ATTENTION: TRIGGERS IN THIS POST.
ATTENTION: TRIGGERS IN THIS POST.
PLEASE ONLY READ IF YOU HAVE SOMEWHAT OF A DISTANCE TO PORNOGRAPHY. OTHERWISE DO NOT READ.
no thoughts at all about pmo. I attribute this mainly to me running a lot.
One observation - I want to enjoy more and every little piece. When I eat, I want to focus on the sensation in my mouth instead of just swallowing it down. When I enjoy a beer, I want to drink it very slowly and also enjoy it.
I think as a wanker it is impossible - at least for me- to enjoy and love the world. Of course we still need to be realistic there is a lot not to love around us, but still....
After reading all these journals I concluded I am not the only one with this issue. When I was young, I thought I would be the only one with this issue in life hahhaahah...but this is proof how fucked up is making us...
Learning from this, I want to explain to my children later on in a positive way about sexuality. The way I was brought up that everything was a big secret ....well of course a young guy then happily jerks off for three hours in the room with porn..but complaining about this makes me weaker. instead - learning from this and making it better is better. Sex education must be open...probably now for the following sentence, there will be many objections from women now - sorry - but at least for sons I will encourage them to have every "real life" experience they want provided they always act responsible and do not engage in high risk activities....
My observation is that I fussed too much about women here....I do not want to give women so much power over my life.Well in porn of course every woman is hot and has mega boobs and the best ass. so of course I fussed about. but this is not real life. in real life, not every woman undergoes surgery, is always willing to have sex....actually what I also read is that in the porn industry, a lot of them regularly get infections such as chlamydia and other itchy things...and watching porn is turning us - at least mentally - in intensive polygamous people. in our mind we fuck too many women, yet in real life we are too shy...maybe it would be useful every morning to scream at myself: hello you live in the real world.....
I should more focus on career, hobbies, etc.....With a little bit of distance from pmoing, this entire thing seems ridiculous anyways: If I want to have sex with my partner, I just do it and not think....
My addiction was so strong when I was younger that I really was not able to focus for 45 minutes until I want to jerk off again hahahah...but probably also as a younger person, being more horny is normal....now being an adult means enjoying and taking responsibility.
Another thing: Yesterday I had a lot of moments when it felt really good not to jerk off anymore....
So to conclude my thoughts from today: I always want to be conscious in the real world and face and enjoy the real world...
and one funny thing: when I wrote the word boobs and asses, for one second I noticed some kind of weird reaction in my brain. when I wrote this word, I could not focus for five seconds and my writing stopped. And this shows what badly porn has affected me.....porn has stopped my brain to think logically.....and this proves it that the scientists are all right - the part of that brain that deals with logic actually shrinks and the part that deals with fear and emotions becomes bigger.....that is what they called neuroplasticity: the brain can grow or shrink depending on usage....
So every time I fuss about tits, boobs, asses etc. my brain is shrinking and I am becoming more stupid.....yes I want to type that one more time because it is stupid: I become more stupid when I fuss and think about asses too much.....this is why I really want to leave this beast behind....I do not want to conquer this addiction, I want to just leave it behind me millions of kilometers...
actually I find this scary that my brain stops to think when I type these words. but of course after 5000 hours or more devoting to this shit, of course the brain reacts....but to take things positively, I take another 5000 hours and do 5000 hours of meditation, I will be mega relaxed....
Now I am still not healed. I know it. I am on a good track, but the goal in life is that my heart is not longing for dopamin shots anymore and that my brain is getting totally indifferent towards boobs and asses on the internet.
I want to be and act like a successful man that acts responsibly, asserts himself and stands up for him and get things done.
ATTENTION: TRIGGERS IN THIS POST.
ATTENTION: TRIGGERS IN THIS POST.
PLEASE ONLY READ IF YOU HAVE SOMEWHAT OF A DISTANCE TO PORNOGRAPHY. OTHERWISE DO NOT READ.
no thoughts at all about pmo. I attribute this mainly to me running a lot.
One observation - I want to enjoy more and every little piece. When I eat, I want to focus on the sensation in my mouth instead of just swallowing it down. When I enjoy a beer, I want to drink it very slowly and also enjoy it.
I think as a wanker it is impossible - at least for me- to enjoy and love the world. Of course we still need to be realistic there is a lot not to love around us, but still....
After reading all these journals I concluded I am not the only one with this issue. When I was young, I thought I would be the only one with this issue in life hahhaahah...but this is proof how fucked up is making us...
Learning from this, I want to explain to my children later on in a positive way about sexuality. The way I was brought up that everything was a big secret ....well of course a young guy then happily jerks off for three hours in the room with porn..but complaining about this makes me weaker. instead - learning from this and making it better is better. Sex education must be open...probably now for the following sentence, there will be many objections from women now - sorry - but at least for sons I will encourage them to have every "real life" experience they want provided they always act responsible and do not engage in high risk activities....
My observation is that I fussed too much about women here....I do not want to give women so much power over my life.Well in porn of course every woman is hot and has mega boobs and the best ass. so of course I fussed about. but this is not real life. in real life, not every woman undergoes surgery, is always willing to have sex....actually what I also read is that in the porn industry, a lot of them regularly get infections such as chlamydia and other itchy things
...and watching porn is turning us - at least mentally - in intensive polygamous people. in our mind we fuck too many women, yet in real life we are too shy...maybe it would be useful every morning to scream at myself: hello you live in the real world.....I should more focus on career, hobbies, etc.....With a little bit of distance from pmoing, this entire thing seems ridiculous anyways: If I want to have sex with my partner, I just do it and not think....
My addiction was so strong when I was younger that I really was not able to focus for 45 minutes until I want to jerk off again hahahah...but probably also as a younger person, being more horny is normal....now being an adult means enjoying and taking responsibility.
Another thing: Yesterday I had a lot of moments when it felt really good not to jerk off anymore....
So to conclude my thoughts from today: I always want to be conscious in the real world and face and enjoy the real world...
and one funny thing: when I wrote the word boobs and asses, for one second I noticed some kind of weird reaction in my brain. when I wrote this word, I could not focus for five seconds and my writing stopped. And this shows what badly porn has affected me.....porn has stopped my brain to think logically.....and this proves it that the scientists are all right - the part of that brain that deals with logic actually shrinks and the part that deals with fear and emotions becomes bigger.....that is what they called neuroplasticity: the brain can grow or shrink depending on usage....
So every time I fuss about tits, boobs, asses etc. my brain is shrinking and I am becoming more stupid.....yes I want to type that one more time because it is stupid: I become more stupid when I fuss and think about asses too much.....this is why I really want to leave this beast behind....I do not want to conquer this addiction, I want to just leave it behind me millions of kilometers...
actually I find this scary that my brain stops to think when I type these words. but of course after 5000 hours or more devoting to this shit, of course the brain reacts....but to take things positively, I take another 5000 hours and do 5000 hours of meditation, I will be mega relaxed....
Now I am still not healed. I know it. I am on a good track, but the goal in life is that my heart is not longing for dopamin shots anymore and that my brain is getting totally indifferent towards boobs and asses on the internet.
I want to be and act like a successful man that acts responsibly, asserts himself and stands up for him and get things done.
Day 27:
Woke up. Did meditation directly. Focuses and gives peace to the brain.
I one time had the thought that porn would be nice at that moment - but then directly I always think it would give up my entire effort for this month....I do two more month of counting and then I will not count anymore. My wish is to just to never do it again and remove it from life, thus gaining a lot of valuable life time. It is soon half time in life anyways.
Woke up. Did meditation directly. Focuses and gives peace to the brain.
I one time had the thought that porn would be nice at that moment - but then directly I always think it would give up my entire effort for this month....I do two more month of counting and then I will not count anymore. My wish is to just to never do it again and remove it from life, thus gaining a lot of valuable life time. It is soon half time in life anyways.
Day 28
Italianwanker made a true point in his journal - he talked about how he had thought of porn during his last beer. When drunk, I also always looked forward to artificial stimulation. Actual when drunk this was often my own thought. But this is sad. When drunk, I want to think about my dreams that I want to achieve. I want to dream of my future house, my future care, my vacations, etc. What I achieve or not starts with what I am dreaming about. So if I just dream about wanking, then I am just a professional wanker, whereas if I dream about my aspirations, I will somehow get closer to them.
Italianwanker made a true point in his journal - he talked about how he had thought of porn during his last beer. When drunk, I also always looked forward to artificial stimulation. Actual when drunk this was often my own thought. But this is sad. When drunk, I want to think about my dreams that I want to achieve. I want to dream of my future house, my future care, my vacations, etc. What I achieve or not starts with what I am dreaming about. So if I just dream about wanking, then I am just a professional wanker, whereas if I dream about my aspirations, I will somehow get closer to them.
Life is nicer without porn. That was my feeling today. more intense. more focused. more enjoying. but also time to be realistic. Need to face reality in full. not run away. not everything is nice, but that is part of life.
what i can only repeat is that never run away from conflicts. I used to do it. Now I am not doing it anymore. fighting is part of life. this is what turns us into men.
what i can only repeat is that never run away from conflicts. I used to do it. Now I am not doing it anymore. fighting is part of life. this is what turns us into men.
Day 29:
Another day without artificial stimulation. Overall mood is a lot better than last month.
Last month I thought: need counseling. I felt like a big time pussy.
This month I thought: fuck it. fuck this addiction big times.
I know almost one month is nothing, but it feels great and this forum and this entire writing thing is giving lots of stability.
There have been contradictory voices on this forum about the 90 days. I still think this number is nothing. Yes it means a lot but after 90 days one can come addicted again. Addiction will stay addiction. The only chance is to stay sober.
Another day without artificial stimulation. Overall mood is a lot better than last month.
Last month I thought: need counseling. I felt like a big time pussy.
This month I thought: fuck it. fuck this addiction big times.
I know almost one month is nothing, but it feels great and this forum and this entire writing thing is giving lots of stability.
There have been contradictory voices on this forum about the 90 days. I still think this number is nothing. Yes it means a lot but after 90 days one can come addicted again. Addiction will stay addiction. The only chance is to stay sober.
TiramiSu said:
I am 135 days of hardmode and I am pretty sure I am not there where I want to be yet. However, the first month was a huge accomplishment for me. Looking back, this was where I broke free from porn and was able to develop enough willpower to beat the urges in the days ahead. This didn't mean the withdrawl was over, but the idea to go back to porn when the symptoms occured was not as apealing anymore.
You accomplishment is a massive step forward mate. Congratulations! This will soon become much better
rebootrapp
Active Member
Good job man. Keep moving forward!
Hello Rebootrap and Davenl,
thanks for the nice words. I want to be realistic though: From the past I have often been overoptimistic. So now I am just saying I made 29 days. Not bad for a start but it means nothing for the long run. once I reach 365 days the change becomes serious.
thanks for the nice words. I want to be realistic though: From the past I have often been overoptimistic. So now I am just saying I made 29 days. Not bad for a start but it means nothing for the long run. once I reach 365 days the change becomes serious.
Day 30:
Yesterday too busy to think about stimulation. So having to done something that I like is important.
A lot of wanking was due to not using the brain a lot. Often it would just feel good. I never thought about neuroplasticity and brain damages....I could not sit still for 45 minutes. so sad.
Yesterday too busy to think about stimulation. So having to done something that I like is important.
A lot of wanking was due to not using the brain a lot. Often it would just feel good. I never thought about neuroplasticity and brain damages....I could not sit still for 45 minutes. so sad.
one time a person said to me: you always come up with excuses. I think this was due to porn. Stopping porn has made me realize that making excuses is weak. I have responsibility. I need to care for my happiness. Life is rough. Life is a bitch. But we need to face reality. By wanking, I used to escape reality. but I do not want to do this anymore.
If a friend had left me in the past or had done something bad, I was too scared to speak up for me. Now I speak up. of course, there is still 99% way long to go, but at least I am happy that I have made the realization that I cannot run away from conflicts. Running away from conflicts makes life only worse. So it is always better to have an ending with horror than horror without ending.
If a friend had left me in the past or had done something bad, I was too scared to speak up for me. Now I speak up. of course, there is still 99% way long to go, but at least I am happy that I have made the realization that I cannot run away from conflicts. Running away from conflicts makes life only worse. So it is always better to have an ending with horror than horror without ending.
Day 31
No thoughts about anything but that was also because I was too busy.
The only thing that I did think was that a relapse can happen sooner than I think. At least that was the case in the past.
For me, most important is to fill the void in a useful way. Because now I have more time available.
Yesterday in the subway I felt way more powerful making eye contacts ? I mean I have a partner and I will always want to be faithful to her because I truly love her ? but still making eye contacts is fun and giving women a smile makes them smile back a lot of times?.back in my self-centered egoistic addicted days this would have not been possible?
The more addicted I was the more I only thought about myself.
But life is about making other people happy.
It is about giving to other people. Once we start giving, we get stuff back in return- at least most of the time?..
No thoughts about anything but that was also because I was too busy.
The only thing that I did think was that a relapse can happen sooner than I think. At least that was the case in the past.
For me, most important is to fill the void in a useful way. Because now I have more time available.
Yesterday in the subway I felt way more powerful making eye contacts ? I mean I have a partner and I will always want to be faithful to her because I truly love her ? but still making eye contacts is fun and giving women a smile makes them smile back a lot of times?.back in my self-centered egoistic addicted days this would have not been possible?
The more addicted I was the more I only thought about myself.
But life is about making other people happy.
It is about giving to other people. Once we start giving, we get stuff back in return- at least most of the time?..
My brain used to be so sick that when I saw some hot women, I would think of stds?.In my heaviest times, I would think about stds every day?.so this shows my entire thinking wasn?t right. So fighting an addiction or sexual problems is one thing?.but more important is to find nice things in life that give me strength and happiness?meditation is the first thing?.also I wrote about this before, I often swallow food down because I am so impatient?.it is better to chew every single bit. To feel it. To enjoy it?in my heaviest addiction times, my only source of happiness was sex/-stimulation. At least for me the root of the problem was not facing my natural aggression. Now I just shout sometimes around. And you know what. Nothing happens. People actually listen more when you shout as opposed to having a soft voice?.my biggest weakness was really that I didn?t dare to shout and scream out when I felt like it. Furthermore I hated cleaning up. Now I still hate it?, but I still do it because cleaning up is part of life. Not everything is nice in life. But living a life without shame and guilt is a lot better. I feel fresher and more courageous.