Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
arcana
Member
Good afternoon, don't you think that you have focused on no porn days - the cult of your life. I am by no means teaching anyone how to live, but look at the situation from a different angle. While you have been fixated on counting days for many years, porn will be in your life forever. Because you are constantly thinking about the days without porn, and not just cut it out of your life. Undoubtedly, you have the right to all this, and perhaps I am being brazen in advising this. Excuse me.
Consider the example of Gabe. The man did a lot for porn addicts, and just left the forum. I came out with these calculations. He doesn't live on the forum.
The purpose of this message is not to teach you, but to ask you to look at the situation from a different angle.
Consider the example of Gabe. The man did a lot for porn addicts, and just left the forum. I came out with these calculations. He doesn't live on the forum.
The purpose of this message is not to teach you, but to ask you to look at the situation from a different angle.
arcana
Member
The situation itself, when a person comes in and writes every single day: 10080088 a day without porn, already looks at least strange and raises questions.
So he's constantly in it and fixated on it, it's part of his life.
Does he have the right to do this?
- yes.
But at least doesn't it look strange? And is this what life looks like for an independent person from porn?
So he's constantly in it and fixated on it, it's part of his life.
Does he have the right to do this?
- yes.
But at least doesn't it look strange? And is this what life looks like for an independent person from porn?
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @arcana. Thanks for stopping by but I do disagree. What you see here concerning "myself" is about a 5% of my life, tops! Everything that I'm working on, career, goals, school etc. has absolutely nothing to do with porn, or porn recovery. This place isn't my "life" and focusing on "no porn days" is certainly not a cult. It's up to each individual if they wish to count or not, but for me, it works and is motivating. You're referring to different philosophies about recovery, well there's just as many of those as the stars in the sky. If your method works for you, great, but that doesn't mean it will work for someone else. You mention Gabe not being here at the forums, okay, but I guarantee you, the man still knows his number and of course, now that number has turned into many years, and I aim to be there myself one day.
My philosophy is, to each their own, but I won't be getting into an argument about this, especially on my thread.
Good luck
My philosophy is, to each their own, but I won't be getting into an argument about this, especially on my thread.
Good luck
swimmer97
Well-Known Member
your doing good brother. keep going
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 22
We're all legends here at RN, as long as we don't give up.
I still haven't told the lady my extra "news". I would say it's 90% being sensitive to timing and 10% being a coward. Although there's no "perfect time" to bring up such matters, we've known for many months in advance that this week was going to be stressful for her, so I thought it best to leave my own bullshit out of the equation. Of course, as I've made blatantly clear by now, she could probably handle the news and still do her job adequately, it's me that has a hard time bringing this up and still "functioning" at the same time.
It's not exactly the stuff of legends @GBS, but it's all I have at the moment.
You all have a great porn-free Friday.
P.S. And if you're ever tempted to reach out to a striper to feel "heard" or "understood", maybe it's time to ball up and approach a real woman in real life, trust me, they don't bite. And if you're lucky enough to have a woman in your life, maybe it's time to "approach" her and actually talk to her, and tell her what your needs are and what you're feeling inside. Who knows, maybe she'll bite back, or maybe she'll understand you, and you'll realize what love is for the first time.
A moment of confession.
I used to mock guys who couldn't "approach" women in real life. I didn't mock them to their faces, mind you, but internally and to other men, I would judge them quite harshly. Of course, this was all an ego thing, because I used to be that very way myself, and after a tortuous couple of years of getting out there and talking to women and having some success, I guess I wanted to separate myself from "myself", that is, my previous self, and thus, I bashed dudes who "sucked" with women and couldn't "approach" etc. Naturally, I'm not proud of this fact, but it is the fact of the matter. That being said, when you force yourself to approach women, and force yourself to understand the "world of women", you learn a lot about yourself and your own faults and insecurities. One thing I learned is that there's nothing to be afraid of when approaching a woman you don't know, because there's nothing to lose. Whatever your head tells you "might" happen most likely won't, and besides, you don't know her, so why give a fuck? There's literally nothing to lose and everything to gain from approaching.
However, the reason I mentioned this, is because I just now connected the dots in my own head about approaching women in real life without fear, and approaching the woman in your life without fear. Because, after being in a relationship for a good many years I can say this; approaching a woman you don't know on the street, or in a coffee shop, is so much easier than approaching the woman you're in a relationship with for a real conversation. Why? Because you have so much more to lose. Years ago when I first saw my Lady's sweet smile and perfect ass, I approached her instantly, but why can't I "approach" that same woman now with my fears, doubts, and yes, the striper cam bullshit too?
Fear, the greatest bitch to a man's life.
Maybe this makes no sense to anyone reading, but that's okay because it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. I've never thought about this concept through this light before.
Approach. Approach. Approach.
Never stop approaching.
Always approach the woman at the bar
Always approach your woman
Always approach the truth
Always approach your life
Always approach your goals
Always approach your fears
Maybe death's inception is not our last breath, but our last approach.
If you're still reading this drivel, maybe it's time to turn off the computer and start approaching.
Right now I have a test I need to approach, and then a special Lady after that. Who knows what she's going to say when I cross the street. Hell, she might even slap me. But I won't know until I make the approach.
Do you feel that tightness of breath? Do you feel that excitement of the unknown? Do you feel your fears? Do you feel that high?
Welcome to the approach.
Welcome to life.
Well I don't know about that, but I'll accept that this dreary morning.
We're all legends here at RN, as long as we don't give up.I still haven't told the lady my extra "news". I would say it's 90% being sensitive to timing and 10% being a coward. Although there's no "perfect time" to bring up such matters, we've known for many months in advance that this week was going to be stressful for her, so I thought it best to leave my own bullshit out of the equation. Of course, as I've made blatantly clear by now, she could probably handle the news and still do her job adequately, it's me that has a hard time bringing this up and still "functioning" at the same time.
It's not exactly the stuff of legends @GBS, but it's all I have at the moment.
You all have a great porn-free Friday.
P.S. And if you're ever tempted to reach out to a striper to feel "heard" or "understood", maybe it's time to ball up and approach a real woman in real life, trust me, they don't bite. And if you're lucky enough to have a woman in your life, maybe it's time to "approach" her and actually talk to her, and tell her what your needs are and what you're feeling inside. Who knows, maybe she'll bite back, or maybe she'll understand you, and you'll realize what love is for the first time.
A moment of confession.
I used to mock guys who couldn't "approach" women in real life. I didn't mock them to their faces, mind you, but internally and to other men, I would judge them quite harshly. Of course, this was all an ego thing, because I used to be that very way myself, and after a tortuous couple of years of getting out there and talking to women and having some success, I guess I wanted to separate myself from "myself", that is, my previous self, and thus, I bashed dudes who "sucked" with women and couldn't "approach" etc. Naturally, I'm not proud of this fact, but it is the fact of the matter. That being said, when you force yourself to approach women, and force yourself to understand the "world of women", you learn a lot about yourself and your own faults and insecurities. One thing I learned is that there's nothing to be afraid of when approaching a woman you don't know, because there's nothing to lose. Whatever your head tells you "might" happen most likely won't, and besides, you don't know her, so why give a fuck? There's literally nothing to lose and everything to gain from approaching.
However, the reason I mentioned this, is because I just now connected the dots in my own head about approaching women in real life without fear, and approaching the woman in your life without fear. Because, after being in a relationship for a good many years I can say this; approaching a woman you don't know on the street, or in a coffee shop, is so much easier than approaching the woman you're in a relationship with for a real conversation. Why? Because you have so much more to lose. Years ago when I first saw my Lady's sweet smile and perfect ass, I approached her instantly, but why can't I "approach" that same woman now with my fears, doubts, and yes, the striper cam bullshit too?
Fear, the greatest bitch to a man's life.
Maybe this makes no sense to anyone reading, but that's okay because it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. I've never thought about this concept through this light before.
Approach. Approach. Approach.
Never stop approaching.
Always approach the woman at the bar
Always approach your woman
Always approach the truth
Always approach your life
Always approach your goals
Always approach your fears
Maybe death's inception is not our last breath, but our last approach.
If you're still reading this drivel, maybe it's time to turn off the computer and start approaching.
Right now I have a test I need to approach, and then a special Lady after that. Who knows what she's going to say when I cross the street. Hell, she might even slap me. But I won't know until I make the approach.
Do you feel that tightness of breath? Do you feel that excitement of the unknown? Do you feel your fears? Do you feel that high?
Welcome to the approach.
Welcome to life.
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searching4good
Active Member
Blondie
Respected Member
forceisstrong2
Active Member
Hey Blondie,
Sorry I've been off this forum, off the internet as much as a i can since last relapse. I use internet at work, emails, that's about it.
Also, I've been meditating daily and this for me at least is a game changer. It has improved my focus, confidence, built up my willpower.
It has really helped me. I'm going to try to log in weekly, let you guys know how I'm doing. Logging in daily just wasn't working for me.
Good to see that you are still killing it!
Fuck porn.
Sorry I've been off this forum, off the internet as much as a i can since last relapse. I use internet at work, emails, that's about it.
Also, I've been meditating daily and this for me at least is a game changer. It has improved my focus, confidence, built up my willpower.
It has really helped me. I'm going to try to log in weekly, let you guys know how I'm doing. Logging in daily just wasn't working for me.
Good to see that you are still killing it!
Fuck porn.
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @forceisstrong2, it's all good brother, no reason to say sorry. Hell, if it wasn't for school and work, I wouldn't be using the computer much myself. That's a good idea.
I'm glad the meditation is working out for you, I still need to try that, or at the very least, something like that everyday.
Keep killing it yourself.
And yes, fuck porn.
Best
I'm glad the meditation is working out for you, I still need to try that, or at the very least, something like that everyday.
Keep killing it yourself.
And yes, fuck porn.
Best
forceisstrong2
Active Member
Hey Blondie,
Definitely try meditation. You'll love it. I use Sam Harris's Waking Up app. It is like one part meditation training course, as well as a look at the science behind it. Really helpful for focus, happiness, controling ones thoughts, etc.
Best of luck brother and have a great 2024!!!
Definitely try meditation. You'll love it. I use Sam Harris's Waking Up app. It is like one part meditation training course, as well as a look at the science behind it. Really helpful for focus, happiness, controling ones thoughts, etc.
Best of luck brother and have a great 2024!!!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
What happened man??
Blondie
Respected Member
Just what you would imagine. Confession. Tears. Questions. More confessions and tears. And at the end, two hearts broken, while I'm left in the study room wondering where the fuck I went wrong in life.
At the very least, I can say I feel a little more like a man now. An asshole of a man, but a least, I fessed up to the truth. I was fucking exhausted living my double life these last few weeks. This last week I started adding lies on top of the initial lie (because of the money I spent), and I told myself I would never do that again.
At the very least, I can say I feel a little more like a man now. An asshole of a man, but a least, I fessed up to the truth. I was fucking exhausted living my double life these last few weeks. This last week I started adding lies on top of the initial lie (because of the money I spent), and I told myself I would never do that again.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Fuck I'm sorry to hear that man. At least you told the truth which is the main part. I've realized thru this process that you truly can't judge someone with an addiction for their behaviors during it...that's what the relapse basically is (a form of cheating). I've been tempted insanely hard to do sketchy shit, I think that would have happened even with a partner. The only way to break free is to break free and reboot and never look back...otherwise this thing will control us like a puppet through our lives.
I really hope things get better with you and your lady brother
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 24
Fuck you Mr. Nice Guy!
I rediscovered yesterday that I'm a nice guy. You know, that shit stain in your circle of friends that is "nice" but is also a fucking asshole? You know that guy who says one thing but does another? The turd who pretends to be the best man when compared to "other" men, but in reality he's just as bad as the real assholes? Maybe even worse because he's both a hypocrite and a twat? We all know this type of man, and unfortunately I saw him when I looked into the mirror this morning. How the fuck did I get here? Where the hell did I go wrong? And is there anyway I might return and get back on the righteous path?
I've known I've had this problem for a long time now, over ten years in fact, and I've endlessly "worked" on myself trying to improve it, but yet, here I am this morning, forty one years old, and it feels as if I've gone nowhere on this journey. How could I have grown in so many other areas of my life over the last ten years, but when it comes to my relationship, I've blown it and returned to the worst version of myself?
Fuck me. And most definitely fuck nice guys.
Do you want to know what "nice guys" do in relationships?
You know how I didn't fuck that girl on New Year's Eve, but instead, went back to the hotel and looked at porn, and a few days later, a striper cam? Class A Nice Guy.
You know when I wrote that post not even a week ago saying I didn't see the cam girl naked, nor did I even ask for a dance, but we only talked? Dip shit Nice Guy behavior.
You know how I'm always "rational" and deconstruct morality on a cheating scale of 1 to 10? Where porn is a 1, cams are a 4, and a dick in a vagina is a 10? FUCKING A NICE GUY BEHAVIOR. Although this might be "theoretically" true, and would be useful if you are a lawyer in a court of law, if your talking about the feelings of your girl, and she's not being resentful or holding it against you after five years, I have news for you, you're a fucking asshole! You cannot deconstruct someone's feelings.
So son, I hear you didn't put your actual dick in her? Congrats! You're still a fucking asshole.
So son, I hear you didn't actually get off, nor even touched yourself, but just talked instead? That's amazing, you're still a nice guy cheater and an asshole.
So son, I hear you didn't get any real "pussy" but ARE an actual pussy.
Why do I do this? How the hell did this become okay? I would have punched any man doing this nonsense not too very long ago, but here I am, doing it myself.
I wish I would have actually cheated. It would have actually been more manly than this shit that I've done to her, certainly less money! I even said that to her last night. I told her am glad I haven't, but yet, deep down inside, I wish I would have, and thus, I wouldn't have been fucking around doing this cheesy ass dipshit Nice Guy behavior. And she agreed with me and said, although she's happy I've never done the "real" thing, she said it meant so much that I stopped rationalizing it and admitted for the first time how fucked up it is when I say that and how it hurts her.
Fuck me and the horse I rode in on.
I think it would be too easy to blame this all on the "addiction". And although I'm sure that's some of it, that's just the easy way out as far as I'm concerned. I've become a bitch in this relationship. An utter twat with no excuses. And although I don't know how I got here exactly, I do know I'm sick and tired of it. At the very least, I made my "approach" and the truth is out now, because when the truth is hidden, you're just a douche bag acting like a "nice guy". Fuck those lazy, cowardly ass bastards! I might act like them sometimes in my lowest moments, but I want nothing to do with them.
I would suggest you read that list above, and if you find yourself in any of those categories, congratulate yourself on being a twat. Welcome to the club.
May we all burn the nice guy within ourselves, because if we don't, we will inevitably burn down the world around us.
Fuck you Mr. Nice Guy!
I rediscovered yesterday that I'm a nice guy. You know, that shit stain in your circle of friends that is "nice" but is also a fucking asshole? You know that guy who says one thing but does another? The turd who pretends to be the best man when compared to "other" men, but in reality he's just as bad as the real assholes? Maybe even worse because he's both a hypocrite and a twat? We all know this type of man, and unfortunately I saw him when I looked into the mirror this morning. How the fuck did I get here? Where the hell did I go wrong? And is there anyway I might return and get back on the righteous path?
I've known I've had this problem for a long time now, over ten years in fact, and I've endlessly "worked" on myself trying to improve it, but yet, here I am this morning, forty one years old, and it feels as if I've gone nowhere on this journey. How could I have grown in so many other areas of my life over the last ten years, but when it comes to my relationship, I've blown it and returned to the worst version of myself?
Fuck me. And most definitely fuck nice guys.
Do you want to know what "nice guys" do in relationships?
- They lie constantly, both to themselves and their partners
- They would rather have "peace" than a real conversation that might "blow up"
- The make all kinds of excuses for their shit behaviors and secret addictions
- They keep these addictions to themselves to "protect her" aka, protect themselves and their cowardly behavior
- They live in perpetual fear of what would happen, if they actually said what they were thinking and feeling to their partner
- They rationalize their shit behaviors and acting out, by deconstructing morality and putting it on a "scale" of 1 to 10, their partner's feelings be damned. Yours truly.
- When confronted with their partner's feelings, they will resort to what "assholes" would have done in a similar situation, and how they did not "do" that
- They will try to "fix" their problems on their own, thus, creating an even greater rift between themselves and their partner, although the partner has no clue, until it comes crashing down as it inevitably does
- Nice guys say they "love women" while being a complete dick to the one they're with, even if NOT overtly
- Nice guys are not nice, they're fucking assholes
You know how I didn't fuck that girl on New Year's Eve, but instead, went back to the hotel and looked at porn, and a few days later, a striper cam? Class A Nice Guy.
You know when I wrote that post not even a week ago saying I didn't see the cam girl naked, nor did I even ask for a dance, but we only talked? Dip shit Nice Guy behavior.
You know how I'm always "rational" and deconstruct morality on a cheating scale of 1 to 10? Where porn is a 1, cams are a 4, and a dick in a vagina is a 10? FUCKING A NICE GUY BEHAVIOR. Although this might be "theoretically" true, and would be useful if you are a lawyer in a court of law, if your talking about the feelings of your girl, and she's not being resentful or holding it against you after five years, I have news for you, you're a fucking asshole! You cannot deconstruct someone's feelings.
So son, I hear you didn't put your actual dick in her? Congrats! You're still a fucking asshole.
So son, I hear you didn't actually get off, nor even touched yourself, but just talked instead? That's amazing, you're still a nice guy cheater and an asshole.
So son, I hear you didn't get any real "pussy" but ARE an actual pussy.
Why do I do this? How the hell did this become okay? I would have punched any man doing this nonsense not too very long ago, but here I am, doing it myself.
I wish I would have actually cheated. It would have actually been more manly than this shit that I've done to her, certainly less money! I even said that to her last night. I told her am glad I haven't, but yet, deep down inside, I wish I would have, and thus, I wouldn't have been fucking around doing this cheesy ass dipshit Nice Guy behavior. And she agreed with me and said, although she's happy I've never done the "real" thing, she said it meant so much that I stopped rationalizing it and admitted for the first time how fucked up it is when I say that and how it hurts her.
Fuck me and the horse I rode in on.
I think it would be too easy to blame this all on the "addiction". And although I'm sure that's some of it, that's just the easy way out as far as I'm concerned. I've become a bitch in this relationship. An utter twat with no excuses. And although I don't know how I got here exactly, I do know I'm sick and tired of it. At the very least, I made my "approach" and the truth is out now, because when the truth is hidden, you're just a douche bag acting like a "nice guy". Fuck those lazy, cowardly ass bastards! I might act like them sometimes in my lowest moments, but I want nothing to do with them.
I would suggest you read that list above, and if you find yourself in any of those categories, congratulate yourself on being a twat. Welcome to the club.
May we all burn the nice guy within ourselves, because if we don't, we will inevitably burn down the world around us.
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TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Hey Blondie, that was an epic post and I appreciate the honesty. In fact, it sounds like something I might tell myself!
If this harsh self-criticism is acting like a cold shower and leads you to something more positive, then it's a good thing. Just be careful not to get too mired in being your own punching bag. I have been there and done that, and ultimately it doesn't work. I sincerely hope you and your lady can have some honest conversations and sort this out.