38 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!

[DepressedAndOut]

I'm 35 today - needless to say I've been utterly miserable all day. Needless to say why.

Actually, the last few weeks have been the worst of my life.... so, so hopeless and suicidal due to an MO relapse that caused even weaker erection - 13 months of no PMO wiped out!!! So, so, demoralizing. Sometimes I get no erection whatsoever when I fantasise. Before that MO relapse I was at least experiencing an erection strength of 3 and frequent morning wood with more or less the same strength of erection.


But now... this is officially a FULL erectile dysfunction.

I just don't know where to turn to, I'm convinced any girl who will get to know me will eventually walk out and effectively ending my chances of recovery. (as really, to recover, one needs intense and frequent rebooting - not just rebooting here and there)

When I think what's ahead of me in the future, I keep thinking it's going to be a life of sleaze: no GF, simply going to prostitutes and strip clubs. So, so sickening and horrible that destiny is looking like. I come from a respected middle class family consisting of doctors, lawyers, engineers,etc. This life that's potentially in front of me would bring nothing but shame on my conscious and on them if they were to find out what my future self would like like.

It's fair to say that building a 'living the dream' life is well and truely fucked for me.

 

[solidsnake]

Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and pickup the book "Feeling Good' by David D Bruns. Its great for this. Also make sure you tough it out and escape the pleasure trap. Your going to feel like crap at times, learn to deal with it.

 

[MinneapolisGuy]

Can't remember if you mentioned this already or not but, have you ever tried Viagra or Cialis? Also have you ever talked to a urologist about PIED? Just curious.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

No. I don't want to try pills just yet, I want to rid of PIED naturally.

I dont need to see a urologist as I know it's PIED.


I'm just trying to cognitively forget about the whole thing as my primitive brain no longer cares about women, sex, etc. That's how desensitized it has become. 

Sometimes I accept my fate and sometimes I hit my self hard about it. Just so sickening to be me.

 

[MinneapolisGuy]

I know the feeling man. It's all up to you but I wouldn't completely rule a doctor's visit out if I were you. Yes, you most likely have PIED, but a trip to the doctor's office could do you some good.

If you're lucky to find one that's familiar with this issue, it could really help you with staying on track since someone eles would be monitoring how things are going. Not only that but also being checked for any other possible contributing issues is never a bad thing, imo.

 

[BootLoader]

Sorry for my English, this is the main reason I'm not posting frequently in this forum.
I have said that many times before, stop MO. Think about that, MO is the half act of PMO, meaning that it activates the same wrong brain pathways that they leaded us to PIED.
My story is similar to many others, I realized the PMO was my no1 life problem when I found people with same indications like mine in Reboot Nation, Your Brain Rebalanced and of course in YBOP sites.

As I expected I am a long flatline guy because I'm 36 and technically a virgin. ?y first reboot was started at spring 2016 after heavy depression and suicide thoughts. I was also unemployed for long time and that summer I found a job that included sales, I never had any relations with sales, sales gave me some of my confidence back. Long story sort I felt probably for the first time in my life a very strong attraction for real life girls after 10 months of rebooting. This was probably my libido and not PMO urges (I had plenty of them in the flatline's dark days). The accelerated healing key was a mix of all these, reboot, job that drove me out of my comfort zone and meeting new people and the most important I restricted myself the time I spend in front of a screen.

I f.cked up everything 1-2months later because I lost my job (not my fault) I relapsed 1 or 2 times to PMO( basically I didn't felt anything attractive at all) and I have plenty MO sessions (chaser effect) that they lead me to a crash and in a freaking deep flatline that summer 2017. Zero libido and very strong suicide thoughts for about 2 months, I felt really desperate. I started my second reboot at April 20th 2017, my last MO was 20 April of 2017 and my darkest period was August and September 2017 I don't know why, this "delayed depression" was happened to me also in my first reboot. I'm 100% clean until today and I hope I will. I had 2-3 wet dreams in these 19 months and I can say I'm far away from suicide and depression and I have plenty of other problems and difficulties in my life right now. Semen leakage is gone and I have spontaneous erections and some days 90% morning wood as well, also some days I have a very strong feeling when I'm looking real life girls.
I just promised to my self that the next O (I don't count wet dreams) will be with a partner or it's better to stay monk for my entire life.
Keep in mind Gabe took him one year and a half to start seeing big improvements and he rebooted with a partner without MO, also he was 10+ years younger than us.

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/37cprv/heres_a_list_of_long_flatlines_to_give_you_hope/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-23-10-years-of-damage-300-days-of-flatline-but-im-happy/

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-1/age-27-severe-ed-cured-after-a-2-year-flatline-never-give-up/

Edit, I forgot this
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=10800.0

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Thanks for those links - it did help but it always leaves a lingering doubt in your mind of whether I can truly heal.

I'm at the moment preparing for my speedating event tonight. If I'm truly being honest, I'm not even that motivated about it! It's either a case of a side effect of PIED or simply because I know that I wouldn't have a lot to talk about myself. That and also the fact that I'm not sure of any potential long-termness of any relationship stemming out of it due to my insecurity of still living at my parent's house.

But I'm just gonna go there and chat to women and, if needed, I will apply a homouros outlook on all of my issues that I have (I won't tell them about PIED of course, but its inevitably that other awkward issues would need touching upon) . It might relax me and might produce the funny side of me. (yes, that does exist... buried somewhere underneath all of my troubles!)

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Well, I'm back from the speeddating event!

It went quite well, I was nervous all the way throughout but I was still able to be myself for most of the time.

Out of the 15 ladies that I spent 4 minutes with, only 2 of them I've liked and get on with.

Unfortunately, after the event and during the social phase, neither of them them showed much interest in me. One of them, as she was leaving and walking past me, simply said 'bye' to me and walked off immediately -  she had no interest whatsoever in talking to me afterwards even though we get on well during the date and found something in common.

The second, I also really liked and get on well with with things in common, but during the social phase, there were 3-4 other  guys with her chatting her up, I wanted my chance to get to speak to her, but her attention was mostly on one or two of those guys. It was so frustrating.  As she showed little interest to me after the date, I decided to leave hoping for the best. (What happens now is each of us will go on line and mark down which person he/she likes or whether to mark down for friendship - so I'm not totally out of it, but I feel I don't think I will be getting any matches from those two lovely girls.)

Also, I got no erection whatsoever - is this normal for a healthy person too??? (I doubt it!)

Overall, I'm glad I went to it, definitely.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Yes, one of the girls is a match!

I'm going to be devastated if my dick doesn't work (which is likely to be ) as I really felt connection to her and judging what I know about her, she seems into stuff that I'm into!

Anyway, I'll be contacting her now and arranging a  date! 

 

[DepressedAndOut]

We've agreed  a date for Friday night!  Still apprehensive about you know what as there is no sign of an erection whatsoever. But she definitely seems like a friendly person and so the worse case scenario is that she wouldn't get angry at my failure to get it up and nor does she seem the type to 'kiss and tell', you know!

 

[ruuddejong]

Good luck! It will work!

 

[malando]

Don't overthink it. There's every chance she has no intention of getting physical so soon. You are more at risk of classic anxiety-driven ED than PIED now. The only way to combat that is to make sure you feel very comfortable with her before you try anything. In getting comfortable you'll probably progress through the usual stages of intimacy and you'll most likely start to see that you are responding to her. Go with it, one stage at a time - don't try to predict the progress of anything. Go with what feels comfortable - that part holds for anyone, experienced or not.

 

[PE30]

Yep, agree with Malando. It's a date: enjoy your time with her and get to know her and stop thinking of your penis! Even *if* you hit it off so well that she wanted sex on the first night, you don't have to oblige, or perform. Most likely is that you'll spend some time together and hopefully hit it off.

But well done for giving the speed dating a go, and good job on getting a date.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Well, I?m back from the date, unfortunately I?ve been friend-zoned again! So frustrating? I didn?t even see it coming. It?s the way her, and one of my previous date with a girl back in June, so quickly turned to the friendzone, and it?s the way the women go about it. They simply send you the signal that you have been ?friendzoned? all 'naturally embedded' in the whole interaction. Neither of those two girls that I went out with made (I?m pretty sure) an attempt or hints to escalate things to a romantic level. (I know this is my responsibility, but I would have thought the women would have at least given hints or shown interest in my romantic self in order to see if I would react to it and take things from there)

It started so well, we found quite a lot in common and we laughed a bit. Then later, things slowed down a bit and we had one or two awkward silences (I was thinking what subjects to bring up) ? and then slowly it progressed to the firendzone feeling. A feeling that just happens! I don?t know how to judge when this feeling is approaching! I also don?t have the confidence to take this to the intimate/romantic/sexulised level, obviously due to my problem with PIED!

It?s really disappointed that she finished the night early (about 1 and half hour), but she did have to get up to work tomorrow morning, so I?m not sure if she simply got fed up or not.

As I walked with her to her bus stop, feeling distraught at another opportunity that I gave away, I decided to try and escape the friend zone by kissing her. But unfortunately, she didn?t give me a chance to do that as she, upon arriving to the bus stop, quickly pecked me on the cheeks and said: ?I had a nice time. Text me?.

I mean, as long-term GF material, we?re probably not a match, but short term seems more appropriate and so I really wanted to get intimate with her and possibly share a fling if she was up for it. Unfortunately, I took too much time to get there ? simply because I was enjoying to get to know her and laughing with each other quite a bit.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Good luck! It will work!

Don't overthink it. There's every chance she has no intention of getting physical so soon. You are more at risk of classic anxiety-driven ED than PIED now. The only way to combat that is to make sure you feel very comfortable with her before you try anything. In getting comfortable you'll probably progress through the usual stages of intimacy and you'll most likely start to see that you are responding to her. Go with it, one stage at a time - don't try to predict the progress of anything. Go with what feels comfortable - that part holds for anyone, experienced or not.

Yep, agree with Malando. It's a date: enjoy your time with her and get to know her and stop thinking of your penis! Even *if* you hit it off so well that she wanted sex on the first night, you don't have to oblige, or perform. Most likely is that you'll spend some time together and hopefully hit it off.

But well done for giving the speed dating a go, and good job on getting a date.

Thanks you. Taken on board.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Also, no arousal whatsoever, unfortunately . I sat really close to her and our face were really closes to each other and I touched her on the shoulder a couple of times - unfortunately I din't feel any good feel hormones ( I am attracted to her) and no sign of an erection. 

I was more relaxed than in the speedating event, but still no change of feelings.

 

[PE30]

Two things:

Firstly you went through with it! Well done.

Secondly, she gave you a peck on the cheek, said "I had a nice time" and then asked you to text her. That's no bad thing!

Maybe you should text her later this afternoon just see if things develop. If not, then she might well be a decent person to know!

Not everything romantic develops immediately. My wife and I were friends for ages before dating.

 

[malando]

Two things:

Firstly you went through with it! Well done.

Secondly, she gave you a peck on the cheek, said "I had a nice time" and then asked you to text her. That's no bad thing!

Maybe you should text her later this afternoon just see if things develop. If not, then she might well be a decent person to know!

Not everything romantic develops immediately. My wife and I were friends for ages before dating.

Agree with this.

D&O, Too many people just cut their losses when they don't get immediate and unambiguous approval from a date. It's a terrible way to handle it because, for starters, you can't read people's minds. You don't know that she has friend zoned you. In fact, making that assumption will quickly get you into the friend zone because you start acting defeatist and disengaged - which doesn't excite a woman. It's best to consider all options to be on the table unless she informs you otherwise. If she says "text me", then text her! See what happens.

And she might be a good person to know, like PE30 said. You make a nice female friend and even if you don't get there with her, she knows lots of other females who you might suddenly have access to. Believe it or not, speed dating isn't the best way to find a partner. Most partnerships form by meeting somebody who is a friend of a friend. So don't cut her loose just because you think she's not going to be the one. Just try being friends with a female - you might get some great feedback from her about landing yourself a girlfriend!

Well done on taking the chance to go on a date! That's real progress. Remember, it's normal to go on a lot of dates before you find a proper girlfriend. Each one you go on might be the one. Keep it up - it gets easier the more you do it.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Hi guys,

thanks for your advice again.

She actually texted me this morning confirming that she thinks we're not a good match. It's a little bit disappointing to hear... even though I agree with her that, in the longterm at least, we're not a match. It still makes me feel uneasy as this is probably indicative of what I'm going to encounter in my dating life.

I mean if I didn't have this PIED issue on my mind, I'm sure I would have made things more 'hot' between us, I don't have a problem complementing a woman on her body and looks and flirting with her, but really.... when it comes to the bedroom and I fail to get it up, I will look extremely daft!

I mean, if you have ED, you generally shouldn't be flirting and seducing women.... that's how it feels! I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's how it feels and that's what's preventing me from expressing that side of me.  I feel emasculated because of PIED/ED.

I just don't' know what to do. I'm thinking I will muster the energy to turn my next date to a more 'romantic/sexualized' date and if I fail in the bedroom...... then so be it, I i will simply lie that I'm nervous or something (which is likely to be true!).

Thanks for your advice.

 

[Edit_undo]

Hey,
Well done for attempting speed dating. That?s intimidating on its own. And you had a follow up- great! Don?t be discouraged after just one date. I agree with the other advice you?ve got here, nothing wrong with starting a friendship. I know that?s not what you were looking for but enjoy it and keep meeting people. Keep plugging away on the recovery. It?s a process for sure.

All the best,