The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

harpoon

Well-Known Member
I know now why it's one day at a time ๐Ÿ˜”

Remember the board game Snakes & Ladders?? Hmmm well I'm dodging snakes atm

I had a few realisations about porn today. Not good. What roads have i taken ๐Ÿ˜”

But i noticed a woman at a coffee van, just nice looking and friendly and i thought that this is how you're suppose to think and feel.

Porn, yeah it warps your mind, it might even rot it. It's a bitter pill to swallow that we go back for more.

Anyway I must run now to offset this craving.
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
50 days without porn....this is insanity ๐Ÿ˜† but today was a good day and I have to acknowledge that.

I have to keep busy during the day. I generally pick two from running, walking, swimming and mountainbiking.

My saviour is a slow paced evening run tho :) I love doing all four.

I'm starting to read again too, even if it's just a chapter every evening.
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
@Beautiful1973 ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ‘

Today was for the most part another good day. The withdrawals from porn seem to have faded away and it's more about managing urges now. I slept great last night (first time I ages) and generally I have morning wood, in fact i'm disappointed now if I don't ๐Ÿคฃ (I never had this while using porn and tbh it helps keep me going)

There is still depression but I manage it best I can rather than use porn to mask it.

Anyway I'll continue my journey ๐Ÿคฉ
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
I'll be honest the worst part about this flatline. The days when I don't get morning wood seem to be the most difficult. Paradoxically the days when there's no word theres more urges.

Another thing I the days seem to need into one....you can do anything, run 10k, swim in the freezing cold water, a nice calm cycle, but in the end you'll lie on your bed at night.
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
*triggeres* ....and imagine everything in the world would be awesome if you were bouncing off an arse...or at least looking at it on a screen ๐Ÿ˜” didn't Russell Brand say "if Kim Kardashians ass is the solution, what is the problem?" ๐Ÿคฃ

I do find it funny that all the pain I'm feeling could be taken away by a video. Where do you go with that ๐Ÿ˜”
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
Today was another good day ๐Ÿ™‚

I've learned to fill my time with things that I like to do and I'll get the things done that need to be done...but I'll always finish my day with something I like to do.

I've realised with porn flashbacks and stuff that I must redirect my brain rather dwell on those images in my mind. It does work.

I went for a stroll today (down town in a little town in Ireland!) It's funny, but I knew my mojo was present, I felt great, and even manage to make a few woman smile ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I havent been this sober since i was 16. I can't remember the last time I had a beer and I haven't watched porn or masturbated in 53 days!!

My number 1 priority now is to see 90 days thru and I do believe that will happen. The biggest difference I have found is that I don't look at anything now....I won't check that TV show to see my fav presenter, i won't mooch on tiktok or fb and I don't engage with those flashbacks.

What do I expect, or what do i want? What I want and this has changed from the start ofvthis journey...I want to be happy and feel complete and fix me...everything else will follow.
 

Jlied

Active Member
Amazing, I love this post. It reminds me of a captive animal that is released back into the wild.
I've realised with porn flashbacks and stuff that I must redirect my brain rather dwell on those images in my mind. It does work
This is key, it takes work, but just l like a muscle the brain can be strengthened with exercise. Keep up the kick ass work man.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Just want to say well done, very impressive. 53 days hard mode is a serious streak. You put yourself through a lot by doing that. It is NOT to be underestimated what strength that required. Iโ€™m not good at emojis but try theseโ€ฆ.๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ
 

Jlied

Active Member
Just want to say well done, very impressive. 53 days hard mode is a serious streak. You put yourself through a lot by doing that. It is NOT to be underestimated what strength that required. Iโ€™m not good at emojis but try theseโ€ฆ.๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽŠ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿฅณ
1669297288668.gif

This is Geebs celebrating for you!
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
I had a chat with my sister today and i asked her about my mood swings. I mentioned Bipolar disorder, well cyclothymia. Now my mood does swing to euphoria and then to depression so I think there I something there. I noticed this because off porn nothing has changed really, my mood is still my mood, and I'm just wondering have I been medicating a mood disorder with porn? I've also had bulimia. And addiction, and an eating disorder are signs of this.

I'm just trying to understand me. Without porn I seem to have opened a box.
 

harpoon

Well-Known Member
"Suddenly we have to face ourselves..." ๐Ÿ˜”

It's all getting a little much for me tbh. I mean, my Dad passing away, being fucked up on porn, broken relationships, leaving my job, mental illness ๐Ÿ˜” i'm tired of fighting.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
Itโ€™s OK Paul, you will be OK, you will get through it, just keep pushingโ€ฆโ€ฆ think of your achievements so far, you must be at 55 days now, thatโ€™s big, celebrate that.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I understand I feel a bit the same way at the moment๐Ÿ˜ฌ
I know you have been doing lots of physical activities, but have you tried meditation or mindfulness?
 
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