Man, thanks Relentless.
You know, in real life i somtimes feel like a complete looser. I am 27, live with my parents, i am still studying, do have weird conditions i dont like talking about with others, do not have a lot friends (anymore), my ex left me because i cant get a boner. But you know, i know that 95% of people on this planet would have fucked up in my position and would either drown themselves in self-pity, would be heavily depressed or would have commited suicide by now. No to say, that i never was. I often was depressed and thought about suicide and laid days in bed, just criying about my situation. But i always stood up. Just in any way possible. And i take a lot of pride in the way i fought back. The thing is: often times its hard to remind myself of that, because there are not a lot of people (maybe non), which know the complete story, that i have been through and i am still going through. So hearing such a compliment from this forum, where people do actually know a lot more about me, really encourages me in what i do and i really want to thank you for this comment.
I have always told myself, that when i manage to come out of this fucking hole i buried myself in, i will be fucking superman. What will ever be able to crush me, when i have been able to go through this? I will have grown so immensily that i am exceptional in that way.
And on the other hand, there is no alternative. Either i am fighting to get happy again in my life (although i often felt no motivation and drive and felt completely hopeless), or i can kill myself right here, right now, because i would be living, but practically be already dead. I can kill myself or fight for my life. And i wasnt able to do the first, because i knew (even though i often times felt like, i am reaching the limit) that i did not do everything i could possibly try. So suicide was no option as long as i did not do anything i could do.
I am nearly out of this shit hole and damn i will enjoy ife, when i am back on the surface. I am studying right now, it gets late in Germany. But since my bladder is functioning again i need to pass these exams in two weeks. And i will pass these exams. There is no other option, no alternative.
So thanks again, and also thanks to all the poeple, who supported me thus far. We gotta get out of this. There is no other way. Keep trying. Some days will be more difficult than others. But you always gotta try. You can crawl out of this hole.
Okay, ended on a bit dramatic note, but so be it.