My Story and The Beginning
- Thread starter js2004
- Start date
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Hi JS,
I was thinking, we all need to find more ways to feel good/better about ourselves.
recently i tried to put more emphasis on setting goals and acknowledging achievements, instead of viewing things as just going through the motion.
its a new habit and i'm still trying to adopt it regularly
Its to train ourselves to capture every little moment of our life, which will then fill us with wonder and interest and amazement of the events happening around us.
Sometimes, faking it until we believe it may help too.
Instead of saying "i'm no good/not good enough etc"
say "I'm great ! I love this !! I love my life !!!"
I want to generate energy and heaps of positive motivation like you that comes organically from inside.
So let's build that and plant the seeds of self love and care and respect.
I was thinking, we all need to find more ways to feel good/better about ourselves.
recently i tried to put more emphasis on setting goals and acknowledging achievements, instead of viewing things as just going through the motion.
its a new habit and i'm still trying to adopt it regularly
Its to train ourselves to capture every little moment of our life, which will then fill us with wonder and interest and amazement of the events happening around us.
Sometimes, faking it until we believe it may help too.
Instead of saying "i'm no good/not good enough etc"
say "I'm great ! I love this !! I love my life !!!"
I want to generate energy and heaps of positive motivation like you that comes organically from inside.
So let's build that and plant the seeds of self love and care and respect.
js2004
Active Member
Early Morning Thoughts - Day 47
TAN you are exactly right. I keep telling myself I need to find my joy. I'm not a miserable person nor would I consider myself in a constant state of unrest, but I don't believe I am truly joyful. It's like something is missing. Like I'm two steps away from being happy but the steps to get the rest of the was are broken and it to far to jump.
Anyways, big test today, I will be in a hotel room by myself this evening. I have a few ideas of how I'm going to remain P&M free. I'm having drinks with a co-worker and then I am going to dip in the pool or go for a light jog. I may very well give up my phone to the front desk. If I don't I'm going to be a posting machine on this forum tonight. So wish me luck. Thanks for reading.
TAN you are exactly right. I keep telling myself I need to find my joy. I'm not a miserable person nor would I consider myself in a constant state of unrest, but I don't believe I am truly joyful. It's like something is missing. Like I'm two steps away from being happy but the steps to get the rest of the was are broken and it to far to jump.
Anyways, big test today, I will be in a hotel room by myself this evening. I have a few ideas of how I'm going to remain P&M free. I'm having drinks with a co-worker and then I am going to dip in the pool or go for a light jog. I may very well give up my phone to the front desk. If I don't I'm going to be a posting machine on this forum tonight. So wish me luck. Thanks for reading.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
JS,
my thoughts are with you my friend !
If it helps, focus on your real wants:
I WANT TO STAY CLEAN
I WANT TO MAINTAIN MY CLEAN RECORD DAYS
I WANT TO LOVE AND HONOR ONLY MY WIFE
I WANT TO LET THE COMMUNITY KNOW I MADE IT
I HAVE CHOICE !
I HAVE RESOLVE !
I HAVE DETERMINATION !
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO CARE AND WATCH OVER ME !
I believe in you my friend.
my thoughts are with you my friend !
If it helps, focus on your real wants:
I WANT TO STAY CLEAN
I WANT TO MAINTAIN MY CLEAN RECORD DAYS
I WANT TO LOVE AND HONOR ONLY MY WIFE
I WANT TO LET THE COMMUNITY KNOW I MADE IT
I HAVE CHOICE !
I HAVE RESOLVE !
I HAVE DETERMINATION !
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO CARE AND WATCH OVER ME !
I believe in you my friend.
js2004
Active Member
Afternoon Thoughts - Day 46
Live your life with integrity, said a someone on the partners board. I need to remind myself of that. P&M strips a man of his integrity and a lot of other stuff too. As I sit here in the airport I realize how much I miss my wife's comforting security, her mere presences next to me. These overnight trips changed me some how, like a split personality would emerge the minute I left the house so that by the time I arrived at my final destination I was this P crazed person on a mission to pleasure myself through any means necessary. Even though I'm way more self aware and determined to be successful, it's hard not to think of my bad habits and sink back into the routine. So I find myself here ranting. Seven more hours to go.
Live your life with integrity, said a someone on the partners board. I need to remind myself of that. P&M strips a man of his integrity and a lot of other stuff too. As I sit here in the airport I realize how much I miss my wife's comforting security, her mere presences next to me. These overnight trips changed me some how, like a split personality would emerge the minute I left the house so that by the time I arrived at my final destination I was this P crazed person on a mission to pleasure myself through any means necessary. Even though I'm way more self aware and determined to be successful, it's hard not to think of my bad habits and sink back into the routine. So I find myself here ranting. Seven more hours to go.
js2004
Active Member
Afternoon Thoughts - Day 46
The crying baby next to me on the airplane is enough to make me want to hang myself. My brain is returning to normal because I'm really not having any urges. In fact I'm thinking of all the negatives of P&M use and it's making me realize what a tool I was on these overnight trips. Actually kind of embarrassed by my behavior. Funny I guess but it's the truth. I'm not some P crazed person any more. I have 46 days of reboot under my belt and I'm going to make it 47.
The crying baby next to me on the airplane is enough to make me want to hang myself. My brain is returning to normal because I'm really not having any urges. In fact I'm thinking of all the negatives of P&M use and it's making me realize what a tool I was on these overnight trips. Actually kind of embarrassed by my behavior. Funny I guess but it's the truth. I'm not some P crazed person any more. I have 46 days of reboot under my belt and I'm going to make it 47.
js2004
Active Member
Headed to dinner with a friend. Charge on my phone is at 20% and I think I am going to let it die. No chance on me using P at that point. 46 days is a long time and I don't want to start over. Urge is there but I will say it's not a stronge one. It's mainly my brain tricking me into thinking I need P&M. I don't.
js2004
Active Member
Evening Thoughts - Day 46
Phone is almost dead and I'm stuffed. I totally fing pigged out. Wings, BBQ Brisket sandwich and beer. I feel so damn fat right now I have no disire for P&M. I don't think my stomach could handle it. Mission accomplished. Heading to bed. Thanks for reading.
Phone is almost dead and I'm stuffed. I totally fing pigged out. Wings, BBQ Brisket sandwich and beer. I feel so damn fat right now I have no disire for P&M. I don't think my stomach could handle it. Mission accomplished. Heading to bed. Thanks for reading.
js2004
Active Member
Early Morning Thoughts - Day 47
I had to leave the hotel room. I was watching Gabe's video on PIED and he said one of the ways to figure it out is if you can get it up with touch alone. So I did and within a few seconds I was up and ready to go. I stood up and my erection got really stronge. So here I am a mile away from my hotel room. I figured if I stayed any longer I was going to finish the job so I had to get out.
Anyways feeling really good about the evening. First time I have woken up in a hotel room and not felt shame or guilt from P&M the night before. First time in a very long time I don't have to force the smile on the way home or push feelings out of my soul in order to act normal around my family. It feels really good and I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment. Now I have to go to the shitty meetings I came out here for which will be zero fucking fun. At least I go home tonight. Thanks for reading.
I had to leave the hotel room. I was watching Gabe's video on PIED and he said one of the ways to figure it out is if you can get it up with touch alone. So I did and within a few seconds I was up and ready to go. I stood up and my erection got really stronge. So here I am a mile away from my hotel room. I figured if I stayed any longer I was going to finish the job so I had to get out.
Anyways feeling really good about the evening. First time I have woken up in a hotel room and not felt shame or guilt from P&M the night before. First time in a very long time I don't have to force the smile on the way home or push feelings out of my soul in order to act normal around my family. It feels really good and I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment. Now I have to go to the shitty meetings I came out here for which will be zero fucking fun. At least I go home tonight. Thanks for reading.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
AWESOME !!!
Really proud of you JS !
You had it in you all the time. Now you know and proven to yourself.
There is nothing that you are incapable of !
Really proud of you JS !
You had it in you all the time. Now you know and proven to yourself.
There is nothing that you are incapable of !
js2004
Active Member
Afternoon Thoughts - Day 47
Thanks TAN. It really was a good feeling this morning. Anyways my meeting went way better than expected and I'm about an hour away from heading home. Can't wait to hug my wife and kids. Not much else other than glade to be free of P&M again today. Thanks for reading.
Thanks TAN. It really was a good feeling this morning. Anyways my meeting went way better than expected and I'm about an hour away from heading home. Can't wait to hug my wife and kids. Not much else other than glade to be free of P&M again today. Thanks for reading.
js2004
Active Member
Early Evening Thoughs - Day 47
Rough flight to say the least. Stomach is bla, needless to say haven't thought about P&M most of the day. Glad I will soon be home. Probably my last post for the day so thanks for all the support over the last 24 hours to thos of you that posted on my journal. Everyone have a P&M free day. Thanks for reading.
Rough flight to say the least. Stomach is bla, needless to say haven't thought about P&M most of the day. Glad I will soon be home. Probably my last post for the day so thanks for all the support over the last 24 hours to thos of you that posted on my journal. Everyone have a P&M free day. Thanks for reading.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
JS,
this is big for you.
Please keep on remembering and reflecting your success in this episode.
I think it is pivotal for your personal development and one of your greatest pillar of support in times to come.
nothing is beyond you.
this is big for you.
Please keep on remembering and reflecting your success in this episode.
I think it is pivotal for your personal development and one of your greatest pillar of support in times to come.
nothing is beyond you.
js2004
Active Member
Afternoon Thoughts - Day 49
Thanks TAN. It was big for me. Every time I have relapsed with P&M it was while I was on the road. I just needed that one trip to convince myself I can travel and not use P&M.
Anyways, it was nice to hang with the family last night. Ind definitely feel more motivated. Got some serious fing yard work done today and now I'm vegging for a little before I head out for some BBQ. All is well and this reboot is working really well this time.
Thanks TAN. It was big for me. Every time I have relapsed with P&M it was while I was on the road. I just needed that one trip to convince myself I can travel and not use P&M.
Anyways, it was nice to hang with the family last night. Ind definitely feel more motivated. Got some serious fing yard work done today and now I'm vegging for a little before I head out for some BBQ. All is well and this reboot is working really well this time.
js2004
Active Member
Early Evening Thoughs - Day 50
I have a serious headache today and I fucking burned the roof of my mouth really bad. But I'm great up for minimal urges today and this me with my family. So I shouldn't complain. My wife is stressed over work BS and when she is stressed I am to, but I refuse to let P&M back in my life to deal with my real world problems. So here I am with really nothing else to say.
I have a serious headache today and I fucking burned the roof of my mouth really bad. But I'm great up for minimal urges today and this me with my family. So I shouldn't complain. My wife is stressed over work BS and when she is stressed I am to, but I refuse to let P&M back in my life to deal with my real world problems. So here I am with really nothing else to say.
js2004
Active Member
Morning Thoughts - Day 51
So a lot of stress right now with my wife's job. Stress is not good for me because P&M was a means of coping. She is also away starting tomorrow through Friday. So I am going to do some major yard work to keep occupied while she is gone. A lot going on right now and I need to stay focused on staying clean of P&M this week. Thanks for reading.
So a lot of stress right now with my wife's job. Stress is not good for me because P&M was a means of coping. She is also away starting tomorrow through Friday. So I am going to do some major yard work to keep occupied while she is gone. A lot going on right now and I need to stay focused on staying clean of P&M this week. Thanks for reading.
js2004
Active Member
Morning Thoughts - Day 52
Feeling pretty good. I really feel like I am on a path to healing from all of this stuff. My mind is calm but alert to my triggers and I truely have been working towards not taking a second look at women that walk by or come into my view. My wife is away all week but I'm feeling really good about things. I have a plan in place to put some pavers in the yard and create a retaining wall of sorts so that will keep me occupied. My son got a new game on the Xbox so we will be playing that too. Things are going pretty well and I feel happy about it. Thanks for reading.
Feeling pretty good. I really feel like I am on a path to healing from all of this stuff. My mind is calm but alert to my triggers and I truely have been working towards not taking a second look at women that walk by or come into my view. My wife is away all week but I'm feeling really good about things. I have a plan in place to put some pavers in the yard and create a retaining wall of sorts so that will keep me occupied. My son got a new game on the Xbox so we will be playing that too. Things are going pretty well and I feel happy about it. Thanks for reading.