This is the longest in years that I have went without pmo or mo (however once the gf gets over covid, she can be my guest and fire at will
) All joking aside, it has taken a big effort, and I have had to dig deep on two occasions.
What I can say now is that I can be on my own for at least a few hours, and I won't take the opportunity to hop online etc
But last night I went to the cinema with a buddy (to see Hallowern Kills, I fn loved it!) but I was conscious of the fact that I had more to say and was laughing and joking more, I think it was the fact that I wasn't anxious (porn really gives this social anxiety thing
) and i'm happier in my own skin atm
I know I'm not cured, and never will be, it's something that I have accepted and accepting that fact has somehow made the fight a little easier. I just have to do the best I can today and that's all. The thoughts of loosing what I have achieved so far does spur me on so much.
The stuff with my gf ultimately is playing out in my head when I feel down. She is actually really nice and tbh I think when I loose the connection with myself, I loose the connection with everyone, and i'm on my own in those hours.
i find there is highs for hours, I'll feel great and then my mood plummets and depression. The only thing is, it always lifts and I will feel good eventually. Its the shaky ground inbetween that is the problem.
For those keeping note, I had a boner for 2hrs this morning
the gf won't know what hit her when she's covid free
i'll try to do something with it