Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)
- Thread starter Jeks
- Start date
Happy new year everyone!
Thanks chris for the encouragement.
Thanks zander, yeah you are right, it means a lot.it was a very close call. I hope you can also get some relieve soon!
2020 ended on a good note. Even though i did not make as much progress as i would have liked, at least i am not in a situation as bad as i was a couple weeks ago.
So in the end 2021 will not much differ from 2020 in terms of goals. Its studies and ED. It was funny, me and my best friend talked to each other yesterday and we are in a similar point in our lifes, where we feel like we have got to make important changes. And we were like tomorrow will just be like another day in the office. Our goals did not change much and we dont need a lot of new resolutions for next year. The last year was all about making changes happen, so will be next year.
So yeah, studies are going well right now, even though i have got to bring more diligence and constancy to the table, now that my bladder problems are as good as gone.
I have got three semesters to finish my bachelor, otherwise it will have been all for nothing. It is manageable, but i have gotta focus. I can not allow this to slip away.
Secondly i will have to figure out about VL again. If thats a no, then i will have no other options, than to start dating regularly. I am now as good as one and half year without porn worhout significant impeovement. Either i am one of the worst cases i have ever heard of or there is an organic problem (on top?). I will also go hardmode for the rest of the way and will take it as serious as porn abstinence. I have got to take drastic measures with this, if i want to have a chance to get over my ED. Good thing is, because of my bladder problem, i had a lot of examinations in that area and nothing was found. So i can at least be sure, that its not cancer or some crap like that.
Speaking of the bladder: i will have to pat me on the back for this one. Last half year was total scramble and survival mode and getting over this long time without killing myself or getting totally crazy is already a big achievement, even though i did not manage a lot else this year. It really showed me that it can be much worse than were i am right now and was in the end i think a valuable experience.
Funny enough in the end i even feel like the bladder problem helped me in a way for my singing, because i learned a few exercises to reduce stress, which seem to be beneficial for that. And at least i managed all this time to hang on to my studies in some way.
Okay guys, lets keep going.
Thanks chris for the encouragement.
Thanks zander, yeah you are right, it means a lot.it was a very close call. I hope you can also get some relieve soon!
2020 ended on a good note. Even though i did not make as much progress as i would have liked, at least i am not in a situation as bad as i was a couple weeks ago.
So in the end 2021 will not much differ from 2020 in terms of goals. Its studies and ED. It was funny, me and my best friend talked to each other yesterday and we are in a similar point in our lifes, where we feel like we have got to make important changes. And we were like tomorrow will just be like another day in the office. Our goals did not change much and we dont need a lot of new resolutions for next year. The last year was all about making changes happen, so will be next year.
So yeah, studies are going well right now, even though i have got to bring more diligence and constancy to the table, now that my bladder problems are as good as gone.
I have got three semesters to finish my bachelor, otherwise it will have been all for nothing. It is manageable, but i have gotta focus. I can not allow this to slip away.
Secondly i will have to figure out about VL again. If thats a no, then i will have no other options, than to start dating regularly. I am now as good as one and half year without porn worhout significant impeovement. Either i am one of the worst cases i have ever heard of or there is an organic problem (on top?). I will also go hardmode for the rest of the way and will take it as serious as porn abstinence. I have got to take drastic measures with this, if i want to have a chance to get over my ED. Good thing is, because of my bladder problem, i had a lot of examinations in that area and nothing was found. So i can at least be sure, that its not cancer or some crap like that.
Speaking of the bladder: i will have to pat me on the back for this one. Last half year was total scramble and survival mode and getting over this long time without killing myself or getting totally crazy is already a big achievement, even though i did not manage a lot else this year. It really showed me that it can be much worse than were i am right now and was in the end i think a valuable experience.
Funny enough in the end i even feel like the bladder problem helped me in a way for my singing, because i learned a few exercises to reduce stress, which seem to be beneficial for that. And at least i managed all this time to hang on to my studies in some way.
Okay guys, lets keep going.
D
Deleted member 17609
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Great post, Jeks. Keep going, and happy new year to you.
Thanks you both! Your support helps a lot!
Day full of studying and practicing. Exactly how i hoped for it to be. While napping i even had a pretty good erection. But first and foremost i am thankful that i am healthy enough that i can study again without being limited by physical conditions.
Day full of studying and practicing. Exactly how i hoped for it to be. While napping i even had a pretty good erection. But first and foremost i am thankful that i am healthy enough that i can study again without being limited by physical conditions.
Made a big jump the last days in terms of studying. Was most likely able to achieve something, i have worked on essentially for years.
Bladder is doing good mostly. I am a little nervous, because tomorrow i wanna start to slowly stop my medication. But i will look, how it goes tomorrow. Maybe i will give myself a couple more days.
In regards to my ED there is still not much new to tell. I am still going hardmode. I have got no urge to watch porn, nor to masturbate. Only thing i can tell is, that porn feels pretty much so far away from me, that i dont even can remember it almost. Its almost like i have never encountered it. Most importantly i dont feel the slightest arousal when catching a thought about it. So i have a feeling that my perception of sex becomes much more realistic, even though i can not tell for sure.
All in all i feel like the last days i made big strides in a lot of areas. I feel very satisfied with myself all around. I am well on my way to overcome the greatest demons i have had in the past and i feel maybe the happiest, i have been the last two years.
Bladder is doing good mostly. I am a little nervous, because tomorrow i wanna start to slowly stop my medication. But i will look, how it goes tomorrow. Maybe i will give myself a couple more days.
In regards to my ED there is still not much new to tell. I am still going hardmode. I have got no urge to watch porn, nor to masturbate. Only thing i can tell is, that porn feels pretty much so far away from me, that i dont even can remember it almost. Its almost like i have never encountered it. Most importantly i dont feel the slightest arousal when catching a thought about it. So i have a feeling that my perception of sex becomes much more realistic, even though i can not tell for sure.
All in all i feel like the last days i made big strides in a lot of areas. I feel very satisfied with myself all around. I am well on my way to overcome the greatest demons i have had in the past and i feel maybe the happiest, i have been the last two years.
Day was a little more slow, but overall again great for my studies. I am making progress after progress right now.
Something that was actually mind boggling: today i listened to music on youtube and on one of the videos i saw a girl singing. And what was so surprising is, that i got a little crush on her, but without anything sexual in mind .Its really difficult to explain, maybe because i have never felt anything quite like this. I dont think about how she would look naked or how she would look in certain postitions or crap like that. I just saw her smiling and had to smile myself. I think thats pretty much what having a crush on someone maybe is supposed to feel like. Dont know, maybe i am overreacting, but it was an interesting observation.
Bladder was okay again. Did not start to give up on my medication, but i think i will start with it tomorrow.
Something that was actually mind boggling: today i listened to music on youtube and on one of the videos i saw a girl singing. And what was so surprising is, that i got a little crush on her, but without anything sexual in mind .Its really difficult to explain, maybe because i have never felt anything quite like this. I dont think about how she would look naked or how she would look in certain postitions or crap like that. I just saw her smiling and had to smile myself. I think thats pretty much what having a crush on someone maybe is supposed to feel like. Dont know, maybe i am overreacting, but it was an interesting observation.
Bladder was okay again. Did not start to give up on my medication, but i think i will start with it tomorrow.
Bladder made a little more noise today. But its still alright.
University starts again (online) and i have got to give it my best every single day and hour.
Other than that i am feeling almost asexual. Even when i accidentily saw some type of usually triggering thing on the internet, it was all like muted. It didnt really get to me. Thats also alright. Change is almost always better in that case, no matter which type of change. Change means something is happening in the brain.
University starts again (online) and i have got to give it my best every single day and hour.
Other than that i am feeling almost asexual. Even when i accidentily saw some type of usually triggering thing on the internet, it was all like muted. It didnt really get to me. Thats also alright. Change is almost always better in that case, no matter which type of change. Change means something is happening in the brain.
I am feeling great. My bladder allowed me to focus on my studies the whole day. Its a great feeling.
I saw a woman today. She wasnt even that good looking, but she had something about her, which made me like her. But my sexual arousal continues to feel very "muffled". It feels much more subtle and pleasant and got more of an emotional component to it. It is not forcing, compulsive or uncomfortable as it used to be. It doesnt trigger a whole avalanche of urges fantasies and old memories of porn anymore. Speaking of porn: i remembered today a fetish i used to watch and was hugely disgusted by it. It was like my whole body was rejecting it, instead of wanting more crazy or shocking.
I saw a woman today. She wasnt even that good looking, but she had something about her, which made me like her. But my sexual arousal continues to feel very "muffled". It feels much more subtle and pleasant and got more of an emotional component to it. It is not forcing, compulsive or uncomfortable as it used to be. It doesnt trigger a whole avalanche of urges fantasies and old memories of porn anymore. Speaking of porn: i remembered today a fetish i used to watch and was hugely disgusted by it. It was like my whole body was rejecting it, instead of wanting more crazy or shocking.
Another good day. Got big praise by my lecturer for my work, while others struggled big time. That was only possible, because the day before i was able to learn 4 hours (!) without interruptions or my bladder making problems.
Another thing: i saw today at least four woman i just liked and they all weren't, what i would have considered "my type" in the last years . I swear, its their eyes. I just feel much easier fascinated by woman. And the feeling hits so much deeper than ever before. It hits with so much more emotion. Something has changed, thats for sure. And its not sexual arousal, at least not the type i have been used to since i am 13 or something.
I am excited what the next weeks will bring.
Another thing: i saw today at least four woman i just liked and they all weren't, what i would have considered "my type" in the last years . I swear, its their eyes. I just feel much easier fascinated by woman. And the feeling hits so much deeper than ever before. It hits with so much more emotion. Something has changed, thats for sure. And its not sexual arousal, at least not the type i have been used to since i am 13 or something.
I am excited what the next weeks will bring.
Remembered one more thing, that occured yesterday. I had my therapy session and waited in the waiting room and there was a girl sitting and also waiting. I had seen this girl before, but she never stood out to me as attractive, if anything more it tended more to the opposite. But yesterday when i saw her somehow i was suddenly finding her attractive. Not gonna lie, i felt a little bit alien in this situation, because i felt a little indecisive. But i rhink these are all great signs. And thats what i meant the last post. Its if i find people attractive, i should usually find unattractive.
Starting the day now. I am hyped. I have got a lot of stuff to do and i have got a lot of energy and feel excited.
Keep going guys!
Starting the day now. I am hyped. I have got a lot of stuff to do and i have got a lot of energy and feel excited.
Keep going guys!
I woke up this morning while dreaming, that i helped a female fellow student with a task and got very attracted to her.
Woke up with a pretty good morning wood. Completely unbelieveable...
Gives me hope that in fact i got just PIED and that i can completely recover from my ED. I mean, if its completely new to me that i can get sexual aroused by helping someone doing homework, i must have fucked up my brain pretty good basically since i am 13 or so. There is probably no other cause for my ED as explanation needed.
What worries me a bit, is that i have a nightmare, which i dream regularly about probably for 8 weeks or so. It starts a little bit to disturb me. Its not end of the world, but it is always pretty nerve-wrecking. I dream that i am waking up, but i cant move, often i can not even open my eyes. I wanna shout for help or move, and i am trying so hard, as if i am fighting for my life. Weird thing about it is, because i had this dream more regularly, that i often times consider, that this all must be a dream and that i need to calm down and try to breath normally. But most of the time i end up fighting again until i wake up in the real world.
I think the origin of this dream is a case of sleep paralysis i have had a coupleof months ago, even if cant say anymore ,if it also might have just been a dream.
Woke up with a pretty good morning wood. Completely unbelieveable...
Gives me hope that in fact i got just PIED and that i can completely recover from my ED. I mean, if its completely new to me that i can get sexual aroused by helping someone doing homework, i must have fucked up my brain pretty good basically since i am 13 or so. There is probably no other cause for my ED as explanation needed.
What worries me a bit, is that i have a nightmare, which i dream regularly about probably for 8 weeks or so. It starts a little bit to disturb me. Its not end of the world, but it is always pretty nerve-wrecking. I dream that i am waking up, but i cant move, often i can not even open my eyes. I wanna shout for help or move, and i am trying so hard, as if i am fighting for my life. Weird thing about it is, because i had this dream more regularly, that i often times consider, that this all must be a dream and that i need to calm down and try to breath normally. But most of the time i end up fighting again until i wake up in the real world.
I think the origin of this dream is a case of sleep paralysis i have had a coupleof months ago, even if cant say anymore ,if it also might have just been a dream.
Damn, last days were pretty difficult. Even though the problem with the bladder got better, this waiting game in connection with my ED makes it tough on me.
I at least found a website, where i could inform myself pretty good about Venous Leak and the diagnostics of it. Helped me to find doctors, i can contact. For any Germans out there: https://impotenz-selbsthilfe.de/diagnose-2/
Wrote an email today to one of them, but we will see, if they also make appointments, while covid-19 is going on.
Other than that, i have to find a way to be more consistent with my studies.i cant allow myself to get discouraged like this due to the lack of improvements with ED.
I at least found a website, where i could inform myself pretty good about Venous Leak and the diagnostics of it. Helped me to find doctors, i can contact. For any Germans out there: https://impotenz-selbsthilfe.de/diagnose-2/
Wrote an email today to one of them, but we will see, if they also make appointments, while covid-19 is going on.
Other than that, i have to find a way to be more consistent with my studies.i cant allow myself to get discouraged like this due to the lack of improvements with ED.
Wow, first day i finally feel like my bladder is practically back to normal. This results in an overall better mood and also higher motivation and energy levels.
I am currently working on getting another test for VL. No matter what the results will be, i will start rewiring after that. Only big question will be, wether with or without sex pills and/or other help.
I am also very interested to see, if the quality of my erections will change now that my bladder is nearly the same as in the past.
Other than that, it is now time to get to work. A lot of time and energy got lost because of the bladder problems. Its time now to turn things around. Its now about consistency. I will have soon my finals for this semester. I made a schedule and i am determined to get things done. It is on me now to get change in my life.
I am thankful, that i am feeling better. It was such a long time of suffering.
I am currently working on getting another test for VL. No matter what the results will be, i will start rewiring after that. Only big question will be, wether with or without sex pills and/or other help.
I am also very interested to see, if the quality of my erections will change now that my bladder is nearly the same as in the past.
Other than that, it is now time to get to work. A lot of time and energy got lost because of the bladder problems. Its time now to turn things around. Its now about consistency. I will have soon my finals for this semester. I made a schedule and i am determined to get things done. It is on me now to get change in my life.
I am thankful, that i am feeling better. It was such a long time of suffering.
I have never felt as calm and collected for months. Yesterday i managed to learn basically the whole day.
My morning erections are not a 100 %, but as i supsected, my bladder feeling better had definitely a positive impact.
I am optimistic and hopeful about my future, which is for me the absolute best feeling.
From the doctors i was messaged, that i can reach out again in the midst of February. But until then i will keep trying to find other urologists to get a test for Venous Leak sooner than that. I will work on that again on Monday.
I will now get to work on my studies.
Guys, keep going, we will find a way to live a happy life.
My morning erections are not a 100 %, but as i supsected, my bladder feeling better had definitely a positive impact.
I am optimistic and hopeful about my future, which is for me the absolute best feeling.
From the doctors i was messaged, that i can reach out again in the midst of February. But until then i will keep trying to find other urologists to get a test for Venous Leak sooner than that. I will work on that again on Monday.
I will now get to work on my studies.
Guys, keep going, we will find a way to live a happy life.
Had a good day, in which i found a good mixture of being productive and recharging my energy for the week.
Bladder gave me a little scare yesterday, but today everything was alright. So i hope these are just the last aftermaths.
I am still definitely noticing some difficulties in staying focused. But i just gotta try to stay consistent. It will come back with time i am sure. I just gotta build up some momentum.
Bladder gave me a little scare yesterday, but today everything was alright. So i hope these are just the last aftermaths.
I am still definitely noticing some difficulties in staying focused. But i just gotta try to stay consistent. It will come back with time i am sure. I just gotta build up some momentum.
Days are going realtively smooth. Throughout the days i am trying to get a sooner appointment for a VL test. I am planning to contact one urologist a day, so that i am not just stuck with calling doctors the whole day.
Even though my bladder is not back to normal i can work and that is what i managed to do the last days.
Everything seems to be headed in a good direction at the moment, so i am feeling pretty alright and i am thankful for that. But i really cant wait for the day, i will fully enjoy life again. For that to happen, i just have to know, whats going on with my ED and secondly my bladder has to get a little more stable. But i am really far away from complaining.
I feel better, than i have felt since May. I have got prospects of feeling good again and that is the most important part for me. Having hope to feel good again one day. That makes all
other things much easier to handle.
Even though my bladder is not back to normal i can work and that is what i managed to do the last days.
Everything seems to be headed in a good direction at the moment, so i am feeling pretty alright and i am thankful for that. But i really cant wait for the day, i will fully enjoy life again. For that to happen, i just have to know, whats going on with my ED and secondly my bladder has to get a little more stable. But i am really far away from complaining.
I feel better, than i have felt since May. I have got prospects of feeling good again and that is the most important part for me. Having hope to feel good again one day. That makes all
other things much easier to handle.