You've entered the ring Slurps, that's something a lot of people are too afraid to do. Don't lose hope. If it feels like you can't get through a day then work on getting through past lunch first. In the boxing analogy, you might feel outclassed, you might feel like you don't have the speed or the punching power to even compete, but just get back in the ring and move! Dodge, wrap up, run away even! In this fight you don't have to knock porn out in 30 seconds like Mike Tyson did back in the day, you just need to win, even if it's by decision, even if the first 5 rounds were you running away.
Ex-edger
- Thread starter mr.slurps
- Start date
A good friend of mine preached a very good sermon the other day. I'm going to illustrate it here, in perspective to our struggles with PMO...
A guy that walks in the direction of North (pretty generic). And while he's walking, he stumbles, trips...a few more steps, runs into a wild animal, retreats back, then avoids the animal. Pushes back north, glances south, very often, a few more steps...and this goes on, and on, and on...
Looking from over head, from a bird's eye view as they say, the guy only did 5 miles in 30 days...most people can accomplish that in a hour if they walk at a half decent clip.
Here's the point, it was still 5 miles. There were a bunch of twists, turns, trips, set backs, animals to run from, many glances to the south to get that last fix...sometimes, the glances were for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and sometimes for hours.
But at the end of the month, he got 5 miles in...Next month, he got another 5.5 miles...but from the bird's eye view, there's no mistake, he's going north, not fast, but he's going.
Same holds true here. I don't care how many times you relapse, even if you're batting .300 (in the majors, that's a hell of a paycheque).
Keep posting Mr. S....keep posting, If that's the ONLY thing that gives you encouragement, is too see our responses, I'm sure some of us can post a bit more often. I know my life has been beyond crazy and busy, but I can make a bit more effort...
A guy that walks in the direction of North (pretty generic). And while he's walking, he stumbles, trips...a few more steps, runs into a wild animal, retreats back, then avoids the animal. Pushes back north, glances south, very often, a few more steps...and this goes on, and on, and on...
Looking from over head, from a bird's eye view as they say, the guy only did 5 miles in 30 days...most people can accomplish that in a hour if they walk at a half decent clip.
Here's the point, it was still 5 miles. There were a bunch of twists, turns, trips, set backs, animals to run from, many glances to the south to get that last fix...sometimes, the glances were for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and sometimes for hours.
But at the end of the month, he got 5 miles in...Next month, he got another 5.5 miles...but from the bird's eye view, there's no mistake, he's going north, not fast, but he's going.
Same holds true here. I don't care how many times you relapse, even if you're batting .300 (in the majors, that's a hell of a paycheque).
Keep posting Mr. S....keep posting, If that's the ONLY thing that gives you encouragement, is too see our responses, I'm sure some of us can post a bit more often. I know my life has been beyond crazy and busy, but I can make a bit more effort...
Hi Guys, Finally made 1 full day w/ no pmo! I may as well celebrate this little victory. Rook I love that going North metaphor. I can latch onto it b/c that is how this journey's really been. Very little progress but at least I've experienced how good it feels to gain some momentum. And the flip side of how easy it is to do a nose dive.
Because I got 1 day clean, I taste a bit of optimism finally.
There was a nose dive and a crash but I doubt I burned. I may be able to patch the bruised fuselage and wings. Then I'll give the prop a spin and see if the engine starts, taxi down the runway and... (I like this metaphor as much as the boxing one. Maybe we'll use a British Spitfire to make UK proud. All sorts of possibilities... the Blitz!) See a little twinge of optimism has Mr. Slurp getting weird again. lol
TheNorm, thanks for your help. I've definitely had the tar beat out of me lately. This month sucked.
I'm heading to Vermont for 8 days w/ family on a lake. Birthday 8/1 (I'll be 61) and looking forward to relaxing, swimming and kayaking. I really really need a better August.
Because I got 1 day clean, I taste a bit of optimism finally.
There was a nose dive and a crash but I doubt I burned. I may be able to patch the bruised fuselage and wings. Then I'll give the prop a spin and see if the engine starts, taxi down the runway and... (I like this metaphor as much as the boxing one. Maybe we'll use a British Spitfire to make UK proud. All sorts of possibilities... the Blitz!) See a little twinge of optimism has Mr. Slurp getting weird again. lol
TheNorm, thanks for your help. I've definitely had the tar beat out of me lately. This month sucked.
I'm heading to Vermont for 8 days w/ family on a lake. Birthday 8/1 (I'll be 61) and looking forward to relaxing, swimming and kayaking. I really really need a better August.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey Mr.Slurps buddy,
I'm glad to read you have a full day in the pocket again. Why don't you indeed take it slow, one day at a time. Babysteps and then after a certain amount of days evaluate and start looking a little broader and farther.
The time away with Family sounds like a really nice trip Mr.Slurps. Enjoy it!
I'm glad to read you have a full day in the pocket again. Why don't you indeed take it slow, one day at a time. Babysteps and then after a certain amount of days evaluate and start looking a little broader and farther.
The time away with Family sounds like a really nice trip Mr.Slurps. Enjoy it!
Hi guys, Shade, I'm going to take it slow and for the next 8 days do as little as possible. I've been informed from above that the world will survive without my tinkering and trying to improve it.
I'm seeing a positive side to this failure/blindness I've experienced for 40 years.
All the shame and emotional baggage, the wrecked relationships, broken trust, wasted time... (I could go on but I'm already depressing myself. lol) What could ever be positive re that pile of crap?
Self forgiveness and wisdom. That's the hidden blessing. It is also what is wonderful re this forum. We can share our crap. We're all damaged goods- every one of us. (And that's good.)
Anyhow, I'm not going to lose the forest for the trees. (Did I get that backwards? hahaha) Beating this addiction is the goal and it is a virtuous goal. Freedom!
I'm seeing a positive side to this failure/blindness I've experienced for 40 years.
All the shame and emotional baggage, the wrecked relationships, broken trust, wasted time... (I could go on but I'm already depressing myself. lol) What could ever be positive re that pile of crap?
Self forgiveness and wisdom. That's the hidden blessing. It is also what is wonderful re this forum. We can share our crap. We're all damaged goods- every one of us. (And that's good.)
Anyhow, I'm not going to lose the forest for the trees. (Did I get that backwards? hahaha) Beating this addiction is the goal and it is a virtuous goal. Freedom!
Andrew1973
Active Member
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR SLURPS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR SLURPS!
Enjoy Vermont and take care.
Enjoy Vermont and take care.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Happy birthday Mr.Slurps!
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey Buddy, how are you doing? How was the trip with family to celebrate your birthday???
Hi Guys, Day #0. I had a good time with friends and family in Vermont. Swimming, hiking, kayaking, biking, visiting old friends... Then Mr. Slurp forgot he is not 17 anymore. I used to be a fine water skier- barefoot, girls on my shoulders, jumping ramps, slalom courses... Long story short... I've been recovering for a week from a pulled hamstring and side muscle. hahaha When it comes to lack of common sense I take the cake.
The same is true of my pmo struggle. It is wounded and weak. It's a sliver of hope that brings me back. Plus I'm a s.o.b. that hates to lose.
It started with getting back on a dating site. That has been a stumbling block for ages. It brings up thoughts and thoughts lead eventually to pmo.
I have literally missed you guys. That sounds a little freaky given I've never laid eyes on one of you.
It is a special place indeed where I can say I'm broken and I know that's okay--we all are.
The same is true of my pmo struggle. It is wounded and weak. It's a sliver of hope that brings me back. Plus I'm a s.o.b. that hates to lose.
It started with getting back on a dating site. That has been a stumbling block for ages. It brings up thoughts and thoughts lead eventually to pmo.
I have literally missed you guys. That sounds a little freaky given I've never laid eyes on one of you.
It is a special place indeed where I can say I'm broken and I know that's okay--we all are.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Hi Mr S,
Great that you had a good holiday and sorry about to hear about your 'hammy'. Good also that you're back online here again. A sliver of hope is all you need to build on.
The one thing you said that I felt compelled to comment on was that you are broken.
Trust me - there's much more right with you than wrong, and even if you are (or an element of you) is broken to some extent, it is entirely fixable. Please don't lose sight of that. Declaring oneself as broken is fine if its the first step to a comprehensive repair job, but not helpful if it is viewed as a perpetual state of being. Think of yourself as pieces of a ming vase. All that is needed is time, dedication and skill (plus a tube of superglue) to turn yourself into a beautiful work of art.
Great that you had a good holiday and sorry about to hear about your 'hammy'. Good also that you're back online here again. A sliver of hope is all you need to build on.
The one thing you said that I felt compelled to comment on was that you are broken.
Trust me - there's much more right with you than wrong, and even if you are (or an element of you) is broken to some extent, it is entirely fixable. Please don't lose sight of that. Declaring oneself as broken is fine if its the first step to a comprehensive repair job, but not helpful if it is viewed as a perpetual state of being. Think of yourself as pieces of a ming vase. All that is needed is time, dedication and skill (plus a tube of superglue) to turn yourself into a beautiful work of art.
Hiya UK, Thanks for your prescient words. (They also feel heartfelt.)
Today is Day #2. I'm not very hopeful re my odds of success. One good thing is that I've stayed off hardcore p and "only" relapse lately w/ written stuff. (Most of it is objectively crap, not even good writing but it's what I've resorted to.)
Maybe that in itself can provide me a glimmer of hope. I've relapsed and relapsed and relapsed.... but not quite to where I was, not even close.
Maybe saying "broken" was a bit melodramatic of me. When I'm feeling low incredible junk comes out of my head.
There is a lot in my life to be grateful for and I'm trying to keep that in perspective.
Today is Day #2. I'm not very hopeful re my odds of success. One good thing is that I've stayed off hardcore p and "only" relapse lately w/ written stuff. (Most of it is objectively crap, not even good writing but it's what I've resorted to.)
Maybe that in itself can provide me a glimmer of hope. I've relapsed and relapsed and relapsed.... but not quite to where I was, not even close.
Maybe saying "broken" was a bit melodramatic of me. When I'm feeling low incredible junk comes out of my head.
There is a lot in my life to be grateful for and I'm trying to keep that in perspective.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Great to read that Mr S. Life isn't always binary - PMO or don't PMO. If you're doing less of less bad stuff, that's progress. I think it's certainly a healthier mindset to have gratitude and congratulate yourself for your hard fought improvements than to berate yourself for the perceived failures. That lifts your whole perspective, self worth, and makes ongoing further improvement more likely. Take care.
I think you're beating yourself up too much on it. Some on this board were addicted to some crazy things that most of us might find repulsive. Others, (myself) stuck to vanilla for 20 + yrs...everything is an addiction. But in a sense I would count it progress if someone that was addicted to "bondage" now has gotten away from it, and is now "just" fighting vanilla.
Same as myself, it was always just 1 guy and 1 girl...I would count it progress if I downgraded to still images for a bit...till I have the strength to only go to written stories.
Some can do cold turkey (I thank the Lord for this), and some can't. Some have to cut down, and it might take longer, either way...if you have to cut out some of the stuff you were watching / indulging in...go for less hardcore. I doubt ANYONE here will berate you for that, seeing the struggles you are going through, if you took this from a different angle.
Like I said about myself, I got to a point of extreme anxiety (things related but not really to porn) for about 2 months. That's that gave me a head start. If it wasn't for that, I would still be indulging.
So, decide for yourself, what you "were" addicted to, that got you off...and tone down a notch or 2...otherwise, you're just going to go in a tail spin and lose courage.
However!!! If you go with the suggestion I gave above, you will risk falling back. So I would also suggest some serious goals and timelines for improvement.
For instance, most people that start at the gym, want to look like the cover of a magazine in the first workout...that won't happen. So, instead, small goals that are non negotiable and fight to get it. So I would suggest daily goals, if you can't get 3 days without relapse...well on the 3rd day, set a time limit (obviously much shorter than what you typically do, purely for the relief, and not the rush). Then, 3 days later, relief. And whatever you're viewing, tone that down as well. If it's simply action on the screen, move to still images and tell yourself, "I'm never going to bead this if I don't at least change the habit".
Then, for this goal, set yourself, say 2 weeks. Then, after the 2 weeks, check your progress and your resistance. Now, can you do 5 days of the same routine? Or even 10 days? If it's 5, now can you move away from still images to written content?
Unfortunately, this battle might not be a cold turkey one for you like it has been for some of us. We also can't forget, some of us have the help of a spouse...you quitting this, might be like someone on needle drugs that has to wean himself off, a little bit at a time, with a strict discipline. Otherwise, you'll never get out.
I personally vote for the cold turkey. Cutting off all apps on the phone and only logging on the PC for banking, business and this forum. And movies...I even cut off cartoons in the first couple of months due to the extreme beauty of women in those things.
But, not everyone's journey is the same. Keep in mind, NO ONE here is leaving your corner, but you have to keep the gloves on, we can't swing for you.
Same as myself, it was always just 1 guy and 1 girl...I would count it progress if I downgraded to still images for a bit...till I have the strength to only go to written stories.
Some can do cold turkey (I thank the Lord for this), and some can't. Some have to cut down, and it might take longer, either way...if you have to cut out some of the stuff you were watching / indulging in...go for less hardcore. I doubt ANYONE here will berate you for that, seeing the struggles you are going through, if you took this from a different angle.
Like I said about myself, I got to a point of extreme anxiety (things related but not really to porn) for about 2 months. That's that gave me a head start. If it wasn't for that, I would still be indulging.
So, decide for yourself, what you "were" addicted to, that got you off...and tone down a notch or 2...otherwise, you're just going to go in a tail spin and lose courage.
However!!! If you go with the suggestion I gave above, you will risk falling back. So I would also suggest some serious goals and timelines for improvement.
For instance, most people that start at the gym, want to look like the cover of a magazine in the first workout...that won't happen. So, instead, small goals that are non negotiable and fight to get it. So I would suggest daily goals, if you can't get 3 days without relapse...well on the 3rd day, set a time limit (obviously much shorter than what you typically do, purely for the relief, and not the rush). Then, 3 days later, relief. And whatever you're viewing, tone that down as well. If it's simply action on the screen, move to still images and tell yourself, "I'm never going to bead this if I don't at least change the habit".
Then, for this goal, set yourself, say 2 weeks. Then, after the 2 weeks, check your progress and your resistance. Now, can you do 5 days of the same routine? Or even 10 days? If it's 5, now can you move away from still images to written content?
Unfortunately, this battle might not be a cold turkey one for you like it has been for some of us. We also can't forget, some of us have the help of a spouse...you quitting this, might be like someone on needle drugs that has to wean himself off, a little bit at a time, with a strict discipline. Otherwise, you'll never get out.
I personally vote for the cold turkey. Cutting off all apps on the phone and only logging on the PC for banking, business and this forum. And movies...I even cut off cartoons in the first couple of months due to the extreme beauty of women in those things.
But, not everyone's journey is the same. Keep in mind, NO ONE here is leaving your corner, but you have to keep the gloves on, we can't swing for you.
Hi Rook, That was a big help. I know cold-turkey is best. Today is Day #4.
It does feel like I'm grasping at straws when I'm cutting back to less and less hardcore. It's probably not even a good strategy.
But by doing something, anything, I can tell myself honestly I've not given up completely.
It is like hoping for a miracle where the chances are one in a million that I'll reboot.
Then I say to myself, "Mr. Slurp, look what you're doing right now. You're chatting with people that care about you and share the same issues. One year ago this opportunity would have seemed like a one in a million miracle."
So, I hope lightning (like you guys) hits twice and something or some revelation drops onto my head and helps. As they say in France junosequa (you never know). Sorry to any French guys. lol
It does feel like I'm grasping at straws when I'm cutting back to less and less hardcore. It's probably not even a good strategy.
But by doing something, anything, I can tell myself honestly I've not given up completely.
It is like hoping for a miracle where the chances are one in a million that I'll reboot.
Then I say to myself, "Mr. Slurp, look what you're doing right now. You're chatting with people that care about you and share the same issues. One year ago this opportunity would have seemed like a one in a million miracle."
So, I hope lightning (like you guys) hits twice and something or some revelation drops onto my head and helps. As they say in France junosequa (you never know). Sorry to any French guys. lol
mr.slurps said:
Glad to hear my little "rant" helped. And just a heads up, junosequa, is actually Jenesaisquoi (Je ne sais quoi), which directly translated, is "I don't know what"....Yes, I'm born and raised French, lol. Your expression nailed it, just needed a bit of spell check. I piss off my wife and friends often, they call me a grammar Nazi...lol.
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey Mr Slurps,
I second what rookie said with the addition to point out that it's 4 days already. Also, you speak of hoping lightning will hit twice, but might i offer another approach on 'hope'
Replace hope by trust: hope and fear are grown from the impression that you are missing something. They grow from a feeling of shortcoming. Contrary to popular belief, hope does not live but prevents living. Hoping is plunging yourself in an imaginary future and so not engaging in the only thing that really matters; the now.
Hope is build from fear, absence of hope leads to trust. I know, its a bit hard to read and it might be a slap in the face (it was for me the first time i read about this) but ultimately this concept helped me in facing my fears!
Anyway, you are already actively putting effort into not being addicted anymore, you are not hoping for it.
Good luck buddy, I am rooting for you
I second what rookie said with the addition to point out that it's 4 days already. Also, you speak of hoping lightning will hit twice, but might i offer another approach on 'hope'
Replace hope by trust: hope and fear are grown from the impression that you are missing something. They grow from a feeling of shortcoming. Contrary to popular belief, hope does not live but prevents living. Hoping is plunging yourself in an imaginary future and so not engaging in the only thing that really matters; the now.
Hope is build from fear, absence of hope leads to trust. I know, its a bit hard to read and it might be a slap in the face (it was for me the first time i read about this) but ultimately this concept helped me in facing my fears!
Anyway, you are already actively putting effort into not being addicted anymore, you are not hoping for it.
Good luck buddy, I am rooting for you
Day #5. Hi guys, Shade, I'm so glad you showed up. I've been thinking re you and your loyalty and courage. We should re-name you, "Mr. Amazing grace". I once was lost but now I'm...
You've been a good pal and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Plus, Shade you may be a mystic. I was just thinking re fear... That definitely pervades this crappy addiction. The flip-side of fear (hope) probably isn't much help, at least in my case. That is because I have relapses and they disappoint me. That starts the old vicious circle ending in relapse.
The Buddhists have a lot of wisdom when it comes to this stuff (present moment mindfulness...). I've been doing meditation and it does help.(UK is my guru. lol)
I'll try to use that instead of my usual metaphor of the boxing match.
Dear Senor Rook, your "rant" felt pretty deep to me. Plus I'm forever indebted to you for the French lesson. I'm restraining myself from making more wise-ass comments.
Thanks guys
You've been a good pal and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Plus, Shade you may be a mystic. I was just thinking re fear... That definitely pervades this crappy addiction. The flip-side of fear (hope) probably isn't much help, at least in my case. That is because I have relapses and they disappoint me. That starts the old vicious circle ending in relapse.
The Buddhists have a lot of wisdom when it comes to this stuff (present moment mindfulness...). I've been doing meditation and it does help.(UK is my guru. lol)
I'll try to use that instead of my usual metaphor of the boxing match.
Dear Senor Rook, your "rant" felt pretty deep to me. Plus I'm forever indebted to you for the French lesson. I'm restraining myself from making more wise-ass comments.
Thanks guys
mr.slurps said:
We're all here to help you Mr. S...obviously, we can't fight it for you. However, many of us at our age, bring different angles of wisdom and advice. Some of us are in sales, accounting, management, labor, janitors...and we all bring a different perspective to life and jobs. That's what makes this forum so great. We'll all think of idea to help a struggling brother, hoping it's going to be an angle they never thought of.
I'm not throwing the towel in your ring yet bro. You DID prove at the start of this fight that you could get some streaks going...it's just to find that fighter in you again.