I need to up my game.

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Day 2

Only day 2 and I'm tempted already. This is fuckin crazy.

Yesterday was 'day 3' for me (after my latest lapse), and I had strong urges come over me. But I told myself, no matter what, not to repeat the behavior of my lapse, because that only strengthens the urges and the habit.

Consistent and continual dismissal of urges is the way to weaken the temptations, and break down the bad habits.

You can dismiss, ignore, and outlast the urges.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Day 3

I should not be so tempted after 9 PMOs in 2 days. After a binge like that, I should be in "mini-flatline" for at least a week so I don't know why those urges 😕 I don't like this.

I'm not sure how the flatline thing works... It may mean that you haven't so fried the reward circuitry of your brain... On the other hand, it means that the 'lower brain' is saying, "I need this behavior in order to cope with life."- but it's a lie, don't fall for it. This is what rebooting and rewiring is all about, switching from the false coping methods to the natural ones that non-addicted people use. To 'feel life', for all its ups and downs, without escapism and avoidance, is what will come back to us naturally, once we no longer escape in PMO.

You got this, they will pass, they always do on their own. Focus on your breathing in the moment. Don't judge yourself, don't struggle, just breathe until they pass...
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 4

Yesterday was very very difficult, I was this close. I had urges all day and I felt miserable. I took out my phone, opened the browser to google search then I closed it. Thoughts were going through my head: "Watch some porn but don't masturbate. Semen retention is what you need, you stay away from ejaculation and you are fine." As if it's not watching porn what I must quit doing. The mind tries to convince you and rationalize why it's not a big deal. I felt extremely low and desperate for something to "lift me up". I managed not to watch anything but I headed towards the store to buy something to drink and I didn't drink only because the store was closed. I can't guarantee that I will stay porn free and alcohol free today. I'm tryin.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

Feeling miserable mentally for two days got the best of me. I listened to the voice in my head that told me I could watch some porn without masturbating, I watched porn for a while and then of course I proceeded to PMO 3 times until half an hour before midnight. I can't continue like this, I need to do something about it.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Day 1

Feeling miserable mentally for two days got the best of me. I listened to the voice in my head that told me I could watch some porn without masturbating, I watched porn for a while and then of course I proceeded to PMO 3 times until half an hour before midnight. I can't continue like this, I need to do something about it.

Sorry for your current struggles, Escape.

You will find what works for you, I believe it! Like before, you read others' success stories, and were inspired, you will read and discover new approaches you maybe hadn't considered before, you will find new inspiration.

For me an analogy I could use is that my story was like I was sitting in a prison cell with the door open and the shackles just laying there. But instead of getting up and walking out, I was too used to shutting the door, and putting the shackles back on my hands- although, they're never locked.

This may not make sense, for that I apologize. But most of our 'bondage' is in our mind. We are needlessly stuck, when all we have to do is get up and (consistently) walk out. I said elsewhere recently, 'slay the dragon', but really, there is no slaying, only ignoring (consistently). It's like a movie on Merlin I saw years ago, the wicked witch was only powerful if others believed she was powerful. When you ignored her, all her powers disappeared.

Or, I like to compare it with Medusa: we think she's so beautiful we have to look, but she's so ugly we turn to stone (a 'hard heart'). How did Perseus defeat her? By making her look in the mirror of his shield, and when she saw herself, she turned herself into stone.

How to apply: Porn is Medusa. Instead of looking at her as some all-powerful monster, look in the mirror and learn about yourself, that you are in control. See porn for what it is, nothing in itself. When we take back power from external things, and from our own emotional states (anger, loneliness, depression), and see that nothing has power to make us do anything, we know ourselves...

That voice telling you that you can P without MO'ing was just your lower brain (your Medusa) trying to survive by keeping this habit going. Anything that suggests the future use of P and PMO is the 'beast-brain', and you can override this, ignore this, until it passes away, along with its urges.

Hope this somewhat helps, brother.
 

Robby82

Member
I want to express my thoughts I have found a balance with the problem of porn with my reasoning all of us men need to have sex to have relationships with women because it is what gives pleasure more in life than anything else and nobody can do it unless without feeling bad for this we have problems with relapses in my opinion if you have a girlfriend or wife she can be of great help to stop watching pornography and masturbating in the absence of a partner for me it is not wrong to go to a massage center or with an escort to feel better and get the pornography out of our heads and satisfy our natural instincts to ejaculate you do not do anything wrong only for the good of yourself obviously not always but when you feel too many sexual urges after some time that you do not you can easily check that said I hope for you escape that with a girlfriend or friend that is enough that it is real it can make you move away from pornography ia that it hurts you so much
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Sorry for your current struggles, Escape.

You will find what works for you, I believe it! Like before, you read others' success stories, and were inspired, you will read and discover new approaches you maybe hadn't considered before, you will find new inspiration.

For me an analogy I could use is that my story was like I was sitting in a prison cell with the door open and the shackles just laying there. But instead of getting up and walking out, I was too used to shutting the door, and putting the shackles back on my hands- although, they're never locked.

This may not make sense, for that I apologize. But most of our 'bondage' is in our mind. We are needlessly stuck, when all we have to do is get up and (consistently) walk out. I said elsewhere recently, 'slay the dragon', but really, there is no slaying, only ignoring (consistently). It's like a movie on Merlin I saw years ago, the wicked witch was only powerful if others believed she was powerful. When you ignored her, all her powers disappeared.

Or, I like to compare it with Medusa: we think she's so beautiful we have to look, but she's so ugly we turn to stone (a 'hard heart'). How did Perseus defeat her? By making her look in the mirror of his shield, and when she saw herself, she turned herself into stone.

How to apply: Porn is Medusa. Instead of looking at her as some all-powerful monster, look in the mirror and learn about yourself, that you are in control. See porn for what it is, nothing in itself. When we take back power from external things, and from our own emotional states (anger, loneliness, depression), and see that nothing has power to make us do anything, we know ourselves...

That voice telling you that you can P without MO'ing was just your lower brain (your Medusa) trying to survive by keeping this habit going. Anything that suggests the future use of P and PMO is the 'beast-brain', and you can override this, ignore this, until it passes away, along with its urges.

Hope this somewhat helps, brother.
Bro, you said it so well! I agree with everything. In my case, nothing sabotages me more than (hyper)sexual thoughts, a.k.a the porn-induced fantasies and flashbacks stored in my head. They start playing in my head to remind me that I'm supposed to watch porn, it's part of the withdrawal, but the best practice is to ignore them as soon as they start, because engaging with them, "watching them" get the dopamine going and the urges that follow are very hard to resist. Can they be endured? Yes, but it's always better to prevent than cure, it's always better to prevent giving yourself massive urges than torture yourself with them later. What we need to understand is that if we start the dopamine by hypersexual thoughts or seeing something (hopefully by mistake), we need to wait until the dopamine calms down, we don't need to do anything, sometimes I forget this. We need to let the dopamine calm down while avoiding to play porn in our heads, which is very important because you want to extinguish the fire but you keep throwing gas on it with the thoughts. When the urges start, they create this feeling of urgency, "I need to act now! I need to grab the pleasure now!" But we actually don't need to do anything. Yes, we actually need to do something: Avoiding thinking about porn and (it helps) to leave the place where you are (if you can) and disrupt the moment. All this is actually easy but our mind makes it complicated. I always like to come back to the "brainwashing" that it's discussed in Easy Peasy, probably the second best book in quitting porn after Your brain on porn. What happens is that porn enters our mind and makes us believe through brainwashing that it's something we need in our lives (for when we are bored, stressed, sad, sexually frustrated etc.) and that's why it gets complicated. But the process in itself is simple. Not pleasant but simple.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 2

I need to re-evaluate this process. Too easily I let myself go down the sadness' rabbit hole after losing my best 50 days streak and since then it's been a continuous fall. It's been like that because I've let it be like that. I've lost my motivation and I didn't want to put everything in place and try again. A 50 days streak is not an accident and it's not something I can't repeat, it's very doable. Yesterday I checked out and it's been a month since my 11 days streak, since then I only got 1 week, sometimes less. This is not all I can do and this is not an invitation for me to give up like this and continue like this. Some days ago I said to myself: "Listen, man, we will start again for real at the beginning of next year, exactly the same as the beginning of this year" but this is bullshit, you don't start next year you start now. "New Year's resolution" is bullshit. How many timed did I let myself "take advantages" of the final two months of the year, promising myself that I would wait for the "New Year's resolution" and really do it, only to relapse on January 7 or something like that. You don't take advantages of relapses or wait for January 1st, you start the next minute after the relapse and re-evaluate the plan and tweak the plan. The plan needs to be simple, we don't need to complicate ourselves right now: Ignore porn hypersexual thoughts, avoid the past mistakes, practice urge surfing without thinking about porn when you get urges, read Easy Peasy and de-brainwash yourself, program your mind to understand that porn is not an option, it's not necessary for you etc. After a few months, I feel like I can finally try again just like when I had success in the summer.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Awesome, Escape! I like everything you said in the previous two posts above…!

How I think of it if I’m finishing the year with struggles, is, like you said, start right away. That way you go into the next year already abstaining. Then you can leave porn behind as ‘last years news’. This helps me to start right away, and to look forward to the new year…

Before rejoining Reboot Nation, September of 2020, I did the same thing you’re doing now, I made a list of all my previous streaks, which at the time averaged every 6-8 days or so I’d lapse. But sometimes it’d be shorter or longer… But I scaled these days from smallest to longest and used them as mini-abstinence challenges…

It’s always good to step back and assess the bigger picture like you’re doing, because that helps us to tailor make a plan that’s going to work for us…

Wishing you the best!
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Awesome, Escape! I like everything you said in the previous two posts above…!

How I think of it if I’m finishing the year with struggles, is, like you said, start right away. That way you go into the next year already abstaining. Then you can leave porn behind as ‘last years news’. This helps me to start right away, and to look forward to the new year…

Before rejoining Reboot Nation, September of 2020, I did the same thing you’re doing now, I made a list of all my previous streaks, which at the time averaged every 6-8 days or so I’d lapse. But sometimes it’d be shorter or longer… But I scaled these days from smallest to longest and used them as mini-abstinence challenges…

It’s always good to step back and assess the bigger picture like you’re doing, because that helps us to tailor make a plan that’s going to work for us…

Wishing you the best!
Thanks man.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Doesn't mean you'll lapse unless you forget why you're doing this and make the choice to. You're in control, those temptations can't stop you.

Keep going Escape, it's day 4 for me too. We can do this!
That's correct, man. The brain has this tendency to "forget" why we are doing this in the first place, the misery becomes a distant memory, the hypofrontality does it's job in choosing temporary empty pleasure instead of the big picture but we must not forget that we have the last word, we make the final decision no matter if it doesn't feel like this. We really are the last ones who choose between "Let's do it" and "No." We have more control than we think, we just need to focus. We need to disrupt the repetitive nature of this habit and remember that the urges create a feeling of urgency (I need to act now and get the pleasure) but we always need to wait and re-evaluate, not jump right in. Urge surfing is a powerful tool. I am not completely successful with this but I see why it works. Doing urge surfing while (very important) not paying attention to the porn thoughts because visualizing porn gets the dopamine wild, it's fuel for the fire, when we get urges we must ignore the flashbacks. They show up in our memory but we need to cut them short in the first second. Nothing creates more urges than (hyper)sexual porn-induced thoughts and porn-related fantasies.
 
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