We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

Percival

Active Member
Yes. After weighing the pros and cons, I just deleted the FB account. Thanks for your encouragement.

Good decision: I think getting off FB is healthy for many reasons but deleting it because it's a avenue for porn is an especially good reason. Or even if it's not "really" porn, if it's leading you off the road then it needs go.

So much of this journey is making conscious decisions to control ourselves.
 

jberg

Active Member
Good decision: I think getting off FB is healthy for many reasons but deleting it because it's a avenue for porn is an especially good reason. Or even if it's not "really" porn, if it's leading you off the road then it needs go.

So much of this journey is making conscious decisions to control ourselves.
Thanks, Percival. This is very true. Nowadays, if I need to do something like go to the store, I ask myself, "Will this simple act pose any threat to my sobriety?" If the answer is "maybe", then I don't go, and figure out another way.
 

jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 174
I need to detach from my obsession with sex and self which causes me to unconsciously objectify women I come across. This obsession is blocking me from doing and becoming the person I want to be, the person I truly am. I am experiencing the truth that true freedom does not mean doing whatever I want, whenever I want it. Years of following the tyrannical dictates of my lower nature has hard-wired my brain to objectify women. I now must daily, or actually hourly remind myself of who I truly am, and who she truly is, so that I have the joyous freedom to truly connect with this person. Connect without fear, without jealousy, without self-loathing, without shame. This attitude adjustment is not something that can be toggled on and off throughout the day. This is actually a quality of the soul that I am developing and strengthening and so must be "switched on" throughout the day, and enforced under any circumstances, for each person who crosses my path. This is what I am trying to do today.
 
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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Awareness of this desired shift may be enough. Those who've eliminated porn and porn-fantasy often find "objectifying" declines naturally. I've seen many such examples of changing perceptions of women. I could post some, if you'd find them inspiring.
 

jberg

Active Member
Awareness of this desired shift may be enough. Those who've eliminated porn and porn-fantasy often find "objectifying" declines naturally. I've seen many such examples of changing perceptions of women. I could post some, if you'd find them inspiring.
Would love to see some examples. Thank you.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Here are some I pulled at random:

Age 22 – I want new friends with a better, healthier, outlook on life and women

So these last 80 days have totally changed my views and thinking with women. Along with a more spiritual life of meditation/yoga I’m living from such a happy and loving place now. A lot of that has to do with Nofap too. I don’t see women as just a sexual box to stick my dick into anymore. If one is to approach me I no longer just stare with an open empty mouth going “durrrrr”. I am witty, spontaneous, humorous , and have this child like careless free attitude about me and am much more open.

… But then it hit me. Have I grown that much in just 80 days of nofap? I go to school away from my friends so they don’t see me but every once and a while but I feel so different from them. Like I’ve grown into a place where I see women as my counterparts and not just sexual objects. (Strip clubs are the same as porn in my eyes now. It regressed my progress a little bit, especially with the eye contact, I felt shameful) I want to form real bonded connections with and not to not just use them as a body bag to stick my pipe into.

So my question to you guys is this: have you ever been on this journey and felt like you now need new friends? New friends with a more positive, healthy outlook on women?

…TL;DR one of my best friends thinks I’m gay now cause I don’t want to go to the strip club again and my views with women have drastically changed for the better on nofap. I’ve also grown emotionally and spiritually and now live in a very fun loving space. And now I feel like I need new friends with a better, healthier, outlook on life and women since I feel like I’ve surpassed them in that way

I see women as people, not as objects to possess. Drive to make money is now crazy/ Morning wood returning

Cute girls I see on the street lost that crazy pull. I see them as people now more and less as objects to possess.

When I see couples walking down the street I used to imagine them in sexual positions, this has completely gone away.

The urge to look at porn-subs, bikini babes is fading. Now I see those girls working it so hard and I feel sad for them and see them as lost souls desperately seeking love and attention and have compassion for them.

I just shine & have a lot of confidence and energy, Greater focus, Funnier, See women as people.

I started to see girls as human begins rather than tits and asses.

I see women now, as people who are there to be loved n protected, and guided.

It’s like… I have a sister and I love her, so somehow I see women young and beautiful ones like her but with sexual attraction. Kind of like someone who I care about and want to protect exactly same, just that one love is different love than other. Eros and Philos loves’ in Greek. Basically I just see them as people with feelings, and the sex act is so much more important and potent.

Cause I care now, then I can’t just be thinking about getting lots of girls and pump and dump. Likewise, I will make sure not to let certain women use me too. I see women now, as people who are there to be loved n protected, and guided. And ultimately what they really want deep down, to make a family. So that is the main thing. If we take sex as this serious thing, then it makes everything so much better. And we don’t abuse each-other, and hurt each-other for physical pleasure, release etc. I feel like in Buddhism this sexual lusting filth is a form of violence… And I will not do it again. I don’t say I’ll be a white knight. Far from it, I might even have more than one woman too, but It won’t be just for sex.

I started to see girls as human begins rather than tits and asses. Age 15 – Social anxiety reduced very fast, Spend more time with family & friends, See women differently, Academics improved

I start seeing a woman or a girl not like a toy anymore, or like a slave. I realised that females are human being too. They have a soul too. They need love and attention just like us, males. But how they.re dressed, sometimes really freaks me out. The dresses are more and more shorter, the pants are more and more slimmer, and that just to freak males out. And this is their foul not just ours.

Age 17 – 90 days: I feel like a completely different person now. See women differently

*On an unrelated note* I think one of the best things about these past 90 days, is that at school, I actually have feelings for a girl because of who she is, and not what she looks like.

Unreal changes with NoFap – I’ve been doing this for 4 years making it to 60+ days multiple times

I see women as actual human beings, like you know they grew up just like the rest of us…

People notice and comment on my charisma and confidence

I don’t see women as sexual objects anymore but instead beautiful creatures who are most definitely the fairer sex.

100 days – The biggest changes I’ve noticed are in my confidence, my view of women

Lastly, my view of women has greatly changed. While I don’t find myself undressing women with my eyes, I do still have a tendency to somewhat objectify them which I’m working on still. However, I will say that the way I see women is drastically changed for the better.
 
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jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 203
I was reading about the latest football coach who fell from grace due to a "relatively minor" sex scandal. I found it unfathomable that he would take such a foolish risk. But then I came to my senses and realized that I also risked it all, time and time again for such foolishness. If I was willing to risk my marriage and relationship with my children for a few moments of foolishness, adding to it a ton of money was not going to tip the balance in favor of sanity. The addict mind is not in balance and not rationally reading the reality around me. The addict mind is trapped in an isolating obsession with self. The only relief I find is when I turn away from this isolating obsession with self and turn toward God and others such as you who are in this forum.
 

jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 205
Because I was forced to be more focused due to increasing commitments and prior procrastination, I have been very productive during the past few weeks. I started feeling good about this increased productivity. This morning, I found myself going into euphoric recall while sitting in front of my computer at work. After about 15 minutes, I snapped out of it, rinsed my face with cold water, and prayed and meditated for a few minutes. I actually felt a shift in my brain chemistry. As I type this, I realized that this has been slowly building up over a few days. The past few nights, I went to sleep with euphoric recall instead of prayer and meditation. What happened this morning is the hangover from last night's isolation with self in place of connection to the spiritual reality. Talking to you all helps me to find that connection now.
 

jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 208
I found my 17 year old son looking at some images, and I'm afraid that he may go down the same path I did when I was his age. Can anyone share their experience talking with their teenage Sons about this? Please no hypotheticals, but please share stories from your actual experience so that I can learn from you.
 
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GBS

Respected Member
Hey @jberg - in May last year I confessed my pornography addiction to my boys. They are twins and were 17 at the time. I subsequently had further conversations with each of them. I was keen to explain two things. 1. It’s ok to look at porn, it is not forbidden, but 2. Be extremely careful as it can lead to danger changes to the brain.

I stand by that simple advice. There’s no way one can expect one’s boys never to look at porn, just make them aware of how it might change them if they’re not super vigilant.

My boys have been phenomenally supportive and I hope they’re being extremely careful. I don’t know if they’re looking at porn currently. I feel there’s a limit to what one can do.
 

jberg

Active Member
I stand by that simple advice. There’s no way one can expect one’s boys never to look at porn, just make them aware of how it might change them if they’re not super vigilant.
GBS, Thanks for sharing your experience! I see that I need to adjust my expectations. Oftentimes, when I am frustrated or angry with my family members, the root cause is my expectations don't match with reality. Thanks again for this.
 

jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 247
For the past week, my dreams have been invaded by past fantasies and I thought at first that this had thrown off my daytime serenity. After thinking about it, I realized that the reverse was true. I have once again gotten caught up in (overwhelmed by) daily responsibilities of my life involving two jobs, two kids (special needs), and an unhappy wife. I've stopped taking out time to pray and meditate, exercise, and relax. No longer grounded in a spiritual reality, my unconscious mind looks for an anchor, and the first choice is the one I had trained it to use for so many decades. That's just what unconscious brains do. Today, I'm going to take out some time to:
  1. Pray
  2. Exercise
  3. Find a therapist appointment for my wife
  4. Find a dentist for my wife
  5. Say sometime positive and truthful about my son
This post may only make sense to me, but I needed to put it "out there" if for no other reason to get outside of my own head. But also to hear you share your experience, strength and hope so that I an learn from you.
Thank you!
 
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jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 253
Yesterday I spent some time watching and re-watching a scene from a main stream movie to trigger a dopamine/endorphin rush, and I have not been right since. Writing about it here and bringing it to the light of day helps to reduce the space they are taking up in my brain.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
4th Reboot, Day 253
Yesterday I spent some time watching and re-watching a scene from a main stream movie to trigger a dopamine/endorphin rush, and I have not been right since. Writing about it here and bringing it to the light of day helps to reduce the space they are taking up in my brain.
It will pass.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
It's important to remember that the indu$try is doing its best PR work to misinform the public about its product's risks.
 
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jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 267
My 5th grade daughter is going on a school camping trip/science camp for three days on an island, and my 11th grade son is thinking about what college to go to. As I watch my children grow up, I desperately want to prevent them from making the same mistakes I made as a youth and young adult. Maybe the best thing I can do for them to live with integrity. For years, I thought that meant trying to make my insides match my external persona. But that lead to living a double life, filled with self loathing and remorse, unable to make a true connection because my insides never matched with what I saw on the outsides of others. Now, for me, living with integrity means trying to make my outside match what is inside. That means being vulnerable. Admitting my mistakes in the moment. Talking about how I am feeling and what I'm thinking. Of course I must always take the capacity of the listener into account, taking care not to overburden someone. That's why sometimes I come here. There is nothing you cannot handle. You have lived the same life I have, and whatever I say--you can relate to it. So thank you for being here to help me live with integrity, so that when my 5th-grade daughter comes home from her camping trip, she has a father who sees her and can love her. Fearlessly. Selflessly. And unconditionally. Thank you, my brothers!!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
This is beautiful, thanks @jberg.

I love this whole thing about living with integrity, it's a key cornerstone of any true recovery, because it demands no more living in the shadows from either our friends or loved ones, and it demands no more living in the shadows of one's own fake persona. It's a daily reminder that asks us are we walking the talk? No more hiding. No more lying. No more pretending etc.
There is nothing you cannot handle. You have lived the same life I have, and whatever I say--you can relate to it. So thank you for being here to help me live with integrity, so that when my 5th-grade daughter comes home from her camping trip, she has a father who sees her and can love her. Fearlessly. Selflessly. And unconditionally. Thank you, my brothers!!
I love it.

We got this.

Have a great day.
 

jberg

Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 270
My brilliant brain has hatched a plan this morning and I can't seem to shake it. My plan is to go to a chat room, but not look at any images. That way, I can get a dopamine hit and still call myself sober. Here's one problem. I've tried this many times before, but it has NEVER worked. Every time I tried this, I ended up looking at images and going on a binge. Everyone reading this knows that this time would be no different. So then why am I telling myself that this time is going to be different? I can't seem to shake this idea. Right now what I can do is say that I will definitely do the chat room tomorrow. Today, I am going to make a true connection with the people in my life, people who I truly love and who love me, however imperfectly. In the past, I always told myself that I'm going to use p*rn just one last time and tomorrow I'll stop forever. But that tomorrow never came. So I'm reversing that strategy. Today, I'm going to give reality a try and see how that goes. And then definitely try that brilliant chat room idea tomorrow.
 
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