I need to up my game.

[Phineas 808]

That's true, that the only way out is through. It's also true that there will be times of suffering through the urges without giving in to them (or responding to them).

It makes sense that you dreading this suffering (experienced during your 50+ days) is what's keeping you from stretching farther. But could this all be a matter of perspective?

The short term suffering of denying or dismissing the urges is far better and preferable to the long term suffering brought about by an 'endless addiction' with all of its consequences like PIED, social anxiety, not growing as a person, not becoming stronger, etc... It seems that the rewards of abstinence and beating this addiction, with all its suffering, far outweigh the suffering of not trying or giving up.

As far as the suffering itself- just as urges are guaranteed to pass as they're dismissed (not reacted to, for or against), so too the degree and intensity of the pain or suffering signaled from our lower brain are guaranteed to lessen on being habitually and consistently dismissed.

In other words, this shite will get easier and easier as you consistently dismiss the urges. Monitor any and all behavior that leads to your particular rituals, learn your habits, hack into them, switch things up. Also keep an eye on your emotions- particularly the negative ones that don't serve you well. You'll start noticing, "Ah, whenever I start feeling that certain way, thinking those certain thoughts, that I soon start my ritual toward PMO...", then you can think of ways to outsmart your lower brain.

You got this, brother!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day fuckin zero

 

[King Leer]

Day 10

I need to up my game. At the beginning of this year I thought I was going to have a 3 months long streak by March and almost half of year is gone and I'm still deep. Fortunately, I haven't come here following a binge, that happened 10 days ago but I don't want to go back to the misery. Like this, another year will be gone with me not being able to overcome this thing. This addiction is the chains that hold me back. I need to be driven. I could never be my best version with what this thing is doing to my mind. I need to get my mind back first.

I am in the same spot. In Jan I was so determined to quit and I went 24 days. Then broke then each time it seemed like my streaks were shorter til I just stopped trying. Finally now I am ready to give it another go but yeah gotta up my game somehow. Maybe try a little more self talk reason things out

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I am in the same spot. In Jan I was so determined to quit and I went 24 days. Then broke then each time it seemed like my streaks were shorter til I just stopped trying. Finally now I am ready to give it another go but yeah gotta up my game somehow. Maybe try a little more self talk reason things out

I feel you.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Still struggling. I will stop counting days for a while until I can get back the momentum because it's been wild. I'm trapped.

Yesterday I got a little drunk and I had a long discussion with my parents revealing secrets to them. I'm not happy about not being able to stay sober but the only good thing in all this is that it was my parents, if it was someone else... I don't like drinking. I become violent, I talk too much, I say stupid things and I reveal too much about myself. I fuckin hate all this shit. I almost revealed to my mom that I am a porn addict but I guess she figured out something, I don't know how much. I've never talked to my parents about my porn addiction, it freaks me out to do it but I wish I could do it, I'm tired of keeping it a secret. This forum actually helps in being able to talk about it because without Reboot Nation I would feel all alone in this and that would make me even more depressed and angry.

Again, the discussion with my mom shifted towards the fact that I'm 30 (will be 31 next Sunday) and I'm not married and I'm my parents' only kid. I don't like this at all. My mom said that I should not stress myself out with this and if it happens, it happens but it's not that simple, I hate to disappoint my parents and I hate to bury my family line. Okay, nobody says it will actually happen but... shit, man, with all this porn addiction, high social anxiety... It's understandable why I'm worried.

 

[King Leer]

It sounds like you are worried about your parents status and how they look or feel. You mentioned your mom said not to worry so much about that do you think she is right?

 

[EarthWalker]

Hi Escape. Out relationship with our bio parents. This is a big one. It can be a mine field. I understand where you are coming form.

When my father died of cancer. I was like. Good riddance. Wow, such heavy stuff. This weekend I processed some more emotions stuck from my relationship with my bio father.

I noticed as I work on myself via self-psychology work and other work. I am finding my relationship with my bio mother to be improving automatically. The phone and other exchanges I have with her are now much better than before. Just from me working on myself and changing myself.

Expectations can place a heavy burden on us. Both the ones we place on ourselves and the ones we choose to accept from others like our parents.

Looking back I see how I placed much burden on myself for wanting to perform well on the reboot i.e. reach N number of days.

Send some forgiveness to yourself. Say to yourself I forgive myself for having to experience this. I forgive myself for not being married. I forgive myself for not having already dealt with alchomolism. I forgive myself for _______.

We are in for a long haul. I made my first post in 2014 on YBR. Wow. 7 years later I can say I made some substantial progress. And this with seeing someone 1x per week for 1 year now and self-studying psychology.

You will figure it out. I believe you can do it.

Much love
EW

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

It sounds like you are worried about your parents status and how they look or feel. You mentioned your mom said not to worry so much about that do you think she is right?

I don't know if she's right, but I know that I have this fear of disappointing my parents. Parents want to see their children have kids themselves. My biggest fear is not making this happen. It's like: "For generations, everybody had kids only you didn't." So I have a lot of emotions about this thing.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Hi Escape. Out relationship with our bio parents. This is a big one. It can be a mine field. I understand where you are coming form.

When my father died of cancer. I was like. Good riddance. Wow, such heavy stuff. This weekend I processed some more emotions stuck from my relationship with my bio father.

I noticed as I work on myself via self-psychology work and other work. I am finding my relationship with my bio mother to be improving automatically. The phone and other exchanges I have with her are now much better than before. Just from me working on myself and changing myself.

Expectations can place a heavy burden on us. Both the ones we place on ourselves and the ones we choose to accept from others like our parents.

Looking back I see how I placed much burden on myself for wanting to perform well on the reboot i.e. reach N number of days.

Send some forgiveness to yourself. Say to yourself I forgive myself for having to experience this. I forgive myself for not being married. I forgive myself for not having already dealt with alchomolism. I forgive myself for _______.

We are in for a long haul. I made my first post in 2014 on YBR. Wow. 7 years later I can say I made some substantial progress. And this with seeing someone 1x per week for 1 year now and self-studying psychology.

You will figure it out. I believe you can do it.

Much love
EW

I feel you, man. I can honestly say I understand what expectations can do to someone. Like I've said already, I have this big pressure on me as the only kid to continue the family. And I will be 31 soon and I am addicted to porn and I have this crippling social anxiety. As a guy it's very difficult to find girls with crippling social anxiety. I swear, I am almost certain my social anxiety is because of porn, after analyzing the evolution of my porn addiction I can swear this is the case. I've been thinking for years: "I need to quit porn and my social anxiety, even if it won't go away completely, at least it will not be crippling." But I can't fuckin quit porn. It drives me crazy.

 

[EarthWalker]

I feel you too brother. I got rejected soo many times with women. Now I don't even try. But one step at the time. As I am finding healthier ways of coping and working on myself. My luck has to change. It is psychological physics. The same I am seeing with my relationship with my mother. By just working on myself my relationship improved automatically without me trying to change or influence my mother. I am sure sooner or later I will attract the "right" woman in my life. Not totally sure how this will happen. But I believe it will. I am hopeful for the future.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I feel you too brother. I got rejected soo many times with women. Now I don't even try. But one step at the time. As I am finding healthier ways of coping and working on myself. My luck has to change. It is psychological physics. The same I am seeing with my relationship with my mother. By just working on myself my relationship improved automatically without me trying to change or influence my mother. I am sure sooner or later I will attract the "right" woman in my life. Not totally sure how this will happen. But I believe it will. I am hopeful for the future.

I don't know, man, yes I want to believe in the "right woman" but... I don't know. Also, the relationship between me and my mother is complicated. I mean, not complicated as in we don't speak but... I don't know how to say. Because I'm her son, I've inherited some things from her that I hate and she has those things and there is a big urge for me to get fed up with her sometimes, if this makes sense, I don't know.

 

[SkazkiDreamin82]

@Escapeandnevercomeback well done so far. I commend you for putting drinking on hiatus, too. I know that for me, even a little drinking makes me all the more prone to fapping. That unfortunate "lowered inhibitions" effect being what it is. Speaking for myself, the only way I can abstain from the smut is if I stay away from booze as well. The two habits really feed each other. So starve them both, all at once.

 

[EarthWalker]

if this makes sense, I don't know.

Makes perfect sense to me. Our parents project a lot of their stuff onto us. Stuff that belongs to them not us. I find it helpful when Jordan Peterson said that after age 25 we should view our parents as we would view our friends. I've also changed my perspective about my mother. She has her own life, her own needs and values that are her - not mine. If she wanted to have 2 daughters. This is her thing not mine. If I want to have kids or not is my sovereign decision as I am a free individual. But this is just me. Anyway.

You will figure it out. Step by step. Just know what you are saying makes perfect sense to me. I've been in a similar boat.

Onwards and upwards.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Makes perfect sense to me. Our parents project a lot of their stuff onto us. Stuff that belongs to them not us. I find it helpful when Jordan Peterson said that after age 25 we should view our parents as we would view our friends. I've also changed my perspective about my mother. She has her own life, her own needs and values that are her - not mine. If she wanted to have 2 daughters. This is her thing not mine. If I want to have kids or not is my sovereign decision as I am a free individual. But this is just me. Anyway.

You will figure it out. Step by step. Just know what you are saying makes perfect sense to me. I've been in a similar boat.

Onwards and upwards.

Thanks.

 

[King Leer]

I don't know if she's right, but I know that I have this fear of disappointing my parents. Parents want to see their children have kids themselves. My biggest fear is not making this happen. It's like: "For generations, everybody had kids only you didn't." So I have a lot of emotions about this thing.

It seems like your mom just wants you to focus on your happiness. Maybe part of her happiness could just be seeing you happier.

 

[Phineas 808]

Toward the idea of attracting the 'right woman', I don't understand how this works, but women seem to be drawn to a man in control of himself, meaning that he doesn't waste his semen, and doesn't look at P.

Just like women put out pheremone, it seems that our ability to control ourselves, especially in their presence, attracts them like crazy. So there's hope in that...

I know when I'm in a habit of acting out, it's like I'm invisible to women (and I shouldn't care because I'm married, but it still affects me, lol...). But when I'm abstaining for a while and in control of myself, I get a lot more attention from the opposite sex.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Toward the idea of attracting the 'right woman', I don't understand how this works, but women seem to be drawn to a man in control of himself, meaning that he doesn't waste his semen, and doesn't look at P.

Just like women put out pheremone, it seems that our ability to control ourselves, especially in their presence, attracts them like crazy. So there's hope in that...

I know when I'm in a habit of acting out, it's like I'm invisible to women (and I shouldn't care because I'm married, but it still affects me, lol...). But when I'm abstaining for a while and in control of myself, I get a lot more attention from the opposite sex.

Yes, I definitely agree with this.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

It seems like your mom just wants you to focus on your happiness. Maybe part of her happiness could just be seeing you happier.

Maybe, I don't know.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

@Escapeandnevercomeback well done so far. I commend you for putting drinking on hiatus, too. I know that for me, even a little drinking makes me all the more prone to fapping. That unfortunate "lowered inhibitions" effect being what it is. Speaking for myself, the only way I can abstain from the smut is if I stay away from booze as well. The two habits really feed each other. So starve them both, all at once.

Thanks.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Day 1

I'm trying to get the momentum again. The process has been abysmal lately.