JS,
we turn to PMO because we are exceptionally hard on ourselves.
For some reasons, we've never felt good enough, have low self esteem or confidence and consequently do not give ourselves our rightful recognition and acknowledgement of the things we've done.
And so we turn to PMO as a way of redemption.
Little by little we lose touch with our emotional compass, walking blindly even though we have eyes and heart we chose not to use.
The biggest thing about coming out of PMO for me is reconnecting with myself.
I realized its no longer necessary for me to have perfection.
We were doing that because we hope others will recognize us as a result of achieving that.
This goal will never happen.
We only get recognition when we recognize ourselves.
Failing is natural. It happens all the time. So why should we fear it? It is the irreplaceable and essential education we need to make ourselves better.
Instead, now i try to reconnect with myself through love.
Love of myself, love of the people around me and love of effort, giving my all without expectation of results or return.
Please first try to connect with yourself with love.
Love that you are naturally imperfect, and love that you can forgive and do better as days go by.
Next, love your children.
Love them for their wonder and natural curiosity
Be wary though not to project your fears of inadequacy onto them
THEY ARE NOT YOU.
When its time to discipline, discipline.
When its time to love, love.
PMO distracts us from reality, making us uncertain if what we do are correct and appropriate.
The more we hang on to PMO, the less certain we are to know how to judge and deal with every situation.
PMO takes our emotions away, leaving only cold unloving logic that is blunt and brutal on others, and on ourselves.
The truth is that we need all of our emotions to manage relationships if we seek to find balance with others and ourselves.
Stop turning to PMO to resolve your inner discomforts.
Let your discomforts ring loud, so that you can adjust and modify, and slowly evolve to become the father you want to be.
How to be a better father ?
I think its the same as how to be a better "" or ""....
1. find a role model
2. have some mentors
3. become them
4. carry out your actions with love, empathy, forgiveness and a plan for improvement.
Your children are not bad people, and neither are you.
In vulnerability we find courage, in weakness we find strength, in love we find ourselves.
You'll do just fine.