My journal towards freedom
- Thread starter Sanders
- Start date
Day 63
Weekend's here, funny after such a long vacation. Weather's great, I hope it'll continue. Planning to make along bike ride over the weekend to release some energy. For the rest I'll be pretty busy so the weekend will be flying I suppose.
Doing well, feeling good and relaxed. I've mentioned earlier that the relieve of no more needing to lie is a really great feeling. It's freeing to have this hidden part no longer in my life and I enjoy living without that part.
Enjoy the weekend everyone here
Weekend's here, funny after such a long vacation. Weather's great, I hope it'll continue. Planning to make along bike ride over the weekend to release some energy. For the rest I'll be pretty busy so the weekend will be flying I suppose.
Doing well, feeling good and relaxed. I've mentioned earlier that the relieve of no more needing to lie is a really great feeling. It's freeing to have this hidden part no longer in my life and I enjoy living without that part.
Enjoy the weekend everyone here
Day 64
Easy day with plenty to do. Little to report other than that everything is going well Weather sucks over the weekend unfortunately but the coming week should be better! Some people who I've been following journals of have unfortunately been away for quite some time. It was nice to see their stories progress and I hope they'll come back soon here. This community is a great help and I hope it can be for everyone here!
Good luck!
Easy day with plenty to do. Little to report other than that everything is going well
Weather sucks over the weekend unfortunately but the coming week should be better! Some people who I've been following journals of have unfortunately been away for quite some time. It was nice to see their stories progress and I hope they'll come back soon here. This community is a great help and I hope it can be for everyone here!Good luck!
ShadeTrenicin
Well-Known Member
Hey Sanders,
Great to see you are doing so well! Are there still things you are stuggling with?
Keep it up, i am rooting for you
Great to see you are doing so well! Are there still things you are stuggling with?
Keep it up, i am rooting for you
Day 66
Oops, forgot to write yesterday. I checked around the forum a bit but forgot to go through my own journal.
Picking up the rhythm of normal day-to-day life again. Work was pretty exhausting, my job includes a physical part but I haven't been doing much excercising the last months. Tiredness leads to grumpiness and my wife senses that pretty easily. Luckily soon I'll be switching to less manual duties so that'll help. Also, more excercise needed!
@Shade, thanks for checking in man I'm honestly doing alright, I have no desire to watch porn. A couple of times the idea of MO has popped in my head but it's not really strong and fades away easily. Haven't done any sexual stuff without my wife so that's a great thing I must say! Hope you're doing OK too.
Oops, forgot to write yesterday. I checked around the forum a bit but forgot to go through my own journal.
Picking up the rhythm of normal day-to-day life again. Work was pretty exhausting, my job includes a physical part but I haven't been doing much excercising the last months. Tiredness leads to grumpiness and my wife senses that pretty easily. Luckily soon I'll be switching to less manual duties so that'll help. Also, more excercise needed!
@Shade, thanks for checking in man
I'm honestly doing alright, I have no desire to watch porn. A couple of times the idea of MO has popped in my head but it's not really strong and fades away easily. Haven't done any sexual stuff without my wife so that's a great thing I must say! Hope you're doing OK too.Day 67
Easy going, nothing much to report. Work during the day, took a walk with my wife and our dog, relaxing evening now. Life's normal again Had some good talks with both my brothers, often we've avoided conflict together and not interfere with each others' lives too much. Felt good to talk through some things, they've been a great help after telling them of my porn addiction. All the help is welcome!
Thanks Squid, never really watched 'American football' but it's great that influential people are speaking about these topics as well. I think it was Terry Crews as well who spoke about it not too long ago, quite interesting to see. I wonder if it'll bring any changes but at least it's a step in the right direction.
Easy going, nothing much to report. Work during the day, took a walk with my wife and our dog, relaxing evening now. Life's normal again
Had some good talks with both my brothers, often we've avoided conflict together and not interfere with each others' lives too much. Felt good to talk through some things, they've been a great help after telling them of my porn addiction. All the help is welcome!Thanks Squid, never really watched 'American football' but it's great that influential people are speaking about these topics as well. I think it was Terry Crews as well who spoke about it not too long ago, quite interesting to see. I wonder if it'll bring any changes but at least it's a step in the right direction.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
It's nice, Its hard coming out... Especially to your family and friend; not everybody would understand. And you risk being judged. I haven't really talked about my addiction with much people, just a friend of mine.
I hope for more influential people to talk more about it so it sentisizes people about it. The evils and wrecking impact on lives.
I hope for more influential people to talk more about it so it sentisizes people about it. The evils and wrecking impact on lives.
Day 68
Another day done, everything going pretty well. I'm just so tired and I don't really know what's causing it. I sleep enough, I eat pretty healthy, I cycle to work each day, what's going on? I suspect it might come from my workplace, the air quality is horrible so I have nosebleeds once or twice a week. It started immediately since coming back to work after months of being without. I don't know if there's something in the air that I'm allergic to or whatever but it's really annoying. When I'm tired I get more grumpy and that has an adverse effect to those around me. Stay positive, it'll blow over hopefully
Hey Chris, I agree that it's tough to share about the story. I couldn't really imagine telling my parents about my porn behaviour, sex life and other intimate issues. I guess it wasn't too easy for them either but they're really understanding and helpful. There's such a shame over sexual related issues and that makes everything only more difficult. Alcoholism, drug addictions or whatnot are entirely differently perceived by people. Plenty of people drink, yet some are addicted to it. It's the same with sexual addictions. Most adults have a sex life of some sorts, and some are messed up by it. Getting help is a huge barrier for many people and speaking out about it makes everything even more difficult. Especially for religious people, myself included, it's an extra barrier. We're all just people and everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Some make bigger mistakes than others, but you have to deal with it in the right way eventually. I knew I couldn't do this alone so I reached out, it's been a really good step and has helped me a lot. In the end, we know that the higher power we believe in knows about our problems. We may have reached out, tried to stop but couldn't. I'm confident in my motives and abilities to overcome my addiction, in the end people can think of it what they want. Good luck in your journey man!
I guess that's another result of being tired, just writing everything that pops in my head. Might later check in with our workplace doctor to see if there's anything causing this.
Still doing good though
Another day done, everything going pretty well. I'm just so tired and I don't really know what's causing it. I sleep enough, I eat pretty healthy, I cycle to work each day, what's going on? I suspect it might come from my workplace, the air quality is horrible so I have nosebleeds once or twice a week. It started immediately since coming back to work after months of being without. I don't know if there's something in the air that I'm allergic to or whatever but it's really annoying. When I'm tired I get more grumpy and that has an adverse effect to those around me. Stay positive, it'll blow over hopefully
Hey Chris, I agree that it's tough to share about the story. I couldn't really imagine telling my parents about my porn behaviour, sex life and other intimate issues. I guess it wasn't too easy for them either but they're really understanding and helpful. There's such a shame over sexual related issues and that makes everything only more difficult. Alcoholism, drug addictions or whatnot are entirely differently perceived by people. Plenty of people drink, yet some are addicted to it. It's the same with sexual addictions. Most adults have a sex life of some sorts, and some are messed up by it. Getting help is a huge barrier for many people and speaking out about it makes everything even more difficult. Especially for religious people, myself included, it's an extra barrier. We're all just people and everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Some make bigger mistakes than others, but you have to deal with it in the right way eventually. I knew I couldn't do this alone so I reached out, it's been a really good step and has helped me a lot. In the end, we know that the higher power we believe in knows about our problems. We may have reached out, tried to stop but couldn't. I'm confident in my motives and abilities to overcome my addiction, in the end people can think of it what they want. Good luck in your journey man!
I guess that's another result of being tired, just writing everything that pops in my head. Might later check in with our workplace doctor to see if there's anything causing this.
Still doing good though
Day 69
Thanks Chris, it's not really the work it's just the workplace. I work at the airport so it's a disease nest. Most workers who start working there will get sick in their first couple of weeks, and many complain about health issues. I've been working on getting another job but of course Corona came in between of that. I was so close to a perfect job but then the company announced a hiring freeze and the position is no longer available.
Progress good, work, home, sleep repeat. Looking forward to later tonight, will have a beer with my father and brothers through video service. Nice to be doing some activities like that
Another day done!
Thanks Chris, it's not really the work it's just the workplace. I work at the airport so it's a disease nest. Most workers who start working there will get sick in their first couple of weeks, and many complain about health issues. I've been working on getting another job but of course Corona came in between of that. I was so close to a perfect job but then the company announced a hiring freeze and the position is no longer available.
Progress good, work, home, sleep repeat. Looking forward to later tonight, will have a beer with my father and brothers through video service. Nice to be doing some activities like that
Another day done!
Day 70
Another big one, feeling a bit low these days. I think I have the coping skills of a 13 year old kid that's never went past a certain phase, self-medicating with porn must have been my way of dealing with things. Now I actually have to face difficult situations and work, no more avoiding difficult situations or situations. I experience surroundings and emotions stronger than before, both positive and negative. The positives are great, I can appreciate life around me much more. Negatives are difficult, since I have no escape I must figure out a new way of dealing with difficult parts of life.
Went through a bunch of websites my wife forwarded me about the sickness of the porn industry. I'm wondering whether if I'd come across those horrible dehumanising facts earlier I would have stopped or not. I really like to think that I would have, but then again I was messed up enough so I might have just ignored it. Anyways, it helps me more. I read somewhere quite some time ago that porn is like prostitution created for the masses. It's pretty similar, just that it's being filmed. And on the other side are millions of men satisfying themselves to it, myself then included.
Positives also, life isn't only bad Had a fun night yesterday, thanks Chris! Sitting here outside and enjoying the last rays of sun dissapearing with some music on the background is very enjoyable. Fresh air, nice sights, happy times. Work is alright, not too exciting but it's a great distraction. A fun weekend planned!
Good luck everyone.
Another big one, feeling a bit low these days. I think I have the coping skills of a 13 year old kid that's never went past a certain phase, self-medicating with porn must have been my way of dealing with things. Now I actually have to face difficult situations and work, no more avoiding difficult situations or situations. I experience surroundings and emotions stronger than before, both positive and negative. The positives are great, I can appreciate life around me much more. Negatives are difficult, since I have no escape I must figure out a new way of dealing with difficult parts of life.
Went through a bunch of websites my wife forwarded me about the sickness of the porn industry. I'm wondering whether if I'd come across those horrible dehumanising facts earlier I would have stopped or not. I really like to think that I would have, but then again I was messed up enough so I might have just ignored it. Anyways, it helps me more. I read somewhere quite some time ago that porn is like prostitution created for the masses. It's pretty similar, just that it's being filmed. And on the other side are millions of men satisfying themselves to it, myself then included.
Positives also, life isn't only bad
Had a fun night yesterday, thanks Chris! Sitting here outside and enjoying the last rays of sun dissapearing with some music on the background is very enjoyable. Fresh air, nice sights, happy times. Work is alright, not too exciting but it's a great distraction. A fun weekend planned! Good luck everyone.
Day 71
Great day thus far. Spent time with family, and for the rest just outside in the garden. Had some nice food, just enjoying the weekend together. Good night of rest, 10 hours of sleeping, really was a welcome change.
Life's still good. Happy to be here on the right side!
Great day thus far. Spent time with family, and for the rest just outside in the garden. Had some nice food, just enjoying the weekend together. Good night of rest, 10 hours of sleeping, really was a welcome change.
Life's still good. Happy to be here on the right side!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Wow it's actually day 71 for you. As I begin my count again, I'm just thinking about my relapses and wandering if I had held on and was strong just a little longer, what might have happened... If I had gone this far. But I'm not dwelling on it though
I love your dedication man.
I love your dedication man.
Day 72
Still doing alright, life isn't the easiest at the moment but the fight against porn is easily managable. Facing a lot of difficult talks and situations in our relationship and it's messing with my mind. I need to focus on my goals and what I want in life, I can't let every discussion or disagreement make me doubt things. Life changes, it has ups and downs and that's perfectly natural! In this time ups and downs vary more often and are both more intense. Moments of happiness are uplifting and motivating, moments of sadness are disrupting and hurtful.
Focussing on the positives is what keeps me going. I've been numbing half my brains for over a decade, time to take back control. I control the ship which is body, time to move forward. Porn sucks, I'm happy to move away from it. I watched a documentary yesterday with my wife about the influence of porn on our society, it wasn't neccesarily pro / against porn and there were a lot of triggers in there. Semi-blurred porn scenes, undressing women, sounds, actresses, descriptions and whatnot. There was a vague sense of excitement, but no arousal or interest in those things whatsoever. I was happy to be exposed to 1,5 hours containing so many references and imagery of pornography and not go back to my old ways. I guess that's a good sign of moving forward!
Hey Chris, sorry to be reading about your relapse. You made it really far which is an accomplishment on its own, it's more than most people here can achieve often and definitely more than all the people still stuck. I'll have a read through your journal
Still doing alright, life isn't the easiest at the moment but the fight against porn is easily managable. Facing a lot of difficult talks and situations in our relationship and it's messing with my mind. I need to focus on my goals and what I want in life, I can't let every discussion or disagreement make me doubt things. Life changes, it has ups and downs and that's perfectly natural! In this time ups and downs vary more often and are both more intense. Moments of happiness are uplifting and motivating, moments of sadness are disrupting and hurtful.
Focussing on the positives is what keeps me going. I've been numbing half my brains for over a decade, time to take back control. I control the ship which is body, time to move forward. Porn sucks, I'm happy to move away from it. I watched a documentary yesterday with my wife about the influence of porn on our society, it wasn't neccesarily pro / against porn and there were a lot of triggers in there. Semi-blurred porn scenes, undressing women, sounds, actresses, descriptions and whatnot. There was a vague sense of excitement, but no arousal or interest in those things whatsoever. I was happy to be exposed to 1,5 hours containing so many references and imagery of pornography and not go back to my old ways. I guess that's a good sign of moving forward!
Hey Chris, sorry to be reading about your relapse. You made it really far which is an accomplishment on its own, it's more than most people here can achieve often and definitely more than all the people still stuck. I'll have a read through your journal