My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why P causes depression?

You're in cloud 9 looking at the most beautiful person, staring back at you, smiling, naked or moaning.

You're engrossed. Time passes quickly.
You do your thing.

You're done and you move away from your media.

What do you see around you?
An empty room

Is the beautiful person there talking to you, waiting to grab a bite with you or go out and do something together?
No

You're all alone.
Alone.

When you miss them, can you call them?
No

When you want to do something, can you include them?
No

Does this 'relatiosnhip' build wholesomeness, betterment, improvement, growth to you?'
No

Does it make you feel proud you have this 'relationship' ?
No

They dont exist in your life.
They don exist in your reality.
You might as well say Trump and Putin are your personal friends and have your back. Dream on.

Thats what this is all about.
Don't fool yourself that you have something good.
You dont.

No more of this nonsense. I'm going to love myself better now.

Our environment, either we make effort to improve it, or we move away from it, hopefully to something better. Don't waste our precious time on something that is not even real or meaningful. Results only come from doing. Put your efforts only in the right places. 
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Which came first, Desire, Depression or Dependence?

I slipped again this morning.
two weeks since the last, and one week prior to that. Its almost 2 months to the day i started.

But the pattern was telling.
1. I started surfing sites from Saturday. Excuses that I can hold out were just that, excuses
2. I was progressively getting more depressed over the weekend. While I was getting sufficient sleep, too much time thinking about myself and poor future was not helping.
3. I miss the girl i love very much. It was eventually to the image of her, even though the leadup was a chat site and a streaming site.
4. I cannot deny her. The rest I sorta can. But i will still fail eventually. Because over the days I can sense a kind of build up. The body feels it and the mind creates all sorts of solutions to get there. It will eventually get there.

Wow. the battle is real.
My conscious says no but my subconscious says go. Guess who will win ? The sub.
Why? Because it is ever present, it owns the subtle thoughts AND the hormones and the chemicals going for it.

Conclusions:
1. I WILL arrive at that destination if I keep doing the things that can only lead me there
2. My mind and emotions are more difficult to manage than I think
3. the slope is so slippery that once started it is virtually impossible to stop. << This is the most important
These are primordial cravings. Who are we kidding ???

Action plan:
1. I must find more interests to take over my time. Dead time is the worst for me
2. My phone is more dangerous than my pc.
3. I must find more ways to hack my mind. Logic may not be enough
4. I have to find trigger replacement actions to help me.
open all curtains and windows?
get out of the house?
distraction activities?

* I have found a Trend micro dr safety app on google play that can help block sites for me.

Failures and mistakes are part of life
I did not fail when i falter.
I only fail when i repeat my mistakes.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Change and improvement has 5 criteria to happen.

1. Belief that I can change
2. Benefits that can be derived from change
3. Conducive environment promoting change
4. Constant daily effort to turn action into habits
5. Urgency to want to get there
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Depression.
The inability to escape a mind that is constantly ruminating that everything will end up bad and nothing is worth living for.

Reason
Too much time on my hands

Action
Get busy
Be involved with others
Have plans and goals to follow through

I must do things to take my mind away from me.

Gotta spend the time to brainwash myself clean

Low self esteem is from constantly comparing others with oneself negatively. I can never win.
Stop this comparing shit.
Forget how others think of me.
Just keep improving how i think of me.
Just go and do my own shit courageously.


 
jberg

jberg

Active Member
Inspiring to see your persistence in fighting this disease.  It's impossible to steer a parked car, so as you continue to take action, perhaps you will be guided to whatever it is that you need to get over the next hump.  Is that why you chose that name, TakeActionNow?  8)
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thank you Jberg.

It means a lot to me when someone comments on my page.

Yes.
Only action matters.
All the thinking and strategizing delivers no results
Only taking action matters.

but we must be careful.
What we seek we will surely find.

Ironically in my search for solutions, I found depression.
And somehow, in seeking to understand more, I got more depressed.

I've been on a depression cycle for several times this last few months.
I realized my depression is my own self doing.
I was unaware that my behavior hurts me deeply.
I am shocked how my thinking has led my mind into deeper and deeper depression.
I come to realize that "what we seek, we will surely find"
I didn't realize my behavior was seeking depression.

So today i vow to myself to start afresh.
I will seek happiness and success instead.

Our minds cannot be trusted.
If we are to reach our factual and logical goals, we need to instill within ourselves habits and behaviors that protect us from a reactive mind seeking to meet its own emotional ends.

So now I have to learn to let go again.
Let go of my depression and seek happiness and joy and success.

The mind is an amazing thing.
It will either help you infinitely or hurt you infinitely.
We must nurture it in the correct way, and feed it with the bright sunshine of goodness, and not the black darkness of cravings.

JS was right
seek things we are grateful of constantly.

I seek happiness and success.
I seek happiness and success.
I seek happiness and success.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Reminders of my deeper reasons.

1. Why no to PMO
a. Improve relationship, response and connection with real people
b. Improve sensitivity and rigidity of penis
c. Improve tolerance of emotion to real world issues

d. Replace short sighted low goal instant gratification behavior with positive big dreams long term outlook and rewards
e. remove dependency on false items for real needs
f. remove flawed feel good concept (selfish ejaculation) with real feel good (achievements, joint goals)

g. develop broader spectrum of growth, gain and satisfaction
h. develop more risk taking / failure adopting behaviors


2. Why work hard
a. improve financial outlook
b. amass funds needed to fulfil enjoyment dreams

3. Why keep busy and develop interests and hobbies
a. Remove free time to ruminate
b. Cultivate curiosity and growth
c. expand social circle
d. become good at some things

4. Why seek only good things
a. Whatever you seek, you will find it
=> seeking dark leads to more darkness. Seeking bright leads to more happiness

5. Why action over insight
a. only action delivers results
b. insights only cause more rumination and negativity

6. 4 agreements and making myself 3rd party
a. impeccable word
b. never assume
c. never personal
d. do my best
e. lead and take care of myself like i was my son or my father
f. Full faith, belief and confidence in myself. Independent and assured.
g. never waste anymore time on negativity, comparison or opinion. Focus on solutions, improvement and self worth.


7. There is no I. Instead, my purpose is my Identity.
I am successful because I will recognize every time i succeed
I am an achiever because I will recognize every time i achieve
I am a completer because I will recognize every time i complete my goals
PLans, goals and facts will rule my life. I will not give any more time to emotions that have no basis



Reminder:
Successful people
a. are fully engaged, and do not hold themselves back
b. embrace both success and failure equally
c. have positive and growth outlook
d. collect their success, not failures
e. have sex with real people
f. are fully engaged with personal development
g. don't take themselves too seriously
h. have fun
i. can let go
j. can take risks, willing to try, want to grow
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
PMO does these things to us without us knowing:

1. lowers self esteem
2. lowers self worth and opinion
3. lowers self confidence
4. lowers risk taking by increasing fear of failure/rejection
5. Difficulty to manage attention and emotions
6. Unrealistic view of self status and place

why?
P is 100% assured, yet real world relationships is never 100% assured
Through long exposure of P, we become more uncertain with real world relationships, we are fearful of rejection.
Because we are risk averse, we do not practice flirting or relationship/confidence building and feel unconfident with others. We cannot fool ourselves.
Hoping to receive higher levels of acceptance or reception, we instinctively lower our self opinion and behavior standards.
Consequently we develop habits that promote the above 6 detriments.
>> We become dependent on others for our self opinion and decision making, instead of being self assured and confident.


We know the world operate in a different way.

It is the independent, courageous, failure/rejection facing, mind speaking, battle scarred, intelligent witty, sensitive attentive engaging men who are more attractive than safe talking, riskless walking, fearful men.

Similarly, wont you be more attracted to independent straight talking confident women ?
I know I am. They overflow with sexual confidence and appeal.
Needy uncertain woman never attracts me.
They appear weak, unattractive and unsuccessful.
Because they are.
Because they are unfamiliar to success in sex and relationships.
And so are we.

Be very clear about this.
Stopping PMO and we stop our weak promoting behaviors.
Stopping PMO and we become strong and confident in ourselves.
Stopping PMO and we become more attractive to others.

Stop promoting habits and behaviors that makes us think and behave like unattractive unsuccessful needy people.
 
lyon03

lyon03

Respected Member
I've just read your last series of posts and wanted to thank you for your insights. Well done!
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thanks Lyon03,
you are an inspiration to us all !

Lately I've been thinking about my low self esteem, low self love, self hate and self sabotage.
Then I tried to look at myself in a 3rd person way, like I was talking to a friend in pain instead of to myself in person.

If I was that friend, what would i do?
I would fill him with encouraging words.
I would take time out and spend it with him in comforting ways
I would schedule time and do happy wholesome things together
I would cheer for all his successes and achievements
I would stand beside him and encourage him to higher achievements
I would tell him to dream big and not be afraid to fail
I would ask him to let go of all worries and attachments and focus on doing good, one thing at a time
I would ask him to live life full, have fun and not worry. Just do his best.
I would tell him that there is plenty to look forward to tomorrow, and its better to enjoy it with him than being alone.
I would tell him to never give up, because quitters never get anything, and the reward is always better than our minds can ever imagine
I would tell him to love himself, because I love him too.

We were born into this world together and we will leave this beautiful place together too.
I need him as much as he needs me.
He is me, and I am him.
 
J

jjacks

Active Member
I hope you would also listen back and then give him a big man-hug because it can be so lonely out there.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
thank you jj,

Reboot/Recovery is about taking back ownership of ourselves !!!

I am in charge !

Not my mind !
Not my emotions !!

I can ENDURE!
I can say NO!

I AM IN CHARGE !!!
 
DV8

DV8

Member
You are in charge! Keep up the good work and the deep sharing. It makes such a difference to my journey. Thank you
 
lyon03

lyon03

Respected Member
One of the main problems that drove my addictions (to porn, sex, and masturbation) was my complete inability to acknowledge, feel, and manage my own emotions. For example, I was gay and yet married to a woman. "Fine!" I'd tell people. I'd watch porn for hours every work day and masturbate at least once a day, "Most productive work days EVER!" I'd lie. I wasn't just lying to those around me, I was lying to myself. The denial was killing me while also harming my (then) wife and three children. I used my addictions to manage my denial but eventually my addictions became problematic as well. So in response to your:

"I recognize i need complete honesty in my life. I wonder how do I do that."

I'd just start by honestly sharing where you are in your recovery and how you're feeling. Three years ago I truly thought of myself as calm, cool, and collected, but I was actually an angry addict on the verge of suicide. THAT got my attention and forced me to change. I hope that helps my friend. 
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
thank you lyon,
I will try. I will try.

I am currently filled with deep anger.
It has been almost 2 days now.
I think it was my interview yesterday morning.
It didnt feel good to me.
I was ill prepared in confidence and salesmenship
I felt i didnt come across as strong, focused and determined for the role.
The deputy director interviewing me certainly was.
I felt i was like a yes man, with little opinion, of little strength and vision.
I didn't feel sexy. I felt outclassed. I need to lead. Instead i got led.
I'm so pissed with myself.


Having anger is actually not bad.
I have been depressed for so long.
4.5 months? everyday has been gray, stale and tasteless.
having anger as an emotion is actually colorful.

anger gives me energy.
i ran 5k last night to try to get over it.
often when running i will find a topic to think about
yesterday i told myself to stop the negativity
So i focused instead on appreciating every bit of my life.
by the end of the run i was happy and appreciative of everything i have
i was energized and have 100% belief in myself that i can do anything i want.
Full belief !
it felt super good.

====

I came back and met a doubtful and disillusioned young man 24 yrs old at an exercise station
muscular, good looking, but defensive and full of excuses about his life goals.
He reminded totally of a younger me.
no girlfriends. gamer. likely a porn masturbator too.
I gave him the pep talk of my life.
Told him to be focused on his life goals
Told him to step up and be committed, that no one can judge or tell him otherwise
Told him not to waste any more time on activities that do not contribute to his final success
Told him to find the right company who encourages and shows the ways to success
Told him to build his mental, physical and psychological resilience.
Told him the only person who can limit his success is himself.

I was talking to him, but i was also talking to myself.
I hope he believes me, I need to believe me too.

====

Anyway, woke up today and the anger is still there.
i dont like it but i feel alive.
pleasantly i had a morning stiffy too.
i am starting to be interested with things around me now.
ideas of rearranging my place is also coming. this is good for me.
i want to do something.
i want to achieve.
PMO robs us of our emotions.
That I am feeling now, even if it is anger, is goooooooooooooooood
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Anger is an energy created solely to make change

Do not be stupid and focus on this emotion

Instead, focus on what are the conditions that caused it to arise, and what are the changes that needs to be made.

1. I need to be committed to create a business
2. I need to be positive, engaged and determined at EVERY interview
3. I need to be better prepared. I will be persuasive.
4. I am NOT DEPENDENT on other's handouts. Instead i will ATTRACT them positively to WANT ME.
5. I will not be lazy or naive. I will think about their concerns and answer ACCORDINGLY
6. I will be knowledge and ready.


Hmm.... My anger subsided a little after writing this.
 
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