Pride and joy

[particularly_respecting]

Day 42 of not using porn

Thanks @Chuckles and @viking1234!
Yeah, Chuckles, ultimately I think recovery will always be a part of my life
But I want to get to the point where the defenses are almost automatic
It takes a lot of energy to be constantly thinking about what I'm clicking on, seeing, thinking etc.
I've been reading your journal though, and it sounds like you are making great progress

Good day for me today
Work started off slow so was working on some neglected side-projects
But a few things came in in the afternoon so the next few days are gonna be busy

Urges not so strong today
But tried to think more about recovery
Read more of Goggins book and listened to an anti-porn podcast

Thank you again to the community for posting about your struggles
Great help when I get urges during the day to read journals and feel solidarity

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 43 of not using porn

Okay day today
Low urges, not even any real urges to go on reddit/youtube lately
Don't think it's flatline - still get MW and have strong desire to have sex with wife
Hope it's my brain healing but not sure tbh - still too early to tell
Like I said in a recent post, I feel like I am in a "grinding" (attrition) phase

I want to start turning this reboot from a negative (don't look at porn) to a positive (do change my behavior)
Was originally thinking I would just focus on stopping porn for the first 90 days and focus on positive change later
But now I feel it would be good to bring the positive change aspect forward
Tomorrow I will set some goals for next week

Stay strong brothers - I like I am on a long road and the journey is tough
But I can see people ahead of me and people behind, and the feeling of being on the journey together is a great help

 

[Blondie]

Another day down, you're going great!

 

[Onmyway19]

I want to start turning this reboot from a negative (don't look at porn) to a positive (do change my behavior)

This is the way. You're doing awesome. Keep that shit up

 

[Phineas 808]

But now I feel it would be good to bring the positive change aspect forward
Tomorrow I will set some goals for next week

Sounds like an awesome plan, Respecting!

Building on a negative (must not do x) is not sustainable. We have to build on to the positive of who we are becoming, not on the ashes of who we no longer wish to be.

I'm reminded of this quote:

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.

- character "Socrates", from Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 44 of not using porn

Thank you @Blondie, @Onmyway19, and @Phineas 808!
Means a lot to get some support from you legends

Phineas 808 - thanks for the quote
Never heard of that book but looks interesting
Just finishing off Goggins book now so will read it afterward

Mostly good day today. Strong urges in the afternoon but didn't break

Targets for next week:
2 jogs
+
(finally) ordered a chinup bar so when it arrives I will do 5 chinups a day
+
15 mins reading per day not on the computer (kindle is okay)

These targets should be easy for me to hit
Probably some of you are thinking I should set more ambitious targets
But I prefer to set reasonable goals and build on them
Rather than go big for two weeks then trail off

Going on a hike tomorrow too so that will be good
Stay strong brothers - sending you all support for your own battles

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 45 of not using porn

Exactly halfway to 90 days
Feels like I've come a long way
But at the same time still got so far to go

Had to cancel the hike today because I had too much work on
That sucked - was a beautiful day and I was really looking forward to getting outside with my wife
Then I felt my resolve was weak - nothing happened but I felt a pull to some (non-sexual) images of attractive women
Got to maintain my focus. Maybe once work settles down it will be easier

Hit my reading target
Got 2 jogs to do this week
Plus 5 chinups when the bar arrives

Stay strong brothers - I'm rooting for you all

 

[Phineas 808]

These targets should be easy for me to hit
Probably some of you are thinking I should set more ambitious targets
But I prefer to set reasonable goals and build on them
Rather than go big for two weeks then trail off

This is actually the approach you want to have. Our former habits sapped will power and confidence from us, so starting off with smaller (attainable) goals is the way to go. These will build our confidence up, and will strengthen us to make the right decisions when it really counts.

Also, this will help you to build that 'new you', in the meanwhile.

 

[IMM]

I have. I was an active user of Reddit, Youtube, and whatever else was out there. I was looking for new things to watch or read several times a day. I wanted to escape because let's face it, even though there are very interesting things to be involved with on the internet, you get lost there and miss your real life. I wanted to spend my free time working out, consciously watching movies, reading books or playing games and not just waste it.
So I installed ColdTurkeyBlocker on my laptop and blocked websites I used only for entertainment, like Reddit, YouTube, certain gaming and soccer sites. On Fridays, I disable the block, and I'm allowed to access anything I've "missed" until Sunday (Even though I'd like to limit the days more).
I've also deleted all the time-wasting apps like Reddit and YouTube on my phone, and again blocked certain sites, so I don't use Safari as much anymore - it basically just serves as a communication and information tool, and I'll never change it back (my daily screen time is about 20 minutes).
I also disabled my smart TV's network - so if I want to watch Netflix, for example, I have to turn on my Playstation, so it's not as convenient to engage with this stuff anymore.
That's about it, I think. In the last 4 weeks, I've learned that I don't need to know everything right away. I actually always look forward to catching up on the weekends. And a big win in that regard is that I'm much more intentional about what I choose to engage with. For example, I had an app that sent me notifications about football-related things like interviews, headlines, and so on. That used to pull me away from what I was doing in real life. Nowadays on fridays I quickly read the headlines from the past week and decide what I really want to engage with.
It's like I've taken back control, whereas the Internet used to control me. Your attention is valuable and it's important to treat it as such. Things are going pretty well for me, and I hope I was able to help you a little.

P.S. Thanks for the tip on Dopamine Nation.

Non porn related internet binging is actually a real challenge....

 

[Chuckles]

Great job putting focus on your good habits and physical health!
I know it can be easy to put those things off, but here's my perspective...
I'm sure you've heard the analogy of fitting the rocks and sand in the jar...
There's an exercise where you're given a jar with a bunch of sand in it, and you're supposed to fit a bunch of rocks and pebbles in the jar with the sand, but there's no way to do it with the sand in there already. What you have to do is: pour out the sand, put the big rocks in, put the pebbles in, then put the sand back in. The analogy is that we fill our day with the little unimportant things, and don't have enough time for the big things. If you focus on knocking out the big stuff first, then the important but less time-consuming stuff, you'll still have enough left over for the "filler" stuff.
Your physical and mental health are your big rocks. You're replacing a bad habit with good habits, and baby steps is crucial to avoid burnout (which makes it really easy to go back to bad habits). But those baby steps need to be foundational to the new you. If you commit to 1 hike a week, that's house on fire level important. That's your future well being, pay yourself first, whatever analogy you want to use important. If you're a day late paying the credit card or put off sanding the gutters one more week, well... oh well.
And I know I'm just some stranger on the internet, and maybe this is all stuff you've already considered, so forgive me if I'm sounding condescending.

What I'm getting at here is: Good job on the commitment to bettering yourself! Please don't put yourself second to life's trifles.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 46 of not using porn

Thank you @Phineas 808, @IMM, and @Chuckles!

IMM, definitely it was a huge problem for me
Still not completely over it but have made good progress over the past month
Got ColdTurkeyBlocker as I was recommended to on this forum, and whenever I feel I am spending too much time on a website I just block it
Lately even just news sites etc.

And Chuckles thank you. Actually I did not know that metaphor
It's very interesting - I will think about it and how to apply it to my own life
It's difficult for me because work is so busy
But I agree I have to focus more on getting my "big rocks" in order first

Okay day today. Tired but okay focus at work
Hit my reading target. Still need to go jogging. Chinup bar hasn't arrived yet.

Stay strong brothers - I'm rooting for you all

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 47 of not using porn

Just two weeks till I hit my sub target of 60 days
Then it'll just be a month till 90 days
Over halfway there

Okay day
No strong urges
Good focus at work

Didn't have time to go jogging - hoping to tomorrow
Haven't done my reading but will do so after this
Chinup bar arrived. Haven't set it up yet though

Stay strong brothers. Sending support to anyone reading this for your own struggles

 

[logicprox]

Crushing it.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 48 of not using porn

Thanks @logicprox!
Every day is a struggle and it doesn't and feel like I'm crushing it
Not even two months out from porn and it feels like a lifetime ago
Struggling to imagine getting to a year or longer
But I appreciate the kind words
I've been following your journal too - great work cutting out social media!

Mostly good day today
Slept in which threw my morning off and didn't get as much work done as I hoped
Urges under control though
Not even any strong urge to procrastinate

Went for a jog (1 jog left this week)
Haven't set up the chinup bar yet
Will do my reading after this

Stay strong RN community. Sending you all support in your struggles

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 49 of not using porn

Slept in again
Not pleased with this constant sleeping in
Need to go to bed earlier but it's tough when I have so much work
An area I need to improve

Other than that, good day with good focus at work
Insane how much my focus has improved since quitting porn
Now I feel I am forcing myself, but I want this to become my default "natural" behavior

One jog left this week
Will do my reading after this
But didn't put up the chinup bar - that's two days in a row it's been sitting here
Feel I am failing at this, so hope to set it up tomorrow and get on the right track to meeting my goals
(to be fair, it is the standalone type you can use with a bench, so it does require some setup)

Stay strong brothers. It's always a big inspiration to read your journals, so please keep posting

 

[Blondie]

"Every day is a struggle and it doesn't and feel like I'm crushing it
Not even two months out from porn and it feels like a lifetime ago
Struggling to imagine getting to a year or longer"

You definitely are crushing it. You're close to 50 days porn free. That is a big deal and must be praised. This struggle is a day to day battle and you have 50 days of proof that you can do it.

One day at a time, and one battle at a time, is how you win the war.

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 50 of not using porn

Thanks @Blondie!
Really appreciate your kind words, especially the below
I will try to keep this thought in mind

This struggle is a day to day battle and you have 50 days of proof that you can do it

Good day today, kind of
Lots of stress at work but handling it okay, considering, and not procrastinating
Gonna be a tough weekend but will be better from Monday onward

Did my reading
Finally set up the chinup bar
Have done 4 chinups and will do one more before bed
But damn I have got weak since I let my training routine slip
These chinups have not been easy - have had to do one at a time

I hope that by writing this now, I will be able to look back in a few months when I start to get strong again
In the same way, I hope one day I will read my earlier journal entries and the struggle with porn seems distant
For now, I am still in the thick of it

Stay strong brothers - sending out support to the RN community

 

[particularly_respecting]

Day 0 of not using porn

I relapsed

The main trigger was stress from work
I wish I could say it came out of nowhere
But it didn't - the warning signs were there, I was just ignoring them

Very disappointed in myself

I will write about this and analyze what went wrong soon, probably on Monday
Not sure if I will post tomorrow (Sunday)

This is just a quick post to say I AM committed to this change and let the RN community know what happened

I tripped and fell - but I am getting back up to continue my journey
And I am sending support to all of you too, however far along you are on your own journey
Stay strong brothers

 

[Chuckles]

Damn dude sorry to hear it. I hope this next trip is better.
Silver lining: I have a strong urge to PMO right now, and logged on here to vent about it. It pains me to see someone else relapse, and I don't want to do that.

 

[Blondie]

Sorry to hear about your relapse Particularly_respecting. I appreciate your honesty in telling us immediately, that is noteworthy. The amount of times I've relapsed over the years is something I would never want to admit to myself, much less to anyone here. It is what it is, and tomorrow is a new day. Take what you've learned from this and get back up and moving. You had 50 days of glory and one fuck up. Those 50 days are the new you, and that is what you must focus on.

You have a great presence here my friend, don't let this one moment get you down. Thanks for all the encouragement you've given me over the last while. It really means a lot.

Best wishes,

Blondie