My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Background.

I slipped last monday and tuesday.
I ended up being massively depressed on last Thursday

Then I slipped again this thursday.
I am clear of the sequence now. I pray I will not slip again in the future. The price is very high.
The solution is get the fuck out of the house !!!

This time I was watching Saturday and Sunday.
True enough, depression hit me massively in the form of low self esteem on Sat.
Even though I was in the company of kind hearted new friends, with a long 1:1 session, I cannot help but fall into myself.
Conclusion :
Stop being so self centered and take interest in people and their interests !!!
BE ENGAGED ! LIVE THE NOW !

On Sunday the feeling was one of negative, not good enough and not creative or with ideas
I was at a nerdy meetup and was wondering how others are so cheerful and creative with jokes.
Then i went to a improv session and could not get myself to come up with jokes, all the time being extremely concerned i'm not good enough and my ideas are not good enough.
When did i become so unconfident and placed myself so low among others ???
Went to play softball and frisbee later.
During softball I kept telling myself : i am good, i am good, i am good....
I hit a couple of good shots, caught a good ball and ran well inspite of a broken pair of boots.
At frisbee, after scoring 4, i kept telling myself : 1 more, 1 more, 1 more...
and i did.
Conclusion :
a. When depression hits, I can either Dwell on it or Deny it.
DENY THE FUCKER !
b. We only see what we focus on. If i focus on the negatives, i only see the worst.
When i focus on effort and good, i only see success.
I AM SUCCESSFUL !!!


Bottom line:

My quality of life depends not on what my thoughts or emotions are
but what state I CHOOSE myself to be in.

I choose STRENGTH
I choose PURPOSE
I deny weakness
I deny lathergy
I CHOOSE LIFE !!!


Life is about DOING DOING DOING
Stop ruminating. Keep doing. Keep achieving !
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Monday:
Focus for this week :
1. Do something
2. Love and take care of myself
3. Be interested and engaged with people and things
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I have decided to acknowledge myself officially as suffering from depression, possibly since teenage days.

This will help me take the necessary steps to recovery and improvement.

I suspect many of my fellow rebooters are also suffer from this mental illness.
It is very difficult to solve our challenges until we know exactly what is it we are suffering from.

I strongly believe PMO is only a symptom, an outlet to address our needs, desires, inadequacies.

I look back at my life and the claims PMO does to my brain.
Yet I think these effects really are signs of depression.
- Lack of motivation
- Unable to love and accept myself properly
- Lack of interest in life
- Low Self esteem and lack of confidence
- Dark inner critic
- Unable to form long term commitment
- Unable to see and work towards a long term goal
So I turn to gaming and PMO as an outlet to escape from my dark reality
In them i found false success and false sense of achievement

Now I am clear it is depression i need to cure.
I hope it is not too late.

We only have 1 life.
I'll be damned to give it away to depression.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Tuesday:
1. set goals, complete them and attain success
a. sign on uber
b. do presentation on motivation
c. meet startup founders and job apply
d. be kind to everyone around me

2. respond, not react.
http://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-nidsn-2ba6492
http://www.happinesspodcast.org/feed/podcast/
Came across an excellent podcast, reminding me to focus on what is truly important.

 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Going for an interview in a moment and this thought came into my head:

-this is a lousy job
-you're better than this
-you like something else

I'm thinking, is my mind self sabotaging me ?

So i googled and found this absolutely best article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201407/4-ways-stop-sabotaging-yourself

And I am amazed
1. self-hatred. I dont deserve better
2. false comfort/security. over-protecting
3. safety in static. refusal to accept change
4. fear.

These crazy emotions and thoughts do nothing but hold us back.
Stay focused on our goals.
Do not be swayed by the groundless voices in our heads
work hard and do your best, and keep saying encouraging voices in our heads like:
- i feel great
- this is the best
- this is what i want !
- i want it !

 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Only honesty can set us free

1.
It is all in the mind
actions never happens on their own.
action always follows decisions in the mind

Guard, train and nurture your mind, and proper action will follow.


2.
perhaps we are here because we are
- weaker in constitution
- more emotionally sensitive
- having less desire to achieve our goals

whatever the reasons, that we are here means we are charting a path towards correction and recovery.

the greatest difficulties with recovery isn't the abstinence; it is the increased contact with the roots that drove us to our dependence.
for me it is getting connected with the full force of my emotions
and coming to terms with the lost time and money as a consequence of my departure with reality, the lack of courage to face my fears, and my general short term outlook of life

And as painful as reality is now, it is reality that will ultimately save me.
I have only 1 life
I do not want to live on dependence
I want to live it meaningfully and honestly.

3.
It is 9 days since i last slipped, and 18 days to the previous.
I read somewhere that testosterone peaks in 7 or so days, and athletes can use this method to peak performance.
Well, I have been feeling seething anger and rage within me for 2 days now for reasons i do not know.
This is a dangerous time, as it is the same period i last slipped following the previous.

I look back at my past to understand i turn to this for comfort from anger, sadness, weakness, boredom.
I dont remember needing this when i am happy.
I realized nothing about this activity that has improved me, nor made me a smarter, richer or more wholesome person.

Therefore, I must endure and get to know my emotions, both the uplifting and the destroying.
This relationship is like a muscle. The more i endure, the more i know myself, and the more i can manage in the future.

4.
I continue my last post:
face fear
pursue pain (seeking the difficult)
belief self
deliberate determination
focused goals

 
DV8

DV8

Member
Hi TAN, I hear the struggle and rage in this post and more then hear it, I understand it. I would never underestimate the power of a our habit/addiction. It can easily bypass our logical mind and before we act since we 'know better', we are in its grip. I know reaching the goal will be a fantastic victory, but the journey, where we are now has so much to teach us. I am sharing this because I desperately need to learn it. Compassion for self is a great fuel for healing and growth.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thank you DV.
Yes the inner voice is incredibly subtle.

I was bored today and I thought a few moments of play would be fine.
Thankfully I am sensible to know better than engage. Recent memories are still strong and fresh to keep me straight and true.

Which made me realize another concern:
I am bored as hell every single day.
I live in an apartment in the same city state all my life
today nothing in my country interests me at all.
not the sights, not the activities, not the people

I have no interests to pursue except going through tons of self help books.
Even this is getting rather overdosed

While i wait to secure a job, I spend lots of time alone.
My friends are only a handful. i see them maybe once a month.

otherwise i am not interested in doing anything.

I dont know if this is typical of anyone in their 40s
I dont know if this is typical of someone who lives alone
i dont know if its specific to me, or someone who's poor and doesnt have much to spend, or i have a fixed mindset instead of a growth mindset

i remember when i was young i was super curious
everything was new and worth discovering
why is this happening to me?

what are my long term goals?
have financial security into retirement
have people i love around me
have an identity i can be proud of

i need to remind myself not just to live in the here and now but also work towards something meaningful into the future.
i have zero tangible goals today. perhaps that's why
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Close of the day.
I survived not slipping.
Every day is a struggle.
That is the correct attitude.
Do not be lax or complacent.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Nice start to the day.
Missed my ride to run at the trails with friends.
Instead, my friends suggested I ran to the trails and meet them there.

Its possible, and I ran there.

Now I feel happy for doing something different, for completing what i set out to do, and for achieving my mini goal of not walking, and for enduring many moments of wanting to give up.

I have forgotten that it is important to have fun and enjoy life.
Less self help, more activities, always keep busy and keep finding interesting things to do.

Have a great sunday everyone !
 
H

HopeSprings

Active Member
I can't believe I have a whole Sunday. I saw a friend for lunch yesterday, a mate in the afternoon to listen to some tunes and have a coffee, then drove to see some friends in a beautiful part of the country last night and spent the night in a village pub. I'm filling my life with things to do, to get past thoughts of my beautiful ex, and acting out, but yes it feels good. A better you is just around the corner. Really.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I started listening to this audiobook, and want to recommend it:

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

I want to state very clearly:
I am recommending this book for clarity on values and character, NOT on chasing women.


We are in this forum clearly because:
1. we desire sex very strongly
2. we have some internal issues
3. we cannot accept ourselves for some reasons.

The book talks about these issues very well.
We have confidence issues because we are have not been honest with ourselves.
We have not taken the necessary steps to accept the normal and acceptable effects of reality, namely failure, rejection or incompleteness.

We have not taken enough time to take care of ourselves, to groom, look good and improve our thoughts minds and skills.

If you can get hold of this book, please do.
Learn not for the techniques to win over people.
Learn to understand and make yourself a better person.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Looking back these last few days i realized:

1. remembering the past often makes me angry and upset.
I need to focus more on planning and working towards the future.
The past is the past. Never look back, not even for the good, because that creates desires which is also suffering.
Only look forward. Only work hard towards a better tomorrow.

2. i've noticed 2 recent cycles of extreme anger/depression to have the mood lifted in a few days to 100% bright energized and positive. I need to find a way to maintain that level of positivity consistently.
It must be activities related, and arising from within.
I truly believe it is goal setting and accomplishments.
I was rather unmotivated and un-goal oriented these last few days

3. Part of having an interesting life is seeking interesting things to do, experiencing growth in skill knowledge and personality
that means doing new and different things, and not be afraid of taking on new challenges.
Body - exercise, but not too much
Mind - study, practice and gaining new skills
Soul - meditate. calmness. letting go

I must have new outlook in life. That tomorrow will be a better day. That there will be many and better things to look forward to.

tomorrow will be better than today
tomorrow will be better than today
tomorrow will be better than today
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why do we like to look at the visuals of pretty people looking back at us, or people involving in colitis?
We are essentially using this medium to fulfill unfulfilled inner needs.

In real life what would these experiences represent ?
Like or interest in ourselves.

And why would we crave for this attention ?
Self interest is lacking in our lives

Why is it lacking?
Because we have not been giving any to ourselves.

Why do we not give to ourselves?
Too many possible reasons, all wrong anyway.

Solution:
Love and take care of ourselves better in wholesome and honest ways, like we would for the people we love, like we would hope for from the people who loves us.

What does it entail?
Gifting ourselves
taking care of our emotional needs
having kind and comforting words
helping us out from depression or negativity
encouraging us to go further, try harder
reassuring ourselves that effort is worthwhile, tomorrow is better

People will come and go in our lives. The only one who remains forever is ourselves.
Therefore we need to take care of ourselves in the best possible way. With real love and care and attention
We can visualize ourselves concurrently as ourselves, our son and our father.
Hence we should treat ourselves like we treat them: with deep love, care and respect.

Do you think you would advise them to a life of PMO? I wont.

If i can discount all the failings of the one i love, why cant myself?
if I can encourage and support the one i love, why cant myself?
if i can take care of the one i love, why cant myself?
if i can suffer for the one i love, why cant myself?
if i can forgive the one i love, why cant myself?
if i can love the one i love, why cant myself?
if i respect my love, why cant myself?
if i appreciate my love, why cant myself?
if i love having fun with my love, why cant myself?
if i want to be happy with my love, why not myself?
if i want to grow old happily with my love, why cant myself?
if i encourage my love to focus on the positive, why cant myself?

I can.

This is not narcissism. This is about proper self love, about self growth.
Do not do unto ourselves what we do not bare to happen to others.
Help ourselves as we would generously help others.
Too long we have been looking outside for love. It is high time we look inside for true love.
No more dependence.
It is time to be independent.
It is time to learn to love everything, both the good and the better. (there is no bad, that is just a mindset)
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am on the bus and i see so many people on their handphones playing games or watching serials.

I wonder why are they not keen on self growth, preferring instead to lose their precious time on meaningless pursuits.

Well i was like that before. Even more.

Instead of doing these mindless activities i now spend more time to develop and enrich myself, like reading and learning new things, to have perspective and opinion.

I was thinking why my mind is foggy and my memory poor. It is because i was not paying attention to myself and what was happening to me.
The moment i am attentive and concerned about my growth and well-being, the focus will lead to clarity.

Things dont just happen.
There is reason and process.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am starting to realize that tomorrow is feeling better and more possible and positive because of one simple act:

I am spending time today improving myself and making effort. 

No more laziness or running away. Its so much better to grow and grow

Invest today reap tomorrow
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
For all my life I've picked the relatively easy.
Easy subjects, easy girls, easy work.
I suppose its because i was lazy.
But more i think its because i was afraid.
Fearful of failing, fearful of rejection.

Guess where this safe stale behavior got me today.
No where.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
my personal insight relating to ED is one of mindset rather than material.
While porn dependences make real woman more intimidating and perhaps less interesting,
it is having a general interest in life that makes most events exciting, and hence stimulating.

I look back at my life and believe ED started for me as early as 30
Root causes for my ED:
1. daily PMO since 13
2. general low self esteem and possibly depression
3. unwillingness to take risk
4. poor sense of self worth because financially weak and not often pursuing self interests (aside from P)

I feel it is important to do several things to truly get rid of ED:
1. cultivate an intense interest in self love and development, in the complete 3 areas of body, mind and soul
2. cultivate an intense interest in life in general around us and outside of us
3. take risks in life to stimulate the soul and feel excited
4. have meaningful priorities in life far greater than the seeking of sex

ED can happen in 3 ways
body: not strong enough to maintain blood flow as a consequence of weak hormone, nutrients, muscle or heart
heart: having depression, low self esteem, low confidence
spiritual: guilt, shame, worth

The most important goal is to wholesome recovery is rebuilding self and character.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TakeActionNow said:
I started listening to this audiobook, and want to recommend it:

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

I want to state very clearly:
I am recommending this book for clarity on values and character, NOT on chasing women.


The book talks about these issues very well.
We have confidence issues because we are have not been honest with ourselves.
We have not taken the necessary steps to accept the normal and acceptable effects of reality, namely failure, rejection or incompleteness.

We have not taken enough time to take care of ourselves, to groom, look good and improve our thoughts minds and skills.

If you can get hold of this book, please do.
Learn not for the techniques to win over people.
Learn to understand and make yourself a better person.
Click to expand...

This book is having a very strong effect on me.
It is clarifying very clearly what should be most important for me:

1. having financial strength. Old age is dark lonely and gloomy if poor. I must invest and be ready for the eventuality

2. interest in old age is very different from young.
young = discovering new and doing things together with others
older = getting better at a few, and perhaps getting better than others

3. attitude
young = fun and discovering
old = serious/responsible/attentive

In general, older happier people tend to be :
reasonably wealthy
have good job position / status
have good financial strength to pursue personal interests
have good social circles
have time and space to discover finer things in life
have confidence stemming from effort that develops self worth
 
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