Day 10 - 7/16/19: 6pm
It felt really good to get that long post off my mind last night. And I appreciate the support Rob! I feel a strong passion towards creating something, some kind of art or organization or something. I do know I have those three goals that I abandoned and fled from like a wolf was chasing me. I believe that is where I must begin. I will use the fear that drove me into pmo as a compass. I will sail towards the fear. Writing that puts a tingle on my spine. I blink quickly, wiping away the beginning of a tear. I'm starting to feel again. It's getting more noticeable and I'm so happy about that.
For anyone else going through a flatline who feels like a zombie the first few weeks after quitting pmo - just keep going. I'm starting to realize that the numbness hasn't just been here since this reboot, it's been there for years. I got some new headphones on prime day, just put in one of my favorite songs and just cried. It sounds so good, life's so beautiful man. I'm tired of hiding. I was so tired bro. Addiction is a monster that steals joy to prevent dreams.
I'm excited to get serious about learning a new language, it's going to be a lot of brain changing

. In other exciting news one of my co workers who is a super talented graphic artist told me to come into work an hour early each day and she'd help me along with graphic design. I'll have to change when I workout but I'm going to give it a try. I'm excited to learn some skills that will help with my website I'm making to record my language learning blog. Step by step I know, but the trend is positive.
Also, a bunch of girls have been reaching out to me. Idk if it's a coincidence but the text conversations have been easy and fun. I'm talking to four women right now some are just friends but still it's nice. Now that I'm have more self love, I have love to give away in conversations and friendships. And maybe someday a relationship.
I like to be positive on here but I have certainly been feeling more urges and temptations. I'm nervous about when they come on super strong. I feel like it's inevitable but I really just want to continue the way this past week has been for the most part.
Stay free my friends,
squid