It sounds like you need to make some changes. What can you do differently to prevent these steps backward?
I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.
- Thread starter jonazo91
- Start date
jonazo91
Active Member
I don't know. Be a different person? Set some goals, stick to them, get back on them quickly if I lapse on them, build routines and be disciplined about them, introduce positive actions in my life to replace the pleasure-seeking activities, dedicate myself to my relationships, my goals, and my self betterment, meditate, exercise, be strong, be tough on myself but also forgive myself, practice mindfulness, learn to accept that urges will come and how not to respond to them but simply let them pass, namaste, be one with the universe, accept that I have a problem and that I need help from people who care about me, accept that I have a problem and that I need help from God or a higher power, accept that I'm powerless against my addiction and can't fight it alone, work on myself, accept that relapses are part of the process but also are unacceptable, don't become obsessive about trying to quit, don't become complacent about trying to quit, do push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, stand-ups, watch some stand-up comedy, listen to some music, take a walk take a hike, tell a joke ride a bike?
I relapsed again.
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 4
Current streak: 0 days
I relapsed again.
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 4
Current streak: 0 days
Right. And I hope you don't think anyone is implying that the right formula of words will avail. You're the only one who can succeed, because you have the free will (impaired though it may be at present).
But "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
But "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
jonazo91
Active Member
Man I relapsed again. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised but I really did kind of think I was past the worst of this particular rut. I obviously don't know what to say and am not going to try to say anything. Just documenting for consistency's sake.
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 5
Current streak: 0 days
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 5
Current streak: 0 days
There oaften seems to be a temporary neuochemical "hangover" after a relapse, which makes it very hard to get back on track. It feels like you should wait until you feel like taking those constructive actions that will actually help you stay on track. But, of course, if you wait until then....
jonazo91
Active Member
Again relapse. Whatever I've been up to this week is the opposite of what I need to be doing. My only idea right now is to stay busy and active at all costs. I'm heading into a week vacation on the east coast with family and friends so hopefully that will keep me occupied. Idleness is killing me right now.
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 6
Current streak: 0 days
PMO last week: 1
PMO this week: 6
Current streak: 0 days
jonazo91
Active Member
Hi all, I was on a very busy and activity-packed vacation this past week, capped off by an impromptu road trip yesterday due to canceled flight plans. I've been too busy, and in too close quarters to really have time or space to look at P. Consequently, I have a 9 day streak going right now. It almost feels by accident, since it was under such circumstances, but I will take the good from it. Now, I'm back to the work grind, back to my routine. I already have noticed some slight urges here and there. Also, I'm on low sleep today. So, I'm on alert today, because it's back on me (rather than just my situation) to keep myself honest and clean from P. I'm kind of too tired to write much more for now.
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 0
Current streak: 9 days
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 0
Current streak: 9 days
jonazo91
Active Member
I slipped up. I've been a home a few days, and I needed to get right back on the routines I had started setting up for myself, specifically meditation and exercise, but I got lax on them instead and started falling back into old habits. And then last night I looked at porn again.
So okay. A big problem lately has been me thinking I was out of the woods and letting myself off the hook only to relapse again and again in a short period of time. I want to get right back on the horse but it's not going to happen magically. No more excuses, I have to hold myself to a standard, to meditate every day and exercise at least 5 times a week. Maybe I need to get another gym membership (I haven't had one since the pandemic, only doing home exercises instead). Today, I meditate, I exercise, and I watch my behavior and keep it in line.
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 1
Current streak: 0 days
So okay. A big problem lately has been me thinking I was out of the woods and letting myself off the hook only to relapse again and again in a short period of time. I want to get right back on the horse but it's not going to happen magically. No more excuses, I have to hold myself to a standard, to meditate every day and exercise at least 5 times a week. Maybe I need to get another gym membership (I haven't had one since the pandemic, only doing home exercises instead). Today, I meditate, I exercise, and I watch my behavior and keep it in line.
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 1
Current streak: 0 days
It’s good that you know what you need to do. Now you just have to do it!
jonazo91
Active Member
Well, I did meditate. But then, I let myself sink into idleness again and once again relapsed. Sometimes I don't know what comes over me. But that can't be true, it's all me. How can one person want the opposite things (to quit porn and to keep watching porn over and over) at the same time? What is the real me? I must really not want to quit. Or, I want to have already quit, but I don't want to put in the effort to actually quit. Meaning, I don't want to quit, I just want to be able to say I've quit. The stakes aren't high enough.
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 0 days
PMO last week: 0
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 0 days
jonazo91
Active Member
Oh I agree. And I think my problem is plenty bad enough already. But how can I say "I want to quit" and then do the same thing again? If I truly want to do something that I have the power to do, I'll do it. So it feels like a lie to say I want to quit. I don't want to wait till I lose something to this. I've already lost plenty. But how do I get to the point where I want to quit?
jonazo91
Active Member
So today I nearly or partially relapsed again. I peeked at porn for a while, and then switched to reading some erotic stories (which is still fully red light unacceptable behavior for me). I kept my hand off my dick though, for whatever that's worth. Otherwise it was a rather unproductive day. Right now I'm going to try and get to bed earlier than I have been lately so I can give myself a fighting chance to catch up on sleep. The way we make our own choices at every single moment is crazy to me sometimes. I just don't understand who's in the drivers seat and what the hell I'm thinking half the time.
PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 0 days
Hey, I actually talked to a friend of mine who's also trying to quit now and we have a bit of a friendly bet going on. I'll take all the good influences I can get. But it's just gotta be me at the end of the day.
PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 0 days
Actually, a daily check in with your friend might be of more assistance than solely a bet.
jonazo91
Active Member
I guess I'm just trying to take it slow and casual at first. The bet is we owe each other money if we PMO. So far he's ahead. I want us to be able to help each other but putting faith in a friend for everything that comes with this kind of commitment is a little scary to put on someone all at once. I don't know if that makes sense.
PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 1 day
jonazo91
Active Member
What can I say? Another relapse. I need to snap out of it. It's only 95 days till my wedding. The time to put a hard stop to this is now, if I want to have a solid 3 months clean. I wish I'd stopped longer ago. But now is the earliest that I can. And now is the time.
PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 3
Current streak: 0 days
PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 3
Current streak: 0 days