Road to freedom

[cookiemonster]

Day 56 clean. 8 weeks. 2 months!

Feeling pretty good this morning. That being said the urges have been up and I played with my dick for a couple of seconds while waking up and still half asleep. No big deal but my zero-tolerance policy actually makes things easier for me overall so I will keep it up.

The goal today is the same as always! We get another shot at winning every single day. Today the goal is to not look at porn, p-subs or engage in any activity or thoughts which I recognise keep the porn pathways alive. I will also not touch my dick unless peeing or in the shower.

Today is another day I get to "live into" a strong, inspiring man. A man with self-control, determination. A man an impressive woman would like to team up with! That means being social media, games on my phone and my phone in general. I will go on as many walks out of the house as I need today to make this happen. Need a break? No phone, go for a walk.

Fuck porn!

See you tonight or tomorrow so that I stay accountable. Lessgooo.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 57 clean.

I had the most intense sexual dreams of the entire reboot last night. But it wasn't a wet dream, woke up without morning wood and completely dry. I had a really hard time getting to sleep too and so had way less sleep than usual. Last night I was tossing and turning in bed for hours which is a huge trigger for PMO. We got through that just fine.

The goals for today are the same as usual. Rather than feeling low about the monotony of the daily struggle I choose to feel grateful that every day I get another shot at living into my best self. The goal is to not look at pornography, nor porn substitutes, nor engage in thoughts or behaviours which activate the porn neurological pathways. I will also not touch my dick except when peeing and in the shower.

I want to live today like a man that strong and beautiful women would be attracted to. When I want to reach for my phone for cheap dopamine I'll go lie down and shut my eyes for a few minutes or even take a nap if I'm feeling really tired.

The thinking has been done today with a clear mind, my weak and brain-fog later self can look to these commitments like a lighthouse on the hill.

Fuck porn!

I'll be back tomorrow morning or tonight for accountability.

Just got to get through today, don't need to think about anything else. Just today matters.

 

[cookiemonster]

I want to fuck!

 

[DmdsDmt]

I want to fuck!

Its the best time to channel that energy into your work man you got this!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 58 clean.

Today will be a good day. Gym session done and I'm going on campus for class which gives me energy and keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Sexual dreams again last night.

The goal for today is to not use or look at porn, p-subs or engage in any porn-pathway-activating activities. I will not touch my dick unless peeing or in the shower.

I am also going to war with social media and games on my phone. I am not going to consume any social media except for a very specific series of educational videos I have on mind which I watch on the bus. This goal can be relaxed after dinner but I still want to get to bed early.

Another day when I get the opportunity to live into my best self, increase my confidence by following through on my goals and live like a man that would be attractive to attractive women!

Fuck porn!

Time to defeat of all cheap dopamine merchants who seek to hijack our reward circuitry for their gain.

Lesssgooo!

See you tomorrow or tonight so that I stay accountable. Not going to get cocky here, only ever one slip up away from doing something I'll regret.

 

[cookiemonster]

Plan executed to perfection on all fronts. I can finish off today and make it legendary by now going to bed early, journaling and reading.

One of the girls I've been hanging out with wanted to catch up after class and when I arrived she had food and a hot beverage to offer me! Super impressed by this girl and I thanked her profusely.

So needless to say I think this girl is pretty interested in me hahaha. I enjoyed hanging out with her. I'm a little bit infected by this mindset where I want to date all women at once.

Anyway, not going to overintellectualize things tonight.

Time to attack the bed hahahah. By that I mean, carry out a wind-down routine with as much care as my daily work, I often write in my journal that I could have made the day better if I had just gone to sleep earlier the night before.

Time to make that happen!

Fuck porn.

I want to break free
...
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 59 clean.

Going to bring out the tried and tested play from the playbook today. The goal is not to look at porn, porn substitutes or do anything which I can feel keeps the porn pathways alive. I won't touch my dick except when peeing or in the shower. I'm committing to this right here right now. Later on in the day, no matter what mind-tricks get thrown at me, I can look to this commitment made with a sober mind.

Things are easier lately. Days when I'm busy and go onto campus are low risk. Having said that, let's not let our guard down. One slip up from me could bring this whole streak down. I relapsed at 10 weeks twice in the past!

This is the longest I've ever gone without masturbation and orgasm.

Gym session done this morning, I feel good about that.

Fuck porn and all of the industries out there that hijack our energy and attention! The general trend in my life is positive in beating these external forces and my addictions.

Let's fucking go!

See you tonight or tomorrow morning, got to be held accountable.

Don't fuck this up.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 60 clean.

Bit of a shit morning. Spent the morning on YouTube shorts avoiding my responsibilities. Yesterday and today I've been hit with quite a few triggers and this morning when I woke up I was playing with my dick which was borderline going on masturbation.

All of this coincides with a couple of university assignments coming due and staying up later than usual last night. A useful observation for the future.

So urges are up and I'm a bit horny. Nothing we haven't been through before. Bring it on!

I'm here this morning to reconnect with my goals and strengthen my resolve for the rest of the day.

Today I will not look at porn, not look at p-subs, and not engage in activities which I can feel activate the porn pathways. Today that means I'm not going to look at social media, especially YouTube. No exceptions. The stakes are too high today so we're going all out. I also won't touch my dick except for when peeing for the rest of the day.

Almost excited to have a bit of a challenge.

No fucking way are we going back to porn. I still haven't got enough distance between me and porn which means masturbation is out of the question too. It just leads me to PMO. It's game on. Today is a challenge and I need to show up as the best version of myself to take it on. I'm going to do just that.

Fuck porn!

I'll post here as many times as I need to get through today.

Just got to win today. One day at a time.

 

[ADFECTATIO]

Yeah gameday Cookie!

You got this! And try to avoid using your phone in the morning - it really destroys a lot of your focus. Maybe establish a rule to start using your phone after lunchtime... or s.th. that works for you.

If the urges come up, you can distract yourself with working on those assignments. Transmute your sexual energy in working on those papers and get them done.

Love to hear about your success, but no pressure, eh

 

[DmdsDmt]

Day 60 clean.

Bit of a shit morning. Spent the morning on YouTube shorts avoiding my responsibilities. Yesterday and today I've been hit with quite a few triggers and this morning when I woke up I was playing with my dick which was borderline going on masturbation.

All of this coincides with a couple of university assignments coming due and staying up later than usual last night. A useful observation for the future.

So urges are up and I'm a bit horny. Nothing we haven't been through before. Bring it on!

I'm here this morning to reconnect with my goals and strengthen my resolve for the rest of the day.

Today I will not look at porn, not look at p-subs, and not engage in activities which I can feel activate the porn pathways. Today that means I'm not going to look at social media, especially YouTube. No exceptions. The stakes are too high today so we're going all out. I also won't touch my dick except for when peeing for the rest of the day.

Almost excited to have a bit of a challenge.

No fucking way are we going back to porn. I still haven't got enough distance between me and porn which means masturbation is out of the question too. It just leads me to PMO. It's game on. Today is a challenge and I need to show up as the best version of myself to take it on. I'm going to do just that.

Fuck porn!

I'll post here as many times as I need to get through today.

Just got to win today. One day at a time.

Hey man i got this app called "One sec", which stops me from opening youtube/other apps. It doesnt stop the whole access to them, but every time i open one of these, it stops me for a second and asks me to take a deep breath and then it asks you again if you really want to open the bad app. It stopped me opening youtube twice this morning. Maybe it helps you too
And don't give up man!! You got this!! We got this!!

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 61 clean.

I'm going to apply my "just one day" philosophy today. I don't need to stay off my phone forever, I am just going to do an experiment today. Today I will live exactly as the best version of myself would live. Tired? Do some pushups and take a quick break, breathe deeply, and reset my intention for the activity I'm meant to be working on? Still tired? Take a longer break and go for a walk. Every moment in the day where I have a fork in the road, I'm going to choose the option which the best version of myself would take. Just for today. Let's see what happens. Just one day.

No porn, no p-subs, no porn-pathway-activating activities or thoughts. No touching the dick except when peeing. This is my commitment this morning.

Just one day.

How exciting! I've never done this before. Let's see what happens!

 

[Dungalef]

So great to read your progress! It seems like you've really hit your stride.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 62 clean.

I just realised that in yesterday's post I said "Day 70 clean" hahah, I've fixed it now. Good to know I'm not too hung up on numbers. Tomorrow will be 9 weeks clean.

I had very sexual dreams last night and woke up with a very small amount of precum in my pants. Still wondering when I'm going to have a wet dream. I've had no orgasm for almost 9 weeks.

Yesterday I did a good job of the experiment of living like my best self just for one day. I didn't do everything 100% as my best self, but I was pretty close. I barely used my phone and I had a very productive day. Never mind the productivity though, I had a sense of calm I haven't had in a long time and I was present. It felt like there was a glimpse of "me" who hasn't been there in a long time. It wasn't an out-of-body spiritual experience or anything, just a normal day, but there were definitely some very positive things I noticed.

Urges were up this morning waking up after the sexual dreams and today and tomorrow have the potential to be relapse days. I'm not saying this with a defeatist attitude. I'm just aware of my "cycle" of urges and being at home on the weekend tends to make things tough.

No problem. We're tougher. I have almost 9 weeks of momentum behind me which makes things easier to manage too.

We're not going back to porn ever. Whatever pleasure there was to be gained there is something I will never experience again. Goodbye.

Today I will not look at porn, p-subs and not engage in any thinking or actions which I can feel deep down keep the porn monster alive. I will not touch my dick unless peeing or in the shower. I'm starving out the porn pathways in my brain.

I will post here as many times as I need to today to make sure I don't do anything I will regret.

Now for something I can actually get excited about! Today doesn't have to be "just another day". I showed myself yesterday that I can make any random day special.

Today I want to be a free man. I will, for just one more day, live the day as my best self. Every time I get to make a decision about how I'm going to handle a situation, I'm going to choose to do what the best version of myself would do.

I'll be back tonight or tomorrow morning to make sure I stay accountable.

Going to do some pushups to pump myself up.

Let's fucking go!

 

[cookiemonster]

The Myth of Sisyphus and the monotony of trying live a good life is not so bad:

I'm essentially embarking on an experiment to try to make the better choice at every fork in the road:

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 63 clean. 9 weeks.

10 weeks is my PB. We're closing in fast.

I had a monster gym session this morning and I feel like I've depleted all of my energy for the day haha.

I just have to make it through today and then I get picked up in the momentum of going into uni each day for classes.

The goal for today is a porn free, p-sub free day. I won't touch my dick unless peeing or in the shower. That is my commitment this morning with a sober mind and I can think back to it in times of need. Things feel a little tough at the moment. I don't have to beat this addiction forever, only for today. I only have to get through today. Then things will get easier for the week.

Fuck porn.

See you tomorrow or tonight, keep me accountable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Day 64 clean.

I'm a little tired today. I wasted 30 minutes on youtube shorts this morning and played with my dick for a minute or so, my dick gets hard off touch alone.

I'm getting better and better at cutting "digital blackouts" out of my life. And when they do occur I'm getting better at making them shorter and shorter.

Staying porn-free is my #1 goal. But my #2 goal is also taking back control of my focus. I think it will have a positive impact on my life almost as big as beating the porn industry.

Today the goal is to not look at porn, to not interact with any porn substitutes and to not fantasize. I also won't touch my dick unless peeing. I only have to do this for today. Now that I'm going to be back on uni campus for the rest of the week, I anticipate everything will get easier again. That's the natural rhythm of my reboot.

Fuck porn. Fuck social media. Fuck youtube shorts.

Today I want to have a meaningful day I can be proud of, not a day of distraction but a day of working towards my major life goals.

I want an early night too. I'm tired.

I'll come back here as many times as I need today. I'm in one of those moods where I could blow everything up just because I'm feeling off.

Not today.

See you soon.

I only have to get through today. Tomorrow will be easier.

 

[Androg]

Do you need to do more socializing?

 

[cookiemonster]

Do you need to do more socializing?

Maybe, I'll think about it. I socialise a fair bit even if I don't right about it here. I'm on uni campus 4 days a week in class. I usually go to one or two social club events a week and catch up with someone outside of that. Now that doesn't say anything about the quality of the interactions and everyone is different so... maybe. I'll think about it more haha.

I definitely need more "play" in my life. I just don't know what form that could come in. I think goofing around with a girl could be good for me. Especially if she doesn't always take things as seriously as I do.

---

Urges are up today.

I wasted 30 minutes on youtube shorts this morning and played with my dick for a minute or so, my dick gets hard off touch alone.

I guess maybe it comes from this.

Recently I'm starting to feel a little frustrated. I'm doing a good job of beating PMO and not MOing. But I'm still not fucking? I know this might sound a little ridiculous but I think it might be cathartic to write out a little stream of consciousness here and let out a little bit of built up emotional tension.

I see plenty of attractive people around. I think I can pretty safely assume my PIED is completely gone. I want to be sexually active now. There are girls interested in me. There's one girl who's very interested in me as she keeps taking the initiative to organise things with me. And yet I can't even tell how interested in her I am. I've spoken to people about this and they say that if I can't answer that question then I'm probably not interested. But then, wtf? I enjoy hanging out with her I think? But then the longer this goes on the more it's like a relationship and the more I feel locked into this single monogamous thing.

I was already taking about this about 1 month into the reboot.

Hahha thanks guys.

I've been trying. I talk to lots of girls every day actually, it's just about finding one who is single and also into me, and I'm also into her weirdly enough...

I have this weird thing at the moment where it's like I'm only just getting back into the dating game and don't want to shut off the options immediately by starting a commited relationship... While at the same time that's kind of exactly what I want.

I'll figure it out!

Maybe I'm not attracted enough to this person? Maybe I've got this grass-is-always-greener-elsewhere mindset going on?

I don't know. But tonight I'm feeling a little frustrated. I want to have sex with someone I'm attracted to and respect and trust.

Aargghhh hahaha.

Oh well, time to go to sleep. Got to fight this battle every day.

Some day soon in the near future all of this will be sorted out. All I have to do is not fuck it up in the meantime.

Tonight I don't want to play with my dick when going to sleep or waking up in the morning. This is important given my mindset at the moment. I just need to get through tonight, things will naturally become easier again soon.

Don't blow up your progress. You're doing great. You can do this.

 

[Blondie]

Recently I'm starting to feel a little frustrated. I'm doing a good job of beating PMO and not MOing. But I'm still not fucking? I know this might sound a little ridiculous but I think it might be cathartic to write out a little stream of consciousness here and let out a little bit of built up emotional tension.

Hey @cookiemonster, nothing wrong with keeping it real. We're made to fuck (lol) so nothing wrong with having those thoughts. As long as they're within reason of course.

There are girls interested in me. There's one girl who's very interested in me as she keeps taking the initiative to organise things with me. And yet I can't even tell how interested in her I am. I've spoken to people about this and they say that if I can't answer that question then I'm probably not interested.

This to me sounds like you're NOT interested.

But then the longer this goes on the more it's like a relationship and the more I feel locked into this single monogamous thing.

I read this and thought several things.

1. You don't necessarily have to have a relationship with a girl, especially right off the bat, you can just keep it casual. This is okay as long as you express your intentions forthrightly and don't misrepresent.
2. Your past porn habit might be affecting your thoughts when it comes to these matters. I think monogamy can be hard for many, including myself, but many of my thoughts have changed as I've become further and further away from porn. I still think what you're thinking, but I will say those thoughts have been considerably toned down over the last six months.
3. If you really liked this girl (both personality and physical attraction) you probably wouldn't be worried about this as much.

Some day soon in the near future all of this will be sorted out. All I have to do is not fuck it up in the meantime.

This is true and a good reminder to stay the course no matter what.

Keep killing it!

 

[CodeTheMind]

I advice you to be open to experience, as long as you set and respect your own limits.

Getting to know new people requires us to be open to the many differences we might have with the other person. I think porn makes us think that the woman we are watching is an ideal woman, and then in real life we find it difficult to connect and get to like an actual REAL woman. So this is something to work on, to open up. And with patience and effort I believe you get more used to reality and start to value all it can offer you.