squid said:
Good stuff man. I listen to a lot of motivational audiobooks and books about goal setting too. They have been very helpful to me.
I have a suggestion. You should change the title of your journal to something positive and declarative. 2019 is the year. No question about it bro
Haha Thanks for the suggestion! Honestly I wrote a question as a title because I didn't want to feel bad about relapses anymore. I promised myself so many times that I would never PMO again but I kept doing it. This kind of making a promise and then breaking it is really not helpful for me psychologically. I would keep the title this way and if I can make it through 2019 safely then I will change the title to something like "2020 is the year" haha.
BlueHeronFan said:
Sounds like an interesting read, keep it up!
Picking up friends at the airport is definitely productive (even if it sometimes feels like a distraction from real work). I always get a little mad when I have to give up my plans in order to help someone else, but that's not right. It can be hard to find a balance between productivity/self-care and being a selfless and helpful person.
Either way, go get 'em!
Haha for me picking up my friend is something I enjoy doing actually. Plus I'm just doing an internship so it's not as important.
Now onto day 41 (something like that). Maybe I should get a counter so I don't have to do the math when I want to check which day I'm on. It's not that important though, I should focus more on real life than this number. Honestly one of the motivations for me to keep this streak going is to make me look good here: hey look I'm still going. I'm not sure this is a good thing as this kind of thinking is really destructive sometimes. Especially if I somehow relapse then I would lose my motivation to restart. But it's part of me, part of my greed or ego or whatever. So I should acknowledge it but not let it grow.
I know I promised to post here daily about the book I read but I didn't do it. I had a road trip with friends and I didn't read. After I came back I got lazy for 2 days and then I read for two days but I didn't have the energy to post at night. Yesterday I had date so I didn't read as well.
I'll talk about the date now and then about the reading in the evening (including the pages I will read today. Now it's morning where I am).
It's the first date I had since summer 2016... It's someone my friend introduced me to. I'll call the girl J. I met her first time two weeks ago when my friend introduced us. The first time I met her I didn't feel much about her as her look isn't the kind that I'm super attracted to. I think she looks good but you know sometimes it's just not the type we're looking for. Putting looks aside, she is really smart and knows how to handle a conversation and she laughs a lot which I like. She is also hardworking and disciplined. I was really hesitant to ask her out as I wasn't sure if I'm attracted to her and also she is not the type of girl for just hookup (I'm going back to school abroad in 40 days). In other words, I didn't want to complicate the situation since she is a good friend of my friend's girlfriend... Later that week I invited her to my home party and I found that I was more attracted to her than the first time. After the party I thought about the whole thing and I realized that I was always a thinker rather than a doer. I didn't want my overthinking to ruin my life anymore. Besides that, I felt like I'll like her more if I get to know her better. So I decided to give it a try and asked her out for a movie. It turns out to be a really good decision!
She was happy to go out with me and she bought the tickets and drinks for me. It was a really good signal. We really had fun watching the film and we sat really close to each other. We laughed a lot and she touched my hands and shoulders many times. Later we went to have dinner and drank a little bit. When we walked back to her dorms, she was walking really really close to me that she almost pushed me off road lol. I knew it was going well but since I'm too new to this dating game so it was really hard to overcome my psychological barrier to hold her hands or do something. I clearly felt her affection towards me and I'm flattered to be liked by someone. I'm determined to be more physical next time but I need a more relaxing and romantic environment. I wish I was the kind of the people who can just kiss or express themselves publicly but I'm not. But hey this is who I am so I accepted it. I will try to do better though. Now I'm looking forward to our next date ;D