AStansfield's Reboot Journal
- Thread starter AStansfield
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AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 45 No PMO / Day 25 No Fap
@Chris Thanks for the encouragement
108kg 5x5 Squat in the gym. I ate pretty bad today so I definitely felt the difference between 106 and 108. Still progressing though!
One of my favorite indie bands released a new album today, so I've just been jamming along.
Lately at night i've been going back to a mode of acceptance I haven't had since January 2019 - that is that I'm fine with being single. I just have the recurring thought that now and I feel like it's me finally returning to normal and not being overly concerned about my relationship status. Cultivating true inner peace, or something such.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
@Chris Thanks for the encouragement
108kg 5x5 Squat in the gym. I ate pretty bad today so I definitely felt the difference between 106 and 108. Still progressing though!
One of my favorite indie bands released a new album today, so I've just been jamming along.
Lately at night i've been going back to a mode of acceptance I haven't had since January 2019 - that is that I'm fine with being single. I just have the recurring thought that now and I feel like it's me finally returning to normal and not being overly concerned about my relationship status. Cultivating true inner peace, or something such.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 46 No PMO / Day 26 No Fap
Boring day. Not much to report. I've been eating a strict ~1600 calorie diet the past 6 weeks and the pressure to order something nice and unhealthy is just maddening when there isn't any work to distract me.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Boring day. Not much to report. I've been eating a strict ~1600 calorie diet the past 6 weeks and the pressure to order something nice and unhealthy is just maddening when there isn't any work to distract me.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 47 No PMO / Day 27 No Fap
Almost at the first big nofap checkpoint!
Didn't do much all day - very lazy day, but I guess that's fine. It's okay to take some time for yourself.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Almost at the first big nofap checkpoint!
Didn't do much all day - very lazy day, but I guess that's fine. It's okay to take some time for yourself.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 48 No PMO / Day 28 No Fap
4 Weeks of NoFap! Hype!
110kg 5x5 Squat in the gym - felt really good. Feeling the plateau at 116-118 probably.
Weekly Sunday Weigh in = 104.4kg (started at 115kg at the end of May).
Everything is going very well - still have 7 weeks before the start of the next semester to shape up in all aspects!
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
4 Weeks of NoFap! Hype!
110kg 5x5 Squat in the gym - felt really good. Feeling the plateau at 116-118 probably.
Weekly Sunday Weigh in = 104.4kg (started at 115kg at the end of May).
Everything is going very well - still have 7 weeks before the start of the next semester to shape up in all aspects!
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 49 No PMO / Day 29 No Fap
1 more day before the first checkpoint!
It rained all day, but my run was strangely more enjoyable.
Nothing else to report. I guess I'm feeling sort of sexually frustrated at this point but it bounces around from frustration to zero libido throughout the day. Strange.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Edit: Morning of Day 30
Strangest sequence of dreams i've had in a LONG time - including one where I was literally just MO'ing nonstop. I was in the dream thinking "F***, just before the 30 day mark!"
Then I woke up and realized it was all just some weird bs like that.
1 more day before the first checkpoint!
It rained all day, but my run was strangely more enjoyable.
Nothing else to report. I guess I'm feeling sort of sexually frustrated at this point but it bounces around from frustration to zero libido throughout the day. Strange.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Edit: Morning of Day 30
Strangest sequence of dreams i've had in a LONG time - including one where I was literally just MO'ing nonstop. I was in the dream thinking "F***, just before the 30 day mark!"
Then I woke up and realized it was all just some weird bs like that.
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 50 No PMO / Day 30 No Fap
THIRTY DAYS OF NO FAP! First checkpoint reached - next checkpoint is 90 days, and then 180, and then the full year.
Outside of this milestone - I also squated 112kg 5x5 in the gym.
I am feeling the libido slowly returning - hopefully this doesn't sharply increase the temptation to relapse.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
THIRTY DAYS OF NO FAP! First checkpoint reached - next checkpoint is 90 days, and then 180, and then the full year.
Outside of this milestone - I also squated 112kg 5x5 in the gym.
I am feeling the libido slowly returning - hopefully this doesn't sharply increase the temptation to relapse.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Hey Stan, I just caught up on your journey you're working through. It sounds like you're really building yourself into the person you want to be, which I really respect quite a lot. Keep it up, this is the hardest part. The longer you go, the easier it'll get. Keep killing it!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 51 No PMO / Day 31 No Fap
Another day, another checkmark.
@wwalker19 and @Chris Oz Thanks to you both!
I'm thinking of re engaging the website blockers I normally have on during the Semester/Exam Period. With 7 weeks to go until the new semester, I feel if I don't force myself into getting ahead of the game i'll just start at 0 Day 1 - and I have big goals for the next 2 semesters and I can't afford not to take advantage of this situation.
More to the point - I think having so much free time and not doing anything productive (outside of Fitness/No Fap) is really degrading to my mental health. An idle mind is a poisoned mind, and right now my mind has just been mindlessly binging entertainment (Silicon Valley).
My friends are afraid of me burning out before the semester starts, and these next two semesters are the toughest in my med school career. I recognize their concerns, but if i'm to realize my dream of coming out on top academically I have to push myself to the edge and over it if need be. If i'm not willing to risk it all for my dream then it's not a dream worth anything, in my humble opinion.
Another day, another checkmark.
@wwalker19 and @Chris Oz Thanks to you both!
I'm thinking of re engaging the website blockers I normally have on during the Semester/Exam Period. With 7 weeks to go until the new semester, I feel if I don't force myself into getting ahead of the game i'll just start at 0 Day 1 - and I have big goals for the next 2 semesters and I can't afford not to take advantage of this situation.
More to the point - I think having so much free time and not doing anything productive (outside of Fitness/No Fap) is really degrading to my mental health. An idle mind is a poisoned mind, and right now my mind has just been mindlessly binging entertainment (Silicon Valley).
My friends are afraid of me burning out before the semester starts, and these next two semesters are the toughest in my med school career. I recognize their concerns, but if i'm to realize my dream of coming out on top academically I have to push myself to the edge and over it if need be. If i'm not willing to risk it all for my dream then it's not a dream worth anything, in my humble opinion.
zander13
Active Member
Take this seriously my friend (not saying you aren't). Learn from me: though you shouldn't behead yourself because of a relapse--view them as dangerous, because they are. For me, it's only gotten harder after every failure. I've kindled my addiction into a fucking magma troll. It spews distilled, liquid pain in every direction. I used to be in a position similar to yours, where abstinence was tough but the pain of the withdrawals weren't debilitating. Now they are, and they last much, much longer. The first time I made an honest go at this, I made it to 205 days and was pretty much at the finish line. Then I fucked up because I didn't take it seriously enough. Don't make that mistake. This shit can be lethal if you let it. Just look at how popular this forum is. Porn addiction is a fucking scourge, and it cannot be overlooked by anyone who get's hooked by things easily.
On a positive note, I respect your dreams and accomplishments, and wish you all the best.
On a positive note, I respect your dreams and accomplishments, and wish you all the best.
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 52 No PMO / Day 32 No Fap
@suprastim Always nice to see a fellow medic. I hope your practice is going well!
@zander13 I respect what you're trying to say to me, but my issue wasn't porn I've come to find - it was/is the dopamine addiction to masturbation. The last 52 days I've had absolutely zero desire to open up a porn site or anything related - my temptations are purely of the flesh. Innately I'm not a very sexual person - I don't even enjoy sex very much at all for the physical aspects of it, i'm more into the intimate bonding (hence i'm very against hooking up). I was just frying my dopamine receptors out of a very bad habit, and porn was just to get me over the finish line when the receptors were overstimulated. My hardcore binges always began with fantasies which then lead into porn when my imagination no longer sufficed.
I am taking this journey seriously - but I must confess that it's 99% a NoFap journey to reach peak sexual performance purely for the sake of my next long term partner, whenever that happens. Barring some catastrophic event in my life, I don't see myself falling into porn usage at all. There is just the looming threat of getting way too horny one day and relapsing on the nofap. For that I must be ever vigilant.
The bane of this journey is my overactive imagination leading into sexual fantasies involving women I could definitely get into bed with if I put my effort in, but I have no desire to develop anything long term with.
Thank you for well wishes. I've read all of your journal over the past few weeks and you've had a rough go of it, but you're still here and that's what matters - constant vigilance and effort!
@suprastim Always nice to see a fellow medic. I hope your practice is going well!
@zander13 I respect what you're trying to say to me, but my issue wasn't porn I've come to find - it was/is the dopamine addiction to masturbation. The last 52 days I've had absolutely zero desire to open up a porn site or anything related - my temptations are purely of the flesh. Innately I'm not a very sexual person - I don't even enjoy sex very much at all for the physical aspects of it, i'm more into the intimate bonding (hence i'm very against hooking up). I was just frying my dopamine receptors out of a very bad habit, and porn was just to get me over the finish line when the receptors were overstimulated. My hardcore binges always began with fantasies which then lead into porn when my imagination no longer sufficed.
I am taking this journey seriously - but I must confess that it's 99% a NoFap journey to reach peak sexual performance purely for the sake of my next long term partner, whenever that happens. Barring some catastrophic event in my life, I don't see myself falling into porn usage at all. There is just the looming threat of getting way too horny one day and relapsing on the nofap. For that I must be ever vigilant.
The bane of this journey is my overactive imagination leading into sexual fantasies involving women I could definitely get into bed with if I put my effort in, but I have no desire to develop anything long term with.
Thank you for well wishes. I've read all of your journal over the past few weeks and you've had a rough go of it, but you're still here and that's what matters - constant vigilance and effort!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 53 No PMO / Day 33 No Fap
Sorta disappointed in myself today - had a cheat meal. Eating 1600 calories a day while lifting/doing significant cardio 6 days a week really makes me hungry at the end of the day. Most days i'm focused but today I just had to order some good old kebab.
Tomorrow i'm stepping on the scale for my weekly weigh in. The cheat meal will probably throw it off completely so i'll have to wait until next week to get a proper readout on progress.
Strength wise though everything is going swimmingly!
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Sorta disappointed in myself today - had a cheat meal. Eating 1600 calories a day while lifting/doing significant cardio 6 days a week really makes me hungry at the end of the day. Most days i'm focused but today I just had to order some good old kebab.
Tomorrow i'm stepping on the scale for my weekly weigh in. The cheat meal will probably throw it off completely so i'll have to wait until next week to get a proper readout on progress.
Strength wise though everything is going swimmingly!
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 54 No PMO / Day 34 No Fap
Called it. Somehow I magically gained 2.6kg on the scale despite consistently eating 1600 calories throughout the week (outside the cheat meal last night).
It's whatever. Next week i'll be sure to get a proper progress gauge.
My libido is coming back with a vengeance. MW's are also coming back with a vengeance. Need to remain on guard against triggers.
I've decided to run a half-marathon in October. Lot's of training to do but it should be exciting to see how I perform! I ran cross country in High School but 5k doesn't compare to 20k, not even remotely.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Called it. Somehow I magically gained 2.6kg on the scale despite consistently eating 1600 calories throughout the week (outside the cheat meal last night).
It's whatever. Next week i'll be sure to get a proper progress gauge.
My libido is coming back with a vengeance. MW's are also coming back with a vengeance. Need to remain on guard against triggers.
I've decided to run a half-marathon in October. Lot's of training to do but it should be exciting to see how I perform! I ran cross country in High School but 5k doesn't compare to 20k, not even remotely.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 55 No PMO / Day 35 No Fap
5 Weeks completed! 116kg 5x5 squat in the gym! Very good day indeed.
@wwalker19 Consistency is the name of the game for sure.
@Chriz Oz Last I checked I was 104.4kg, but that was last week - so i'm closer to 103kg now. I have a very stocky build so even when I weighed 115kg and had an "obese" BMI, I didn't look remotely overweight - just had lovehandles and a bit of man boob.
12kg later and the man boobs are gone, and the love handles are going down progressively. I was very athletic in my youth and teen years - it was only when I started university that I shot up in weight.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
5 Weeks completed! 116kg 5x5 squat in the gym! Very good day indeed.
@wwalker19 Consistency is the name of the game for sure.
@Chriz Oz Last I checked I was 104.4kg, but that was last week - so i'm closer to 103kg now. I have a very stocky build so even when I weighed 115kg and had an "obese" BMI, I didn't look remotely overweight - just had lovehandles and a bit of man boob.
12kg later and the man boobs are gone, and the love handles are going down progressively. I was very athletic in my youth and teen years - it was only when I started university that I shot up in weight.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
AStansfield
Active Member
Completed: Day 56 No PMO / Day 36 No Fap
Two different types of bad news my friends.
First: overtraining finally caught up to me and my left quadriceps sabotaged my run today. Might have to replace my runs with biking - i'm simply not eating enough to cover 3 heavy squat days w/ 40 minute runs on the days inbetween.
Second: I've been terribly horny the last few days. Like honestly almost every waking moment. Libido came back with a massive vengeance from the flatline period for sure. No idea how i'm going to deal with it - hopefully it will calm down.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!
Two different types of bad news my friends.
First: overtraining finally caught up to me and my left quadriceps sabotaged my run today. Might have to replace my runs with biking - i'm simply not eating enough to cover 3 heavy squat days w/ 40 minute runs on the days inbetween.
Second: I've been terribly horny the last few days. Like honestly almost every waking moment. Libido came back with a massive vengeance from the flatline period for sure. No idea how i'm going to deal with it - hopefully it will calm down.
Well, that's all for this report - see you space cowboys!