You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.
- Thread starter k-fff
- Start date
Relapsed. Edged unintentionally for about an hour than full on did it. My p loop seems to be 10-14 days at the moment. Trigger was being bored and tired. I should have left my place to go do something, but I did not have much energy to do so. I feel really depressed again because that is what p does to me. There are multiple things I could have done instead of p usage. I was having urges all day and I did nothing really about them. I should have just gotten off my computer. But this is what I feel like p does to me; it will trap me if I even peek at something than it will never be enough. The goal is now to just get through tomorrow. Lately, my body has been wanting to pmo in groups of two. January last year was when I got 21 days. Hopefully, january is a whole month this time around. I am in control and I chose to stay on my computer instead of doing something else. I chose to continue using. This month I only pmoed 4 times that is down from my usual 7 to 10 times a month. I feel like if I can get past two weeks it will get a lot easier for me. I think me having relapse nightmares goes to show that. I don't feel good at all right now. Resetting the counter again, failing again, do I really want to keep coming on here admitting I relapsed. At the end of the day, I don't want to continue this. Weekends are dangerous for me if I have nothing to do. I didn't bother to make plans. The whole point was there was a lot I could have done. I am not that confident in getting two weeks I feel trapped in all honesty. Maybe, next time around this time I will simply be disallowed from using my computer. I did not have any random urges really in the sense that certain things were really triggering more like my mind was screaming out for it at random times during the day.
Hey man, ive been there, i know how it feels. Dont loose hope!
There are a couple of methods, that help me to resist the urges.
1) there are two golden rules for me: no touching and no fantasizing. Therefore i sometimes grabed my pillow and didnt allow myself to let go of it.
The fantasizing part is difficult sometimes, especially when you've got motivations issues to do stuff, that gets your mind off of it. But try to focus on other things, by doing or thinking something else.
2) One day i watched the series Dr. House Season 6, Episode 1. In the very first scene Dr. House is withdrawing from opioids and this scene really gave me strength, because i realized, that this fucking porn thing is as bad as hwithdrawals from opioids and that i have to take it dead fucking seriously to overcome it. So when it got or gets really bad ( but after 5 months it is getting much better now), i remember this scene and that its going to be very fucking hard, but that i have to stay strong. So it gives me like a will boost to resist it. Sometimes it will feel like you are dying (because your brain actually thinks, that you need this for your survial), but you really have to be willing to face death, to conquer this.
At the beginning of my recovery i was not able to give up on masturbation. When the urge for porn was to much to bare, i had to mo. But in the beginning it triggered some relapses for me. Also i saw my first improvements, when i was also able to give up on mo. But when the urges and cravings are so powerful, that you feel like you are about to open your laptop, its still better to mo, at best without porn-fanatsy, than to pmo. But try to stay away from it as long as you can.
3) watch out for triggers like nudity in movies or ads. Just immidiately close it and try to do something else. When there is nothing to do or lack of motivation just lay in your bed, grab your pillow and try ro calm down or to sleep.
Against motivation issues or depressions the most reliable strategy for me is trying to envision myself not having ed anymore, and what i would be able to do. The important part is not to envision yourself having sex, which can cause cravings again, but how i would be able to be more confident with girls or peers or my friends. How i would be able to do better at university because i have more energy, hope and motivation. Being motivated to do sports, because i have motivation to be more good looking. Really whatever your goals are.
Try to feel, how it would feel like and also envision that you wouldnt have pied right in the moment. Then i try to go step by step to what i want to do. For example: 1) getting my laptop to the kitchen. 2) turning it on 3) opening the stuff i have to do for my studies and so on...That often helps me to get motivated to do stuff. But not always, so try to not put too much pressure on you. Your motivation and emotional systems are fucked right now and they need time to heal, so try to give it the time, that it needs. You wont most likely not be able to change your life completely from one day to another, but it will get easier with time. Ive got my worst cravings and urges, when i tried to do something and then wasnt able to finish or suceed with it (like writing a paper or to study). Then i really had to allow myself to go to bed to sleep or just to rest, like you would do with an actual illness, the flue or something. Because thats pretty much, whats going on with your body, your stress level and hormons are out of control and you are in fighting mode. So allow yourself then to heal, like you would do, when you are sick.
Relapsing is bad man. The last time i went into a fucking mental breakdown. But remind yourself, what you want out of your life and that you can have that with time and work and then get back on track. You will not start at zero again. Its not like super mario, where you start at the beginning. Every streak counts and every streak makes it easier and helps you to heal. You will find your ways to tackle your issues, problems, and this addiction.
Yo will do it man. It will get better and easier. Stay strong
There are a couple of methods, that help me to resist the urges.
1) there are two golden rules for me: no touching and no fantasizing. Therefore i sometimes grabed my pillow and didnt allow myself to let go of it.
The fantasizing part is difficult sometimes, especially when you've got motivations issues to do stuff, that gets your mind off of it. But try to focus on other things, by doing or thinking something else.
2) One day i watched the series Dr. House Season 6, Episode 1. In the very first scene Dr. House is withdrawing from opioids and this scene really gave me strength, because i realized, that this fucking porn thing is as bad as hwithdrawals from opioids and that i have to take it dead fucking seriously to overcome it. So when it got or gets really bad ( but after 5 months it is getting much better now), i remember this scene and that its going to be very fucking hard, but that i have to stay strong. So it gives me like a will boost to resist it. Sometimes it will feel like you are dying (because your brain actually thinks, that you need this for your survial), but you really have to be willing to face death, to conquer this.
At the beginning of my recovery i was not able to give up on masturbation. When the urge for porn was to much to bare, i had to mo. But in the beginning it triggered some relapses for me. Also i saw my first improvements, when i was also able to give up on mo. But when the urges and cravings are so powerful, that you feel like you are about to open your laptop, its still better to mo, at best without porn-fanatsy, than to pmo. But try to stay away from it as long as you can.
3) watch out for triggers like nudity in movies or ads. Just immidiately close it and try to do something else. When there is nothing to do or lack of motivation just lay in your bed, grab your pillow and try ro calm down or to sleep.
Against motivation issues or depressions the most reliable strategy for me is trying to envision myself not having ed anymore, and what i would be able to do. The important part is not to envision yourself having sex, which can cause cravings again, but how i would be able to be more confident with girls or peers or my friends. How i would be able to do better at university because i have more energy, hope and motivation. Being motivated to do sports, because i have motivation to be more good looking. Really whatever your goals are.
Try to feel, how it would feel like and also envision that you wouldnt have pied right in the moment. Then i try to go step by step to what i want to do. For example: 1) getting my laptop to the kitchen. 2) turning it on 3) opening the stuff i have to do for my studies and so on...That often helps me to get motivated to do stuff. But not always, so try to not put too much pressure on you. Your motivation and emotional systems are fucked right now and they need time to heal, so try to give it the time, that it needs. You wont most likely not be able to change your life completely from one day to another, but it will get easier with time. Ive got my worst cravings and urges, when i tried to do something and then wasnt able to finish or suceed with it (like writing a paper or to study). Then i really had to allow myself to go to bed to sleep or just to rest, like you would do with an actual illness, the flue or something. Because thats pretty much, whats going on with your body, your stress level and hormons are out of control and you are in fighting mode. So allow yourself then to heal, like you would do, when you are sick.
Relapsing is bad man. The last time i went into a fucking mental breakdown. But remind yourself, what you want out of your life and that you can have that with time and work and then get back on track. You will not start at zero again. Its not like super mario, where you start at the beginning. Every streak counts and every streak makes it easier and helps you to heal. You will find your ways to tackle your issues, problems, and this addiction.
Yo will do it man. It will get better and easier. Stay strong
quitforeverthenwin2
Well-Known Member
k-fff said:Day 6
Day went by smoothly enough watched tv. I just rested trying to get over being sick.
Today is day seven. I am still feeling sick. Hopefully by tomorrow the remnants of this sickness go away. I had a few urges yesterday. I am trying to remember what they were like, but they definitely were there. Nothing too strong.
Reminding myself why I want to quit p. It is destroying my reward system and it shrinks prefrontal cortex. It destroys my interest in real women and it makes me severely depressed whenever I use. I don't think I have ever felt good after using or even normal for that matter-just drained. It wastes my time especially the hours where I have spent edging essentially locked in place by my computer screen with absolutely no awareness of the outside world. I am in control of my body and I want this gone.
Hell yeah! This addiction can burn in hell
quitforeverthenwin2
Well-Known Member
Man keep getting right back on the horse, each time you get back on the horse you are chipping away at it and strengthening your pre frontal cortex bit by bit, soon it'll be strong enough to overcome this!
Relapsed again, didn't even try to stop it. Extremely depressed. I know I can do at least 13 days so I will head for that again. Though, I don't feel like doing it right now. Reasons for quitting porn, what I am feeling right now, sinking depression, brain fog, my head feels like a christmas tree bulb (actually quite unpleasant imo), I will have bad anxiety tonight too. Triggers chaser effect from sex. I don't want to stop sex but it does cause a chaser effect now. I feel rather ill after using. Not to mention, I lose interest in people. I have plans for new years, but I really don't want to go now. I just want to sit and be depressed. In some ways, I gave up today. That's what this feels like. I am tired, tired of this.
Its okay man, it happenes.
What was your thought process before it happend? What made you not even wanna try it?
Its important that you look at your relapses, to be prepared for it next time. I would even try to write it down here, because if you are able to verbalize it, it becomes more consciouss to you, than just thinking about it in your own head.
What was your thought process before it happend? What made you not even wanna try it?
Its important that you look at your relapses, to be prepared for it next time. I would even try to write it down here, because if you are able to verbalize it, it becomes more consciouss to you, than just thinking about it in your own head.
When you think about the reasons, why to give up porn, you shoud try to not only find things you want to run away from (depression, anxiety), but also things to run towards to (relationships, happiness in career, other goals you want in your life, which are destroyed by porn...). They are often even more compeiling than the negative stuff.
When you think it might help, then write down a hole list, to look az at them the next time shit ia about to go down.
When you think it might help, then write down a hole list, to look az at them the next time shit ia about to go down.
W
wecandoit
Guest
Jeks said:When you think about the reasons, why to give up porn, you shoud try to not only find things you want to run away from (depression, anxiety), but also things to run towards to (relationships, happiness in career, other goals you want in your life, which are destroyed by porn...). They are often even more compeiling than the negative stuff.
When you think it might help, then write down a hole list, to look az at them the next time shit ia about to go down.
That's right, man. Well said. You see, in many cases those things that we try to run from (depression, anxiety, loneliness etc.) come from the lack of the other things you said (lack of relationships, lack of piece of mind in career, poor social life etc.). I mean when you don't have friends you might become anxious around people because you think this makes you a weirdo. And then this makes you depressed. You know what I mean? But it's good to look at it this way: What do I need for my anxiety and depression to go away? And you will see that porn has no place in this because it's an obstacle.
I remember that I was just like "fuck it" I am gonna do it why not. I was already angry about relapsing before and I started getting triggers from annoying ads. It was very much like I just gave up dealing with the problem at the moment. I knew what would have been a constructive response, but I ignored that and I decided I was just gonna give in.Jeks said:Its okay man, it happenes.
What was your thought process before it happend? What made you not even wanna try it?
Its important that you look at your relapses, to be prepared for it next time. I would even try to write it down here, because if you are able to verbalize it, it becomes more consciouss to you, than just thinking about it in your own head.
Jeks said:When you think about the reasons, why to give up porn, you shoud try to not only find things you want to run away from (depression, anxiety), but also things to run towards to (relationships, happiness in career, other goals you want in your life, which are destroyed by porn...). They are often even more compeiling than the negative stuff.
When you think it might help, then write down a hole list, to look az at them the next time shit ia about to go down.
Well for me, I get depressed in response to porn. It literally makes me depressed afterwards. I am not really sad about anything in my life other than this addiction. I will have nightmares of relapsing. I feel like that my life is pretty good and my friends say that I probably just have the porn problem due to boredom, but it might be more related to the fact that I am neglecting my hobbies a lot. I guess if I am frustrated by something in my life is that I basically have no savings. I know a lot of people in my generation that have similar issues, but in a lot of ways, it makes me feel like I don't have a future. And I don't know about you guys, but I want a wife and kids. I also don't ever want to be still looking at porn when I am married or when I have children. Positive things without porn, my relationships drastically improve with people, sex is a hundred times better, I spend more time on my hobbies and developing myself whether that is improving my skill in drawing, piano, or fighting. I know porn stunts my growth as a person skills I could be developing and perfecting become neglected.
I am not getting back on the horse. I relapsed. I started getting random urges from being on the computer. I gave into them because I was frustrated about this situation with a coworker. She thinks I cheated on a gf that I have been broken up with for over a month because she saw me walking with some girl. People have a tendency to gossip here. oh wait, that wasn't the trigger. The trigger was using this one search engine to look for a movie. It is basically the search engine I use for p. That triggered me hardcore. I need to stay off from that search engine. tomorrow, I am done. Glad, I know this trigger now.
Why I want to quit porn, depression, anxiety that results from the dopamine withdrawal. My suffering relationships. I feel more energy and more focus when I have not used p for at least a week. I overall just feel more confident and solid in my mindset when not looking at p. I am annoyed I relapsed today, but i really know why now. that search engine.
Why I want to quit porn, depression, anxiety that results from the dopamine withdrawal. My suffering relationships. I feel more energy and more focus when I have not used p for at least a week. I overall just feel more confident and solid in my mindset when not looking at p. I am annoyed I relapsed today, but i really know why now. that search engine.
W
wecandoit
Guest
k-fff said:I am not getting back on the horse. I relapsed. I started getting random urges from being on the computer. I gave into them because I was frustrated about this situation with a coworker. She thinks I cheated on a gf that I have been broken up with for over a month because she saw me walking with some girl. People have a tendency to gossip here. oh wait, that wasn't the trigger. The trigger was using this one search engine to look for a movie. It is basically the search engine I use for p. That triggered me hardcore. I need to stay off from that search engine. tomorrow, I am done. Glad, I know this trigger now.
Why I want to quit porn, depression, anxiety that results from the dopamine withdrawal. My suffering relationships. I feel more energy and more focus when I have not used p for at least a week. I overall just feel more confident and solid in my mindset when not looking at p. I am annoyed I relapsed today, but i really know why now. that search engine.
A big part of our recovery is identifying the triggers and avoiding them. You identified the trigger and this is great. Everybody has triggers and it might take a while until we find them all. Nowadays, my triggers are mostly emotional. Stuff like anxiety, depression, disappointment, loneliness etc. As porn has been my cope, when I experience discomfort, I get urges and craving for porn too.
wecandoit said:k-fff said:I am not getting back on the horse. I relapsed. I started getting random urges from being on the computer. I gave into them because I was frustrated about this situation with a coworker. She thinks I cheated on a gf that I have been broken up with for over a month because she saw me walking with some girl. People have a tendency to gossip here. oh wait, that wasn't the trigger. The trigger was using this one search engine to look for a movie. It is basically the search engine I use for p. That triggered me hardcore. I need to stay off from that search engine. tomorrow, I am done. Glad, I know this trigger now.
Why I want to quit porn, depression, anxiety that results from the dopamine withdrawal. My suffering relationships. I feel more energy and more focus when I have not used p for at least a week. I overall just feel more confident and solid in my mindset when not looking at p. I am annoyed I relapsed today, but i really know why now. that search engine.
A big part of our recovery is identifying the triggers and avoiding them. You identified the trigger and this is great. Everybody has triggers and it might take a while until we find them all. Nowadays, my triggers are mostly emotional. Stuff like anxiety, depression, disappointment, loneliness etc. As porn has been my cope, when I experience discomfort, I get urges and craving for porn too.
I appreciate there responses. I think some of my frustration contributed to the relapse, but for the most part, I don't have that habit thankfully. I realized that being able to go almost two weeks even when things were stressful. I do have a strong association with p and the internet in general so I primarily just get urges being on the internet. I rarely get them outside of that.
Keep learning from you relapses, think about why you doing this, get yourself motivated and hopefull again and then get back on track.
2 weeks are great and the experiences you made, will help you for next time. Its not like super mario. You didnt fall back to level one.
You still watched probably less porn than any phase of your life.
2 weeks are great and the experiences you made, will help you for next time. Its not like super mario. You didnt fall back to level one.
You still watched probably less porn than any phase of your life.
Well, right now, I am in a better mindset than this last week. I really do appreciate the responses guys. At the moment, I just have a lot of fear that I will be struggling with this for my entire life.Jeks said:Keep learning from you relapses, think about why you doing this, get yourself motivated and hopefull again and then get back on track.
2 weeks are great and the experiences you made, will help you for next time. Its not like super mario. You didnt fall back to level one.
You still watched probably less porn than any phase of your life.
W
wecandoit
Guest
At the moment, I just have a lot of fear that I will be struggling with this for my entire life.
I know this feeling, man. It's something that I think about from time to time. The struggle is hard and it feels like fighting a lost battle sometimes. But we can't stop keeping the hope alive. Without this, we won't make it. We won't quit this addiction without the hope and the belief that we can do it. Others have done it, why can't we? It's like sport, you know. You might lose some finals until you win your first. We are still young. It's not like we are 50 years old. We have time. It only takes a few months to see results. A few months it's not impossible. After a few months it's more possible than ever.