Pushing back!

[granav613]

Hi Chris,

Just read through your whole journal. It's really helpful.

I personally am also a virgin and don't believe in sex before marriage. So it was really useful to read something coming from someone who is similar in that way.

I just wanted to say thanks and wish you luck. Relapses suck but nothing good is easily attained.

 

[Chris Oz]

Day 7 No PMO| Day 3 No Fap


Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the replies.
@Sanders, I want to say your reply is really reassuring. Communication really helps. I read a book today where they talked about performance anxiety :its caused mainly from inexperience and pressure to deliver..
. But generally we can say it's fear. And then when we're not relaxed and are tensed we let these flight or fight hormones come in and in order for the body to stay safe... It causes the boner to deflate or release early. I also learnt how that is really overcome-able. Thank God

@walker Glad I could help.
@ Stanfield. Thanks... I really need to do this
@ hopeful. Yeah, me too. I felt alone being a virgin and not having sex before marriage because of my Christian beliefs. Glad I found you... I hope we relate better with each other stories


Today, I was just thinking. I've been so hung up on porn being the problem, when in fact it was my dopamine addiction that was my problem.... Getting high off of porn. Since I had this knowledge, I know now that I need to cut off all pathways to getting that high and from dopamine release and cut off not just porn but even masturbation to bring down my dopamine levels to normal. Right now, it's way too high causing hyper cravings and loss of will power to resist the cravings and temptation to porn which in turn causes high release of dopamine.

Knowing this, I know what I must do. It doesn't mean I'm not susceptible to relapses but like they say.
Knowledge is power. Now I know how to better fight this.
That being said, today I got so many urges.... I just kept on re-playing the videos I watched on YouTube about porn in my head. I kept dodging bullets today as one thought came after the other about the previous porn episodes I've had in the past. I didn't even let them get me an erection. To me, they just wasn't worth it anymore. I can't wait to detox dopamine from my system.

With my meditations on God's word and prayers, more education about porn, sharing my story and reading others success stories... My recovery has received a boost. Here's the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

Pushing back!
Chris

 

[Chris Oz]

Day 9 No PMO| Day 5 no Fap


Happy new month everyone!

Some few urges this morning. I hope it lessens as the day progresses.

Keep pushing back!
Chris

 

[AStansfield]

Urges will disappear around Day 10 in my experience and then reappear with a vengeance around Day 18-21.

After that point you're just coasting and it's alright as long as you avoid any triggers. The day to day becomes more than manageable, keep on pushing!

 

[Chris Oz]

Day 0

Relapsed again, my dopamine starved mind couldn't handle what I found on my new phone. There was this app ficool books and there was content about this about one of my wildest fetish fantasies. I just couldn't believe that there were authors who wrote such bizarre content,that there was a place for that. The novelty of what it could be and was combined with the recent surge of urges I've been having just crumpled my resolve....as I was on. And then I had to go deeper in till the need to get a climax was.....
At the end I ended up in a porn site looking for that story line and the rest is history.

I didn't know I could fall for a book app. Novelty is really what drives this porn addiction.

Now I can't help thinking how my mind has gotten one over me. Finally getting the break it's been
wanting.

It makes me  want to push harder even more though.

I realize also that having No Fap along side No PMO is really harder than I imagined. It's much more intense than just no PMO as there's no way to release from the build up through masturbation- it's the real deal.

I'm committed to keep fighting and pushing back!
Chris

 

[glacier]

I realize also that having No Fap along side No PMO is really harder than I imagined. It's much more intense than just no PMO as there's no way to release from the build up through masturbation- it's the real deal.

Same for me. But I guess it can make things easier in the end, since you really have to build new methods to deal with difficult situations (this is one trigger for urges for me).

Hope you don't get discouraged because of your recent relapse! But it seems like you are ready to keep going!

 

[wwalker19]

Hey Chris, I have found that cutting out masturbation along with porn is totally necessary.  Down the line I think it could be fine, but I always fantasize about something pornographic which just accelerates a relapse, so that's gotta go too.

In general, I am finding that a strict system is a great way to give your day structure and take off some of the tension of constantly using willpower to overcome urges.  If I am just using willpower, eventually I will be caught when I just have no more fight left in me and I'll relapse.

My system involves waking up the same time each day, engaging with others on this forum and reading success stories, working, and staying engaged with people who care about me and putting time into productive hobbies in the evening.  In general, I think blocking out your time in advance so you're not left idle is important.  Keep your eye on the prize!

 

[Chris Oz]

Day 3 of No PMO & No Fap

Thanks for your replies glacier and walker. I'm still very much committed to this without and masturbation. I just wanted to acknowledge that it's quite harder than the other times.

Been steady with my devotionals, just started getting busy again with work. I'm doing great, hardly any thoughts about porn.

Keep pushing back!

 

[wwalker19]

Hi Chris,

I am wondering what structures you have in place to support yourself?  I have noticed two easy fixes for myself have been to keep my laptop downstairs and charge my phone across the room, and also to keep myself busy.  Unblocked time in my day can too easily lead to straying.  It also is good to fill in your time with good replacement habits that will nudge out what you don't want.  I've personally been focusing on guitar, on exercising, and on playing D&D with my friends.

 

[Chris Oz]

Relapsed again.... I fought urges all through the night till this morning and I just...

I dunno if I'd ever recover from porn. I'm losing faith.

And walker, I have all sorts of activities around me... Gutlitar, drawing, designs.... but I'm alone most of the time. It's freaking hard this time without masturbation

 

[AStansfield]

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

I bounced back from a horrible breakup and an even more horrible fallout/smear campaign against me. I bounced back from an attempted suicide and I bounced back from the deepest darkest abyss i've ever been in.

I've been completely alone in my apartment since Early March. The first few months were very difficult - but I generated the divine within and propelled myself on this journey. I'm not special and i'm not unique in my ability to do this - you can do just as much if not more than me.

So get to it. There is no such thing as no such thing. Stay strong!

 

[Icandoit]

There is definitely a day when you really have to say "Enough". It's that moment when you feel like you could lose everything. My greatest fear is that I would meet a girl but my porn addiction would fuck everything up. I've been waiting for years for a relationship and porn has always been that wall between me and that. I can't continue anymore like this. I will fight for this streak to be the last and you could too. Join me.

 

[wwalker19]

Hey Chris.  Do NOT give up!  Failure is necessary on the path to success.  The key is to use your failure to learn.  What triggered you?  What could you have done to prevent the situation from coming up?  How can you prevent this from happening going forward?

I have found 50% of the work is preventative and preemptive, knowing what triggers you and what situations to stay away from.  49% is following your routines,staying busy, staying productive.  If you're constantly fighting urges and using your willpower to stay away, at some point you're gonna give.  A system that keeps you aware of what you're working towards and keeps you busy is important.

Do you have anyone that matters that you could tell?  Do you have an accountability partner?

 

[glacier]

Can't really add much to what was already said. Just wanted to say: we're here with you.

 

[Chris Oz]

Hey guys, I want to say thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. @glacier @wwalker @stansfield @icandoit ... Thank you

Your words really got to me stansfield. We must expect finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.

People have gone through worse than I have and still won, so who am I to give up. And I always think about me meeting someone beautiful in my life and not being able to give her my best. I have to realize that it's not just about me, I'm fighting for my future....so yeah I'd keep pushing.

Thank you again guys I really appreciate

 

[Chris Oz]

Feeling great today.

I got some tools to help me out- a sobriety tracker and a porn blocker. They're quite amazing, on the sobriety tracker there are lots of motivational quotes and also a tracker for all things concerning your addiction and recovery chart. While the porn blocker has this panic button that blocks off all apps when you are feeling an overload of urges. They're really helpful. Check them out

Porn filter App
https://blockerx.page.link/zHE11nj4DM5PnRt68

Quutzilla- Sobriety tracker
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.despdev.quitzilla

Day 2 No porn| No Fap

Keep pushing back!
Chris

 

[wwalker19]

Hey Chris, that's awesome!  It sounds like you're figuring out what works for you.  Remember, if you have trouble or start to struggle, think about how you can streamline your system to make it easier.  Constantly improve.

 

[Sanders]

Hey Chris,

Happy to read you've taken some new steps to shield yourself from the bad influences. To learn about the addiction and what helps you has made a great impact for me. I think a big thing for many here is the time spent on mobile or other electronical devices. Cutting down the time on my phone and quiting social media browsing has helped a lot. In these moments where you're doing very little productive it's easy to let the chain of thought race to previous behaviours. Blockers are a great thing, I hope they help! I've put Google safesearch on my devices and 'BlockerX' app is pretty good as well. Additionally my wife can see everything I do so it's guarded well

However don't let the fear of falling back lead you, also move towards positivity! Hope your job is rewarding and going well, you were trying to focus on that a lot a while ago I remember.

Good luck man! You can do this.

 

[Chris Oz]

Hey thanks walker and Sanders.

I ended up relapsing again from my last post. The blocker app didn't work when I needed it the most. I clicked on the help me button to block all my apps when I was having uncontrollable urges and it didn't do that. So faith in apps is really realistic for me anymore.

I only use a the tracker now,where I also get additional daily motivational quotes to keep trudging on.

But again I'm on Day 3 No PMO| No Fap so I'm glad about that.

You're right about the taking some time off of our phones Sanders, I decided to invest most of the time I spent in WhatsApp in other areas of my life and it's giving me a positive feeling.

Yesterday night, I had this urges again....it always comes around day 3 and, I was at the brink of another relapse .... But I just prayed a silent prayer, 'Lord help' and I just somehow managed to get myself between the bed sheets, out on my sleep sounds app and sleep. It wasn't like the urges left immediately or anything; I kept browsing and all but at some point I just became uninterested and had the strength to make the right decision to sleep admist a hectic day cause I was really stressed.

And my Job is alright,I'm still trying to pick up the pace,but it's getting better everyday. Learning a lot from YouTube to compliment with what I see in daily works.

Anyway, it's glad to know you guys are all still committed

Let's Keep pushing back!

 

[glacier]

I'm glad that you're back on track! I also realized that phones are an easy entry for bad habit. I deleted all social media apps, but it seems that I then exploit other apps such as YouTube. I just now saw that there are some neat features like "remind me to take a break", which I set to 5 minutes. Hopefully this will remind me to put away the phone as far as possible