Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
500th post. Doing well. Sailing just fine.

Got a bit of a closure today. It is not how it happened but this will demonstrate the issue that was bothering me for quite a while.

Lets say you make a deal with Company A, but this is not really a Company A but they are a fake company that is misrepresenting the real company A.

What happened is I made a deal with the fake Company A. I blamed the real Company A for not doing a better job of clearing fake Company A and for not offering me assistance.

I understand now it is not the legal obligation of Company A to clear the fake Company A. It is my responsibility to take ownership of my issues and deal with the fake Company A. This has now been resolved. I've also gained some more insight on how to deal with personal self-responsibility. A bit painful lesson. But I feel like I understand now.

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Had a P dream but it was very muted down and don't really remember it except for remembering I had some P dream, lol.

September is coming to a close. Looks like a good month for me. The only issues are the P dreams and NE. So far

10th September - NE
13th September - P dream, resisted NE
20th September - NE
22th September - NE
29th September - P dream

Wishing everyone good sailing - let the phone ring.

EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
September 2020 - Done.

10th September - NE
13th September - P dream, resisted NE
20th September - NE
22th September - NE
29th September - P dream
30th September - P dream / "softcore"

Looks like the theme being P dreams and NE.

October beginning. I am at 44 days.

I am giving myself some slack and conserving my energy. I don't wish to put stress on myself by changing diet, exercise, etc.

But this is something that is inevitable to do.

Now I'll start to make just one change and that is I want to go for a walk first thing in the morning. I've been sleeping quite late till 10.00 or 11.00.

So the theme for October I want to start getting up earlier in the morning and try to have no electronics close to bed time. Do small improvements in lifestyle. Become more diligent and disciplined.

Wishing everyone a great month of October

Much love
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Missed my 8 AM alarm and slept till noon. I feel like sleeping a lot. Will attribute this to the brain rebalancing itself.

btw: I am sailing just fine.

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
This came up in my YT recommendations.


A good reminder not to get too serious.

Having some guiding principles in life helps. Like having a constitution. Getting more in touch with values.

Looking into psychology, healing modalities,....what is the overall goal?

The goal is for us to get relaxed, soft, flowing, joyful, have the ability to let go. All this emotional trauma stuff....at the end of the day this is all about letting go, relaxing, un-tensing, softening up.

But in one word it would be about play. Becoming more playful. Like very young kids, they don't hold grudges for 30 years, they let go off that shit and move on.

Playful traveler.

This urge surfing. Sailboat example I am starting to like more and more. In a way we can urge surf not just when triggers come up. But all the time. With the mental mind we set the direction we wish to sail but then playfully let go.

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Great post, EW!

So helpful and timely. This is such a good reminder, and forgiveness is definitely key!
Glad you found it helpful brother.

I sure needed a reminder today not to get to serious as by nature I am a very serious guy. I am starting to realize how this really dims the joy of living.

Let go and let it happen. If you don't you will be all clutched up.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Hello everyone!

I am super excited. Tonight in dream time. I remember being like in the bathroom, bathtub. Erect and with the looming proposition of masturbation was in the air. I said NO. I don't need to masturbate. And this was it!

Feels like another milestone. Concrete fuck yeah!

Much love everyone
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Adapted from this post here.

A wholesome man does not need to use pornography
A wholesome man does not need to masturbate
A wholesome man does not need to lust after women
A wholesome man does not need to base his sense of self-worth on the affirmation of women

Going a step further:

A wholesome man fully accepts who he is and what he has been trough. He doesn't need to run anymore.
A wholesome man takes full ownership of his thoughts and emotions. He knows he has the power to change them. He doesn't blame others for how he feels and thinks.

EW
 
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Phineas 808

Respected Member
Tonight in dream time.

When we start saying, 'No', even in our dreams, we know we're turning the tide on this thing. Recently I dreamed that there was a curvy woman who was in a bed (top bunk...?). She was lonely, and for a brief moment I was 'over her', and could even see partial nudity. But in the dream (even) I didn't want to take advantage of her, as she was just emotionally vulnerable. I gave her a hug, and left.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Got a bit triggered today. But able to sail just fine. This urge surfing is incredible. It really works. I am amazed each time.

The wave always breaks.

Also got a reminder today. One psychology technique. Give yourself advice as you would advise a good friend.

I got triggered in a non P situation. Again the wounds of some legal issues that I mentioned before. I noticed myself looping. But then I tried to view this as I would be giving advice to myself as a good friend.

I tend to be pretty critical of myself. This way. I get to soften up.

The sea is a bit rough today. Wishing each and everyone you here - good sailing. Surf the urges. The wave always breaks - always.
EW
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member

Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold.
Leo Tolstoy

Obviously growth has it's place as does everything. But find this suitable in the context of P addiction. Washing away what is not truth.
 

EarthWalker

Well-Known Member
Pretty heavy day. Rough seas. I am used to more calm seas. Haha. I am doing just fine.

Urge surfing works!

💯

It looks like this is the winning system.

Urge Surfing + some extras

About the sexual energy:

I am finding it that intending to connect with the heart and have my sexual energy meet me in the heart space to be the answer to the other-wize wild and intense arousal sexual energy

About the emotional pleasure aspect:

Being OK to let go of pleasure. Being able to let go of Orgasm. This I find the most difficult. And am not yet 100% there but almost. At 99.99%

As this is also one of the root issues. Orgasm no matter either from P or real life - feels amazing. I don't remember having a "bad" orgasm. But there is a big but. Orgasm without love. Orgasm for the sake of pleasure. For the sake of escaping from life. Escape from responsibility. Escape from accepting who we are. This doesn't work and brings about much suffering.

So I am re-training my self to be ok with not getting instant gratification. To be OK by letting go of needing to get an O.

More good came come out of not having an O than having an O. Sadly in my experience we cannot have the cake and eat it too.

There is no such things as O for the sake of pleasure alone.

Meaning > Joy > Pleasure.

I will get to O but not like this. Not alone. Not as an escape.

I am OK not Oing.

About the mental aspect:

The P fantasies. I am finding it not that difficult to see trough the BS.

So what has got me in the past is

1) Not knowing how to deal with sexual energy. Going with the heart space so far works as a charm.
2) The whole letting go of the pleasure aspect. Finding it important to be able to find a more bigger vantage point. Talking to myself as a friend would helps. Being in the heart space helps a lot too. But still this is a major leveling up - being able to live with unfulfilled needs. I'd say need for intimacy is a very necessary need. When this need is not fulfilled. It takes a whole lot of self-mastery to not let this drag you down like an anchor to the pits of depression and anxiety.

I'll work to simplify the system some more.

Urge Surfing is awesome. The wave always breaks.

Changing to a higher vantage point with talk with yourself as if with a friend. This helps a lot as well.

Having faith in the future helps as well. My needs might not be met now. But I have faith they will be in the future.

Sucks big time. But have you ever seen a wave that is just a crest and no trough? I am going trough the trough?!

Apparently the crest is the highest point of a wave and trough is the lowest. Weird naming.

Surfs up! Have fait and the wave always breaks!

Much love
EW
 

Gigili

Member
@Gigili saw you wrote in your journal that you are working with a psychologist. I think this is great. As I felt like writing a disclaimer to the post that I wrote. What I wrote doesn't constitute a professional mental health advice. Lol. Glad you are seeing a professional. But as always I find it personal discernment and resonance is best.

What I wanted to add is this. This is one thing that got me a bit angry before I accepted it. Speaking for myself. Having suppressed the emotions with numbing myself with P. When I started to feel emotions more mindfully. I consider myself to be a pretty angry guy. So I did feel emotions before but never like felt them in a positive way. It is a bit of a spaghetti to explain. But what I wanted to say is this.

When I started to get more in touch with my feelings. The emotions that I felt the most intense were mostly negative. Before I accepted this I got a bit angry. Like why can't I feel positive emotions?! The negative emotions are top priority to heal. So they come up first. Which can be very demotivating. But it does get better. I am lately feeling better. Yesterday night I felt actually good - not in an intense sense. But I can slowly see result. So that holding space for the negative emotions is making me feel better overall. Slowly.

Just like the lotus flower. First it needs to go trough the mud. There is the surface. Always.

Much love
EW
Hello EarthWalker.
Thank you, that was a clear explanation. I can understand what you mean now. In fact I can recall I read this concept in a book called "its not always depression". Suppressing emotions is what I do a lot as well. Until recently I was so numb that I couldn't feel any feelings, no matter positive or negative. I am working on that. We were taught that negative emotions like anger are evil. It is not true though. We should actually feel anger in order for it to settle and go away.
 
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