Mr. S, you still with us bro? No shame in coming on just to give a report on the progress, or relapse. I can tell you, that if you avoid posting, due to shame and relapsing, it WILL extend the relapse sessions. I tell you this from experience. Then it took me about a year to come back. Please don't fall into that trap.
Ex-edger
- Thread starter mr.slurps
- Start date
Hi Guys, Day 1. Thanks for the unwavering support, god (or the universe, buddha...) knows I need it.
The advice re coming here first thing after breakfast may be a good habit to try to initiate.
Also the idea of making an effort, however small, to help others resonates w/ me.
As far as the learning/cause, the best I can posit is that the isolation finally hit me bad. It is spreading in Az as fast as anywhere. We've all been living w/ this for a long time but logic may not apply to emotions. It seems to have just struck me how painful this has become. (This could be a bunch of baloney but it's the best I can come up w/.)
Now that I've had a major relapse I do recognize I'm back in a different mind-set. It's disturbing b/c it is a form of delusion. Part of me is already telling me that it doesn't matter. It's not worth worrying about. It's just "who I am."
The power of this addiction to create delusion is absolutely astounding. I hate feeling fear but I do.
The advice re coming here first thing after breakfast may be a good habit to try to initiate.
Also the idea of making an effort, however small, to help others resonates w/ me.
As far as the learning/cause, the best I can posit is that the isolation finally hit me bad. It is spreading in Az as fast as anywhere. We've all been living w/ this for a long time but logic may not apply to emotions. It seems to have just struck me how painful this has become. (This could be a bunch of baloney but it's the best I can come up w/.)
Now that I've had a major relapse I do recognize I'm back in a different mind-set. It's disturbing b/c it is a form of delusion. Part of me is already telling me that it doesn't matter. It's not worth worrying about. It's just "who I am."
The power of this addiction to create delusion is absolutely astounding. I hate feeling fear but I do.
Welcome back friend!!!
Baby steps. If I can give a small piece of advice. Not sure if it will make any sense though.
Break your day down in 1 hr segments. However, don't count them as "ok, one hour done, next hour, next hour, next hour...". That will just drive your anxiety up to fall into another relapse. It's like someone going to bed at 2 am, knowing they have to wake up at 6 am...their anxiety of having to wake up in 4 hrs, keeps them from sleeping.
But if you break down your day in 1 hour victories...only look at your watch occasionally, but mark each hour as a victory, before you know it, you have a day done.
And as far as the virus goes...some governors, (Arizona seems to be a bad one, one of my favorite preachers is from Minden) my favorite preacher mentioned that a governor there was severely over reaching. Closing down churches, restricting gatherings...that has a HUGE impact one some people's mental stability.
Really hoping you get through bro.
Baby steps. If I can give a small piece of advice. Not sure if it will make any sense though.
Break your day down in 1 hr segments. However, don't count them as "ok, one hour done, next hour, next hour, next hour...". That will just drive your anxiety up to fall into another relapse. It's like someone going to bed at 2 am, knowing they have to wake up at 6 am...their anxiety of having to wake up in 4 hrs, keeps them from sleeping.
But if you break down your day in 1 hour victories...only look at your watch occasionally, but mark each hour as a victory, before you know it, you have a day done.
And as far as the virus goes...some governors, (Arizona seems to be a bad one, one of my favorite preachers is from Minden) my favorite preacher mentioned that a governor there was severely over reaching. Closing down churches, restricting gatherings...that has a HUGE impact one some people's mental stability.
Really hoping you get through bro.
Andrew1973
Active Member
Great to see you back in the saddle Mr S and thanks for your kind words on my journal. Looking forward to having you back around again striving for success with us all.
mr.slurps said:
I've been an utter victim of this for years. You have to start having that truth ready to speak back to your addict. 'This is serious, it's why I'm on a forum sounding desperate with a lot of other guys sounded just as desperate.' Come here and read yours and other entries. Yeah, doesn't work like a charm cos it still gets me, but you have to start talking back to the inner child. It will eventually take (he said). well done for getting back in the saddle.
Hi Guys, Day #1. Joel you're right this is serious. I need to remember that I need to be sincere.
I'm so into my own befuddled head right now these posts sound dreary even to myself. So, I won't be offended in the least if you skim or skip them.
My dilemma is between complacency and crapping on myself.
If I beat the crap out of myself after I relapse (a lot lately), I may end up not posting/reading here. You guys are about all the positive reinforcement I have in this long walk. The face I'm seeing in the mirror lately is not a happy Mr. Slurps. Even a forced smile is good therapy at this point.
But complacency is my slippery slope into the slimy muck. How to be cheerfully vigilant but not complacent, didn't Hamlet say that? lol
UK, Can you give an example of "failing better" for dummies (me)?
I'm so into my own befuddled head right now these posts sound dreary even to myself. So, I won't be offended in the least if you skim or skip them.
My dilemma is between complacency and crapping on myself.
If I beat the crap out of myself after I relapse (a lot lately), I may end up not posting/reading here. You guys are about all the positive reinforcement I have in this long walk. The face I'm seeing in the mirror lately is not a happy Mr. Slurps. Even a forced smile is good therapy at this point.
But complacency is my slippery slope into the slimy muck. How to be cheerfully vigilant but not complacent, didn't Hamlet say that? lol
UK, Can you give an example of "failing better" for dummies (me)?
Andrew1973
Active Member
Hi Mr S,
For me ?failing better? is taking something from each relapse - identifying a learning, something to work on and strive to improve for next time - closing a loophole if you will. Constantly improving. It could be the identification of an emotional trigger, or an enhancement of the practical elements of your plan. As part of this process, perhaps documenting these learnings so they are not lost (maybe here?). Share them with others who can perhaps relate to them - building on them, or taking a learning for themself (perhaps something you?ve noticed in yourself that they haven?t detected in themselves, but you help them see).
If I was to offer an observation regarding your approach (hopefully I have your permission or forgiveness), you seem to be stuck in a bit of a cycle in terms of your dialogue here - you come with humility and determination (although the latter appears to be often undermined by negative self talk), you hang around for a while and have some good exchanges with the guys which we appreciate (you are a popular guy here in case you didn?t know), you give encouragement (but usually alongside more negative self talk or self deprecating humour about yourself) and then you go off radar for a while as you experience a tough period and relapse. The cycle then starts again. Other than the chat we one had about the comfy chair, and understanding a little bit about some of the pressures that you are dealing with, I never feel I understand what happened with the relapse, what your learnings were from that particular slip, how you are improving for next time. What I don?t know is if you are identifying these and choosing not to share them (which is completely fine) or if you?re just skipping that step and missing those learnings completely in which case you are perhaps just failing, rather than ?failing better?. I hope this makes sense and it is received with the positive intent that I wrote it. Take care my friend, and let me know what you think.
For me ?failing better? is taking something from each relapse - identifying a learning, something to work on and strive to improve for next time - closing a loophole if you will. Constantly improving. It could be the identification of an emotional trigger, or an enhancement of the practical elements of your plan. As part of this process, perhaps documenting these learnings so they are not lost (maybe here?). Share them with others who can perhaps relate to them - building on them, or taking a learning for themself (perhaps something you?ve noticed in yourself that they haven?t detected in themselves, but you help them see).
If I was to offer an observation regarding your approach (hopefully I have your permission or forgiveness), you seem to be stuck in a bit of a cycle in terms of your dialogue here - you come with humility and determination (although the latter appears to be often undermined by negative self talk), you hang around for a while and have some good exchanges with the guys which we appreciate (you are a popular guy here in case you didn?t know), you give encouragement (but usually alongside more negative self talk or self deprecating humour about yourself) and then you go off radar for a while as you experience a tough period and relapse. The cycle then starts again. Other than the chat we one had about the comfy chair, and understanding a little bit about some of the pressures that you are dealing with, I never feel I understand what happened with the relapse, what your learnings were from that particular slip, how you are improving for next time. What I don?t know is if you are identifying these and choosing not to share them (which is completely fine) or if you?re just skipping that step and missing those learnings completely in which case you are perhaps just failing, rather than ?failing better?. I hope this makes sense and it is received with the positive intent that I wrote it. Take care my friend, and let me know what you think.
Andrew1973
Active Member
How are you doing Mr S? I am hoping that my last comments weren?t too direct, and that you are well. Take care.
Hi Guys, Today is #3. I can still salvage a .500 average for the month, or better.
As far as failing better, I'm not doing the hard work to do that.
As alcoholics call it, I'm engaging in "stinking thinking".
Maybe my banter is a mask or maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I know it's not nice to use this forum as a kind of general chat room. It's not fair to you guys.
But please indulge me for a while, even if I'm off track so I at least show my pretty face. (lol there I go again.)
As far as failing better, I'm not doing the hard work to do that.
As alcoholics call it, I'm engaging in "stinking thinking".
Maybe my banter is a mask or maybe it's just me. I don't know.
I know it's not nice to use this forum as a kind of general chat room. It's not fair to you guys.
But please indulge me for a while, even if I'm off track so I at least show my pretty face. (lol there I go again.)
Andrew1973
Active Member
Well done on day 3 Mr S.
As for the 'failing better' you're smart enough to know what's right for you and when. I just think its like learning any skill - you need to know where you're going right (and do more of that) and where you're going wrong (and do less of that). The challenge is that it's not like baseball where a coach can watch and identify for you - with PMO, we have to look at our own 'swing' and work out where things need tweaking. We can read here about what works for others, but ultimately only we ourselves can diagnose what we need to do, and I think we do need to look inside ourselves a little to do that. Referring back to the exchange on my page, it's probably more the Joel approach than the Slurps/UKGuy approach for this one.
Anyway - we enjoy your banter and company, so don't ever feel the need to excuse that! Take care and good luck for day 4.
As for the 'failing better' you're smart enough to know what's right for you and when. I just think its like learning any skill - you need to know where you're going right (and do more of that) and where you're going wrong (and do less of that). The challenge is that it's not like baseball where a coach can watch and identify for you - with PMO, we have to look at our own 'swing' and work out where things need tweaking. We can read here about what works for others, but ultimately only we ourselves can diagnose what we need to do, and I think we do need to look inside ourselves a little to do that. Referring back to the exchange on my page, it's probably more the Joel approach than the Slurps/UKGuy approach for this one.
Anyway - we enjoy your banter and company, so don't ever feel the need to excuse that! Take care and good luck for day 4.
A
addictnomore
Guest
mr.slurps said:
That's one of the difficult things. I have 35 year catalog of porn in my brain. Even when I'm not watching, I can recall scenes that bring a bit of that dopamine rush back. And then I want to see that actual scene again. Kind of like virtual PMO.
Hi Georg, Thanks for your fresh perspective. You may be on a different cosmic level than me. Divorce without marriage... hmmm. On the other hand, Buddhists have birth without death.
Day #2 hopefully.
Addi, I know what you mean re replaying films. I'm trying now a different approach for a while, m/o but no p. The problem is that I don't have a partner/no emotional element. Plus, I do have images in my mind so it's subliminal porn.
But being completely w/out o makes me horny a lot. So, maybe I can eliminate that trigger in order to concentrate on ridding myself of porn. I figure it's worth a try.
Day #2 hopefully.
Addi, I know what you mean re replaying films. I'm trying now a different approach for a while, m/o but no p. The problem is that I don't have a partner/no emotional element. Plus, I do have images in my mind so it's subliminal porn.
But being completely w/out o makes me horny a lot. So, maybe I can eliminate that trigger in order to concentrate on ridding myself of porn. I figure it's worth a try.
Andrew1973
Active Member
I think this is an interesting approach Mr S. I have tried it in the past to varying levels of success. I absolutely know that I couldn't have clocked up 106 days without the release from sex with my wife, and I of course appreciate that not everyone has that option.mr.slurps said:
The problem I had in the past when pursuing the MO approach is that I actually preferred the marathon dopamine edging sessions to a quick MO, but on the occasions where I had the discipline to just quickly 'get it over with' it did serve its purpose and gave me back hours of my life that would have otherwise gone down the drain.
Definitely worth I try I'd say. Good luck. Stay away from the comfy chair - do it somewhere that you won't want to get settled (and don't take the phone with you! lol)
Have a good week.
The only suggestion I have for this...shower...that's it (Not sure I'm right, like I said, it's only a suggestion, and I don't have any others). It's about the only place you can't bring a phone with you, the only problem is, you risk edging. However, if this is the baby step needed to quit, as UKGuy said...I support it.
I will also admit, without my wife's "help" for release, I may have reached my streak, I may not have. I can confirm, it would have brought the challenge to a whole new level.
I will also admit, without my wife's "help" for release, I may have reached my streak, I may not have. I can confirm, it would have brought the challenge to a whole new level.
Andrew1973
Active Member
How goes it in Arizona Mr S?
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey Buddy, how are you doing? Can you let us know how you are doing?
Keep strong my friend
Keep strong my friend
Hey Guys, I've been stuck on Day #1 for a full week.
All my good intentions have come to naught.
The struggles are a distant memory. I'm not sure if even a sliver of hope remains. (re rebooting, thankfully my life is chugging along just fine)
I've been remiss re contributing/logging my progress- b/c there's been no progress. Unless scar tissue can be considered progress.
If some body broke a 2x4 over my thick skull and gave me a gash, is the scar any use at all? It is ugly to look at. It is a visible reminder of defeat.
That's where my head is at (metaphorically lol.)
I've entered the ring, fought a few rounds, got knocked out of the ring w/ a gash above my eye, gone home, healed...
All my good intentions have come to naught.
The struggles are a distant memory. I'm not sure if even a sliver of hope remains. (re rebooting, thankfully my life is chugging along just fine)
I've been remiss re contributing/logging my progress- b/c there's been no progress. Unless scar tissue can be considered progress.
If some body broke a 2x4 over my thick skull and gave me a gash, is the scar any use at all? It is ugly to look at. It is a visible reminder of defeat.
That's where my head is at (metaphorically lol.)
I've entered the ring, fought a few rounds, got knocked out of the ring w/ a gash above my eye, gone home, healed...