I am awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

Why did we fall into addiction?

BORED

It's that simple and it's our fault.

Boredom is a low dopamine state as the body is not motivated to seek and not getting any dopamine from outcomes.

But instead of investing time to develop new interests, we went the cheap and easy way to porn.

So now that we are out, we need to treasure this most important of lesson and keep ourselves from boredom by focusing our life in seeking and developing interests.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I find it's really much easier to let go of attachment to pretty but unfamiliar people now.

I only hope that this "letting go" applies to broader scope:
Anger
Attachment
Opinions
Beliefs

I do find myself going forward with new things in a more grounded and unfazed way.

A lot of BS is much easier to see and recognized today.

No means no.

I wished i was so sensible much younger. I would have picked better and moved forward faster.

 

[TakeActionNow]

My tablet's OS just got upgraded to 13.
The upgrade from 11 to 12 brought more features while the upgrade to 13 felt faster.

The reboot is like upgrading my brain OS from 6 to 13.
A massive quantum leap in performance.

I can multi-task life now when I can only mono-task to porn before.

My Battery (mood) life has improved. I'm happier longer than before.

I have many widgets (interest) open when i can only have 1 open before (p)

More processing power
More battery tolerance
More widgets
My brain OS is significantly better than before

 

[searching4good]

My tablet's OS just got upgraded to 13.
The upgrade from 11 to 12 brought more features while the upgrade to 13 felt faster.

The reboot is like upgrading my brain OS from 6 to 13.
A massive quantum leap in performance.

I can multi-task life now when I can only mono-task to porn before.

My Battery (mood) life has improved. I'm happier longer than before.

I have many widgets (interest) open when i can only have 1 open before (p)

More processing power
More battery tolerance
More widgets
My brain OS is significantly better than before

I enjoyed this @TakeActionNow - much like I enjoy all of your posts. You really are a font of wisdom and I am so grateful that you continue to share what's inside your head (and heart) with the world. It helps me and I'm sure many others too.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I had a massive and long dream last night of being back in school. A masters course in mathematics.
Instead of the usual nightmares of not studying and finding myself the day before exams, here I was rushing people to send me to school becasue I was concerned I would be late for class.
Concerned ! I used to skip class all the time ! In my dream I had prepared for lesson before time. Who is this person?
He felt good!
He had interests and he was prepared. He had no fears.
I really like him.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I enjoyed this @TakeActionNow - much like I enjoy all of your posts. You really are a font of wisdom and I am so grateful that you continue to share what's inside your head (and heart) with the world. It helps me and I'm sure many others too.

@searching4good
Yes it's really amazing how much porn takes away from us, and yet for so long we believed life is better with it, impossible without it. It was only holding us back all along.

Liberating is the description.
Unchained is the experience.
Lightfooted is the feeling.

Reboot is like a skill, like learning to play a new musical instrument
Weak and unsteady in the beginning, full of errors and mistakes.
Then things slowly fall into pkace. Certain sets are done better. Emotion is gradually connecting. The sound is improving. A slow realization.
And the more we practice and review, the better we get.
Now errors are the minority. Things are smoother. We take on more complicated challenges. We have greater insight and awareness. We sail through them with confidence. We remember our old flaws and try not to repeat them.

Life is better.
I wish you very well too!

 

[TakeActionNow]

BONDAGE

whatever the addiction there will always be bondage, dependencies and servitude.

Gambling. Praying to the gods or cozying up to folks who are dumb enough to give.

Drugs. Forever at the mercy of the dealers and begging or stealing for money.

Cigarettes. Always having to be nice or endearing (enduring) to smoking buddies.

Alcohol. Drinking buddies that cheers together and drown together.

Sex. Always performing and pretending in hope that the next pretty person will go to bed with you (never).

Who are you?
What do you stand for?
What can you do without needing another?

Where I am going only I can go alone. The less I have to spend on another holding me back the more I can spend on myself moving forward. All I need are my body and a clear head to take me where I want to be.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I am drawn to surf.
It is time to examine and discover.

I am not stressed.
I am well rested.
I am kinda bored.
I am looking for a spike.
Like a gassy drink, a spicy bite or sweet ice cream.
I am lethargic.

Ok I will go and meditate or do a test or something.
I think I am seeking achievements or something.

Modern world can be so efficient and takes the challenge away from us. I rant.

I should go and do something.

 

[TakeActionNow]

New analogy. Walk

I'm walking now.
Walk walk walk
Walking is slow, but I get to see more things
Walk walk walk
Invariably I want to ride a bus
That's nice and fast
That has seats and is air-conditioned
i used to ride the bus
And never got off.
And went round and round
While my friends went ahead.

Now I made a vow to myself
To be Johnny walker
To keep on walking
No matter the sun, no matter the weather
To live a good clean life.

So no bus for me, no thank you.
I'll keep on walking.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Watching a YouTube on prisoners, I feel they struggled with emotional control.

They come from families with troubles, with bad care, with poor decisions.

It's no wonder that they are frustrated often, and prone to turn to violence or vice, even as those make things worse.

I'm not in jail
I'm not living with a family as difficult or disagreeable as theirs.
I have no excuse for my behavior.
I have opportunity. I must not squander it.
I need to manage myself and my emotions.

They really are struggling.
I should be grateful for my life.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I am drawn to surf.
It is time to examine and discover.

I am not stressed.
I am well rested.
I am kinda bored.
I am looking for a spike.
Like a gassy drink, a spicy bite or sweet ice cream.
I am lethargic.

Ok I will go and meditate or do a test or something.
I think I am seeking achievements or something.

Modern world can be so efficient and takes the challenge away from us. I rant.

I should go and do something.

Yup I really think îts a case of lacking achievements.

I'm a lazy blob.
I have to achieve something

 

[TakeActionNow]

Am I happy?

Forget for the moment all the technicalities of mood and emotions and ask a fundemental question. Am I happy?

My answer at the moment is.. no.

And that surprised me because I thought I was.

I'd admit my happiest moments were all SPMO related. All were very intimate moments with someone i considered very special.

There are of course other life significant moments like:
Winning (competition)
Success
Completion (marathon)
But these were all of the strenuous and long enduring kind, that at the end it was more relief than sheer joy.

This is troubling because
1. not being able to recognize joy through accomplishments emphasize the struggle rather than achievement
2. Denies me of the momentum and motivation to move forward and do more.
3. Prioritize happiness from easy and relaxed forms (sex) instead of difficult and challenging forms (work)

I also notice my efforts to be funny and amusing with others. I thought it was my nature. But I rationalize it was more of an effort to gain attention with others. It was another process of external dependency for joy and pleasure. Mostly it wasn't satisfactory. Yet I continued to do because pleasure though others have been very deeply ingrained due to P dependency.

I must spend some time to reflect on this.
I must find a sustainable source of my happiness.
This is important because sustainable addiction resistance depends wholly on replacing the addictive element with another healthier and more sustainable source.

Journalling and end of day reflection is CRITICAL for recovery.
It puts back correct perspective of each day and recognize all elements relating to achievement and success, and ultimately happiness with self.

 

[TakeActionNow]

There are things I am constantly pleased about. These are
1. Expensive purchases I have made after much selection and consideration.
2. Contribution and recognition in forums where I enjoyed putting down my thoughts and feeling that they have helped others.
3. Learning new things that change my view of the world. That's why science and knowledge podcasts are so enjoyable.

I know the following are not very happy for me
1. Surfing social media and entertainment sites like YouTube.
2. Daily cooking (I didn't innovate)
3. Exercise (perhaps I should find community)
4. Work. More problems than celebration. (Needs a rethink)

I have not yet develop the ability to enjoy courses where I learn new skills like
Language
Music
Coding
Which requires me to reapply elsewhere. I am mostly unhappy about lack of expertise, which is nonsense.

What about time with family?
It's ironic cos it's both happy and stressful. I can never fully relax myself around them. This is not healthy and needs addressing. I am not sure what or how to make of a good relationship and this bothers me to no end. Worrying over worry helps nothing and no one.

I like this question about happiness. It needs addressing. I need to treat my life like my phonebook. Too many junk numbers. Delete unimportant ones and pin the important ones on top.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Fun

Perhaps I need to treat things with a little more fun. The problem about aging is we know too much and get exposed to more bad news then we develop more and more aversion.

I'm not enjoying because I'm too serious.

I need to learn to have more fun.
Learning is enjoyable when it's fun, or the teacher is fun. Serious teachers are no fun and learning is often blocked due to aversion.

Was my running fun?
Was my cooking fun?
Was my learning fun?


I need to treat things with a little more fun, instead of measuring everything.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PMO is relief
Relief is the opposite of suffer.
If we are always seeking relief, that means we are always avoiding suffering.

Suffering is not negative.
The dictionary defines suffer as experience something unpleasant, or to tolerate.
Suffering brings about change.
If we do not suffer, we will not understand.
It is true that to suffer is to grow, and to grow is to suffer.
Suffer is not negative.
It just merely means to be challenged, to endure.

When we stop PMO for some time, we experience unpleasentness. We suffer and through suffering, we understand. We tolerate. We endure.
And in enduring 2 things happen:
1. We become stronger, tougher, more resilient
2. We recognize the nature of suffering. The more we face and embrace it, the less it becomes. But the more we avoid it, the greater it becomes.

We also begin to recognize the
suffering in others. We begin to empathize with others more. We become aware of their efforts, recognize their achievements, and become compassionate about their difficulties. We learn that nothing in life is free, and we start going about improving our life, through effort, through enduring, through suffering.

Suffering is not negative. It's just a negative sounding word. The opposite of pleasent is unpleasant. They are ying and yang. To suffer is part and parcel of life. It is life. Without suffering there can be no joy. Without joy, then everything is suffering. Therefore one needs to endure suffering in order to experience joy.

To embrace suffering is to embrace life. The more we give or endure, the more we'll recieve.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Visualize

I visualize my life like evolution:
1. A fish growing lungs, eyes on the surface.
2. crawling out of mud, struggling
3. Moving in puddles, slowly
4. Growing legs, crawling on land
5. Walking in the jungle
6. learning to run, running
7. Growing wings, learning to fly
8. Flying

Essentially what they represent:
1 gaining awareness and desire to be free of addiction. Eyes
2 the struggle to break the habit. Mud
3. Freed from the mud, now comes rehabilitate of mind and focus
4. Rehabilitated, now comes desire to improve life. Direction
5. Normal life, dealing with challenges internally. Addressing and facing challenges.
6. Improvement. Developing new interests and skillsets
7. Eyes on aspiration
8. Aspiration achieved. Expertise applied

So I should be at 3 now.
Addiction awareness. Check
90 days habit breaking. Check
90 day brain rehabilitate. In progress.

I've still a long way to go.
It's like a diploma course. I'm only half way through my first year of a 3 year course.

But the goal is clear.
The target is achievable.
I can do this.
I like it

 

[TakeActionNow]

A Facebook group asked to list characteristics that affect a relationship.

I condensed the replies to the follow. Highest seems to be hygiene, maturity and communication.

We don't have to be perfect in all, but we can work on improving some.
That would make us more attractive automatically.


Open communication
Vulnerable vs defensive
Self focused (-)
Effort on self or home
Personal hygiene and appearances
Forward looking
Attentive & affectionate vs distracted & ignoring (phone)
Authoritative (-)
Time
Open to correction or compromise
Priority
Accountability responsibility vs blaming
Respectful & manners
Trust & honesty
Consistency
Intelligent conversation
Good natured or kind
Optimistic / positive / encouraging / helpful
Goals & ambitions
Open vs possessive/ controlling
Humble vs egotism
Hard working vs lazy
Courage vs avoiding

There are more but in general a good companion is one who is attentive, hard working, has goals, is open and supportive.
I can think of a few friends like that who comes across as quiet, intelligent and thoughtful. I can't comment on their level of hygiene though.

The same can be asked of women, but the order of priorities would likely be a little different than men. (I know of some incredibly beautiful but ultra unhygienic women. They are not attractive at all)

That said, are those the qualities of people we idolize? Are those the qualities we have or would like to have? Are those the qualities of people around us?

With less attention for the addiction, we can direct more efforts to improving ourselves in the direction we want ourselves to be.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction comes in many forms, some more insidious than others
Phone / social media
gaming
Media binging
Over training

Addiction can be any activity taken to the extreme as to cause disruption the general life and does not contribute to improving quality of life.

I must be mindful. I am spending a little too much time on the phone lately, even if it is blogging.

 

[TakeActionNow]

== Recording my old signature ==

Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love

Regain Self Trust

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > Growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > Self Heal > Freedom

MUST READ : Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled

Always remember who is THE ENEMY

I am awesome!

WHAT IS MY CAR WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? PART 1 OF 2 Imagine we have a car that wont start on Sunday We need the car to get to work on Monday What would we do? 1. Meddle around and try to find the problem, but ended thinking its a battery or spark plug fault and not realizing that its out of gas 2...

forum.rebootnation.org

 

[TakeActionNow]

There is no right or wrong.
There is only comfort and discomfort.

Comfort is when things appear to be successful, or are done well.
Discomfort is when there is a clear indication that improvements are needed.

As PMO is always successful, we learned to dislike or avoid discomfort. And by doing so we do not reflect, adjust or change. And of course discomfort continues. And the cycle repeats.

Reality doesn't care who we are or what we think things should be. Discomfort is just a way for reality to communicate that we can do better.

I can do better.
Discomfort tells me here is my chance to improve.
I will not take it personally.
I will improve