Hey man, do you really think they are turned on by you and are happy to see you again, or that they rather want you to come back and spend more money and therefore are nice to you, bit think you are a looser irl? I think you are a bit arrogant against them when you say they are propably gross irl etc., but then you are the addict that gets into depts because you have no control over your life...
I think this should be part of your honest reflection and I don't say this to attack you, but because I think that's something you need to realize. It feels good when they tell you how big your dick is etc, I get it, but you have to stop to feel good about some girls telling you how great you are for your money.
PS: And I think you should ask yourself, why you need their admiration and are willing to spend so much money for it at all.