Some quick words learned this week - MANOPAUSE. Also I got the ice-bucket challenge regarding his feelings for me and our pending divorce.
I am an unpredictable soul-devouring ogre that gnaws on the marrow of HIS happiness. Also I can't get along with people, even though I've brought business into the office and he admits that I have done an "adequate job" running his office.
He has communicated to me that he really, definitely, absolutely and in a totes honest way wants a d-i-v-o-r-c-e. Only he doesn't want to file, move out or change anything about HIS daily pattern, lifestyle or income. He envisions a divorce where I get a super, high-paying job in our county of less than 20K people (so he doesn't pay support) , can be amicable to his many lady-friends (for the sake of the kids) AND not "be an embarrassment" by living in a nice home (with the kids because he feels his influence with them is best scheduled) and not becoming a bar-fly or town harlot.
(Note again - divorce means many changes for me and the kids. Huband's life changes = zero, except for lack of guilt or consequence for chasing skirts or PMO. ALSO HE'S MAKING THE DIVORCE MY IDEA NOW.)
Hey, What a great plan! I hadn't planned on life as a bar-fly or town harlot (mostly because I am a weak drunk and particular about partners), so this plan seems pretty reasonable. LOL
So here's my thinking - THIS ALL ISN'T JUST PMO addiction for the 40+ Set.
Midlife crisis, Manopause, the Man-change, heck pick a name for getting old it is just a fact. A child born in 1900 had an average lifespan was around 47 years old1. Nobody had time for "retirement", or second trophy wives because they were dead by the time all that became an issue.
Men really don't handle change to their bodies as well as women. Our bodies endure some pretty dramatic changes when we reach puberty, have babies, breast feed those babies and get older, losing estrogen and stop ovulating. It is probably this understanding of aging that makes ladies overlook the funky ear hair and eyebrow s-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n on old guys. Dudes lose testosterone as they get older and start blaming that old hag next to them in the bed because she's making him FEEL OLD AND LESS OF A MAN! HE'S JUST NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!
It is this mid-life, sorta-physical, somewhat hormonal, medically foggy, aging transition where many marriages get tested. Some survive and some don't.
I think the porn played a part in this, also his childhood and the resulting narcissism in that it allowed Mr. SORP to loose hissef (Sp and I'm leaving it) in the fantasy of conquering hero, Manly Man of Men, the GUY-WITH-THE-HAREM-OF-YOUNG-WOMINS. Meanie Ogre that I am, dumped a load on that bit of fun.
The thing is not all men have problems with this transition, but some do. I happen to be married to one that does - due to physical and environmental and psychological reasons he's having a rough go of it.
I suspect more than one or two of those in the 40+ group are having the same issues. The fatigue, the reduced or non-existing libido and anxiety over what the little guy will do when you get with a lady. It is pretty scary, but is it all pa-related?
Male MidLife Transistion, Androphase or whatever has a list of symptoms that can be caused by many things. There is too much ambiguity in the spectrum of symptoms to validate the condition. (it is somewhat the same with p-addiction for this group because at 40+ the testosterone levels are diminished.
I may just have the perfect storm brewing here and might have to just get in the root cellar.
1 http://www.elderweb.com/book/appendix/1900-2000-changes-life-expectancy-united-states