NoFap Consciousness
- Thread starter Georgos
- Start date
I don't know whether to analyse what happened or just carry on as if nothing did. 107 days is up there in my top five best if not top three. The problem was the psychosis which started on day 90. I didn't really have any urges, I think I just did it to get out of my psychosis and back focused on something more concrete. Yesterday, the day I PMOd I went out and the difference in how girls treated me was striking. I'm sure this was largely due to my body language, shame and feelings of failure, even though I was trying my best to be indifferent. In the 107 days I was really making progress sexually, saying hello to girls on the street and getting nice responses etc. I was doing well with a girl I met on an online dating website as well, although I think I may have ruined it when I went psychotic, possibly not, she knew I had mental health problems, and all I did was leave a strange message, so maybe I'll message her in a week and see if she's still interested. Anyway, here we are starting again... Day 1.
Day 2. I am not despondent by the day being 2 and not 109. I do however need to set up a strategy for when I have psychotic symptoms. I don't tend to PMO when I am psychotic, but when I start to return to normality, there is danger. I know my situation is somewhat alien to most of you who have no experience of schizophrenia, but advice would be welcome. Thank you.
Day 3. I was hit by strong follow up urges yesterday which were hard to ignore. I had to remind myself how bad PMO makes me feel afterwards and how useless it makes me with women. I am coasting at the moment, or focusing on the wider world rather than my own development. Psychosis opens up a hidden reality of the world to me and I find it hard to ignore. I need to get back to bettering myself. Thank you.
Hello Georgos,
so we are in the same boat. After roughly 90 days. relapse....you said: "In the 107 days I was really making progress sexually". For me, I found I made a lot of progress lately regarding negotiating and in general feeling a lot better about myself....So just forget about your relapse and focus on day by day again to do another 90 days.....as you said we are in a war not in one single battle....so we take the good progress and move on.....It is just important that we do not do binge pmoing....and most important is that we develop a stronger consciousness for when we relapse...with me, there is a 100% relationship between anger towards women and pmoing....anyways keep up your good effort...
so we are in the same boat. After roughly 90 days. relapse....you said: "In the 107 days I was really making progress sexually". For me, I found I made a lot of progress lately regarding negotiating and in general feeling a lot better about myself....So just forget about your relapse and focus on day by day again to do another 90 days.....as you said we are in a war not in one single battle....so we take the good progress and move on.....It is just important that we do not do binge pmoing....and most important is that we develop a stronger consciousness for when we relapse...with me, there is a 100% relationship between anger towards women and pmoing....anyways keep up your good effort...
Hi Georgos,
Sorry you've had a hard time lately. It must be very tough when you add the ups and downs of schizophrenia on top of the P addiction. My grandmother was schizophrenic and I saw her have some very scary episodes. When I was about 10 years old she had an episode that really scared me and caused me to run away for a couple of days when my parents had left me with her for a couple of weeks. They never had never explained to me about my grandma's problem, so I couldn't understand why she had gone crazy at me. The worst thing was that they still didn't tell me for another 6 years and I got into so much trouble for running away. I thought it was all my fault that grandma went crazy at me. All they had to do was tell me the truth and I would have understood.
I think that still holds true. There's usually no reason to fear somebody who has a condition like schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. What matters is that the person doesn't hide it from people they get close to, and that they have good insight into their condition and that they manage it well and take their medication if that's what's needed. Are you totally on top of your treatment regime right now, Georgos? If you think you may not be, please look at this first. You've one really well with the reboot, I think you need to take care of your mental state first, and you hopefully will react less to the self-doubt about women that are plaguing you at the moment.
I'll keep an eye on your progress.
Best wishes from Malando
Sorry you've had a hard time lately. It must be very tough when you add the ups and downs of schizophrenia on top of the P addiction. My grandmother was schizophrenic and I saw her have some very scary episodes. When I was about 10 years old she had an episode that really scared me and caused me to run away for a couple of days when my parents had left me with her for a couple of weeks. They never had never explained to me about my grandma's problem, so I couldn't understand why she had gone crazy at me. The worst thing was that they still didn't tell me for another 6 years and I got into so much trouble for running away. I thought it was all my fault that grandma went crazy at me. All they had to do was tell me the truth and I would have understood.
I think that still holds true. There's usually no reason to fear somebody who has a condition like schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. What matters is that the person doesn't hide it from people they get close to, and that they have good insight into their condition and that they manage it well and take their medication if that's what's needed. Are you totally on top of your treatment regime right now, Georgos? If you think you may not be, please look at this first. You've one really well with the reboot, I think you need to take care of your mental state first, and you hopefully will react less to the self-doubt about women that are plaguing you at the moment.
I'll keep an eye on your progress.
Best wishes from Malando
Thank you Malando for your kind words and support. Unfortunately my treatment regime is not 100% effective, in that although it keeps me stable most of the time, I still have psychotic symptoms every few months. Nobody knows what to do about this, it is just something that I have to live with. I have returned to stability now, however I have also returned to P. Yesterday I looked at P but didn't M. I tried to think positively about this, since looking at P without M is in someway progress. However today I PMOd again. I simply haven't got the strength to start from day 1 again. I have been trying to quit PMO ever since I started some 25 or more years ago. It is true that 107 days is one of my best streaks ever, but the spell has been broken and now I'm back to square one. Psychologically this is very damaging. All I can say at the moment is that I did my best. The long period away from PMO means that at the moment I don't feel so bad doing it, however soon I will reach rock bottom again and then I will become even more neurotic. This is all self-pity that TiramiSu says is not helpful. Rationally I know what to do.
Thank you Malando, I really appreciate you looking in on me. Today is day 4 so one day to go. Looking at porn is a choice. The easy choice is to look. But the hardest part is not saying no, but rather not asking the question that leads to the choice in the first place. Thank you.
So I made it to day 5 
it is a small step in the right direction. Now I'm going to aim for seven days. It might seem an even smaller step, but seven days is a kind of milestone, being a week, and I really need to break it down into tiny steps at the moment. So Day 5, two days to go...
it is a small step in the right direction. Now I'm going to aim for seven days. It might seem an even smaller step, but seven days is a kind of milestone, being a week, and I really need to break it down into tiny steps at the moment. So Day 5, two days to go...