quit for good

joepanic · Mar 22, 2018

Thanks to Seneca and Freeman for tuning in on my progress its great knowing someone is listening

Lunch was a really nice treat Going to be on careful guard for the next couple of weeks and than I am back to my regular job and will be super busy so I am going to do a bunch of the things I used to do years ago that I missed due to hanging out on P sites for hours at a time I used to find that I would make a plan to go and do something a day trip to Toronto or Niagara Falls but would get a quick P fix "only 15 minutes" I would tell myself than get on with my day only to find out that 3 hours had gone by and now there was no time to do what I wanted I would find it depressing and almost hare myself for it Now I can make these plans with a little more confidence. I must say this site has been a big help in a great many ways I still think of girls more often than I probably should and I still do a touch of fantasising but not near as much as I used to and not as wild or nasty either and this is something I plan to do some more research and reading on to see how healthy or unhealthy it can be and how it fits in to my recovery/new life If anything the reading will give me one more thing to do thats not P

Fight the good fight and post often it helos me it helps you

seneca · Mar 22, 2018

Jp, you seem to be writing my life. 15 minutes suddenly becomes three hours. How I hated it. This life is so much better.
I too fantasize about girls a lot. But it?s not that weird stuff that is stored in a completely different file in my mental hard drive. That used to be The stuff. Now I call that the loser file.

joepanic · Mar 26, 2018

and tomorrow we begin day 95 its almost midnight and just had a great romp in the sac with the wife still wish I could last a little longer but she certainly seemed pleased I have dropped several subtle remarks that I have given up porn She never had a problem with me looking at a little but never knew how much of a problem it was for me the hours i spent the time lost exc I am giving the impression that I just want to take my life in another direction and am persuing music much more than before and just happen to want to practice as much as I can Practice was always an issue for me as I didnt have the time(so much going on in our house with family kids work exc) and a space where I wouldnt disturb everyone now I have found that space and def have found the time between giving up P and pushing her a little to help manage time in our family a little more She see's the def happiness I am going through and believes its because we managed to shift the schedules and find the spot for me to work ( a fair amount of the time issue is he giving up P But I suppose i went to P because I could not practice sort of a viscious circle kind of thing But in the meantime several problems solved for sure

Another big milestone is I know longer poke around sights looking for chat partners I dont feel the need to anymore As it turns out for so long I wasnt even finding any just looking over and over with hope of finding one I think the reboot has cleared my mind of the need to do this Feeling even better about that I think as a side not I'll just count the days I am free of that too kind of an added bonus I am seeting the goal of 150 days as my next celebration to go out and treat myelf to lunch and and afternoon in Toronto or something Maybe buy another Rush record on vinyl to add to the collection we'll see

in the meantime hope all are well and Post often it helps me it helps you

seneca · Mar 27, 2018

Very good stuff, jp.. it?s great to hear the improvement in the quality of your life. Better home life. Progress with your music. Very inspiring.

ralenty · Mar 27, 2018

....I also think that your story is very inspiring joepanic. Specially how you created the space for practicing your music....I think that I?ll try something of that sort with sports....keep it up jp....and congrats.........

joepanic · Mar 28, 2018

96 days and feeling pretty good

I dont so much as have urges these days although I wake up with a lot of morning wood and tend to want to fantasise a lot strangely enough it is not leading to P which I am grateful for I tell myself morally its probably not the worst [thing to do but as a recovering addict I must be on careful guard at all times On a personal opinion I do not find a great deal immoral about P but the problem lies in the over abundance and how much we are pushed into it by advertising and lure pages and so on. Getting philosophical about it in order to help ourselves and each other and even those we dont know we must start to fight back and say its not acceptable to put out all this stuff for kids to see and get hooked on "for free" and get back to getting our kids interested in other things and making them more accessible "for free" I know this is bordering on religious and censorship but free speech and expression can still be kept in place but controlling porn to keep it out of kids hands is not infringing on ones freedoms Alcohol is legal but we dont feed it to 11 year olds for free and unsupervised So this is kind of my rant for the day I'm actually starting to look online for other groups where there might be discussions in my city of people needing help or advise I know I'm only 3 months in and in no way in a position to say I am victorious but its something i think I might be interested in in the future I certainly wont be doing any public speaking but I f I can in some small way motivate someone else especially in my own city to break free of this I'll be a pretty happy guy Now off to play some notes nd rhythms

Fight the good fight and post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic · Apr 2, 2018

100 days now I must admit it was a difficult couple of days well really only 1 night where i drew into a singles page but never went to anything beyond that not really even chatting with anyone just the thoughts were still there It tells me to still be on my guard So in 100 days I have m.o. 4 times poked around the singles page 3 times and seen a few p subs on and off but never once pmo or outright p I am extremely happy with my progress and what I have learned the last 3 months I have broken the hold p had on me and now the fight turns to taking my life in the direction I wanted it to go all along I will keep you all posted as well as read your struggles and victories and try to leave my thoughts there too

Fight the good fight and post often it helps me it helps you

ralenty · Apr 9, 2018

Congrats man.....you made 100 days....although as you say you need to be careful, you certainly achieve a great victory, enjoy it

joepanic · Apr 12, 2018

Wow 10 days of not being here and I can really feel the difference The old thoughts creep up more easily I'm glad to say I have not surfed any P and I have m twice. My real problem now as discussed a few weeks back is the crusing on craigslist looking for chat partners and connections I must work harder on this as it should not be something I need In all honousty I think the weather is getting me down its cold raining miserable here I am stuck in the house too much Our house is a very busy place with 5 children so its hard o find a time or space to work on music exc I noticed that much of sites like craigslist personals and backpage have been shut down due to GOVT law changes at he moment weather I agree or disagree with it i suppose it helps me in some small way If they did the same in Canada it would really help me although I should aspire to be stronger So I am going to start a 2nd counter today to stay away from seeking chat partners/connections exc As so much as its not P its a time sucker and I want that time for other endeavors I'm going to also try getting back here everyday

I'm also back to "looking back on my life and groaning about the wasted time and the what if's had I led a different life" and that is still bothering me I think most because of how far behind in life I am and that I may never catch up to where I would like to be I do blame others and I think it is fair to blame others for some of the choices I made We all want to fit in right? Today I am not going to seek revenge on them or blurt out how "this is your fault" I know thats not going to help but I have cut some connections from my past recently(facebook) of people I have not seen in 20 years who I considered to be friends but obviously were not I'm hoping this helps leave that past behind They say that giving up P and rebooting and so on is also about working through the issues that lead to it and this is certainly one of them One small problem is the lack in skill in socialising to meet new people and get things going I am having a hard time with it Not sure if thats the new norm today in general "Breaking into a new crowd" people are somewhat protective of there turf

So I will try to post more and read more here

Cheers and post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic · Apr 17, 2018

115 days and still no P and now 5 days no cruising feeling much better about myself staying busy lots of music but not much more to report I'm doing lots of reading here and that def helps so I'll try to be a little more insightful over the next few days

good luck all and post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic · Apr 19, 2018

Still going good played a little more on the instruments than normal which is really good have not gone cruising at all I'm optimistic that I will kick it too

Still coming to grips with how much I must change my life in the real world Yes I look at women and think wow thats sexy Is that really abnormal behaviour? Opinions from all views welcome I read here on another journal that 1 gentleman def did not like the thought of other guys checking out his daughters ass I have 3 daughters 2 who are teenagers I think I'll be mature on this one and say its not the worst thing in the world if some guys check out theirs We have taught our daughters to carry themselves with class and dignity and so far they have mom has explained to them a little about not leading men on and the consequenses if they do I would never stare so long as to make a woman uncomfortable before i started my reboot or now and what about friends where does flirting start and when does it become offensive I do know gals who love having there asses checked out my wife included I must say that does not bother me one bit I take it as a compliment and I know she really takes it as a compliment Now is this shallow behaviour She eats properly and works out to keep reasonably fit for being 44 years old. Can 25 million North American men be wrong perhaps But in the case of a reboot and healing from addiction it could be a problem and path leading right back to the throes of that addiction Will have to continue to give this some more thought

Cheers Post often it helps me it helps you

Totte · Apr 19, 2018

Awesome work
Thanks for sharing this!
It help mesee thats there is hope.
Thanks

joepanic · Apr 20, 2018

Not having good day wife was looking for a little action this morning I told her to wait for tonight problem is that left it on my mind all day saw a few p subs and .chat people and came way too close to crossing a line I was able to stay away from it for the most part but its the most difficult day since I started this journey Proud to say I did not view any porn but I am again nervous as to how easy it is to possibly slip Gonna go and reflect on it

Cheers and post often it helps me it helps you

JedClampett · Apr 20, 2018

joepanic:

Thank you for telling us of your struggles. It certainly does not help to O when the wife wants it. Even a
60 year old virgin knows that. Why do we struggle against PMO?

That is a question we all must ask, especially when we know it is bad for us.

joepanic · Apr 21, 2018

Thanks for reading Jed

There are many reasons why we struggle 1st is i believe its the instant gratification that fills a void in our lives We must also work at the underlying causes my intro to porn was loneliness as a teenager and of course with anything like this the addiction comes on quick today I may not be lonely but need to break the addiction

Cheers
post often it helps me it helps you

JedClampett · Apr 21, 2018

JoePanic:

I think that the jobs I have chosen have led to some isolation. So I must branch out or I risk losing those jobs.
My thinking is probably wrong. I want to think that every time I attend an event it is an opportunity to find a way
to go. Perhaps I can find what I am praying for if I take action. Like TakeActionNow is teaching us.

It cannot be just a hope, it has to be an action. So that is why just posting is good for everyone on here.
Keep your posts short though!!!

joepanic · Apr 23, 2018

Hey Jed Thanks for reading and responding with insight Not sure if I can always keep posts short although most are Its now day 123 for me with no porn and only the occasional m and even then the thoughts during that are of my wife which I'm really pleased with as the reminders of routs leading to P use are slowly severing and disappearing I am somewhat more productive as a result of it but its still a struggle at times Each day gets more easy. A lot of the issues I have are more or less daily pressures of a shortage of time and space to get things done Sometimes I just throw up my arms and say screw it I'm not doing them. Which doesnt always help but it relieves the pressure for the short term which keeps me from chasing the instant gratification of P I know in a few years things will ease off as the kids grow up and head out more leaving us with more time and space This is just a "have patience' issue.

Cheers Post often it helps me it helps you

Totte · Apr 23, 2018

joepanic said:
Hey Jed Thanks for reading and responding with insight Not sure if I can always keep posts short although most are Its now day 123 for me with no porn and only the occasional m and even then the thoughts during that are of my wife which I'm really pleased with as the reminders of routs leading to P use are slowly severing and disappearing I am somewhat more productive as a result of it but its still a struggle at times Each day gets more easy. A lot of the issues I have are more or less daily pressures of a shortage of time and space to get things done Sometimes I just throw up my arms and say screw it I'm not doing them. Which doesnt always help but it relieves the pressure for the short term which keeps me from chasing the instant gratification of P I know in a few years things will ease off as the kids grow up and head out more leaving us with more time and space This is just a "have patience' issue.

Cheers Post often it helps me it helps you

How is it! do you feel big difference from 90 to 123?
Why I ask is my plan is to keep on doing this to I get to my vacation it?s about 90 day away middle of July. We doing a trip together and can have much time for fun stuff!

JedClampett · Apr 23, 2018

JoePanic:

I did go to a Garage Sale with my cousins this past weekend. Believe it or not it was tough to get myself to go.
But I found that I really enjoyed it.

Thank you for sharing with your own difficulties. Although I have never come close to marrying I can still relate.
Whether PMOing or not, putting things off just makes them tougher to do.

In my case some of the things I need to do could be done in one day. I have to take care of myself before I
can help others.

joepanic · May 18, 2018

Hey guys Wow its been almost a month since my last post My report is still one of success I have long lost track of the number of days clean and I think it is now irrelevant I dont seem to have any urges to surf smut these days at all I am also not seeing any general change in my life at the moment I think it really is because I'm just way to busy to even think or notice any changes going on Make love to the wife fairly regularily (she still doesnt know I had a problem and have been beating it) and I still believe it is best left that way I guess for the moment I am just putting distance between me and the old addiction for a little while not even pondering over it or trying to learn from it or anyhing like that Hope all are doing well and i'll get some more reading done here comment and post a little more of my own

Cheers

Post often it helps me it helps you

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