My future is awesome!
- Thread starter TakeActionNow
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I 100% attest to this.
Porn use leads in succession to
1. poor self perception (misperception), reinforced through repetition,
2. Stunted brain development
3. Stunted emotional maturity,
4. Decrease social awareness from more anxiety and world negativity,
5. Poor social regulation.
I confess while I cannot yet understand the workings behind these psychological aspects, I can attest that I have experienced them, and more importantly, that I have recovered some of them since going clean.
Psychological aspects like shame is so subtle, unlike neuro modulator dips, that its influence on me is imperceptive. I don't feel consciously shameful in front of people, but I might subconsciously be putting myself down all the time without being aware of it. I can sense negativity, but I can't sense my place around people. I am blind to many of my psychological influences.
Deep issues like generalized negativity, I also can't pin it to low dopamine (neurological), decrease social awareness (developmental) or stupidity (believing spam). Regardless, it used to exist, but not anymore.
Those problems mentioned above, in addition to
1. neurotransmitter death
2. Generalized anxiety and instability
3. Stunted intelligence
now form the biggest concerns I have for stopping this addiction.
I have thus gone beyond the concerns to appear manly, have a firm dick or be sexually active, to one whose purpose of living is to improve himself, gain knowledge and be a useful contributor to society.
Sex is no longer a priority.
Why should all my joy be locked up in glorifying static anatomy that is externally dependent, beyond my control and contributes nothing toward improving my intelligence and ability?
Joy outside of sex on the other hand is everywhere and limitless.
I am happy to report that this is what I feel mostly these days:
Generally calm
Mature and stable around people
Not easily excited
At ease with myself
Able to enjoy the moment
Greater optimism for the future.
Better mental acuity
This should mean improvements in
1. Social regulation
2. Social awareness
3. Emotional maturity
4. Brain development
I can finally appreciate the benefits of being celibate. Sex is now reserved only for connection, not consumption. It shall only serve for a higher purpose.
I am not impotent.
I have transcended my earlier self.
I have finally matured from the self-centered child to the self-sacrificing soldier.
I am finally a true man.
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I did many things today, and interestingly I felt happy for completing every one of them.
Every single one.
I've never felt like this before.
In the past it was just do do do.
Next one next one until I lay down in bed, without opportunity to reflect., Without recognizing everything that I've done.
Today I took a bicycle and cycled 6km home.
I appreciated every bit of that 1 hour journey, taking everything in. Good weather, empty paths, little traffic. Happy across the whole hour. This inspite of just sending my motorcycle in for servicing after finding the front brakes squeaking. I didn't mind the hassle. I just felt good.
This is nice.
I haven't felt this good and unrushed for a long time.
Every single one.
I've never felt like this before.
In the past it was just do do do.
Next one next one until I lay down in bed, without opportunity to reflect., Without recognizing everything that I've done.
Today I took a bicycle and cycled 6km home.
I appreciated every bit of that 1 hour journey, taking everything in. Good weather, empty paths, little traffic. Happy across the whole hour. This inspite of just sending my motorcycle in for servicing after finding the front brakes squeaking. I didn't mind the hassle. I just felt good.
This is nice.
I haven't felt this good and unrushed for a long time.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Let go of bad investments and partners quickly.
I have a bunch of old friends who call upon me only for drinks, or to find numbers for road trips of the unethical kind.
They never call upon me to ask me how I am. They don't care.
These are common male behaviors.
I have been thinking about disassociating with them. I have been looking for a reason. Today I have it, and it is very simple:
If they are just friends for fun, leave.
Even caring friend might have their own agenda.
Stay only if they are friends who constantly help me to improve.
Leave all those who put me at risk.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Positivity is about being able
Without this problematic habit, I am now able to
1. Stabilize my mood and emotions
2. Have more time to do good
3. Have stability and no craving or attention seeking
4. Have more focus on what I need and want
5. Enjoy all the small things in life
6. Have social stability and awareness
7. Feel unrushed and comfortable
8. Have better intelligence
Without this problematic habit, I am now able to
1. Stabilize my mood and emotions
2. Have more time to do good
3. Have stability and no craving or attention seeking
4. Have more focus on what I need and want
5. Enjoy all the small things in life
6. Have social stability and awareness
7. Feel unrushed and comfortable
8. Have better intelligence
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I will now attempt to use cognitive behavioral therapy change behavior.
All good activities I will actively acknowledge and reward myself.
All negative influences, all performers and services providers of vice and illicit trade, I will actively remind myself and associate them as harmful and hurtful agents of abuse. Poison.
Their activities have harmed me directly, for decades.
They hurt me, they hurt my relationships, and they hurt the important people in my life.
We are the hurt and abused.
I will not allow that.
This sounds a bit like those religious zealots. But their crime is subtle and continuing and unless I take active and aggressive steps I might not be able to extricate myself from this perversive disease.
All good activities I will actively acknowledge and reward myself.
All negative influences, all performers and services providers of vice and illicit trade, I will actively remind myself and associate them as harmful and hurtful agents of abuse. Poison.
Their activities have harmed me directly, for decades.
They hurt me, they hurt my relationships, and they hurt the important people in my life.
We are the hurt and abused.
I will not allow that.
This sounds a bit like those religious zealots. But their crime is subtle and continuing and unless I take active and aggressive steps I might not be able to extricate myself from this perversive disease.
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Other interesting behavior changes
1. Less reminiscing of the past. More looking forward to the future
2. More self sufficiency. Less bothered by people's responses.
3. Generally easy going mood
4. Wife always seems more happy within a month
1. Less reminiscing of the past. More looking forward to the future
2. More self sufficiency. Less bothered by people's responses.
3. Generally easy going mood
4. Wife always seems more happy within a month
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Man child.
What is a child?
A person who cannot yet take care of themselves, by virtue of lack of experience, development or ability.
The child is this dependent on others for care, attention, emotional regulation and decision making. Science also shows their brain processes are also different. They are more slow (deliberate) than fast (instinctive, reflective). They express it through temperamental, emotional unreasonable and short termed.
The man child is thus an adult whose development stage resembles a child. Do not assume by virtue of age and experience that we are no longer a child.
As long as we continue to depend on others like a child, our brain and thought processes will remain like a child. This is obviously both undesirable, and unattractive.
Think of a wimpy male, or an out of control social influencer.
That is why independence in self care, attention, emotional regulation and decision making are so important. It is not about the authority, but the process that molds the brain and produce a proper adult.
Before I quit my addiction, inspite of my age, I was a man-child.
In quiting, I immediately sense a change in mental and congnitive approach to life and people. Others can sense it too.
Less dependency
Less needy
More assertive
More in control
More reliable
More attractive
Stop being the man child.
Let your brain mature as it should
What is a child?
A person who cannot yet take care of themselves, by virtue of lack of experience, development or ability.
The child is this dependent on others for care, attention, emotional regulation and decision making. Science also shows their brain processes are also different. They are more slow (deliberate) than fast (instinctive, reflective). They express it through temperamental, emotional unreasonable and short termed.
The man child is thus an adult whose development stage resembles a child. Do not assume by virtue of age and experience that we are no longer a child.
As long as we continue to depend on others like a child, our brain and thought processes will remain like a child. This is obviously both undesirable, and unattractive.
Think of a wimpy male, or an out of control social influencer.
That is why independence in self care, attention, emotional regulation and decision making are so important. It is not about the authority, but the process that molds the brain and produce a proper adult.
Before I quit my addiction, inspite of my age, I was a man-child.
In quiting, I immediately sense a change in mental and congnitive approach to life and people. Others can sense it too.
Less dependency
Less needy
More assertive
More in control
More reliable
More attractive
Stop being the man child.
Let your brain mature as it should
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Poison poison poison
There is a technique during breath focus meditation, where when a stray thought enters the mind, we say 'thoughts thoughts thoughts', so as to be aware of it, not engage it, and return to our focus.
So when a stray craving thought enters, I'd say "poison poison poison" to better resist, and then return to what I was doing.
There is a technique during breath focus meditation, where when a stray thought enters the mind, we say 'thoughts thoughts thoughts', so as to be aware of it, not engage it, and return to our focus.
So when a stray craving thought enters, I'd say "poison poison poison" to better resist, and then return to what I was doing.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
At the end of the day, all this so call need for soothing, need for comfort are all just bs.
What's the big deal about everything? Why the need to blow things out of proportion. In the long run all things are just normalized. In the long run all things are settled.
It is what it is
We'll get what we deserve.
What will be will be.
What's the big deal about everything? Why the need to blow things out of proportion. In the long run all things are just normalized. In the long run all things are settled.
It is what it is
We'll get what we deserve.
What will be will be.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
PMO is a pleasure magnifier.
It is also an issue magnifier, so that victims are more drawn to use PMO as a soother.
Because it is a magnifier in pleasure and pain, subtle daily pleasures are minimized and ignored. Life in general becomes harder.
As a negative magnifier, small pains are also magnified.
But small pain in reality is still just a small pain. And even the big pains will pass eventually
The corrupted brain just imagines everything extraordinary and unbearable.
Don't be misled.
All uncomfortable things will come to pass. Such is life.
It is also an issue magnifier, so that victims are more drawn to use PMO as a soother.
Because it is a magnifier in pleasure and pain, subtle daily pleasures are minimized and ignored. Life in general becomes harder.
As a negative magnifier, small pains are also magnified.
But small pain in reality is still just a small pain. And even the big pains will pass eventually
The corrupted brain just imagines everything extraordinary and unbearable.
Don't be misled.
All uncomfortable things will come to pass. Such is life.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
ED can result from low testosterone.
Interestingly, prolactin, a pituitary hormone, can block the action of testosterone.
Research indicates that prolactin increases following orgasm are involved in a feedback loop that serves to decrease arousal through inhibitory central dopaminergic and probably peripheral processes.
That means the more orgasm, the more prolectin will be released Into the system, the lower the effect of testosterone, the more likely the ED.
ED might also be caused by Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia, which is common for mature men 40s and older.
psnet.ahrq.gov
www.health.harvard.edu
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Interestingly, prolactin, a pituitary hormone, can block the action of testosterone.
Research indicates that prolactin increases following orgasm are involved in a feedback loop that serves to decrease arousal through inhibitory central dopaminergic and probably peripheral processes.
That means the more orgasm, the more prolectin will be released Into the system, the lower the effect of testosterone, the more likely the ED.
ED might also be caused by Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia, which is common for mature men 40s and older.
Renal Failure Due to Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia | PSNet
Lower urinary tract symptoms (LUTS) due to benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) occur in more than half of men older than 50. More serious complications of BPH include acute urinary retention and obstructive uropathy with renal failure due to bladder outlet obstruction.
psnet.ahrq.gov
Sex and the prostate: Overcoming erectile dysfunction when you have prostate disease - Harvard Health
...
www.health.harvard.edu
The post-orgasmic prolactin increase following intercourse is greater than following masturbation and suggests greater satiety - PubMed
Research indicates that prolactin increases following orgasm are involved in a feedback loop that serves to decrease arousal through inhibitory central dopaminergic and probably peripheral processes. The magnitude of post-orgasmic prolactin increase is thus a neurohormonal index of sexual...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
At this moment I believe I've broken the porn bond.
Proof?
No interest.
I still find women attractive, but the link between seeing a pretty person to desiring sex or orgasm is very weak now.
But more importantly I am starting to have major shifts in opinion.
1. I think I've learnt too many wrong views, propagated by media and cunning people, like "how I should... " Or "the right way is..." They are false values.
True values are honorable ones that your mother and child would respect. Put my beliefs to the test.
2. I'm starting to see intimacy as "making the other person happy" over "making me happy"
How often have we really made love to the effect of understanding and meeting the partner's needs and preferences first and foremost? I only remembered a handful of times. This is why objectification and learned performance are terrible. The needs of the partner are never take into consideration.
As I shift more towards meeting my needs internally and independently, the appeal of external beauty wanes.
Wanking to a pretty person does absolutely nothing beneficial to me, while delivering massive hormonal and psychological damages. What's to like?
It is this shift that drives the biggest factor to my reboot success.
I hope this knowledge helps you.
Proof?
No interest.
I still find women attractive, but the link between seeing a pretty person to desiring sex or orgasm is very weak now.
But more importantly I am starting to have major shifts in opinion.
1. I think I've learnt too many wrong views, propagated by media and cunning people, like "how I should... " Or "the right way is..." They are false values.
True values are honorable ones that your mother and child would respect. Put my beliefs to the test.
2. I'm starting to see intimacy as "making the other person happy" over "making me happy"
How often have we really made love to the effect of understanding and meeting the partner's needs and preferences first and foremost? I only remembered a handful of times. This is why objectification and learned performance are terrible. The needs of the partner are never take into consideration.
As I shift more towards meeting my needs internally and independently, the appeal of external beauty wanes.
Wanking to a pretty person does absolutely nothing beneficial to me, while delivering massive hormonal and psychological damages. What's to like?
It is this shift that drives the biggest factor to my reboot success.
I hope this knowledge helps you.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Mental repetition of negative association with undesirables.
Recognition and reward for positive association with desirables.
Realize that cravings always pass after a little time.
The best way to kill hunger is to drink water, and being happy about it. Replace a bad habit with a good one.
Recognition and reward for positive association with desirables.
Realize that cravings always pass after a little time.
The best way to kill hunger is to drink water, and being happy about it. Replace a bad habit with a good one.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Many people struggle with kicking a habit. I have an analogy.
I am cold. I need firewood
I need to chop some
Chapter 1
I have an axe (intention)
It's all I have.
It's not sharp.
I used brute force to chop.
I went as far as my stamina (will power) can endure.. then I fail, because will power is a limited resource. I get some firewood, but it doesn't go far
Chapter 2
I get friends to help and learn from (community)
I know more helping hands make easier work. I also learn from masters what works and doesn't. But I also realize that at the end of the day I must do my own work.
Chapter 3
I get a sharpening stone (journal)
i am keeping tabs what works for me and what doesnt. I write about bears in the wood and weather to be more careful.
I am better than before but the blade still blunts over time.
Chapter 4
I get more tools (technique)
I have a chainsaw and other odd tools.
I now have different ways to handle different types of problems on different days.
Chapter 5
I watch YouTube videos of wood cutting. (Education)
I learn about tree structures and how to cut better.
I learn why it's important to keep warm.
I now fill myself with knowledge, reason and purpose
Chapter 6
I got electricity and coal and hot water (replacements)
I learnt not to depend solely on firewood to keep warm. I have many ways to keep warm.
In kicking habits, we move from brute force to self awareness journalling, CBT, education, community and replacement.
Brute force alone rarely works.
Replacement is the key.
But oftentimes getting to the desired end state requires support, education, discipline and techniques.
Another bout of PMO is like running out of firewood and drinking a ltr of free alcohol instead of working hard to get firewood. It works for a short while and hurt us very badly. In the long run our liver is busted and we have nothing to look forward to. Liberation is moving to a warm place so that we can whatever we want whenever we want without any liver disease or having to collect firewood. It is possible. We need to choose.
The more we know and arm ourselves the better and sooner our outcome will be.
I am cold. I need firewood
I need to chop some
Chapter 1
I have an axe (intention)
It's all I have.
It's not sharp.
I used brute force to chop.
I went as far as my stamina (will power) can endure.. then I fail, because will power is a limited resource. I get some firewood, but it doesn't go far
Chapter 2
I get friends to help and learn from (community)
I know more helping hands make easier work. I also learn from masters what works and doesn't. But I also realize that at the end of the day I must do my own work.
Chapter 3
I get a sharpening stone (journal)
i am keeping tabs what works for me and what doesnt. I write about bears in the wood and weather to be more careful.
I am better than before but the blade still blunts over time.
Chapter 4
I get more tools (technique)
I have a chainsaw and other odd tools.
I now have different ways to handle different types of problems on different days.
Chapter 5
I watch YouTube videos of wood cutting. (Education)
I learn about tree structures and how to cut better.
I learn why it's important to keep warm.
I now fill myself with knowledge, reason and purpose
Chapter 6
I got electricity and coal and hot water (replacements)
I learnt not to depend solely on firewood to keep warm. I have many ways to keep warm.
In kicking habits, we move from brute force to self awareness journalling, CBT, education, community and replacement.
Brute force alone rarely works.
Replacement is the key.
But oftentimes getting to the desired end state requires support, education, discipline and techniques.
Another bout of PMO is like running out of firewood and drinking a ltr of free alcohol instead of working hard to get firewood. It works for a short while and hurt us very badly. In the long run our liver is busted and we have nothing to look forward to. Liberation is moving to a warm place so that we can whatever we want whenever we want without any liver disease or having to collect firewood. It is possible. We need to choose.
The more we know and arm ourselves the better and sooner our outcome will be.
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I took a lonnnnnnng time to let go of a previous lover.
For that long time I thought there was something special about her for me to be so attached.
Now I realized it's not that.
Now I realized that I was remembering her only for dopamine kicks.
I was "abusing" her memory.
There are reasons addicts are so attached to the past. Not because it was better or more memorable, but because it gives them happiness spikes easily.
The future is much harder to visualize because it hasn't happened yet, is not assured and requires effort.
This behavior maintains a poor cycle.
The past is better
The future is difficult
I have completely let go of my ex.
I realized that thinking about her does absolutely nothing for me.
In fact it is detrimental to my mental health.
This is the same as porn.
Utterly useless and unbeneficial
For that long time I thought there was something special about her for me to be so attached.
Now I realized it's not that.
Now I realized that I was remembering her only for dopamine kicks.
I was "abusing" her memory.
There are reasons addicts are so attached to the past. Not because it was better or more memorable, but because it gives them happiness spikes easily.
The future is much harder to visualize because it hasn't happened yet, is not assured and requires effort.
This behavior maintains a poor cycle.
The past is better
The future is difficult
I have completely let go of my ex.
I realized that thinking about her does absolutely nothing for me.
In fact it is detrimental to my mental health.
This is the same as porn.
Utterly useless and unbeneficial
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TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I find that my current sources of happiness does not lie in women or memories or imagination with them.
It is more of recollecting good deeds done and activities.
This is good as it redirects my joy from dependency on people to effort made on activities .
And this is where the best form of dopamine lie: in the enjoyment of process.
It is more of recollecting good deeds done and activities.
This is good as it redirects my joy from dependency on people to effort made on activities .
And this is where the best form of dopamine lie: in the enjoyment of process.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
I find that my current sources of happiness does not lie in women or memories with them.
It is more of good deeds done and activities.
As a result I feel freer with people, less sensitive and more at ease with myself.
It is more of good deeds done and activities.
As a result I feel freer with people, less sensitive and more at ease with myself.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
It never occurred to me that improving my life is as simple as stopping nudity.
That's it.
No medication
No harsh punishments
More walks in the park
More gentle treatment of myself.
More self love.
That's it.
No medication
No harsh punishments
More walks in the park
More gentle treatment of myself.
More self love.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Being clean meant more self respect.
I'm less affected by another person's words or opinion. I used to be hypersensitive, able to be angry for at least 3 days.
I think now its because I felt impotent to make change. I had depreciated my self worth over hope for another person's endorsement.
Today there was a little argument.
I showed my anger.
I kept my calm
I made little effort for argument because I didn't care about being heard. I decided on my own judgement and die by my choice.
I didn't walk away.
I didnt hide behind a screen.
I recognized while the issue that led to the argument was less than ideal
1. I did try my best
2. I didn't have any help
3. I could have done better but I was also pushed.
So internally I measured myself and decided my rating.
I didn't care what the other thought.
I decided I didn't need any help
I was at peace with myself.
I calmed down and chilled out.
I'm less affected by another person's words or opinion. I used to be hypersensitive, able to be angry for at least 3 days.
I think now its because I felt impotent to make change. I had depreciated my self worth over hope for another person's endorsement.
Today there was a little argument.
I showed my anger.
I kept my calm
I made little effort for argument because I didn't care about being heard. I decided on my own judgement and die by my choice.
I didn't walk away.
I didnt hide behind a screen.
I recognized while the issue that led to the argument was less than ideal
1. I did try my best
2. I didn't have any help
3. I could have done better but I was also pushed.
So internally I measured myself and decided my rating.
I didn't care what the other thought.
I decided I didn't need any help
I was at peace with myself.
I calmed down and chilled out.