Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Difficult times,
bladder went a little worse again.
Had to M for a sperm sample for examination. It was awful. No erection, had to fantasize, tried to keep it as vanilla as possilble. Good sign maybe is no chaser effect at all. Libido is at a all time low...
I hope they fins out whats wrong with the examination.
I am supposed to have a date on the weekend. But i am not sure, if i am gonna go.
Its not even about my libido, but the bladder problems are fucking so hard with my overall mood, that i dont feel like forcing myself to "have fun".
It also effects my will and motivation to learn. Tough situation.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Jeks said:
Feeling better today
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That?s good. Hope things get better with your bladder. May I have you how long you have been away from porn?
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Still feeling better. Thanks Bilbo

I have stopped porn since the 26. July 2019.
My longest streak without M was 6 months.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
That?s very good, man. Almost a year and a half, that?s good. And 6 months hard mode is pretty good too. Remember, for guys like us who have been dealing with PIED from the beginning of our sex lives, it is not only a long process, it?s also a complex one, since we are not used to things working in the bedroom. We have to learn to feel good when we are experiencing intimacy with another person, and that can be as important as staying away from porn. When you add tendencies to depression to the picture, it sure becomes an even more difficult challenge. But there is hope. It?s just important that we see this as a journey to transform ourselves - it?s not only about how many days or months we have been porn free.

Just sharing my thoughts, here. I am still not cured from PIED, so I am not in a position to tell other people what they should do. But I believe there is some truth in what I just wrote.

Good luck, friend. Rooting for you.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey Bilbo,

no, i really appreciate your thoughts. I also dont try to overvalue the fact, that it did not go well, when i was trying to masturbate for the sample. I know that months earlier, it was already going much better. I think the fact, that i felt sick at that moment played a big part in it.

Now that i am feeling better health wise at the moment, i convinced myself to ask that girl out for a walk (we are just writing via whatsapp at the moment). I dont think she is really my type just from her looks, but she seems nice and i already notice, that my body reacts with some kind of (good, not primarily sexual) excitement. But i really have to be careful to not take myself to fantasyland in terms of fantasizing.
I just want to have a nice chat with a girl outside of work.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I went for a walk with the girl.
Unfortunately, as i suspected, she wasnt my type at all. Nontheless i am proud, that i have overcome myself to meet somebody, although i am not in best shape right now in so many ways.
Good thing is, that i really was able to carry the conversation. I think this exercise will treat me well for next time i meet somebody. Maybe i can even try cultivating to start talking to complete strangers i meet on the street.
Bladder problems stay more or less the same now. Two thoughts, that are helping me are 1) try to accept the urge to pee 2) It became already so much better compared to the first days.
I have a few things to do today for my studies. But so far i feel pretty alright and able to meet those obligations.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I just wanna be healthy again. Fuck...

I dont know man... I just feel so helpless. I dont know what i did to deserve this. 2020 is nearly over and instead of feeling better after one year of fighting, i feel fucking worse. I just dont know how long i can keep this is up.

I hate seeing people, because i hate how they get everything so easy. So many others would have already given up at this point, but instead of getting some relieve or results, i just get spit on. I am so tired of fighting. I just wanna live again. I dont want to wake up anymore. Half of the day i just wanna sleep, so i dont have to think or exist anymore. I dont wanna fight and give my fucking best, just to barely meet the most basic obligations. I want to feel like i am alive again.

Two years ago, when my ex left me, my only motivation to somehow keep going, was that after two years passed, life would be better, if i just would do the right things. I did all i could and thats were i ended up. Barely able to study, barely able to go out, barely able to do sports, barely able to think, barely able to experience happiness.

I am just so tired of telling myself that one day everything will be alright day after day after day. I just cant believe myself anymore.

Something needs to happen, i cant keep it up much longer.
 
D

Deleted member 17609

Guest
Jeks said:
I just wanna be healthy again. Fuck...

I dont know man... I just feel so helpless. I dont know what i did to deserve this. 2020 is nearly over and instead of feeling better after one year of fighting, i feel fucking worse. I just dont know how long i can keep this is up.

I hate seeing people, because i hate how they get everything so easy. So many others would have already given up at this point, but instead of getting some relieve or results, i just get spit on. I am so tired of fighting. I just wanna live again. I dont want to wake up anymore. Half of the day i just wanna sleep, so i dont have to think or exist anymore. I dont wanna fight and give my fucking best, just to barely meet the most basic obligations. I want to feel like i am alive again.

Two years ago, when my ex left me, my only motivation to somehow keep going, was that after two years passed, life would be better, if i just would do the right things. I did all i could and thats were i ended up. Barely able to study, barely able to go out, barely able to do sports, barely able to think, barely able to experience happiness.

I am just so tired of telling myself that one day everything will be alright day after day after day. I just cant believe myself anymore.

Something needs to happen, i cant keep it up much longer.
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Sorry to read that things are hard for you right now. Life is hard, there is no doubt about that. I know you are facing difficile issues at the moment, but try your best to be patient and to be positive. Shitty times don?t last forever, things get better eventually. Trying to improve ourselves and fixing issues in our lives speeds up the process. Keep it up, Jekyll. If you do things right, it will start paying off one day or another. Rooting for you, friend.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Thank you guys for caring.

Fucking meltdowns.... I am not through the woods yet, but i have decided that i want to try to let go of the stuff, i have no control over. With the bladder thing i will now go to the last two doctors, which my urologist referred to. After that i just have to hope that time will be able to heal me. Same with PIED. Besides staying away from P and M, there is nothing i can do....
The only thing i can control are my studies. I just have to try to get through them as good as i can.
It doesnt feel good writing this down. I did not fully accept yet, what i am writing here, but it seems to me the only way for now.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Hey guys, i feel better today. This far i would say the problems are finally like "appropriate" after-effects of a bladder infection, at least as far as i read on the internet. Its a little uncomfortable, but not nearly as mind-consuming as the last weeks and months.

Hopefully it will stay like. I went to unsiversity today and i was able to focus enough, so that i could follow everything.
 
K

k-fff

Well-Known Member
That's great to hear, Jeks. I hope things continue to be smooth sailing for you from here on.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Yesterday was a good day. Todays morning feels a little shaky, but i am optmistic it will stabilize.
Had nocturnal erections and sex dreams at night. I think thats a good sign, because i feel like my unconsciouss is not only concerned about peeing all the time anymore.
I will try to make the day productive, but i am also willing to give myself a break if necessary.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Day was complete shit. However, i forgot to take my medication at noon and for a few hours now i feel pretty good. I made the decision to try taking less medication and no medication for today at all. In any case i feel like shit, so i have to experiment. Maybe i get lucky.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
I had to start taking medication again, but today was maybe the best day i have had since this whole stuff started.
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Found a website, that advised to be careful about not drinking too much, neither to drinking not enough. The medication is causing the feeling of thirst. Thats why i tracked how much i am actually drinking today. The day was going much smoother. Please let it be over soon!
 
J

Jeks

Well-Known Member
Still an up and down, but overall better.
I have now got to get over myself in order to not fall too far behind in my studies. I have got to remind myself, that i will eventually heal. If so, i have to make sure, that i just push through somehow.
How can i be certain, that i will heal? It already went so much better, than it used to. Half a year ago i sometimes had to pee more than 30 times a day. So there is clearly a positive trend.

Edit: I just wanna be better and feel better.

I just try to push through. I am hoping and praying, that it will end soon.
 
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