, I know, it's hard to believe!
That's a great question. I think there are quite a few things that stop me from going back to my 'old ways'.
- Firstly, having come this far in my recovery, both mentally and physiologically, knowing I would lose so much with one slip up, keeps me away, far away from the darkness. I'm still seeing improvements down there (just had a small flatline), and I'm almost 500 days out, losing some of that at this point, would just kill me inside.
- Secondly, I'm a little over two months away from my longest streak ever, going back now just seems utterly pointless.
- Thirdly, I still wonder how my mental mind and thoughts will be after I stay away from this shit after two years free. My mind is many times cleaner than it has ever been (even better than my last long streak) but I still know there has to be more improvement, and I'm determined to get there.
- Lastly, and perhaps the greatest, I just love the man I see in the mirror. I love the man that is truthful to his girlfriend, and doesn't have to worry about her finding out some of my hidden bullshit etc. Furthermore, no matter how bad a day might be, I now know I have the power to get through it like an adult, and not have to 'forget" about it for a few vacuous hours on the internet. This knowledge builds true confidence and strength. For example, I had quite the bad day yesterday. I hurt my wrist working out a few weeks ago (thus, why I'm not writing much at the moment) and I was feeling really down about it. However, I know going back to porn would solve none of my problems, and the only way out of this is by doing the exercises and stretching etc. In other words, porn has never solved any of my "problems" and it never will.
Thank you sir, you are quite the gift to this community. GBS, does that stand for Great Britain's Savior?
Keep killing it everyone
Let's all say it together, "Fuck Porn!"