Porn is not an option

[GBS]

My man, you are in my thoughts and prayers always. Through thick and thin. Others will hold you in their thoughts too. I am also sorry if you have any darker moments. At times like these consider what you were. And consider what you are. Life is imperfect. Results and daily achievements can depress one. Procrastination can take over. BUT….you are at peace with yourself now. The relapse won’t happen. The clean Blondie is the one we know and truly love and respect.

I am a singer. You are a pianist. Hmmm…..makes you think.

Keep your pecker up. Troubled times will pass. That is a certainty now.

 

[Blondie]

Thank you @Androg. Things will get better, they always do. I really appreciate it.

A pianist...wow!

Lol. I don't know if I'd call myself an actual pianist, just a dabbler on the ivories. Hell, I can't even read music, I was much too lazy as a kid to get anywhere with that cultured practice, much to my mom's chagrin. However, I can sound out things pretty good which is quite enjoyable.

Thanks for that message, I read it at school when I was feeling pretty down this morning. It meant a lot.

Best to you.

Thank you @GBS for your kind words, I read what you wrote when I needed it the most this morning. You're absolutely right, I'm a new guy, and not the one I use to be, that man lives in the past, and I plan to keep it that way.

I am a singer. You are a pianist. Hmmm…..makes you think.

Lol. This does make you think doesn't?

We could title our album More Pussy than Genghis Dong, with hits like, Porn Slayer, Goodbye Little Ladies, Open Tabs Empty Hearts, All Hands On Deck, Lose Your Grip Save a Dick, Nothing like a Real Woman, No More Hankering for a Wankering, Pocket Pool Convicts, Heading Down the Screen of Regrets, If You Can't Shake Em, Leave Em. Dopamine Apocalypse, Ephemeral Highs, and lastly, Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Down).

I'll start writing those tunes, and you get those vocal chords all warmed up!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 506

Day 24 of no O

Well I had some wine last night to knock off the edge to get some sleep. It had been five days of hardly any sleep, so I was an absolute zombie yesterday and wasn't able to function. I almost fell asleep in my class because I was so tired. Needless to say, I didn't get any studying done and just stared out the window all day long. I'm not sure what's going on, but sometimes this happens to me, where I just can't rest my thoughts for a few nights, then it passes and I sleep well for months at a time. This is the third time in last eighteen months, so I guess it's not that bad. The first time lasted for almost a month though, and that was right before my last relapse, which kind of scares me because I lose my will to fight when I'm so tired. Thus, I had a drink (not too much though) and did manage to get some sleep.

It's times like these where I feel I would greatly benefit by getting into meditation, but for whatever reason, I've never been able to get into the practice. Funny enough, my thoughts at night are usually not full of anxieties or concerns (though sometimes), but just thinking about things I'm reading, or studying, matters I'm excited about etc. The second time this happened I knocked it off to withdrawal symptoms, but being this far out, I'm thinking that's probably not the case at the moment. I'll back off on the reading at night and start listening to peaceful music and see what happens.

My man @First_step_thousand_miles was reading Pride and Prejudice a few days ago, which made think about the book and the movie (utter classics by the way), thus, I listened to this yesterday because it always puts me in a peaceful state. I use to play this all the time on the piano, but it's been years since I've had one, maybe I should buy a cheap keyboard or something just to calm myself and to enjoy the moment.

Music always soothes my soul.

Best all

My friend -- does it help to know that I'm going through this sleep issue at this exact moment as well? I have the exact same thing, where some nights (can be 2 nights to 10) I just have a brutal streak of not being able to fall asleep or waking up and not being able to fall asleep. I guess it happens a bit more often for me, maybe once every few months? I remember this exact feeling, now that I recall, in early June when I went to Spain. I stayed up that night and typed about my anxieties, you were so kindly there to offer your support.

I think the root cause of this is deep anxieties / tensions / rage / fears / etc that are manifesting themselves in a way where we lose sleep. I think acknowledging them can be maybe the best path forward, journaling and digging into the root cause can be really helpful. Don't have to do it here, can do it anywhere you want but getting the words on the page and acknowledging it helps a ton. Though I know you said sometimes it's just a bunch of thoughts running in your head, that certainly happens sometimes as well -- I'm not sure what the solve is there but that's generally gone away for me pretty fast.

I suppose the other thing that helps is not fearing not falling asleep, as that seems to make it worse. Acknowledge, hey I'm gonna have a couple crappy days of sleep but it will turn around -- it always does. I'm with you buddy, going through this crappy situation for a few days right now (last night sucked, 4hrs of sleep I think -- my workout today was brutal). If I figure out better solutions I'll let you know amigo

 

[Androg]

Thank you @Androg. Things will get better, they always do. I really appreciate it.

Lol. I don't know if I'd call myself an actual pianist, just a dabbler on the ivories. Hell, I can't even read music, I was much too lazy as a kid to get anywhere with that cultured practice, much to my mom's chagrin. However, I can sound out things pretty good which is quite enjoyable.

Thanks for that message, I read it at school when I was feeling pretty down this morning. It meant a lot.

Best to you.

Thank you @GBS for your kind words, I read what you wrote when I needed it the most this morning. You're absolutely right, I'm a new guy, and not the one I use to be, that man lives in the past, and I plan to keep it that way.

Lol. This does make you think doesn't?

We could title our album More Pussy than Genghis Dong, with hits like, Porn Slayer, Goodbye Little Ladies, Open Tabs Empty Hearts, All Hands On Deck, Lose Your Grip Save a Dick, Nothing like a Real Woman, No More Hankering for a Wankering, Pocket Pool Convicts, Heading Down the Screen of Regrets, If You Can't Shake Em, Leave Em. Dopamine Apocalypse, Ephemeral Highs, and lastly, Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Down).

I'll start writing those tunes, and you get those vocal cords all warmed up!

ROFL

 

[Androg]

My friend -- does it help to know that I'm going through this sleep issue at this exact moment as well? I have the exact same thing, where some nights (can be 2 nights to 10) I just have a brutal streak of not being able to fall asleep or waking up and not being able to fall asleep. I guess it happens a bit more often for me, maybe once every few months? I remember this exact feeling, now that I recall, in early June when I went to Spain. I stayed up that night and typed about my anxieties, you were so kindly there to offer your support.

I think the root cause of this is deep anxieties / tensions / rage / fears / etc that are manifesting themselves in a way where we lose sleep. I think acknowledging them can be maybe the best path forward, journaling and digging into the root cause can be really helpful. Don't have to do it here, can do it anywhere you want but getting the words on the page and acknowledging it helps a ton. Though I know you said sometimes it's just a bunch of thoughts running in your head, that certainly happens sometimes as well -- I'm not sure what the solve is there but that's generally gone away for me pretty fast.

I suppose the other thing that helps is not fearing not falling asleep, as that seems to make it worse. Acknowledge, hey I'm gonna have a couple crappy days of sleep but it will turn around -- it always does. I'm with you buddy, going through this crappy situation for a few days right now (last night sucked, 4hrs of sleep I think -- my workout today was brutal). If I figure out better solutions I'll let you know amigo

I use a spoonful of glycine (an amino acid) in tea as a sleep aid.

 

[Blondie]

Thank you @Androg, I'll have to try that.

 

[Blondie]

Day 507

Day 25 of no O

I slept a little better last night, but still not great, at this point though I'll take what I can get. I must of hurt my ankle working out or something too (probably because of my zombie walk), because it's hurting this morning lol. Looks like the universe is throwing everything at me to see if I will break before my longest streak. Now all I need is a hottie at school to show she's interested for the relapse circle to be complete.

My greatest contributors of relapses are

1. Injuries that make me depressed and I forget to think long term.
2. No sleep where I struggle with the ability to think long term.
3. Money issues or debt.
4. Lack of a purpose or mission in life.
5.Women at work or school who've made it obvious they'd be up for a goodtime, thus, because I won't cheat, I run off to porn to let off some monogamous frustrations.

Obviously there's more reasons than those, but those are some of the big ones.

A relapse is NOT going to happen, but I do know where I need to be extra careful and be on my guard concerning these matters.

Ten more days to glory.

Porn is not an option

 

[Androg]

Thank you @Androg, I'll have to try that.

I should have said "glycine powder" and herbal tea (no caffeine).

 

[EarthWalker]

I think redirection is key. Being able to let go of the thoughts and focus on something else. Some women dress quite provocatively. Nothing wrong, bad or evil with that. Just makes it a bit more challenging to let go in some cases.

Some women like to flirt with men without any intention to go further than that. It is what it is.

Onwards and upwards. Keep killing it man.

 

[Blondie]

Thanks @EarthWalker!

I think redirection is key. Being able to let go of the thoughts and focus on something else.

This is definitely true. I have been getting better at this, because it's happened several times over the last almost year and a half, and I haven't gone back to porn, so that's good. I realized today I'm still stuck in the old thought patterns of my older self, and I need to give myself credit where it's due. I have made quite the improvement in my thoughts regarding these things over the last year, and that's a good thing.

Some women like to flirt with men without any intention to go further than that. It is what it is.

Yes, some women really do like to do this, as do certain men. And it is what it is, and I have no problem with it. I was referring more to certain opportunities that arise that are more than just innocent flirty, where it's obvious she liked me, or was a least down for whatever for a night, and I had to be on my guard to be on my best behavior. Obviously this doesn't happen very often mind you, but when it does, porn has always been my escape route since I've been in my current relationship. But hey, so far so good. I haven't looked at porn AND I've been a faithful partner.

But yes, you're right, it all starts in your thoughts.

Best brother.

 

[Androg]

Flirting can be good for everyone's spirits, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Enjoy it.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I use a spoonful of glycine (an amino acid) in tea as a sleep aid.

Good tip sir. I took some melatonin for the first time ever last night and had a pretty good sleep. Sleep like 9 hours (though woke up maybe 10 times through the time so quality of sleep was not the best, but just glad to get the rest). @Blondie would suggest considering melatonin (not addictive) though just for rough patches -- obviously don't want to be dependent on any substance. I'm planning on using it for a few days and then stopping

 

[Blondie]

Flirting can be good for everyone's spirits, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Enjoy it.

Indeed it is.

I'll be the first to admit I might be 'that dude" sometimes, which is probably how I get myself into these situations in the first place, especially back in the day. I once had to explain to my Lady years ago how I found myself on a semi-lunch date with a girl at a weekend conference in another city, who was most definitely not just interested in lunch with me. Was I completely innocent in this affair, no, but I also wasn't trying to make it happen, it just kind of happened. At first we were talking in a group (she was hot), then we starting walking, then before I knew it the group was gone and we were having lunch by ourselves and the sexual tension between us was tense to say the least. Luckily I came to my senses and peaced out later on that afternoon, and eventually that night at the hotel had a marathon porn session for hours on end, breaking a three week streak. Awe yes, the good ol days. .

I think my problem here was that I wanted to fuck her so bad, and that situation had always been the perfect fantasy of mine. That is, flying to a big new city you've never been to, having a great time, meeting a beautiful woman who's into you, fucking all night long in a hotel, then going your way the next day with no strings attached. What guy doesn't want that? However, afterwards, I was so tormented inside because on one hand, I wanted to be faithful to my girl, but on the other hand, damn that would have been fun, thus, I went to my room and "fucked myself" feeling sorry for my faithfulness yet also happy about it. The human condition, what insanity!

So yes, I'm definitely a flirt, but I've learned how to tone it down over these last few years so I don't get myself into trouble (or random dates!). Although those situations are fun as hell if you're single, they're depressing if you're in a committed relationship, and just lead to frustrations because you feel like a lion trapped in a cage. But hey, at least these days this lion's not looking at porn when frustrated, so that's a win.

However, balance is key, and I aim to find it, just as long as I don't end up on random dates with women, I'm good.

Thank you @First_step_thousand_miles for some great advice yesterday - this morning I totally forgot you had wrote that, my bad, but I was half asleep.

Sorry to hear you're going through the same ordeal. It is the damnedest thing isn't? My body must feel stressed out or something, even though I feel about the same as always. Who knows, but it always passes as you say, and you're right about not thinking about it too much, because that just screws you up even more.

I think the root cause of this is deep anxieties / tensions / rage / fears / etc that are manifesting themselves in a way where we lose sleep. I think acknowledging them can be maybe the best path forward, journaling and digging into the root cause can be really helpful.

I think you're right. I know I have a lot on my mind these days, things I've never really shared here, maybe that's what is keeping me up, but it's hard to say for sure. It might have to do with going back to school, which has always been a scary thing for me (even though I'm doing really well), in fact, the first time this happened was when I started school a year a half ago, so that could be it, and I just started another semester so there's that. I will keep thinking about this, but not at night!

I suppose the other thing that helps is not fearing not falling asleep, as that seems to make it worse. Acknowledge, hey I'm gonna have a couple crappy days of sleep but it will turn around -- it always does.

Truth. This killed me the first time it happened, I almost had a panic attack that this was going to be the rest of my life. That might sound silly to someone reading, but damn, when you haven't been sleeping for a long while, you start to lose your mind. It's a form of torture for a reason, it works!

Stay strong brother, thanks for everything.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Thanks @EarthWalker!

This is definitely true. I have been getting better at this, because it's happened several times over the last almost year and a half, and I haven't gone back to porn, so that's good. I realized today I'm still stuck in the old thought patterns of my older self, and I need to give myself credit where it's due. I have made quite the improvement in my thoughts regarding these things over the last year, and that's a good thing.

Yes, some women really do like to do this, as do certain men. And it is what it is, and I have no problem with it. I was referring more to certain opportunities that arise that are more than just innocent flirty, where it's obvious she liked me, or was a least down for whatever for a night, and I had to be on my guard to be on my best behavior. Obviously this doesn't happen very often mind you, but when it does, porn has always been my escape route since I've been in my current relationship. But hey, so far so good. I haven't looked at porn AND I've been a faithful partner.

But yes, you're right, it all starts in your thoughts.

Best brother.

Proud of you man, you're a good man with his own code of morality. The universe is certainly testing you, but you'll be so f*cking strong if and WHEN you beat this and blow past 517 days

 

[Blondie]

Day 508

Day 26 of no O

I think my sleep was a little better last night so that's good. I still woke up at some point in the night, but I believe I went back to sleep, which is an improvement over the last four days.

Yesterday was the worse day I've had in quite a while, but I got through it. I forget how alive I feel when I have about a month's worth of semen raging inside of me. Every emotion and mood seems to be on steroids and I felt like I was about to go Hulk Mood and punch walls because I was annoyed by certain things in my life: my ankle, no sleep, thus haven't worked out in a week, etc. The best part of the day was teaching English at a volunteer program at school. A little dude in there made me laugh and forget about my life for a moment and get out of my head. Getting out of my head is something I need to work on, I'm my own worst enemy.

I've haven't felt very horny the last five days being so tired and all, but that might have changed this morning seeing her walk down the hallway just now.

You all have a great porn-free Friday.

 

[swimmer97]

1. Injuries that make me depressed and I forget to think long term.
2. No sleep where I struggle with the ability to think long term.
3. Money issues or debt.
4. Lack of a purpose or mission in life.
5.Women at work or school who've made it obvious they'd be up for a goodtime, thus, because I won't cheat, I run off to porn to let off some monogamous frustrations.

Thank you for sharing your personal struggle points brother. Geat that you all realized these and are aware. Thats already half the battle.

Yesterday was the worse day I've had in quite a while, but I got through it.

Nice! Remember. The bad days make the good days feel so much better.

"Nothing is harder to bear than a series of good days" -> there is actually some truth in this famous quote.

You are absolutely right. The biggest battle is the battle in our own heads.

The way we think is literally the main regulator on how we feel.

What helped me is thinking less about myself and my struggles during the day. Most of us think 23hours a day about ourselfs. 99% are useless worries and thoughts.

Instead, thinking more about others and trying to help others is surprisingly also in the end better for ourselfs. I think thats what you are already doing since you help out many people here.

Still we can always imrpove further. Maybe you can focus more thinking energy in your real life on others or on tasks that get you further as well. You probably already do but we can always improve further.

Your strong. Keep being strong. Keep fighting.

 

[TryingHarder]

No More Hankering for a Wankering

The new LP by Blondie & The Rebooters, in stores now!

 

[EarthWalker]

Flirting can be good for everyone's spirits, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. Enjoy it.

Great comment. Love it. Agree.

So yes, I'm definitely a flirt, but I've learned how to tone it down over these last few years so I don't get myself into trouble (or random dates!). Although those situations are fun as hell if you're single, they're depressing if you're in a committed relationship, and just lead to frustrations because you feel like a lion trapped in a cage. But hey, at least these days this lion's not looking at porn when frustrated, so that's a win.

Speaking for myself. I remember many times feeling bad for not getting more out of a situation. Now I am wondering maybe I can just be happy with what organically comes up without me trying to force the situation. Force the outcome. Maybe just having a short (or long) conversation is enough and not feeling bad for not getting more. Obviously having desire for life, wanting things to happen is needed but feeling bad for not getting more out of life. This might be unnecessary load we put on ourselves.

How much is enough to feel happy? In some cases the world is not enough and sometimes just a simple smile is all that is needed to be happy.

Onwards and upwards.

 

[Blondie]

I was joking with @GBS the other day about making an album together called More Pussy than Genghis Dong , or maybe as @TryingHarder said, Blondie and the Rebooters.

Here is a sampling of the song titles I came up with for fun: Porn Slayer, Goodbye Little Ladies, Open Tabs Empty Hearts, All Hands On Deck, Lose Your Grip Save a Dick, Nothing like a Real Woman, No More Hankering for a Wankering, Pocket Pool Convicts, Heading Down the Screen of Regrets, If You Can't Shake Em, Leave Em. Dopamine Apocalypse, Ephemeral Highs, and lastly, Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Down).

I thought I'd write out the lyrics to one song for shits and giggles. I imagine this as a country song, which is ironically a genre I fucking hate, but yet here we are.

Hope you all enjoy!

Son, If You Can't Shake Em, Leave Em

There she was, the girl of my dreams.
Shinning brilliantly like a goddess from some foreign dream.
She looked at me and I at her.
At last, after so long I had found my queen.
After another click she showed me her tits
and what a feast for the eyes they were.
Glistening and ample, they were quite the lustful example
So I stretched out my hand for one fleshy sample.
What happened next is full of many regrets
as I punched a hole through that curvaceous screen.
As the digital tits faded, glass sprayed upon my crotch
and I yelled to high heaven with a scream.

Out of the blue, my old man suddenly appeared,
with a smile, an icepack and his pipe.
He laughed at my ways, but loved me all the same
and said these words that I shall never forget.
'Son, if you can't shake em, leave em behind.
It is pointless to look at that shit.
Tits are wonderful to behold,
but only to the beholder that has earned them,
and now you have an LCD dick.'

With a smile on his face, and smoke in the air,
he walked out of my room with those wise words.
Ever since that day, I have looked the other way
When it comes to digital tits and desires.
Of course, life is harder on this side of the River Jordan
And real tits are scarce and not as easy to be found.
But when I did finally earn them, as my old man had said,
that land - shaking of milk and honey - had finally been found.

The best things in life, are not easy to acquire
and certainly not by the click of a mouse.
To see real tits in action takes much more virility
than being some creep looking down a woman's blouse.
Some men click, and the worst men take,
but to be man who has earned that glorious sight,
Is where I have decided to put my steak.

When I die and return back to the dust,
My old man's words will be an epitaph that saved me
from a worthless life of digital lust.
'If you can't shake em, leave em behind.
It is pointless to look at that shit.
Tits are wonderful to behold,
but only to the beholder that has earned them.
Here lies a man that lit many a Christmas with his dick.'

 

[Blondie]

That was good, thanks @TryingHarder!

How much is enough to feel happy? In some cases the world is not enough and sometimes just a simple smile is all that is needed to be happy.

I like this, yes the world is not enough, to echo a James Bond movie. But in general, living a life like that could only lead to unhappiness in the long term, no matter how much fun it might seem. Because there's always another girl, another car, another house etc. Naturally this subject brings up porn because there is never enough in watching porn. There's always another girl just around the corner, just another click to see another body type, thus, alreadly perpetuating something that is innate in us to begin with.

Speaking for myself. I remember many times feeling bad for not getting more out of a situation. Now I am wondering maybe I can just be happy with what organically comes up without me trying to force the situation.

I agree, it's great to learn how to appreciate exchanges without always "getting anything" in return, and obviously in a relationship, that's all your're going to get. However, the further I get away from porn, the better and more enjoyable this becomes. Today I was in a class with only females, and it was fantastic just experiencing all that feminine energy in the room and nothing more. Porn without a doubt, fucks all this up, because it trains us to think only of what we CAN get, instead of realizing, we have everything we already need.

Best brother!