Sorry Humblerich but I don't really feel comfortable answering such personal questions on an open forum. Suffice to say: I love my wife so much, and the reason for fighting this addiction is because of love for her, love for my family and love for God. Additionally, I am secure in my salvation - I have fallen far short, but grace gives me both the security that I am God's child and the strength to keep fighting my old self. It's difficult to discern tone on here, so I am assuming that you are intending to be encouraging and not judgemental.
Back on the wagon
- Thread starter PE30
- Start date
aquarius25
Respected Member
I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family and the family of your friend. A loss is so hard, you never fully recover but you do slowly move forward carrying your memories with you. Sending lots of love, peace, and grace your way!
Thank you both. It's just really weird / horrible. He was a lovely guy, got on really well with my daughters, it's just such a shame.
In terms of my reboot - things are much the same. Chat rooms and porn remain far from my mind - I do have the occasional thought when I see someone good looking on the train or out and about - but I'm trying a "don't look twice" approach (i.e. if I see someone attractive, acknowledge to myself that they're attractive and then concentrate on something else).
It's tricky but it feels right to do this.
In terms of my reboot - things are much the same. Chat rooms and porn remain far from my mind - I do have the occasional thought when I see someone good looking on the train or out and about - but I'm trying a "don't look twice" approach (i.e. if I see someone attractive, acknowledge to myself that they're attractive and then concentrate on something else).
It's tricky but it feels right to do this.
Day 36. Five weeks today since I got the kick up the backside I deserved and needed.
The guilt and shame is still there but it's less prominent. The temptation is still there but it's not as fierce. My fake-name Gmail, KiK and Snapchat accounts are long dead.
I met up with some friends of mine last night. We chatted, shared memories of our friend, prayed together and wept a bit. Life is so precious and fleeting. Do everything you can to make the most of it.
The guilt and shame is still there but it's less prominent. The temptation is still there but it's not as fierce. My fake-name Gmail, KiK and Snapchat accounts are long dead.
I met up with some friends of mine last night. We chatted, shared memories of our friend, prayed together and wept a bit. Life is so precious and fleeting. Do everything you can to make the most of it.
Day 37
I've been having some back pain at night, which has meant that I've woken up at 5 the past few mornings. That, plus the stuff with my friend means that I've struggled to get back to sleep. So today I got up early and got to work.
As an aside - I wonder if others of you struggled to readjust your sleeping patterns during a reboot? I used to use chat rooms at various different times of day but I would regularly stay up late on my phone talking to people, getting to sleep at 1/2am and then getting up at 6.30 for work. I was like a zombie sometimes.
Anyway it's 7.10am and I'm alone in the office. And the amazing thing is that I don't feel tempted to go on chat rooms! (I mean, I tell a lie: there is a level of temptation there but I feel strong enough to resist it)
So, thank you for your ongoing support. I'm going to try to stay strong. I'm hoping to go into days 47-54 (when my family are away) with enough prayer / momentum etc that I'll get through them. If I'm painfully honest, I've never actually successfully made it through a week alone without some form of MO/PMO/chat room. I'm determined not to fall this time.
I've been having some back pain at night, which has meant that I've woken up at 5 the past few mornings. That, plus the stuff with my friend means that I've struggled to get back to sleep. So today I got up early and got to work.
As an aside - I wonder if others of you struggled to readjust your sleeping patterns during a reboot? I used to use chat rooms at various different times of day but I would regularly stay up late on my phone talking to people, getting to sleep at 1/2am and then getting up at 6.30 for work. I was like a zombie sometimes.
Anyway it's 7.10am and I'm alone in the office. And the amazing thing is that I don't feel tempted to go on chat rooms! (I mean, I tell a lie: there is a level of temptation there but I feel strong enough to resist it)
So, thank you for your ongoing support. I'm going to try to stay strong. I'm hoping to go into days 47-54 (when my family are away) with enough prayer / momentum etc that I'll get through them. If I'm painfully honest, I've never actually successfully made it through a week alone without some form of MO/PMO/chat room. I'm determined not to fall this time.
aquarius25
Respected Member
If your habit is to stay up late using chat rooms then I would strongly urge you to get up early 5 am or maybe even a bit earlier. Do a workout first thing and get into the office when other people are there. If you stay busy and around people. Go to a park and read, things that are in public, then you will be less likely to PMO. At least I would assume that public places would be a deterrent, lol. Then by the time you hit that pillow at night you should be so exhausted that you will just want to crash. Maybe even get a workout in the evening too just to be sure you are nice and tired. Do projects on the house and call a friend to help. Anything that keeps you busy, and not alone. I have noticed from reading the various journals on here that the mind like to justify excuses when you are bored and alone. It is easier to rationalise things when nobody is around to talk you out of it. Keep constant reminders of why you are doing this and focus on that. Fill your schedule to the brim and set yourself up for success. You can do it.
PE30 said:
Hi, Good to hear that you are doing fine despite of all the staff thats going on in your life.
Concerning sleeping I do have now problems to fall asleep for example, and to have longer sleep. I don t really have to readjust sleeping patterns, since in this term my life with or without P has not much changed. But I can t sleep good and I have read many during the reboot experience the same problem...
Have a good day and enjoy the weekend!!!
Aquarius25- thanks for the advice. I have a pretty full schedule and am not likely to be home early at any time. So hopefully this will help. I think I'm just thinking out loud really! Or steeling myself in anticipation for what might be a tricky few days. I don't think there's any real justification for slipping whilst alone for a few days- my vows are still the same when my wife and I are apart; the days keep ticking on.
Speaking of days, it's day 38 today. Approaching the 40 day mark.
Speaking of days, it's day 38 today. Approaching the 40 day mark.
Day 40 
Weekend was good. Went to an open air Shakespeare on the Friday night; had my daughter's birthday party on the Saturday. Church on Sunday was difficult (as it was the first time we'd met since my friend died) but there was lots of encouragement, shared grieving and togetherness. Had a bit of an argument with my wife over something stupid in the afternoon but we managed to resolve it reasonably quickly. We were both tired and a bit stressed - these things happen.
Our relationship is really good at the moment in general. Sex life is so much better when I'm porn and chat room free - I feel really up for it, no issues with performance, she feels good, it's all good. I'm going to be going about 12 days without sex (due to various circumstances) but I am starting to prepare mentally for that period. I'll be on here plenty when the going gets tough!
Thank you to all of you who have posted on my wall, PMed me and so on. I really appreciate the support.
Weekend was good. Went to an open air Shakespeare on the Friday night; had my daughter's birthday party on the Saturday. Church on Sunday was difficult (as it was the first time we'd met since my friend died) but there was lots of encouragement, shared grieving and togetherness. Had a bit of an argument with my wife over something stupid in the afternoon but we managed to resolve it reasonably quickly. We were both tired and a bit stressed - these things happen.
Our relationship is really good at the moment in general. Sex life is so much better when I'm porn and chat room free - I feel really up for it, no issues with performance, she feels good, it's all good. I'm going to be going about 12 days without sex (due to various circumstances) but I am starting to prepare mentally for that period. I'll be on here plenty when the going gets tough!
Thank you to all of you who have posted on my wall, PMed me and so on. I really appreciate the support.
Day 41
So that's the first 40 days over with. I know that Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days and then Satan left him alone; I think that (a) He knew His Scriptures better than I did and (b) he would have still undergone temptation for the rest of his ministry. So I'm over a big milestone but it by no means feels like the battle is finished. This is just the beginning.
As I've said earlier, I think it's more helpful to think of myself as an addict that wins the battle day by day, moment by moment, rather than regarding myself as healed of this affliction. I may never be healed, but 1 Cor 10v13 says that God will continue providing escape routes.
Stay strong, all of you. Take one day at a time - be present, humble and honest (as a very wise forum member said).
So that's the first 40 days over with. I know that Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days and then Satan left him alone; I think that (a) He knew His Scriptures better than I did and (b) he would have still undergone temptation for the rest of his ministry. So I'm over a big milestone but it by no means feels like the battle is finished. This is just the beginning.
As I've said earlier, I think it's more helpful to think of myself as an addict that wins the battle day by day, moment by moment, rather than regarding myself as healed of this affliction. I may never be healed, but 1 Cor 10v13 says that God will continue providing escape routes.
Stay strong, all of you. Take one day at a time - be present, humble and honest (as a very wise forum member said).
aquarius25
Respected Member
You have a great attitude! Keep it up. You are doing really well.
Day 43
Had a good day yesterday and a good night last night. We had a meal with our church small group - I made beef rogan josh, vegetable makhanwala (which is a mild, creamy vegetable curry), peshwari naan and rice. It was quite tasty, I'll admit! I'd happily cook for people every day of the week - it's one of the things I love the most.
I guess this is the thing: I've been looking for love in the wrong places. I had a wife and children who love me, and I have some good friends who actually seem to enjoy time with me and with each other. When I used to go on chat rooms, I would be looking not just for my own sexual gratification but for a sense of connection, of validation I guess.
We sing a song at church which goes "my hope is built on nothing less / than Jesus' blood and righteousness". I think this is what I need to aim for: to stop building my hope, my security and my identity on the way others see me. To receive God's love and to bless others with the overflow. It's a work in progress.
But still: it's day 43. So, six weeks today since I received the wake-up call I needed. Onwards, one day at a time.
Had a good day yesterday and a good night last night. We had a meal with our church small group - I made beef rogan josh, vegetable makhanwala (which is a mild, creamy vegetable curry), peshwari naan and rice. It was quite tasty, I'll admit! I'd happily cook for people every day of the week - it's one of the things I love the most.
I guess this is the thing: I've been looking for love in the wrong places. I had a wife and children who love me, and I have some good friends who actually seem to enjoy time with me and with each other. When I used to go on chat rooms, I would be looking not just for my own sexual gratification but for a sense of connection, of validation I guess.
We sing a song at church which goes "my hope is built on nothing less / than Jesus' blood and righteousness". I think this is what I need to aim for: to stop building my hope, my security and my identity on the way others see me. To receive God's love and to bless others with the overflow. It's a work in progress.
But still: it's day 43. So, six weeks today since I received the wake-up call I needed. Onwards, one day at a time.
FlyPhoenix
Active Member
Hey PE30,
Just read your first journal entry and scanned some of the others. I get really great sense of commitment and God working through your life. I've studied up on all the science and continue to do so, along with my support group, but the most powerful remedy so far for me is staying close to God and trusting the power of Jesus as you noted in your last post.
Anyway, I wish you all the best along the journey, and leave you with a scripture that has helped me get through this day.
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Just read your first journal entry and scanned some of the others. I get really great sense of commitment and God working through your life. I've studied up on all the science and continue to do so, along with my support group, but the most powerful remedy so far for me is staying close to God and trusting the power of Jesus as you noted in your last post.
Anyway, I wish you all the best along the journey, and leave you with a scripture that has helped me get through this day.
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Oh hey, thank you for the encouragement. It's much appreciated!
That Bible verse is apt for me at the moment - I am slightly fearful about next week as I'm going to be away from my wife for seven nights. It's been a time where I've really struggled in the past, and I need to commit myself from that first night, that I will behave as if she was right there with me. But as you said, God didn't give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
Anyway - it's day 44. Last night my wife and I started packing up our house in readiness for all the work that's being done over the weekend. It was a good evening and very companionable. I love her so much and I'm going to miss her and the girls next week.
I'm thinking:
Monday - get some shopping in, maybe go for a long walk in the evening;
Tuesday / Wednesday - attend staff briefings so I won't be home til 9ish. Work a long day;
Thursday - maybe go to the cinema in the evening?
Friday/Saturday/Sunday - hang out at the folk festival for the evening
No porn, no chatrooms, no MOing, no compromise. Pray for me!
That Bible verse is apt for me at the moment - I am slightly fearful about next week as I'm going to be away from my wife for seven nights. It's been a time where I've really struggled in the past, and I need to commit myself from that first night, that I will behave as if she was right there with me. But as you said, God didn't give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
Anyway - it's day 44. Last night my wife and I started packing up our house in readiness for all the work that's being done over the weekend. It was a good evening and very companionable. I love her so much and I'm going to miss her and the girls next week.
I'm thinking:
Monday - get some shopping in, maybe go for a long walk in the evening;
Tuesday / Wednesday - attend staff briefings so I won't be home til 9ish. Work a long day;
Thursday - maybe go to the cinema in the evening?
Friday/Saturday/Sunday - hang out at the folk festival for the evening
No porn, no chatrooms, no MOing, no compromise. Pray for me!
aquarius25
Respected Member
Sending you prayers that your mind be calm and focused. That you are fully present in all of the things you are doing throughout the day and that you are quick to realize when distraction starts creeping in. Affix your mind on fruits of the spirit:
Love- that you be filled with love your others, for your family, your wife, and yourself. Damaging and destructive behavior is not loving yourself or anyone else.
Joy- be filled with joy for all things!
Peace- do not sit in anxiety but be filled with peace and knowing that you have the power to beat this.
Patience- be calm and know it just takes time. Each moment that you abstain is another moment won. As they build it will get easier.
Kindness- be filled with kindness. There really isn't much kindness in porn. Take it a step further and maybe anytime you feel tempted do something kind for someone else. Replace the old behavior with kindness. It could be as simple as wishing someone a good day. Your heart will change though the small steps.
Goodness- affix your mind of things that are good. Good for the world, for your family, and for you.
Gentleness- Be gentle and gracious with yourself. Know that this addiction is here but don't be hard as that will turn to shame. Be gentle with yourself and let go of the negativity. Remind yourself that your are taking steps towards a healthy future.
Self-control- This is the big one right here. WHen it comes to addiction this is usually the missing piece. Learn to develop self-control. Know that when you are excersizing self-control that this is a fruit of the spirit. You are displaying better to the world who God is. You are leading by example what it looks like to turn your life around and experience a transformation.
Hang in there. You are doing a great job and you are not alone.
Love- that you be filled with love your others, for your family, your wife, and yourself. Damaging and destructive behavior is not loving yourself or anyone else.
Joy- be filled with joy for all things!
Peace- do not sit in anxiety but be filled with peace and knowing that you have the power to beat this.
Patience- be calm and know it just takes time. Each moment that you abstain is another moment won. As they build it will get easier.
Kindness- be filled with kindness. There really isn't much kindness in porn. Take it a step further and maybe anytime you feel tempted do something kind for someone else. Replace the old behavior with kindness. It could be as simple as wishing someone a good day. Your heart will change though the small steps.
Goodness- affix your mind of things that are good. Good for the world, for your family, and for you.
Gentleness- Be gentle and gracious with yourself. Know that this addiction is here but don't be hard as that will turn to shame. Be gentle with yourself and let go of the negativity. Remind yourself that your are taking steps towards a healthy future.
Self-control- This is the big one right here. WHen it comes to addiction this is usually the missing piece. Learn to develop self-control. Know that when you are excersizing self-control that this is a fruit of the spirit. You are displaying better to the world who God is. You are leading by example what it looks like to turn your life around and experience a transformation.
Hang in there. You are doing a great job and you are not alone.
Thank you for your prayers aquarius- much appreciated!
Anyway today is day 45. Been packing our house up ready for building works and have been quite busy. Having my mind occupied with other stuff is quite handy really- sometimes I can overthink things!
Anyway, just checking in. All is good.
Anyway today is day 45. Been packing our house up ready for building works and have been quite busy. Having my mind occupied with other stuff is quite handy really- sometimes I can overthink things!
Anyway, just checking in. All is good.
Today is day 47. And tonight is the first night of being alone.
I must admit, it's difficult to not feel horny - it's been six days since I last had sex and the idea of another 7 days without is kind of daunting. I'm thinking that it might just be best to ride those feelings out and not act on them, rather than trying to ignore / suppress them? Maybe if I just think/talk to myself: "yes, you're feeling horny - but that's because (a) you've not had sex since last Tuesday and (b) you're home alone tonight - and your private parts will not suffer if you ignore them!"
Because I'm not breaking my reboot if my hormones start kicking up. The problems start if I start thinking about going on chat room, P sites, subs etc. And all those things are out of bounds for the week.
I'm going to the cinema tonight to watch Dunkirk. Beforehand, I'm getting a bit of shopping in. So I've got plenty to keep me occupied.
I must admit, it's difficult to not feel horny - it's been six days since I last had sex and the idea of another 7 days without is kind of daunting. I'm thinking that it might just be best to ride those feelings out and not act on them, rather than trying to ignore / suppress them? Maybe if I just think/talk to myself: "yes, you're feeling horny - but that's because (a) you've not had sex since last Tuesday and (b) you're home alone tonight - and your private parts will not suffer if you ignore them!"
Because I'm not breaking my reboot if my hormones start kicking up. The problems start if I start thinking about going on chat room, P sites, subs etc. And all those things are out of bounds for the week.
I'm going to the cinema tonight to watch Dunkirk. Beforehand, I'm getting a bit of shopping in. So I've got plenty to keep me occupied.