Rebooting trough self-parenting

[EarthWalker]

Day 6 hard mode.

It is not to my current wretched self but to my future higher self that I must hold glory to.

I commit to serve my future higher self.

Triggers everywhere but I managed. Sometimes mindfulness works and a lot of times I just need to be in the future with my thoughts.

Week 35 Report:

PMO: 5 clean days
Waking up: 4x on time
Spine: 0x
Walk in nature: 2x

I did cook some beef steaks. Sous vide. The steaks I liked a lot. My body really liked it. Protein, Fat, Minerals and Vitamins. Good stuff. But overall I did not like SV cooking. Too much plastics for my taste. The plastics are suppose to be "sous vide" safe but I have a funny feeling they are not.

I have a cast iron pan, but I need a different hob. I don't like induction. If I were to do the kitchen again. I'd go with gas stove. So this is ongoing process for me to change the diet. I am facing a lot of internal resistance and having a lot of excuses. But slowly I am getting somewhere.

This plandemic regulations only makes life more difficult without really making anything safer. I am looking into joining a gym group. A bit of uncertainty and a lot of unnecessary BS regarding the wuhan virus.

Plan for this week. Try diet changes again. Try a different method of cooking.

Wish everyone a good day and a good week.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

I like this list of psychological modalities.

https://www.torahpsychology.org/mindbody

Body (past)
Mind & Emotions (past & present)
Spirituality (future)

Need to address all 4 aspects.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 7 hard mode

It is not to my current self but to my current future self that I must hold glory to.
I commit to serve my future higher self.

Triggers everywhere. Mindfulness works. Cognitive technique work. But only in certain circumstances.

I find this a good summary on Viktor Frankl's psychology and put in the context of other psychological modalities:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se4QSlBILwg

when in the rut of depression, you really need to live for something other than yourself.

Wish everyone a good day.
EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Found this quote interesting. There are a couple of different variations on it.

Edit: Added https://www.thymindoman.com/einsteins-misquote-on-the-illusion-of-feeling-separate-from-the-whole/

?A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.?

? Albert Einstein

https://lettersofnote.com/2011/11/10/the-delusion/

February 12, 1950

Dear Mr. Marcus:

A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ?Universe?, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest ? a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The striving to free oneself from this delusion is the one issue of true religion. Not to nourish the delusion but to try to overcome it is the way to reach the attainable measure of peace of mind.

With my best wishes,
sincerely yours,

Albert Einstein.

Mr. Robert S.Marcus
World Jewish Congress
1834 Broadway
New York 23,N.Y.

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 8 Hard mode.

It is not to my current self but to my future higher self I must hold glory to.
I commit to serve my future higher self.

Yesterday in an elevator. A hot girl shared a ride. I got hard. But it was a fake sense of hardness. If it come to it, I could't perform. Like fuel gauge in the car when it says something but the reality is something different. I noticed this a lot with P or with getting hard. It is like credit card not backed by real assets but debt in the future.

I feel like this reboot is the right thing to do. There is no outsmarting it.

Wish everyone a good day.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 9 hard mode.

I commit to serve my future higher self.

It is not to my current self but to my future higher self that I must hold glory to.

Wish everyone a good day.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 10 hard mode.

I commit to serve my future higher self.
It is not to my current self but to my future self that I must hold glory to.

Last few days. Easy sailing. Not much triggers. If they were I could let them go.

I am expecting that this addiction gollum is regrouping for a tactical strike soon. Will see.

Not much different other-wize. Feeling tried etc.

Onward to 100.

A bit on the fence regarding MO. P I don't mind dropping. But MO? But I guess I can try to abstain from MO and do this nofap thing a while longer.

If physiologically the body needs to release it will do soo via the wet dream. Not much fan of wet dreams as a shower and change of sheets in the middle of the night isn't my thing.

Anyway....It is what it is.

Wish everyone a good day.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 11 hard mode.

I commit to serve my future higher self.
It is not to my current self but to my future self that I must hold glory to.

I can go without MO. MO isn't all that great.

This P and MO feels great in the moment but if it is so great why do I always feel empty and like I am better of not doing this after?

The brain makes the best chemicals.

Triggers are picking up. In the morning got triggered a bit more than usual.

"Old school" mindfulness worked. Relax, Accept, Investigate, Note. The point is just to not add fuel to the fire but let it burn to completion. For low to medium triggers this works fine.

Now for more intense triggers a different strategy is needed. When engulfed in the blazing flames of lust. Being mindful never worked for me. Now I'll try a bit of Viktor Frankls approaches. Meaning and Future. Living for something greater than myself.

Wow. Am I really doing this? No more P? And no more MO?

Wish everyone a good day

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

The shit is starting to hit the fan.

Horniness is increasing. A bit of "tingling" in the groin. That gust of wind before the lust storm.

Do I talk the talk or walk the walk.

It is not to my current self but to my future self that I must hold glory to.

EW

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

I think of approximately 14 days it needs to weaken the urges in the beginning. After that you start managing the other symptoms of withdrawal. You're doing this for a higher value, maybe not completely visible yet. This is your goal for your future self, PMO isn't wanting for you to become that person ever.

 

[EarthWalker]

Woke up in the middle of the night with neck pain. Bombarded with P thoughts. Managed to urge surf. Went to sleep again. Nightmare. A bit like drowning. Just forced myself awake from the dream.

Now it is 6 AM. Urges.

I have a lot of work to do. In general I started to look into psychology. I might have a problem with some narcissistic traits. Mostly this inflated sense of self-worth and self-entitlement. This actually explains to me quite a lot. I have a lot of psychological work to do.

Feeling overwhelmed with everything.

It was a good run. I learned a lot.

I'll self study psychology and see how far it will get me.

Wish everyone a good day.

EW

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 0. Relapse.

Got overwhelmed. I have quite a lot of psychological housecleaning to do.

It is not to my current self but my future self that I must hold glory to.

EW

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Yes, this process is overwhelming at times and even if we are good people we sometimes just can't adress the urges right and find good happiness. Keep going.

Again this show how strong the influence of bad sleep is. I imagine you lying in bed at 7 am not knowing how to face the day, but you can. Just get up, do your things and believe that it's a good thing.

 

[EarthWalker]

Thank you for the kind words imsori. I am grateful for your feedback and being an inspiration.

Lets try this again. From the top.

Day 1.

I commit to serve my future self.

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Yep. There could be a strong chaser now, letting you think 'why all that when you just can PMO?'. Remember Shades 6 Point Plan. The impulse is strong and present, you habe to force yourself to do something else. The urge will fade. This is it, over and over again.

 

[EarthWalker]

Day 2.

I wonder if I am missing something obvious. Is there any success story of a single guy? This nofap means nofap. It doesn't mean no sex or no intimacy.

Went to get some groceries yesterday (at a mall). They did some sort of tv interview there. There were also some very attractive girls present. One in particular is like if not 10/10 it is 9/10.

I'd like to date and have sex with an attractive girl. Is this too lustful? Or is this a Maslow need?

In any case. Having sex with the computer doesn't work. Maybe I should try some low key internet dating? Without any expectations.

Or maybe I try by restricting P to pure vanilla and keep the frequency down to 1-2x per month?

This need for physical intimacy is real. P just hijacks this. But the need is real. It needs to be fulfilled somehow and P is in the brain's view just the most efficient way to do this.

I don't think I agreed to become a monk. Or is this a personal challenge I need to do? Monk mode for at least 3 months?

For now I'll do my best to go until Sunday. Then see how it goes.

Even if MO and P are an option. In any case I'd agree 100% no matter the angle I look at it. That the frequency needs to be kept low. MO 1-2x per month max.

On the good side. At least I am trying to figure it out. This is at least something. My life isn't working out so I am trying to figure it out.

Wish everyone a good day

EW

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

Hey EW,

the ability to see and approach women in a natural way is a fruit we earn for our efforts in the fight against PMO. We start to feel more engaged to 'real life women' again. This is something great.

Internet dating is a good thing. If you expect having sex out of it i don't necessarily believe that it's lasting long, but if you're looking for a sensible woman you can have good talks with and also engage in intimacy terms, that's perfect.

I never went into munk mode. It is okay for me only to have O with a real women, not P, not M.

 

[EarthWalker]

For starters I'd appreciate just going for a walk after work with a girl and talk a bit.

I'll try internet dating. I don't expect much but hey. Will see. I need to shave and make a picture.

How did you meet your GF?

EW

 

[imsorrynotsorry]

That's sounds like a plan. Since you asked, i've met my GF when i was 18 in a youth club. We then spent time in different cities, to finally approach each other in a night club when i moved to her city to start my studies. I was 26 when we approached more. The time from 18 to 26 i had other relationships but they did get worse in terms of PIED. Maybe when i started my first reboot with 25 i had the self confidence and trust that i can work with a women again. But, yeah you can imagine, even after a reboot of over a year, i wasn't fully rewired and had ED eventually. With more trust and more intimacy that got better. Anyway, sorry for expanding this answer a bit.

 

[EarthWalker]

Thank you for sharing. Beautiful story. Met at 18 and reunited at 26.