@joepanic I hear you and I apologize if my suggestion doesn't help.
Thank you for sharing too.
It still seems to me that things might be better treated independently.
"we are treated with guilt trips"
This should have nothing to do with your recovery. This is people continually using the past to belittle and power over you. The best way is to be firm and ask them to stop.
"Perhaps we are not as you say deserving of respect or understanding from others"
It is not about deserving. We do this for ourselves. What others feel or think about it is irrelevant. But once you feel you are doing this for others, you'd set yourself up for failure.
"no matter how hard an addict may try to make it right he is told some of the damage is permanent"
This can be true for other reasons. Sometimes a hurt is just too great to ever be recovered. There are many relationships that do not recover from lost trust. It can happen from their point of view or yours. Can you say there isn't one person in your life that you haven't walked away from because they did something unforgiveable by you?
The point is this needs to be treated by its own merits and not be intertwined with your recovery.
If we are not living with loving and supportive people perhaps we should leave.
If we are constantly bombarded by our shame or inflicted by others, perhaps we should leave.
It's unhealthy and detrimental to our wellbeing.
If leaving is not possible then we need to have internal resilience and fortitude to ignore the bad and focus on our purpose or healing independent of other's actions.
In the end, we are only answerable to our actions, not others.
Please take care of yourself and find the light that heals you best.