9 days clean thank God! One day at a time. Another night of broken sleep despite doing a 5km run yesterday followed by a workout. But again I don't mind. One thing I have realised though is how amplified emotions feel when I'm not using. When I'm in the depths of my addiction I feel sad but its more like a numbness; like a dull thought process. Without porn (and weed) that sadness resonates more as a feeling from my heart space; I feel it rather than intellectually process it. I don't claim that I feel sadness more intensely than other people but I acknowledge I have a difficult time processing heavy emotion.....I always have. Its no doubt the reason I fell into such a deep dark hole of porn use. But I understand that even though it feels difficult, a healthy processing of my sadness is necessary and fundamental to moving forward and healing. Much love my friends and I wish you all peace.