My future is awesome!

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Parenting is tougher than relationships.

You have to figure out what the child is trying to express through their tantrums

They are so emotional

No one comforts us for our pains and struggle.

It is truly thankless until the moment they express their love for you.

Just as we must balance our nos with them with many yes and that's great and well done, we must balance our view of their tantrums with all the wonderful times they behave and are loving with us.

 

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Not all who are addicted to sex are sex addicts.
I believe I turned to sex initially because of beauty, but later for comfort and acceptance.

My mom is kinda neurotic and a worrywart. It doesn't help that I was a sickly and naughty kid. My father while loving later on his life, but distant and fierce when I was young.
Consequently I thought poorly of myself. And compounding my other personal issues, I fell heavily for the pleasures of pleasing myself through others, instead of learning to comfort, care and accept myself, by myself.

I need to learn to love myself.

No one can love me better than me. The world can end and I can still be ok as long as I know how to love and care for myself by myself.

I cannot depend on my son's generous love as a base of self love.

I cannot depend on the love of my family as a base of self love.

Most of my self love must come from me.

This too is the goodness of reboot. Coming back to the roots and addressing what matters the most.

 

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I wrote alot about the negative influences of p addiction.

I just realized the worst of it.
It reduces IQ.

Read it again.
It reduces IQ.

IQ is a function of study, effort and memory.
The more we study, or learn from our environment, and remember, the better our IQ.

Why is IQ important? Because it determines the quality of life directly. Higher IQ means being better able to navigate life's challenges and come out better. Making better income, partner choices and investment decisions.

Why is PMO detriment to IQ?
Hours wasted every day
Fantasy instead of reality
Antisocial behaviors
Wishful thinking instead of effort
Demotivational
Neuro modulator damage
Psychological issues like depression
Pursuing pleasure instead of performance
Leaving problems unsolved.

Stop PMO
Save IQ

 

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There is a reason why alpha males can have multiple partners.

Normal males cannot have multiple partners. It will ruin them.

Alpha males unlike normal males have a larger pool of success and power to tap from. Their dopamine baseline is higher than normal males.
Nature is realistic. That only the most successful can sustain a demanding lifestyle.

Not many people can be alpha.
In the animal kingdom it is the dominant lion or gorilla male of the pride.
All the subordinate males are not alpha.
The same can be said of human species. JFK was an alpha. The CEO of an MNC might be an alpha. The lead singer of a famous rock band is one.

Alphas require having subordinate males, hierarchy, authority, dominance, power.

But when PMO was made available to the masses, all non alpha males without consistent real world successes cannot counter the effects of post PMO dopamine dip and demotivation.

I freely admit I am not an alpha.
I do not have overwhelming success in my life to sustain a highly sexualized life. Doing so would ruin me. I'm better off with a single partner than a multitude of unknown performers.

 

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Ever experienced where you must run off to the loo during a work day to sneak a peak just to stay sane?
Doesn't that sound suspiciously like a smoking addict who need a smoke every few hours?

Or needing to jack off immediately after an extremely stressful situation?

These are clear symptoms of addiction: Body complusions so overwhelming that normal life cannot continue if not immediately addressed.

Don't kid yourself. Just because we're not consuming substances doesn't mean we are not susceptible to addiction symptoms.

I clearly remember the times I lost control of my body, and mind. I was incapacitated. I was already scraping the bottem of the barrel before I knew I was in one.

 

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The first and most important point to realize and remember about PMO is that it DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING.

It's a distraction 100%.
It does nothing but take you away from what you need to do.
It is like smoking.
0% benefit
100% cost
100% harm

3 main reasons people turn to PMO are the need for
1. activity
2. stimulant
3. soothing
Because they felt
1. Bored
2. Lethargic
3. Down

This exist because of a lack in
1. Personal agenda
2. Personal care & attention
3. Personal awareness

Deal with them properly and the need for useless things like PMO will fade away.

 

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A happy life is founded on intelligence and effort.

You won't know what, how, why to do things well unless you have knowledge.
Knowledge takes time to gain. Intelligence is the outcome of knowledge gained and applied.

Time taken away from gaining knowledge is time taken away from improving life.

Emotions only gain knowledge when coupled with management, compassion and empathy.
Out of control emotions disregard knowledge and destroys effort. It is a destructive force.

Therefore, to have a better life, one needs to make the efforts to acquire more knowledge and manage emotions better.
Activities that do not contribute to both consistently will hold back life improvements.

Always remember that PMO
Destabilize emotions
Consumes precious time
Decrease knowledge of the world

 

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I want to be a better father
But I cannot be that of I am guided by my emotions and my limited fatherhood experiences.

I need to study more, apply and have better management of myself in order to be a better father.

 

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there is good reason that non addicted people can be so productive.
i know of a friend who devotes to her humanitarian causes.
when one is not constantly seeking pleasure through vice means, they maintain a happy life outlook by gaining joy through self created daily activities.
one example is to do charity work.
there is joy during activity and after activity knowing that one has made positive contributions to everyone involved.
this kind of joy is both self sustaining and replicable.

the more i am away from vice,
the more i am not involved in seeking pleasure
the more i find myself automatically and instinctively seeking out productive activities
the more i find myself outcome driven

i find joy in work
i find joy in completion
i find attention seeking and attention gathering more and more meaningless
i rather be involving myself than involving my fantasies and delusions

i find myself more grounded and stable.
things are clearer and actually easier these days
i find joy in every corner, even in the simple meals that i have
this is good

 

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It matters not if I am unappreciated unrecognized misunderstood mistreated.
These are the opinions of others

What is important is knowing if I have been honorable, doing as I should.

Time is my only judge.

 

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2023 resolution

1. Be a good father
2. Improve my work
3. Improve my skills

Simple
no distractions

 

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I started to meditate last Tuesday, admittedly to poor results. But it's a start. Already I'm beginning to develop a deep sense of calmness.

I attribute it to the cessation of PMO.
M&O are emotion and Neuro modulator destabilizing.
P on the other hand I call it searching. Ostensibly searching for material, but in reality it is a searching for support of self, and thus the searching of self.
And so when we stop P, we start to turn inward for our needs. And the longer we look inward to more we find ourselves. And in time we get all we need from ourselves, P no longer holds any attraction or serve any purpose.
It automatically becomes uninteresting and unattractive.

I also feel maturity is part of the equation. A young person by virtue of maturity, not age, maybe unsure of himself and needs external validation. Sex is actually validating. But the more mature we are, the more independent we become. P is dependency. Without P we gain independence. Age is not a predictor of maturity. There are still many immature and emotionally unstable old people.

I am of my age now.
I am not longer a young naive person constantly seeking external support of validation.
I can hold my own by myself now.

 

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There is a Buddhist term called hungry ghost where the spirit of an unsettled dead continues to wonder, craving, searching, unable to find rest.

The addict with a perpetual insatiable cravings is alike a living hungry ghost, always empty, never fulfilled, never contented.
A living walking hungry ghost.

The craving hungry ghost suffers perpetually.
What they want can never be had
What they have can never be appreciated.
They are forever empty and seeking, forever hungry and empty.
Forever suffering.

Ironically liberation is through letting go.
We cannot receive if our hand are full, or closed.

 

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The hardest part of quitting is breaking the compulsion.

Habit is such that we do things without thinking, especially those we associate for a long time to be pleasurable, even if the outcomes are detrimental.

How does one break the cycle of something they like? It is the same as
1. breaking the cycle of something they dislike or
2. forming a cycle of something to dislike.

1. Don't like broccoli? Flavor it with others and keep reminding of the benefits. Set rewards for achievement

2. Know how young kids automatically form dislike for brushing teeth or going to school?
They formed negative opinions of the process, and see the efforts as tiresome and non rewarding. (I should see porn as such. It should see time here as very costly comprd to other beneficial activities)

The common themes here are opinionating and incentivizing. Think of how many more ways we can change our opinion and incentivize our efforts.

Creating a list
Journalling it down frequently
Recognize and reward achievements

 

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there is good reason that non addicted people can be so productive.
i know of a friend who devotes to her humanitarian causes.
when one is not constantly seeking pleasure through vice means, they maintain a happy life outlook by gaining joy through self created daily activities.
one example is to do charity work.
there is joy during activity and after activity knowing that one has made positive contributions to everyone involved.
this kind of joy is both self sustaining and replicable.

the more i am away from vice,
the more i am not involved in seeking pleasure
the more i find myself automatically and instinctively seeking out productive activities
the more i find myself outcome driven

i find joy in work
i find joy in completion
i find attention seeking and attention gathering more and more meaningless
i rather be involving myself than involving my fantasies and delusions

i find myself more grounded and stable.
things are clearer and actually easier these days
i find joy in every corner, even in the simple meals that i have
this is good

it holds true that when we don't have discrete mega doses to look forward to and "rely on" for kicks ( like smoke breaks , hits or binge sessions ) the mind gradually wise up to look for mini doses across the day.
This recognition only develops after some time following awareness that there will be no big hits coming up any time soon.
Suddenly everything else is looked upon favorably.
Nice ride to work ? hit
Good lunch ? Hit
document or paper done ? Hit
happy time walking the child home? hit
a smooth transaction ? hit

If there are always an occasional self created mega feelgood dose we can plan and look forward to, we will readily ignore the mini good that is happening all the time.
Then life becomes really hard to live, everything is difficult and miserable, and eventually even the mega dose is insufficient.

The unhappy life is quickly improved when there are no cravings for supplementary and addictive dependencies

 

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Floating in the clouds is like executive management not know what is going on with the ground crew. He has idealized vision of how things will be, and how he will be successful and honored, without him ever taking the time to service the clients or repair the organization. This is all too common with CEOs that lead once profitable companies into bankruptcy.

Don't be that CEO of your person. Write off all fantasies. Focus on improving and delivering good results. Face your challenges. Let go of bad investments and partners quickly.

All investments must have payoffs. Time and attention are assets. Invest them wisely

Invest back in your company.
Invest back in yourself.


Only when I am out of the clouds do i realize
What I am good at
What I sorely need to improve
What are important
What are waste of time

 

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What I cannot let go of, owns me.

If my desires are for full independence, what should I do with cravings and attachments?

Break the relationship
change the opinion
Reward the initiative
Celebrate every step of successful detachment

Keep on rewarding positive action.
Dump the material? Reward.
Walk away from temptation? Reward
Complete your plan? Reward

Associate every correct action with a positive experience until the correct action is more attractive than the incorrect ones.

 

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Old habits draw me in
I invariably lead myself to temptation
I made excuses, saying it's just a test, saying I just want to check things out.
I put my self next to immediate danger.
Fortunately I was able to walk away
And the further away I walk the happier I got
And that's when I realized how important it is to transform the thinking
To stop the bad from appearing to be good
To celebrate and reward every good behavior and drill in that experience.

I gave every excuse to have a go. I was my own dealer and pusher. It was so close. Had I done it I would have been filled with regret and worry.

Instead, I feel light hearted and free, like I escaped an accident unscathed, like I just won a lottery, like I submitted the final report and am free to go on holiday.

My excuses were all lame.
I am one step closer to being free.

Hooray.