I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

[Blondie]

Sorry to hear this @jonazo91.

I think at this point, you're going to need to do something drastically different than what you've been doing before. I don't mean to be harsh, just saying how I see it. What have you not done so far that you thought was "too" much and there was no reason to do it? Whatever that was, it's probably time to do it. Maybe it's therapy? Or getting rid of your phone or computer for a while? Drastic measures indeed but worth it in the end if it saves you from this crap. Just things to think about. That is a big day coming up and you really want to get there with some distance between this stuff and your wedding day, especially if that's important to you. Think of how you'll feel walking down the aisle knowing you've just relapsed recently. Or imagine how it would feel walking down the aisle knowing it's been a long time and you've really got some progress in this matter? I often imagine myself and how I would feel fucking up right now, and it's a real bad feeling indeed and it keeps me on the straight and narrow. These are methods I use when I feel that itch to "have some fun" etc.

It takes balls to keep coming back on here and telling us your slips up and relapses, I commend you. Use those same bad ass balls and get yourself out of this mess. At the end of the day, it's only you who can do this, the rest of us are just rooting you on.

You got this man.

Best

 

[jonazo91]

I've been trying to think of the right "something drastic" to do about this. One that comes to mind is that covenant eyes app that actually monitors your screen and blocks porn, and sends screenshots to someone you know. Certainly drastic. I still have some hesitations. But I need something. Maybe I should commit myself to a regular periodic check in with my fiancee to report on my progress.

Most of these past few nights (including just now before I came here), I've been peeking at various explicit content online without touching myself. It's still bad, I'm not making excuses. The idea of 90 days clean has been daunting and I've been breaking it in all but the most technical terms, but something has stopped me from going all the way. It's not good enough. It would be better probably to MO with no P every once in a while than to continually look at P night after night with no MO. So I have to cut it out. Besides, I know these halfway situations always lead to full relapse with me.

Last week I started taking cold showers, working out a little more consistently, and setting a little more consistent of a bedtime. This week, I'm already a little off my game, but I'm recovering from a long and exhausting day yesterday so I can give myself today as long as I'm back on my exercise tomorrow.

I don't even know what to set my counter at right now. I've been trolling around for porn (and finding it) on my phone for the last few nights, but no MO (and one O from actual sex). I guess I'm happy I've stopped myself from going any further, but the leading a double life, the peeking at shit I shouldn't be, that's all still continuing. And I've been avoiding going on here the past few days because I really wanted a cleaner, more clear cut success story to tell next time I was on here.

 

[Androg]

I've been trying to think of the right "something drastic" to do about this. One that comes to mind is that covenant eyes app that actually monitors your screen and blocks porn, and sends screenshots to someone you know. Certainly drastic. I still have some hesitations. But I need something. Maybe I should commit myself to a regular periodic check in with my fiancee to report on my progress.

Most of these past few nights (including just now before I came here), I've been peeking at various explicit content online without touching myself. It's still bad, I'm not making excuses. The idea of 90 days clean has been daunting and I've been breaking it in all but the most technical terms, but something has stopped me from going all the way. It's not good enough. It would be better probably to MO with no P every once in a while than to continually look at P night after night with no MO. So I have to cut it out. Besides, I know these halfway situations always lead to full relapse with me.

Last week I started taking cold showers, working out a little more consistently, and setting a little more consistent of a bedtime. This week, I'm already a little off my game, but I'm recovering from a long and exhausting day yesterday so I can give myself today as long as I'm back on my exercise tomorrow.

I don't even know what to set my counter at right now. I've been trolling around for porn (and finding it) on my phone for the last few nights, but no MO (and one O from actual sex). I guess I'm happy I've stopped myself from going any further, but the leading a double life, the peeking at shit I shouldn't be, that's all still continuing. And I've been avoiding going on here the past few days because I really wanted a cleaner, more clear cut success story to tell next time I was on here.

The fact is, peeking, edging, “kind of using,” all make cravings worse. Once you realize that, you will find it easier to avoid them.

Usually it’s better to find a fellow sufferer than a mate as an accountability partner. That said you must choose someone you personally know. Not just some random anonymous person on the Internet.

 

[Blondie]

And I've been avoiding going on here the past few days because I really wanted a cleaner, more clear cut success story to tell next time I was on here.

Hey @jonazo91, there's no reason to feel this way, the whole reason we're all here is to keep it real and have a place to open up about our struggles. I wouldn't worry about a "success story" because we're all on different paths and parts of this journey, so comparing yourself to anyone else's "success story" does you no good. A few days ago I opened up about all kinds of shit that I'm not proud about, and I definitely didn't feel very "successful" doing so, but that's the whole point, we have to get past our egos and do what's best for us and our recovery. I know, it's easier said than done, but it is true.

Nice job on not PMOing, that's a start. In general @Androg is absolutely right, finding someone else is probably the best for everyone here. However, personally, my Lady is my accountability partner, and she's helped me out tremendously over the years by doing so. This has many benefits if it can work between you two, because for one, you see her everyday, which is helpful because you're going to really need that daily support, and two, since she's the one you want to be honest with and obviously not hurt, well it's makes the stakes even higher to stay clean for yourself and her. However, this takes a real commitment and honesty from both of you, especially from YOU, and there has to be no bullshit in the communication, just straight up truth, and it has to be daily. Also, and this is very important, she's has to know the full extent of your habit, with it all being out in the open for her to see, not just half-truths. Of course, there's a big difference between telling the truth and telling all details, however, the basics have to be known and fully acknowledged. Furthermore, one reason why this works for me compared to others here is that my Lady never felt that my porn habit was an act of cheating or betrayal, which is a gigantic factor for our success in her being my accountability partner. For many here (most here?) this is simply NOT the case, which makes their SOs being their accountability partners a lot harder to manage, which is understandable. Also, with her deep understanding after much research that this is an addiction and it has nothing to do with her is also another big reason why this is working for us.


Nevertheless, if you have this with your fiancé then maybe it could be a good thing for the both of you and your future success, however, if you don't have this and think this would cause more problems than benefits (which is totally okay) then it's probably best to go seek out another accountability partner. Either way, having accountability is a huge factor in my success so far, and I think it's imperative for everyone to have someone out there who won't let you off the hook.

You got this man.

Best

 

[jonazo91]

The fact is, peeking, edging, “kind of using,” all make cravings worse. Once you realize that, you will find it easier to avoid them.

Usually it’s better to find a fellow sufferer than a mate as an accountability partner. That said you must choose someone you personally know. Not just some random anonymous person on the Internet.

Thanks for this advice. Some other have offered that my fiancee would be the best choice due to the stakes involved, i.e. That it would be mortifying for me to be exposed in the act to her and so it would be a good deterrent. But it's also asking a lot from her. I have a friend that I mentioned who's also trying to quit, but our interactions so far make me worry he would be too much in the other direction, like "bro talk" that would lessen the seriousness of it in my head. But maybe it would be the best option. I don't know.

Hey @jonazo91, there's no reason to feel this way, the whole reason we're all here is to keep it real and have a place to open up about our struggles. I wouldn't worry about a "success story" because we're all on different paths and parts of this journey, so comparing yourself to anyone else's "success story" does you no good. A few days ago I opened up about all kinds of shit that I'm not proud about, and I definitely didn't feel very "successful" doing so, but that's the whole point, we have to get past our egos and do what's best for us and our recovery. I know, it's easier said than done, but it is true.

Nice job on not PMOing, that's a start. In general @Androg is absolutely right, finding someone else is probably the best for everyone here. However, personally, my Lady is my accountability partner, and she's helped me out tremendously over the years by doing so. This has many benefits if it can work between you two, because for one, you see her everyday, which is helpful because you're going to really need that daily support, and two, since she's the one you want to be honest with and obviously not hurt, well it's makes the stakes even higher to stay clean for yourself and her. However, this takes a real commitment and honesty from both of you, especially from YOU, and there has to be no bullshit in the communication, just straight up truth, and it has to be daily. Also, and this is very important, she's has to know the full extent of your habit, with it all being out in the open for her to see, not just half-truths. Of course, there's a big difference between telling the truth and telling all details, however, the basics have to be known and fully acknowledged. Furthermore, one reason why this works for me compared to others here is that my Lady never felt that my porn habit was an act of cheating or betrayal, which is a gigantic factor for our success in her being my accountability partner. For many here (most here?) this is simply NOT the case, which makes their SOs being their accountability partners a lot harder to manage, which is understandable. Also, with her deep understanding after much research that this is an addiction and it has nothing to do with her is also another big reason why this is working for us.


Nevertheless, if you have this with your fiancé then maybe it could be a good thing for the both of you and your future success, however, if you don't have this and think this would cause more problems than benefits (which is totally okay) then it's probably best to go seek out another accountability partner. Either way, having accountability is a huge factor in my success so far, and I think it's imperative for everyone to have someone out there who won't let you off the hook.

You got this man.

Best

In my heart I know you're right. I've already opened up to her about it here and there and she's been nothing but understanding. If there's any hurdle, it's that she doesn't see it as harmful as I do, but again, that's partially due to "half truths" on my part, as you said. I may not have even told you guys before that I've fallen into a semi regular habit of viewing porn at work. I think I'm stealthy enough about it, but still. It's something I was embarrassed to tell even this forum until now, so clearly it's pretty shameful behavior. I feel disgusted with myself when I think of it. That's the kind of thing I find hard admitting to her. She thinks I'm a stand up guy, and okay fine, I'm not saying I'm not at all that guy, but I shudder to think of making her think of me differently. As the kind of guy who looks at porn at work. So I don't know. I think she will support me at the end of the day, but it takes balls to admit this stuff.

I relapsed today, twice. At work, I might add. I feel like my mind has been in hell. Not tortured against my will, but wallowing in filth willingly. And that's essentially the truth of it. In some ways I may consider myself a "high functioning addict," but really that's an even scarier thought than someone who is rock bottom and has every reason to quit. I can go on like this, slipping away from my life and my relationships and choosing to wallow in filth instead, for years, decades maybe. It's depressing when I stare it right in the face. It makes me want to hate myself and I have to remind myself that such thinking will only lead to more self destruction. I have a lot going for me. And that's good in a way, because it's all there waiting for me to engage with it fully and with an open heart, but I keep walking away from it and choosing self destruction, self-decay. I say everything on here and then go repeat the same behavior.

I guess I need to talk to her and ask if she's willing to be my accountability partner. I'm terrified of that. But the state of mind that porn puts me in is what's really terrifying. I want to look myself in the mirror and like who I see. I feel ashamed that I can't do this all on my own, or even with all the online support groups in the world.

PMO this week: 2
Streak: 0 days

 

[Androg]

Many guys lose their jobs this way. Please take care.

 

[downhillfromhere]

It’s not unusual to think hateful things about yourself in a situation like this, but like you say - it’s going to make it more difficult, maybe even impossible to move on without having some compassion instead. I really believe that it’s a huge factor in being able to change.

That part of you that is in control when you do things that aren’t aligned with what you really want and desire out of life - you can look at it as if you’re talking to another person, a friend who did something unfortunate (like looking at porn at work) and is looking for support and understanding.

After a relapse happens, try to imagine sitting down with the part of yourself that was in control at the time. Ask some questions about what was going through your head at the time, and why things happened the way they did. Don’t reprimand yourself, but try to understand instead. Maybe even try see the humour in it as well, the absurdity of the situation.

Looking at porn at work, I’ve been there unfortunately. Many times over the course of years, trying to hide my addiction/reliance on porn from a former partner who I lived with. The reason I did it at work was that it felt safer than at home somehow, that it was easier to get away with. But looking back now I realise how awful it was, sneaking around in the hallways and spending too much time in the bathroom. I really felt I lost all dignity, and I was hard on myself. And I kept going and going.

I don’t know how you feel about it, but I imagine it’s not a good feeling at least. But hey, there is always a way out, and I think discussing it with your partner might be a good idea - is it possible this is happening at work because it might be practically the easier to get away with?

 

[jonazo91]

Another relapse tonight. It came after a weekend of spending time with my fiancee that was sometimes stressful but over all very good. I was left alone a few times and had prime opportunities, where I peeked briefly but held myself off. But now tonight, after she fell asleep, I convinced myself I'd earned this one, that I deserved this. It's clear to be now that was just a lie I was telling myself in order to get what I want, but I'm trying not to judge it too hard. There will always be an excuse. None of them are valid. I need to adopt the attitude of "Porn is not an option" because I will always be able to come up with an exception unless there are no exceptions. It feels weird not to judge myself over it. I keep coming up short. But I have to have patience. I don't need to beat myself up, I just need to change. To commit myself to a new course of action and to stick to it. I'm scared of change, I know that. I need to ask my fiancee for help.

I don't think I'm doing the covenant eyes thing. It kind of bricked my phone's whole internet connectivity. It's expensive. And it's a big ask of my fiancee to have her look through screenshots of my phone. But that means I need to figure something else out. I'm thinking I need to commit to semi regular check ins with her about my porn use, with full honesty about when, where and why I did it. But God that's scary. But also I don't see myself getting out of this without honesty.

PMO this week: 1
Current streak: 0 days

 

[Phineas 808]

And it's a big ask of my fiancee to have her look through screenshots of my phone. But that means I need to figure something else out. I'm thinking I need to commit to semi regular check ins with her about my porn use, with full honesty about when, where and why I did it. But God that's scary. But also I don't see myself getting out of this without honesty.

Others may disagree with me here, but I think it will resonate nonetheless:

It's a big ask of any (or most) females, no matter how you slice it. Most women don't understand our struggles as men- though they certainly have their own, and increasing numbers of women have their own battles with porn, for whatever reasons. But our struggles as men come from a totally different place, and most women are left taking the fight way too personal, though it's not typically about them...

My take is that we got ourselves into this, we have to get ourselves out. We can help each other, lean on each other, if we need support. I would say that men should help men. Women aren't equipped to handle our struggles, and it crushes them. This isn't said because they're 'inferior' to men, but because we're equal, male and female, just equipped differently to handle different things. I, for example, couldn't handle childbirth, no, that's a special gift only women can handle.

I would say, don't overburden your girlfriend, don't endanger your relationship while you figure this out. Find 'brothers in arms' to fight along side of (like here or some trusted male friend).

 

[Androg]

I think this advice is sound for many relationships. Here are some support groups if you need more support:
http://spaa-recovery.org/

www.pornaddictsanonymous.org

 

[strongfuture89]

I also think you´re making it difficult on yourself with the peeking. It´s a way if trying to control a situation but at the same time keeping the problem alive. I think you´re at the best position now, to also break the peeking habit and it will help you with stopping pmo. I would recommend the free Easypeasy book in your situation, I´m using it right now and it helps. (Thanks to Androg for this)
I´ve married two and a half months ago and I´ve been able to stop for almost two months but then had a small relapse but I´m picking up again. Try to get enough sleep, because you´ll be much more in control with your mind when well rested. Next, I´d advice you to give youself marriage-related tasks about the elements you like about the marriage party (finding the best DJ for example) and tell you fiancee that you´ll do that while she´s not around. In that way you will have something positive to show her when she gets back.

 

[Androg]

I'm glad you've found that approach helpful. For some guys it's very effective.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I also think you´re making it difficult on yourself with the peeking. It´s a way if trying to control a situation but at the same time keeping the problem alive. I think you´re at the best position now, to also break the peeking habit and it will help you with stopping pmo. I would recommend the free Easypeasy book in your situation, I´m using it right now and it helps. (Thanks to Androg for this)

Well, yes, I recommend the Easypeasy for what it does, but unfortunately it has never worked for me. I get the message that it conveys, and it's a good one, and it will probably (even if unconsciously) be a part of my recovery but I've read it a lot, like a madman, all day every day, and I still jerk off every 2 days, 5 times a day. Now, I don't mean it's trash, it definitely isn't for some people, I've seen some people basically porn free for 1 year just reading Easypeasy so good job, hell yeah man, but it has not been my "definitive" solution. I know one thing (and after watching a video with a doctor, it just clicked): I am in that category that the doctor talked about: He said a very strong reason why one would continue to use porn as a self-medication is a lack of direction, lack of goal, "I'm a complete failure, what's life about? What do I need to do in this fuckin life" etcetera type of thing, maybe I can't explain it the best but basically some of us are lost, we don't understand what we have to do, what's our life goal etc. And it's true, being completely lost in life can be a very strong reason to jerk off to porn, I mean that's what I do, this describes me to a T. So I don't know if my type (completely losers in their early 30s) are the type of people that Easypeasy doesn't work on, or maybe it's just me, I don't know, I just wanted to point this out.

 

[Androg]

Well, yes, I recommend the Easypeasy for what it does, but unfortunately it has never worked for me. I get the message that it conveys, and it's a good one, and it will probably (even if unconsciously) be a part of my recovery but I've read it a lot, like a madman, all day every day, and I still jerk off every 2 days, 5 times a day. Now, I don't mean it's trash, it definitely isn't for some people, I've seen some people basically porn free for 1 year just reading Easypeasy so good job, hell yeah man, but it has not been my "definitive" solution. I know one thing (and after watching a video with a doctor, it just clicked): I am in that category that the doctor talked about: He said a very strong reason why one would continue to use porn as a self-medication is a lack of direction, lack of goal, "I'm a complete failure, what's life about? What do I need to do in this fuckin life" etcetera type of thing, maybe I can't explain it the best but basically some of us are lost, we don't understand what we have to do, what's our life goal etc. And it's true, being completely lost in life can be a very strong reason to jerk off to porn, I mean that's what I do, this describes me to a T. So I don't know if my type (completely losers in their early 30s) are the type of people that Easypeasy doesn't work on, or maybe it's just me, I don't know, I just wanted to point this out.

Thank you for your feedback. I have long believed there is no one magic bullet that works for everyone.

People need to keep trying different things until they find what works for them. And, the truth is, that they may need to use one technique at one point in their recovery and switch to another technique at a different phase of their recovery. Personal growth can be messy. So can healing.

Do you believe it’s possible for you to discover your life purpose?

 

[jonazo91]

Others may disagree with me here, but I think it will resonate nonetheless:

It's a big ask of any (or most) females, no matter how you slice it. Most women don't understand our struggles as men- though they certainly have their own, and increasing numbers of women have their own battles with porn, for whatever reasons. But our struggles as men come from a totally different place, and most women are left taking the fight way too personal, though it's not typically about them...

My take is that we got ourselves into this, we have to get ourselves out. We can help each other, lean on each other, if we need support. I would say that men should help men. Women aren't equipped to handle our struggles, and it crushes them. This isn't said because they're 'inferior' to men, but because we're equal, male and female, just equipped differently to handle different things. I, for example, couldn't handle childbirth, no, that's a special gift only women can handle.

I would say, don't overburden your girlfriend, don't endanger your relationship while you figure this out. Find 'brothers in arms' to fight along side of (like here or some trusted male friend).

I do understand this approach but I feel that it's had limited success with me so far. I have a fair amount of males whom I've opened up to in some way at this point. Most of them are online, so there is that level of distance that limits how much I can count on them, but I also now have a real life male friend who I've been talking about quitting porn with. No doubt these are good things, but a big part of why I want to quit is because I want to be more honest and open with my fiancee and put our relationship in the best position. Or another way to look at it is, a big thing that I think keeps drawing me back is the shame I feel from "betraying" my fiancee, and the loop of hiding my actions from her-->feeling shame for it-->acting out again to numb that shame. I do think you're right that I have to be reasonable in how I approach her with it. I don't want to sit down and show her the last 5 things I've MO'd to, obviously. In the clear light of day, porn is really pretty shocking and upsetting to look at. I'm not trying to traumatize her.

Right now I'm looking into another type of app (LeadMeNot) that would ping her if I tried to go on certain sites. It has ups and downs, because it doesn't actively block known adult sites, it relies on a self-provided list of sites, so I've been having to think of every site I might possibly try to access in one of my urge/binge states, which is obviously not the healthiest thing to actively inventory in your mind. And we all know there's really more than I could ever list. On the other hand, it's less invasive and it's free, so it could be a good balance between the apps that are more just like a personal productivity app with no accountability mechanism, and covenant eyes which is borderline creepy and also throttled my internet connectivity as a whole.

In any case, I haven't said anything new to her yet. I was just recently on vacation with some friends for about 5 days, and 3 of the 5 nights, I looked at porn. The last time, I stopped midway before finishing and just went to sleep, which is better I guess, but I still have to count it. I'm spinning my wheels still, which tells me I have to try something new.


PMO last week: at least 2, maybe 3
PMO this week: 0
Streak: 2 days

 

[Blondie]

Or another way to look at it is, a big thing that I think keeps drawing me back is the shame I feel from "betraying" my fiancee, and the loop of hiding my actions from her-->feeling shame for it-->acting out again to numb that shame.

This!

I can see what @Phineas 808 is saying, but as for me, when I started to look at web cams for a few sessions and when I kept it from her for a year, I started to screw up more BECASUE I hadn't told her, and all the unnecessary shame that that brings to the table. We had always been a partnership of telling the truth, and when I stopped doing that, it just made it all the worse.

Everyone has to do what they think is best for themselves, but for myself, not telling her just made it all the worse.

Do what you think is best.

That app sounds promising.

 

[jonazo91]

I relapsed again yesterday. There's not much for me to say right now, this is going to keep happening until I do something new and different. I've been putting off having a conversation with my fiancee. I guess that's gotta stop now.

PMO this week: 1
Streak: 0 days

 

[Skittelz]

I relapsed again yesterday. There's not much for me to say right now, this is going to keep happening until I do something new and different. I've been putting off having a conversation with my fiancee. I guess that's gotta stop now.

PMO this week: 1
Streak: 0 days

I hate giving advice because sometimes it blows up in my face. So I'm not going to, I'll just tell you how talking to my wife about it went for me.

I had been trying to quit on my own, with about the same amount of success as you are having at the moment. So I approached her and told her I was a porn addict, and that it was taking a lot away from both of us, and that I didn't think I could escape this trap.

She knew I watched porn, by the way, so this might be different than your situation.

Her response was that she loved me and wanted what was best for me, and for me to be happy. She has been my teammate in this battle ever since.

Once I said it out loud to her, the porn actually lost some of its power over me. Then I told my father about it, and explained the neuroplasticity/PIED concepts to him, and it lost some more power. I've told two very close friends about it as well, and they agreed that their own porn consumption was causing problems in their own lives. And once again, porn lost some of its power.

Everyone I've talked about with was very cool about it, and not one single person condemned me or made me feel like a loser about it. They supported me in my battle, and it gave me the courage to start my first reboot.

Once again, your situation might be different. But this is how it went for me.

Best of luck to ya home boy

 

[jonazo91]

I hate giving advice because sometimes it blows up in my face. So I'm not going to, I'll just tell you how talking to my wife about it went for me.

I had been trying to quit on my own, with about the same amount of success as you are having at the moment. So I approached her and told her I was a porn addict, and that it was taking a lot away from both of us, and that I didn't think I could escape this trap.

She knew I watched porn, by the way, so this might be different than your situation.

Her response was that she loved me and wanted what was best for me, and for me to be happy. She has been my teammate in this battle ever since.

Once I said it out loud to her, the porn actually lost some of its power over me. Then I told my father about it, and explained the neuroplasticity/PIED concepts to him, and it lost some more power. I've told two very close friends about it as well, and they agreed that their own porn consumption was causing problems in their own lives. And once again, porn lost some of its power.

Everyone I've talked about with was very cool about it, and not one single person condemned me or made me feel like a loser about it. They supported me in my battle, and it gave me the courage to start my first reboot.

Once again, your situation might be different. But this is how it went for me.

Best of luck to ya home boy

Thanks, that is hugely inspiring. I've talked to my fiancee about it before but I guess maybe I sugarcoated it a little bit. She doesn't view porn as an evil, so she's a little confused why I'm so worried about it. But to be fair, I didn't use the word "addict." But I can feel in my heart that you're right. The secrecy of it is a big part of its power over me.

I have talked to a friend about it and we're kind of trying to quit together now. But right now I'm in a rut. I relapsed again today, at work once again. At a certain point, I just felt like there was no stopping myself. And then, I wanted to, and wanted to keep going.

I'm just so nervous to start the conversation. Once we're talking about it, I have full confidence she will be nothing but fully supportive. But it's such a scary thought to start the conversation. It's never the perfect moment. I just have to bring it up out of the blue. I should be excited. It could be my ticket out of this stupid cycle of hell. But I've never been good at just jumping into the deep end. I have to try though.

PMO this week: 2
Streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

I peeked on Sunday, but didn't follow through to MO. I'm counting it anyway because why hang onto a 3 day streak with an asterisk. Later Sunday, my fiancee and I tried sex but my thing wasn't up to the task. We worked around it, and it was mercifully a lot less embarrassing than it could've been. The real failure on my part is that it was a prefect opportunity to bring up my continuing struggles with porn but I passed it up because I was too scared. So I still have that ahead of me to do. I have to stop putting it off. The limp dick episode was a bit of a wake up call, enough that I haven't had the urge to jump back into porn again since then, but I know better than to think I can count on that for the long term. I need to turn myself around. The biggest hurdle I see right now is full honesty with my fiancee.

PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 1
Current streak: 2 days