Five year no PMO journey

[tiredofthe struggle]

Hi JJacks

Have to say your situation similar to mine as often working alone at home which is a real serious strain on will power, and cannot tell my wife as divorce is the very likely outcome and i cannot lose my family.

I find myself now going out and doing other activities rather than being at the computer, but then feel pressure as im not getting my work done. The reality however i find is that if i start on porn, i stay on porn and get no work done anyway.

My answer is as you said work alongside my wife, and if that isnt possible take my laptop to a coffee shop so that i cannot view porn, ifi need to fi thats not possible we are back to will power alone which usually eventually fails me so its that area i need a solution for.

Have you tried recovery nation website, some useful exercises on that.

Best of luck

 

[jjacks]

Hey, Phase, thanks for chiming in. I was getting up on Monday and, well, I sleep naked and I had a bit of a wood and ... I was happy to see my state of arousal and, being alone, I decided to try to focus just on my manhood, on the feelings within it, my sacral chakra, something I have long ignored. The release was beautiful and I do not regret it. This is the man that I once was.

The fact is that my only desire is to make beautiful love with my wife. Back before I started down the slippery slope of porn, my refractory period was about 48 hours. Two months ago, I was hardly able to get and sustain an erection with her. That is the result of 12 years of constant porn consumption and 7 years of webcamming with strangers on a daily basis.

I have gone cold turkey on the external stimuli, 44 days now. I feel in my heart and in my core that I am healing, even if only at the start of this journey. I am confident I will do better with her.

@inpursuitofhappiness: welcome to the conversation - I will check out that resource

 

[jjacks]

Day 3 no MO day 45 no PMO.

She's coming home today. No more travelling until the spring. I hate being alone in this big old house.

 

[jjacks]

Day 4 no MO day 46 no PMO. 

Just thinking, all this started about the same time we moved from the city to the country and I started working from home. I was thrilled to be able to benefit from high-speed internet and VOIP conferencing, and avoiding the commute time. At some point, I realized how lonely it gets away from the office and my co-workers, isolated in my home office. I had no idea of the side-effects. I didn't see it coming, my perfect storm.

Gearing up for a cold, snowy weekend and warm times with my wife indoors. Kids coming to visit.  All good.

 

[Firstbigstep]

Well done JJacks,

Loads of what you say rings true for me. I'm self employed myself, and have found myself falling into the temptations of the internet and the unlimited porn available there. I've put porn blockers on the office computers, but as I am the only person who's working there, I know how to disable them.

I knew that all my porn consumption wasn't helping me move forward in life but I couldn't identify it as being the underpinning problem - I knew stuff was wrong, it made me feel dirty, weak, inadequate and lonely.

I needed the support of others to get through this - I'm glad I've found this forum where I find the support and understanding I need to deal with this.

23 days in....

 

[jjacks]

I couldn't identify it as being the underpinning problem

Surprise, surprise, our brains have been rewired, and we didn't see it happen. But we managed to do it all on our own and it made us do stupid things.

We need to be vigilant about how easily our brains can be reprogrammed by such basic stimuli. And in dangerous ways, too. The mobile phone is a frightening device when left turned on in a car, making so many among us believe that a message alert is more urgent than watching the road. But, of course, we, as survivors of PIED, understand danger better.

Day 5 no MO day 47 no PMO. 

 

[jjacks]

Day 6 no MO day 48 no PMO.

Morning wood two days in a row. Feeling like a man again. But there is still a lot of road to cover.

 

[jjacks]

Day 8 no MO day 50 no PMO.

I don't really miss the P but I am keeping busy, lots to do before the holidays.

 

[Firstbigstep]

Keep at it. I'm at day 27... I miss the M, but not the P so much, though I find myself starting on the first mental steps towards porn and have to reign myself in.

So far, success.

 

[jjacks]

Day 9 no MO day 51 no PMO.

Approaching two months into this program and I have been starting to see morning wood more regularly in the last couple of weeks.

The missus and I did it last night, it was the second time since I started no PMO. I was happy to see things working better than they had been, lasting long enough for an extended foreplay and firm entry, right through to orgasm. That last part did not take a long time but enjoyable for both of us. That is the point of the exercise. I had some performance anxiety beforehand but now I think that that's a load of crap. I just focused on the feeling, focused on the moment and the performance followed.

Gotta start working on that staying power. Maybe kegel exercises. On the path.

 

[jjacks]

Day 11 no MO day 53 no PMO.

Funny thing, I notice that Mr Happy is pretty limp and insignificant most of the time now. Yet the other night, with my wife, it rose to the occasion without delay. I could not ask for anything else.

Frequent masturbating and edging for all these years created a ?new normal? for me (to use an overworked buzzword). By removing the stimuli which led me to that new normal and focusing on a PMO-free life, I am discovering a ?renewed normal?. I guess this is a perfectly normal state of affairs -- it has been so long, I forgot. Gotta get my mind off my dick. One step at a time.

 

[laalee]

Well done it is great you have a partner to help through this pmo.

 

[jjacks]

Thanks laalee,  nice to hear from you again.

True, I have a partner, but she does not know anything about this. I am on this trip alone. If anything, I have the guys here to thank for helping.

Day 13 no MO, day 55 no PMO

 

[DavidRI]

Reading this thread was very helpful.  I am in my late 40's and have been cybersexing, text sexing, phone sexing and viewing some porn for over a decade.  It recently caused me to be unfaithful to my girlfriend.  That's my short story.

Like the others that have posted here, I work from home.  I am on day four (4) without PMO'ing.  So far, so good.  Each day that passes, I feel as if I am accomplishing something healthy.  Today I had the urge to masturbate, but have been able to brush it off.  There is one physical change that I am noticing.  There has not been a day in the last 15 years that I have not woke up with a raging erection that preceded masturbation.  Since I stopped PMO'ing, I've not woken up in such an aroused state and, as such, have not masturbated. 

I'm not concerned about it.  I am just noting it as something that has changed since I stopped PMO'ing.

The main "in the moment" motivator I have is knowing the neuro-chemical path in will continue to be damaged if I PMO.  I want this "pleasure path" that depended on cybersex, phone sex, text sex and porn to close.

I am glad all of you gentleman are sharing your stories.  They are helping me.   

 

[jjacks]

Day 15 no MO, day 57 no PMO

DavidRI, we will celebrate every little victory and conquer this together.

 

[DavidRI]

This is day seven (7) for me, and things are going well.  No side effects.  No very strong urges to masturbate.  No anxiety.  In fact, I am very pleased and excited about it.  Ten weeks ago I could not have imagined that I could stop masturbating, or being stimulated by phone sex, sexting or cybersex.  Ten weeks ago I realized my problem and started my research, which led me to Reboot Nation. 

After taking a few hours over several days, it was clear to me that there were others out there with  my problem and, most importantly, they were able to stop it!  I cobbled together some of the techniques and suggestions offered up by those who post here and, wah lah!, I crafted my own strategy to stop PMO'ing.  And here I am at day seven (7)!  Very encouraging. 

In the event that my story helps others, here are the factors that help me.

(1)  Imagine how PMO'ing harms your neuro-pathways that govern pleasure.  Literally picture the physiology.

(2) Take your faith serious.  I am Catholic and its teaching has strict rules and traditions on sexuality.  Study those rules.  I found that they have a healthy logic. 

(3)  Exercise, exercise, exercise.

(4)  Eat healthy. 

 

[jjacks]

Day 17 no MO, day 59 no PMO. Just about two months now -- what an incredible ride! I know the healing has begun. And I have met a great bunch of guys on this forum.

I will be checking out for a week or so. My wife and I will be spending a few days with the kids and grand-kids and then relocating to our winter home in the south. Praying for nice driving weather in the mountains of PA on Monday.

To everyone who reads this, a big hug to all of you. Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, a great holiday, and safe and happy New Year.

 

[DavidRI]

I am somewhat disappointed to report that I had a slight setback.  It kind of aggravates me; though I have not lost my motivation.  Yesterday was my 12th day of no PMO or any kind of electronic sexual stimulation (i.e. cybersex, text sex, phone sex, porn, et cetera).  A big mile marker for me!

Yesterday I did give in to temptation and texted a former lover of mine.  I KNEW the texts would get racy when she responded.  She, of course, responded and we exchanged a few dirty texts and nudes.  During the time we were exchanging, I was going through a "do it / don't do it" internal debate.  I didn't masturbate.  By any objective measurement, this was a set back.

To summarize: Up until day 12 I was did fine; some urges, but nothing I couldn't take a deep breath and let pass.  I guess the upside is that (1) I made it 12 days; (2) As I was falling short of my goal and I was exchanging sexy texts, I was having a "do it / don't do it" debate -- something that I would have never done prior to me being introduced to Reboot Nation; (3) I did not take the artificial stimulation (sexting) all the way to masturbation -- something that would have caused a full blown dopamine rush, thereby reinforcing the harmful neuro-pathway that I am trying to "cure" or re-learn. 

The bad news, of course, is that I relapsed a bit.  It kind of ticks me off, but I prayed this morning that He give me the will power to not give in to the temptation next time it presents itself. 

In any event, thank you to all who post on Reboot Nation.  Merry Christmas!

 

[DavidRI]

Since my little setback on Christmas Day, I've been aroused more than usual, and I am afraid it is going to cause me to get together with a former lover for a "hook up".  That will be a true let down for me as it is my goal to maintain sexual sobriety as defined by SA (Sexaholics Annomous). 

Other than that temptation which I know I will have to confront in the days and weeks ahead, I have not masturbated for thirteen (13) days.  That is a big deal for me.  Chronic masturbation was a problem for me. 

In any event, if I am able to resist or not act on the temptation to meet my former lover, that will be a huge victory.  Wish me luck. 

As always, than you to all who post here on Reboot Nation.  It is a big help to me.

 

[DavidRI]

I woke up this morning and, instead of laying awake in bed and getting aroused, I decided to read from SA's (Sexaholics Anonymous) "White Book".  Since I am in the beginning stages of my reboot, I read SA's Step One (p. 83) and its definition of sexual sobriety (p. 191).  Briefly, here is my insight. 

Each time I read SA's Step One, I get more insight, and it makes more sense.  I struggled a little bit with the term "powerless" in the context that "I am powerless over lust".  Well, my thinking went, if I am powerless (that is, having no power), how can I ever overcome lusting or PMO?  Well, what I think SA is getting at, and the correct way to read it is that one is powerless by THEMSELVES; that is, without the SA fellowship, without God and, I would add, without Reboot Nation and other resources, one is powerless. 

SA's definition of sexual sobriety is almost without exception.  And although it's tough, it is, in my view, the best approach.  Sexual sobriety is NO form of sex outside of marriage.  Period.  As I read it, the definition extends to "looking and thinking".  In other words, if you find yourself fantasizing, you are not sexually sober.  It is a high bar (!), and it does not lend itself to adding days to a PMO counter.  There is no room for relativity.  There is no room for exceptions. 

In any event, this is my fourteenth (14th) day of living virtually PMO free and the closest I've been to sexual sobriety in twenty (20) years.  Each day I feel better.  Each day I feel mentally sharper.  It is just getting better. 

Thank you for all who post on Reboot Nation.