Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 48.

Business as usual. Some P thoughts here and there but I can deal with them without much problems. All good with noFap.

Embrace the suck.

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 
S

SebUK

Active Member
EarthWalker said:
Brain fog. Haha. More like brain paralysis.

Decided to cut all sugar out of my diet. Dairy doesn't make me feel good. For some reason I like butter. But stuff like yoghurt and milk doesn't go well with my skin. While at it I am also avoiding grains. Fuck it. The whole week I'll just go with beef steaks. I finally figured a good method to cook it.

A simple non-stick pan. But the key is to use 2 different heat settings. First high heat 1 minute each side then medium heat for 3 mins on each side. The high heat step makes a whole lot of difference. It looks like the steak is burnt but it "good" burnt. It keeps the juices in. Obviously times differ with the thickness. In the morning I have an apple + some nuts. I like the simplicity of it.

Also will try to go 90 days. Any intense sexual buildup I'll try to mitigate with the sensual massage. If that is not possible a MO but ideally no sooner than 2 weeks in between. Sound like a good plan.

And F$@% P.

EW
Click to expand...
Sounds like you are going carnivore? Have you been watching those Joe Rogan videos on this diet?
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
I have. For diet specifically I watched Mikhaila Peterson on Joe Rogan. Jordan and Mikhaila don't look like bullshitters.

It is too soon to say. But I might feel slightly less bloated and didn't get that intense sleepiness after lunch. Will keep it for a week or two and see how it goes.

I guess this is day 3. I'd go insane with just beef steaks. Some apple and nuts make it bearable. I made some broccoli as side on Monday. It did not sit well with me. Felt a bit bloated from it. Today I just added some spinach. Much better. No bloating.

https://mikhailapeterson.com/worst-offenders-to-safest-foods-and-why-vegans-get-better/

EW
 
S

SebUK

Active Member
Agree on the Petersens. I've also read a couple of books on it and it makes sense.

I'm easing into it. It's a lot easier when you're WFH! I'm still eating some carbs and one carb meal every couple of days. I think it's smart to get easy on my body while it adjusts. Should be interesting to see what happens! Look forward to hearing how you go with it.
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 50.

A small P thought to go just peek some instagram models. No thank you. Is this it? Very boring.

Life sucks and is tainted by malevolence. Embrace the suck I guess.

EW
 
Conan

Conan

Member
Hang in there man, social networks, instagram in particular can be huge triggers. Porn is all around us these days it's just how it is, for guys like us browsing facebook, instagram, twitty etc is literally playing with fire. I would delete all of my social networks unless you absolutely need them. Not only does it reduce the  chance of being triggered but I found that it helps with the mood in general.

Stay strong, 50 days is great progress.
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Thanks Conan.

I don't intent to just hang in there. I intend to thrive. I am starting to change my mindset.

Life is hard. Good. I'll become stronger for it. I am starting to look at the world as this mental/emotional/physical/spritual "boot camp/hell week" where we get the opportunity to level up big time.

Anti-fragile. I need to revisit this book. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antifragile.

Time for some post traumatic growth. I guess some growth is only possible after trauma and not other-wize. Like a sword. If it would never gone trough tough fire many times...it would be a crappy sword.

I don't want to be a sword. But looks like the fire is here if I want it or not. So I guess time to make lemonade. Don't really have a choice. The only other choice is to roll over and die in misery. No thank you.

F$@#$ P.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC5PI7eUyno

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 51.
Day 52.

Too bad RN was down. I enjoy posting first thing in the morning. Part of my routine.

This weekend the urges are muted down. Also the urge to MO is muted down. I guess part of the overall trend. Some P scene are coming up that are weirdly effect. This is a mystery to me. How does the brain pick one P scene out of millions and that one happens to be the most arousing. Like other P scenes aren't as much. Weird stuff. But no thank you. Also very much appreciate the fact the outer world is calming down with the elections ending. Less uncertainty and more stability.

In a few days I reach day 55. This ends the Maturity phase and beings the System phase. Aptly named. I think in the maturity phase I reached a certain level of maturity regarding P addiction and MO habits. Now I get to prove it. All the 55 days before were just a preparation.

Wish everyone a good day and a good start of a new week.
EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
One thing I want to write about is right relationship with O. I think if O is just about pleasure then it is game over.

Meaning -> Happiness -> Pleasure.

Is there meaning in this O?
Is there happiness in this O?
Is there pleasure in this O?

For PMO or MO. I get:

Is there meaning in this O? NO.
Is there happiness in this O? NO.
Is there pleasure in this O? Hell YEAH.

2xNO and 1xYES. A very sad story.

It helped me to prevent enjoying my P thoughts by analysing "What do I want from this?". "What is my relationship with P?".

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 53.

The weekend went very well. Very few P thoughts that I could manage and very little desire to MO. So an easy sail.

Maybe a combination of factors. I am now eating beef steaks almost exclusively for lunch and left-over steak for dinner with some greens. Breakfast is usually an apple and some wallnuts.

Grains, dairy and refined sugar are a no-no.

Looking forward to the next weekend. I think it will be manageable. I think between 2-3 weeks into noFap is where the sexual urges pick up drastically. If I can mange with just sensual massage good. If not. I'll MO.

Wish everyone a good day
EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 54. (no PMO).

Day 8 no MO. Feeling a little aroused in the morning. But could brush it off. Will see how it will go. Some P thoughts are coming up. But no thank you.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new phase. From Maturity -> The System. I get to prove what I learned in the 55 days since last PMO. (I still indulged in fantasy, MOed and peeked only over the weekend of halloween with the looming elections).

I don't remember accurately the last time I indulged in P fantasy. But for sure the 1st weekend in the Oblivion phase was the worst. It is loosing (Lost?) it's grip over me? No thank you for P fantasy. I have enough shit to deal with. With MO it is 8 days. And the peeking was a "one off" thing.

The next test begins. The noFap. I'll do some more research.

What do I want? Why am I here? I'll write more about this tomorrow.

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 55.

Some urges to peek. It will be vanilla. Just some sexy models... Here a BJ fantasy. It is vanilla stuff. How can you refuse this? Come on man. Do it. No thank you. Girls don't come from the screen.

I feel like if I were to commit to noFap it would overload me. So this System phase will have to be about staying away from P and finding a better relationship with MO.

Since I want something that is optimized for a high probability of success and not fastest results. I'll be allowing MO for the duration of the Systems phase (90 days). Maybe this is a 2 year reboot?

1st year deal with P. noP phase. When I am solid with it. Then go with noFap.

In any case. I'll try to find some balance with MO. Ideally I'd want my sexual center to be connected with the heart center. As there is this 2D (sacral chakra) / 4D (heart chakra) split.

So the theme for the next 90 days will be finding different uses of sexual energy instead of P. Finding right relationships with my sexual energy while keeping P at bay.

Will see. A new phase begins. I get to prove what I learned but not about noFap but about noP. noP first priority.

Wish everyone a good day.
EW
 
S

SebUK

Active Member
EarthWalker said:
It is vanilla stuff. How can you refuse this? Come on man. Do it. No thank you. Girls don't come from the screen.
Click to expand...
I'm having the same thoughts mate! It's become clearer to me as this time that the satisfaction you get from girls on the screen is quite low. The promise is that it will be great, but it is not.
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
One motivation trick I tried. I asked myself what if I will have more energy if I do X? What if I will have more energy if I go out of bed?

Went to the store. A sexy lady in some I don't know what they are called. Like a faux leather leggings or something. Very sexy. Acknowledge the thought and move on.

Nice manipulation. The girls dress sexy to feel better about themselves (I think they don't think about how arousing it is for the guys but more about how it makes them feel better?). And for the guys it is just about arousal. I want to F#%% that girl. A lose-lose situation. Imho a lot of very pretty girls who spend a whole lot of time and money looking pretty are very insecure about their looks. Just my pet theory.

Things bring me to the solution. Just don't go down that rabbit hole. Yes. This is arousing material. But this is all there is. Shallow. The good thing is that it will fade with time.

We are timeless, P thoughts are not. We win.

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 56 no PMO.
Day 11 noMO

I got farther than before. Ended up watching P for 1.5 hours yesterday. It was a bit different. As the addiction possessed me 80%. Didn't M to it. So I wasn't at the back seat but next to the driver (addiction was driving my mind). A mixed bag. Lots of excitement. But it didn't totally overwhelm me to become a mindless PMO zombie. At the back of my mind I started asking a bunch of questions. After my current 9PM wifi cutoff (wifi signal stops). I went to the bedroom and meditated on the subject of lust and addiction.

I am timeless. The P thoughts are not. They faded away.

The mind control. This is not me. I'll probably relapse later today with a PMO. I learned a lot. It is a combination of factors. Diet change. Maybe also the MO peak. Days 10-15 are the hardest both for noFap and noP.

Very sad but P is all I know about sexual energy. Wow.

I'll try to meditate on the subject before I relapse.

But this run is a big improvement over the previous run. So this is very good.

Wish everyone a good day.

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 0.

I am not even mad. It was a long time coming. It all started with the halloween weekend then this.

The good thing is that the whole time I didn't really felt like this is it. This is not me. More like some remnants of my past life(style).

What is a new insight is novelty. I am attracted to novelty the most. This is what gives the sexual arousal the most juice. Seeing a P movies for the first time super aroused, then Nth time not really much arousal.

Overall. 56 days or something. Not bad.

I'll make a new plan.

This shouldn't be this hard at all.

EW
 
EarthWalker

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Well. Things went to go south on day 43 when I peeked. Days 43,44, 45 I peeked. Then the following days were manageable until yesterday day 55. A very rough day. When I watched P for 1.5 hours. But didn't do more than watch. Then today a PMO.

So far the chaser is manageable. What the hook is novelty. Maybe I just go my answer to. Like one day it is just like this 1 P scene that gives arousal and other fade in the background. Yet some other time that P scene would not be nearly as much arousing as a totally unrelated P scene. Maybe novelty is the answer. While for me the scene is old news. But for the brain it thinks this is the freshest what is up.

I am starting a new. Day 0. Here we go again.

I'll keep 17.9 on the wall to remind me. And add 12.11 next to it. To remind me.

EW
 
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