cookiemonster
Active Member
Porn is not an option. Onwards Blondie!
If you're on day 257, you're killing it. 5 months is the longest I've stayed clean. I think the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.I didn't feel terribly tempted, but I had an insane fear that I would fuck up, and that was causing me my great angst...
I hate to use this term (in respect for the folks who actually have it) but it's almost like I have a sort of relapse type of PTSD, where I fear a relapse and the things that might bring it on. Well, whatever this is, it's definitely better than the alternative.
That's right, without building an inner world that can sustain a life without self-medication (be it porn or whatever), abstinence is not enough.I definitely understand this place, and have proven that a lengthy streak in itself isn't enough to prevent a lapse in the other direction. That kind of diligence and vigilance (without being hyper-vigilant) is definitely warranted.
When I use terms (not that you're referring to them) such as "ease into your abstinence", or to not white-knuckle this thing, I mean that we're basically accepting a new lifestyle, a 'new norm', a new us. I like how PR referred to it above, where abstinence becomes natural.
It's a cliche but it's true - health is so important. Easy to take for granted but difficult to think of anything else when we face issues
Hope you can figure out a suitable plan with your doc
Thanks Ezel.glad to hear that you got past the situation you had yesterday, it's fascinating what going out with your partner to get some fresh air in the mountains can do for you blondie...
You got that right bud! Fuck that shit!Porn is not an option. Onwards Blondie!
Thanks Trying! I like that last part about fear, it's a good quote. And five months is a hell of an achievement. I know you'll get there soon again and get passed this nonsense for good. Press on brother!If you're on day 257, you're killing it. 5 months is the longest I've stayed clean. I think the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.
I definitely understand this place, and have proven that a lengthy streak in itself isn't enough to prevent a lapse in the other direction. That kind of diligence and vigilance (without being hyper-vigilant) is definitely warranted.
Thanks Escape! This is absolutely true my friend. May us all work double time on ourselves to fix whatever is missing and hurting in ourselves so as to quit this shit once and for all.That's right, without building an inner world that can sustain a life without self-medication (be it porn or whatever), abstinence is not enough.
Stay strong and thanks for your support and everything you do for this website… Keep on trucking… Praying you make it through your health situation…
Yeah I think that's my mental hang up, because I've been here before (in fact I've had twice as many days once!) so I know I CAN get off course, thus, I'm ever mindful. I don't think of this constant vigilance as a chore or something either, in fact, it's a good thing, because anything is better than porn.
However, staying away, and actually fixing my underlying problems are two entirely different things. That's why I'm working overtime on my issues this time around, so when that day or days come around, I can push through to the other side, or as PR said, as a new man.
Great to see you here again Phineas! Always a pleasure sir.
Best
Yes, definitely. First step is admitting you have a problem and I guess we all have done this. Second step is believing that the problem can go away. Swearing to yourself that this is the last time when you watch porn but without actually completely believing that you can actually escape this, won't really work. You say "I swear to God this is the last time!" but deep deep inside of you there is that 10 percent that knows very well you are going to watch again one day. Are we actually willing, after all those years of being porn addicts, to actually completely quit?I like this Phineas. Yes I "believe" that words have power and what we say about ourselves and what we promise to others has consequences. I think what we say about ourselves, even at our worst and lowest moments, should be done with love, even tough love, but with no hatred in our hearts.
I'm of Germanic and English descent (thus Germanic) and I've always liked how serious my ancestors took their oaths to the community and of course to themselves. In the olden days you would never promise something unless you meant it with all your heart and soul that you would actually fulfill and carry out that promise to the best of your abilities, yes even to death.
I often wonder what would happen if we addicts (I guess I'll use that word) would take our words and oaths more seriously and how that would effect our endgame; not to mention the sacred oaths we gave to our girlfriends or wives! However, and most importantly for this discussion, how about the vacuous oaths we've sworn to ourselves over the years, does that not effect us on some spiritual plane of existence? Think about it, If you swear to yourself that you will never do something again but yet find yourself doing it again within a day, how serious was your oath? I would suggest it was not very serious at all, at least speaking for myself.
A promise is action, not reaction. Reaction is looking at porn and going back to all your old shity habits. Action is eliminating all the things that make you react in the first place and filling your life with new and glorious habits.
If you swear that you are once and for all done with porn (and I write this for myself) then you better start doing all the action steps that come along with that promise, If not, you're just wasting your time to be completely honest. Of course, we all fail, but I'm not talking about perfection here, I'm talking about making a real oath to yourself to quit, then doing what is necessary to back it up.
Yes, words have power, and we should always be very cautious of what we promise to do or not do for ourselves. Because if we break promise after promise to ourselves year after year, we will break ourselves in the end, spiritually and even physically. Everyone here always talks about the evil of breaking the promise in their relationships and how bad and hurtful that is. Well I agree, but relationships come and go in this life and sometimes a good partner is hard to find; however, even if it's a good relationship, I promise you'll never keep one unless you stop breaking the promises to yourself first.
Thank you Phineas! I think you were only talking about words of health etc., but that got me thinking and this is what came of it.
I miss you sir, you always made me philosophize!
Best brother.
Amen, @Phineas 808. Just before I started my reboot, I was in a really shitty place emotionally. I took some time off work to regroup, meditate, work through my problems, and felt a lot better. Combining that with regular exercise and taking care of myself has really lifted the fog. My porn addiction was (is) a byproduct of depression. So by taking steps to combat depression, the addiction has a much weaker hold on me now.Fixing our underlying reasons for how and why this addiction came about is definitely a must for the longhaul, for the bigger picture.
Thank you Phineas! I think you were only talking about words of health etc., but that got me thinking and this is what came of it.
Amen, @Phineas 808. Just before I started my reboot, I was in a really shitty place emotionally. I took some time off work to regroup, meditate, work through my problems, and felt a lot better. Combining that with regular exercise and taking care of myself has really lifted the fog. My porn addiction was (is) a byproduct of depression. So by taking steps to combat depression, the addiction has a much weaker hold on me now.
Quitting will be hard work for some of us. Some of us need a transformation, a spiritual change, a way to fix the hole in our souls without drugs. It's not easy. All of us who self-medicate want to quit but few are willing to go through the work that this requires. After years of being a porn and alcohol addict, I've realized I haven't been willing to invest the work.
If you swear that you are once and for all done with porn (and I write this for myself) then you better start doing all the action steps that come along with that promise, If not, you're just wasting your time to be completely honest. Of course, we all fail, but I'm not talking about perfection here, I'm talking about making a real oath to yourself to quit, then doing what is necessary to back it up.
How has it been since you cut out O?Day 260
Day 23 of no O
Hey Tghn, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found my armchair philosophizing interesting. Good or bad, that's what I do. I seriously think anyone who successfully gets off porn has to become at least a little bit of a philosophizer. Because once we get past those initial days of being porn-free, then we have to start asking ourselves why we got into this shit in the first place. It's good to know these things and to understand them deeply so as to not get back into it again.
I'll be watching your journey!
Best
I agree with thisI seriously think anyone who successfully gets off porn has to become at least a little bit of a philosophizer. Because once we get past those initial days of being porn-free, then we have to start asking ourselves why we got into this shit in the first place. It's good to know these things and to understand them deeply so as to not get back into it again.