Rebooting trough self-parenting

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Searched the web for some images regarding sexual purity, came across this image, I like the last two on the page,

I am not buying into "resisting" temptation. Resistance brings about stress and more resistance. Everything is Life, everything is God, everything is "pure". This said, In my experience it is about aligning not resisting. Aligning with our love, joy, happiness and peace.

 

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EarthWalker

Respected Member
Watched some P yesterday. Didn't even turn me on the way it used to. WTF am I watching? Is this really arousing?

One time mid PM I just closed the browsers and walked away. Wtf is this garbage.

I ended up MOing 2x to vanilla yesterday after watching some P.

I want to be able if I come across P to just say ... WTF is this garbage and move on.

I was just going trough some P. I asked myself. Ok. You can watch anything you want. What do you want to watch? What is it that you want to experience?

What is your favorite P scene? Go ahead. Come on.

No answer. Also watched some P scene I watched 15 years ago. WTF. This is a total mess.

I'll update my counter soon.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
First week of June has been a step back. PMOed. Didn't go crazy with PMOing or anything like that. But in a way the addiction has more to teach me.

An opportunity to refine the tools some more. I think I found one angle to go about this. Will see how it will go.

I'd say days 40-60 is where the brain is doing "Are you really sure?" I wasn't sure.

I am happy to try again. Learning more about myself.

Good luck everyone.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
I am trying something new or at least something I didn't explore that much.

Value system.
Do I value my peace of mind more than sex/addiction/lust thoughts?

This is for me the crux of the problem. P feels good. Seeing a sexy girl on the screen feels arousing, feels good. Also seeing a sexy girl in real life obviously feels even better. Also PMO feels good, feels very good to PMO - obviously the after effects suck.

Dealing with some emotional trauma and issues I find much easier.

I don't want to feel resentful, I don't want to feel angry. I want to feel at peace and joyful. So it is "easy" to work on myself and hold space for emotional wounds, soul fragments and what not.

But this with lust. It feels good even if this feelings might be coming from manipulation, mind control.

So how do I find something better? Something I like more than lust?

Well I am trying to go with the value system. If I would value mental clarity, feeling of all-right-ness and peace over lustful pleasurable thoughts. Than this is something better than P.

Indeed. This might be the edge that I am looking for. The angle that will work.

As Indeed looking back having this sense of mental clarity and peace does indeed feel a little better than me getting lost in P thoughts. So I have something to contrast P thoughts with something better.

I'll explore this and see where it leads. Getting my PhD in psychology and multi-dimensional clearing when dealing with this addiction.

Joined a free class some local psychologist gave on Zoom. I am like...wtf...I could be making a class like this. Also she sounded a bit annoyed and not very calm. Anyway.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
From Maharshi:

"So long as you identify yourself with the body, you can never escape sex-thought and distraction. It is only when you realise that you are formless Pure Awareness that sex distinction disappears for good and that is brahmacharya, effortless and spontaneous.”

"To identify oneself with the body and yet to seek happiness, is like attempting to ford a lake on the back of an alligator."

 

EarthWalker

Respected Member

Hesitation is the enemy.

Indeed some nugget of wisdom.

Came across some link that I knew were sexy images. Indeed the time between getting triggered and either letting go or engaging is where the battles is at. Hesitation indeed. Inner conflict indeed.

What is helping me now is. Looking it this way. Do I value peace of mind more than spiralling in some P thoughts? What feels better? What is objectively better?

Can I value peace of mind more than P thoughts?

All this time I am trying to find a way that is not in resistance to P. Something that doesn't negate P. Like it is something bad. Like P is the enemy that needs to be destroyed. But a more peaceful - wholesome approach.

I want to keep P on the table. Like I allow myself to watch any P I want - but I don't want to. This.

Indeed in the example above. When I saw the links. I am like. Do I value peace of mind? Will it feel better to have a peace of mind and just move on than to look at the images and get lost in the rabbit hole? I choose peace of mind. It feels better. It feels easier no to look.

Like I noticed with MOing, the moment I try to plan and restrict its use. Like I want to MO only if more than 14 days has passed since the last time. I put resistance on the experience.

What is working better is I allow myself to MO as much as I like. This said. Do I value MOing more than not MOing?

I'll figure it out. For the most part staying away from P is smooth sailing but then there are storms that I haven't mastered yet.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Summer time. Lots of fit girls everywhere with little clothing.

Do I value peace of mind and mental clarity more than getting lost down the rabbit hole of P thoughts? [email protected]$2 yeah!

Will see how this change to the approach will work. It does feel a bit of a relief having a peace of mind as opposed to going down the rabbit hole.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Not totally sure if 7.6 or 8.6 was the last time I used P. I think it was 7.6. Doing well. Really liking clarity of the mind over getting lost in P rabbit hole. Speaking of which. Always something.

Went to the lake. Just out of the water came this girl in wetsuit. But looks like some new generation of wetsuits. It looks a bit like a catsuit. Usually the wet suits were this neoprene stuff with very thick and matte finish. This one was looks like to be very thin and shiny.

Again I am like. WTF. Why am I loosing my mind over this...Well drastically less than the latexy leggings last time. But still I am like why can't I easily dismiss this from my mind.

Again. The explanation that this skin tight clothing - it looks like seeing a person naked - this resonates quite a lot. So it is in a way like seeing a girl naked but instead of the skin having this natural texture it is just smoother and shinier.

Indeed if it were textured like skin color - indeed not that far from seeing a person naked.

So this explains why I am having it a whole lot harder time to dismiss thoughts if the girl is clothed in skin tight or just "normal" clothed.

But I value clarity of the mind more than getting lost in P thoughts.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
PMOed. Nothing major. On the good side now I have a clear date. 17.6.

There is something about sugar that messes the brain up even more. I am going to do a candida cleanse and go on candida diet. So I drank some gin & tonic. Never had it. Might as well try it before going on candida diet.

In the past I did water fast that did nothing. Also went on a ketogenetic diet for a few weeks or more also it did nothing.

Now I came across some candida protocol that uses diet + truck loads of herbs, like not even funny truck loads of herbs. Supposed to clear it in a few weeks. Will see. Waiting for all the supplements to arrive and in the mean time getting ready to do some cooking without carbs/with bare minimum of carbs.

Everything is interconnected. Spirit - Mind - Emotion - Body - World. This all needs to be strong and flowing.

I am super tired all the time. Like not even funny tired. I am a bit thinking what is the point. This is the most dangerous. Solving problems without a deep meaning.

Try and try again.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Here for you, EW- no matter how small my help can be. I know you're often thinking about this stuff- it happened, so what? Whatever led up to it, so what? Just let it flow out of your life, like the energy it is. A lapse is only a big deal if we make it one. You're recovering, you're healing, and you already know to just let this thing flow back out of your life- because it's no longer who you are.

Be well on your journey.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
1 week smooth sailing. Working on myself. Starting getting more consistent with meditation, stretching.

I started to really enjoy doing some stretching exercises in the evening and some meditation after this. Every evening. It is becoming my goto evening routine.

Slowly I'll also sort out morning routine.

Wishing everyone well. We are sovereign beings. Our thoughts and emotions are our responsibility. I am making myself feel and think this way. I have the power to change how I feel and how I think. I am becoming the master of my thoughts and my emotional state.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
came across this,

I am guessing this bike has controls that are reversed. Said it took him 8 months for the brain to adapt. Maybe similar can be said for P?

Some P scenes are coming up. But I am able to handle them without issues.

I am playing around with some more with the tools. Afaik there is something called reverse planning. You start with a goal and work your way back.

So I imagined how my "pure" sexuality would look like and worked my way back to this this P scene. Also what would someone without P problem do? How would a person with healthy sexuality deal with having this P scene in their mind?

But overall, tried to just redirect my attention to the heart center and this is it.

For the most part 80% of the trick in my view is to just stay consistent with

1. Recognize and accept the P scene
2. Willing to feel the hurt of not having healthy sexuality and having to be still affected by poor decisions in the past
3. Gently redirect attention to the heart center
4. Repeat as many times as needed, rinse and repeat

Also important, not get caught up and wanting more of that lustful energy that comes with P. Aligning my wishes with yet undiscovered healthy sexuality being able to hold space for the hurt of unmet needs and painful past. Embracing the suck.

Once we accept our limits we can go beyond them.

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
Day 0. Relapsed on some vanilla-ish HFO erotic hypnosis. I am not even mad.

My intuition was spot on. Listen to some water music. But no. I am smarter than my intuition. Started to search for "Sexual Healing Meditation", I tried a few but it just did more to arouse me than to heal. One thing lead to another and bam.

Where I went wrong.

1. The tools work but I last minute wanted some sexual healing meditation. When the shit hits the fan, this is not a time to experiment with new meditations.
2. Lacking humility - my intuition works. What I got was just listen to some water and imagine the water circulating and rebalancing the sexual energies.

It is 3 AM. I am typing this. I am going to shut the computer and take out my pen and paper and write down a list of values.

I am going to write down how I imagine myself to be in 5 years. I am going to write a list of values. etc. I'll let my intuition guide me.

I am not mad, I am not angry. I am now determined. To double, triple down on this. The story of my life. Lacking diligence, discipline and humility. I'd say this are the qualities I lack the most and patience.

This is not over. This is just the end of the beginning.

2022-06-27 HWGA, here we go again.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
The chaser is pretty strong. The brain patterning. The brain is wired for P. This is hard stuff.

What helped me so far. Is to connect with virtues. The most important being that of humility. Recognizing my limits. My personality self / Ego is not the smartest man alive. I can let go of my negative Ego taking precedence in decision making and recognize that there is a greater power and intelligence out there and align my will to this greater will.

I think maybe humility can be as simple as really honoring intuition, that transcendent guide / compass inside that my negative Ego think it knows better. It does not.

Before, first my intuition / inner compass, first guided me to do some meditation I have an audio file. But I didn't wanted to do it because I don't like the author. I have some negative history with the author that I still hold on. But the meditation is very good. Very good quality. It would have helped.

Then I got the 2nd alternative, just listen to some music of water flowing. Again my negative Ego is like ... I know better, I'll find some really nice sexual healing meditation. Didn't work.

Pride and self-importance. I am not better than anyone else. I am not better than that author of that meditation. Maybe deep down I even envy a little bit that author.

What is P showing me is that I need to work on humility. I'd say I avoided it because I think in society the way humility is marketed is a bit of this toxic-humility. Like I should not value myself and self-sabotage my self-worth.

I have plenty of time to figure humility how it works for me.

June is a a bit of a rough ride. I have always the opportunity to make different decisions and take responsibility for my attitude, mindset, beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.

Keep on keeping on. It is the journey that evolves our lives.
 
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